I was raised to always take people as they come, and to think about a person's kindness or intelligence before I think about the way they look.

We've all encountered people out there who are prejudiced and bigoted against those who are big-bodied, but what happens when those same people all of a sudden fall all over themselves to talk to you, get to know you, hook up with you, etc., just because you're thin?

I dislike prejudice of any kind, even when I'm on the "positive" end of someone's prejudice.

Those of you who have lost weight, have you noticed a positive difference in the way you've been treated in public? By waiters and waitresses, by shop assistants in clothing shops, by people on the bus, people at school or work? How do you keep yourself from resenting them for it?

Southernsleever' date=' I am feeling like you, suddenly and recentely I've lost all my friends. It's like they don't feel comfortable around me anymore. I am married and in love with my husband for 20 years so I don't want yours. It seems so silly to me at 45 years old. Even when I just posted my before and after pix on fb no positive comments at all, I don't get it because I think my transformation has been amazing and I feel great. Thank God for this site and my loving husband.[/quote']

People will become jealous

I know from experience that we (overweight people) are treated differently. And I can say that I actually purposefully put on 150+lbs so that I would be ignored!...how crazy ass backwards is that!?!

There was an element of that in my obesity as well, so I completely understand. Part of my nervousness about how people might respond to me (positively) might be related to that too.

I don't know whether this is a big cultural difference or whether I am just interacting with people like you good folk. [. . .]

I never, ever feel discriminated against as an obese person. People generally treat me well.

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A lot of Americans are of the "live and let live" school of thought, and there is a really large and growing (and vocal) fat acceptance community here. Thank goodness! But there are also people here who think it's their moral duty to nag and badger fat people and make their lives as miserable as possible so they'll be forced or shamed into changing their slovenly, stupid, and lazy ways.

I know a young man (pretty well) who cannot eat in a restaurant if a fat person is eating within his visual range. There is a lot of bigotry out there--this young man doesn't even realize he's being a bigot!

For many of us, though, it's the subtle insults we get on a daily basis. Once I popped into a middle-brow chain lingerie store, and a shop woman accosted me, asking "Are you looking for perfume, or are you shopping for somebody else?" As if they didn't have a single bra or panty that was worth my while to even look at!

By the way, I later found out that the store DID carry my bra size. I've never been back there since.

I would have said that people didn't treat me badly as an obese person. In fact, if you read my post from the begining of my vsg journey I probably said that very thing. The truth is when I hit about size 8/10 I really started being treated as royalty in the being small kingdom. That's when my friends dropped off and I started being treated so much better by pretty much all of society.

Once I popped into a middle-brow chain lingerie store' date=' and a shop woman accosted me, asking "Are you looking for perfume, or are you shopping for somebody else?" As if they didn't have a single bra or panty that was worth my while to even look at!

By the way, I later found out that the store DID carry my bra size. I've never been back there since.[/quote']

Ah yes. I have had that, but each time in Asia. So again I put it to cultural difference. The lady in the Hong Kong market stall who chased after me to come back to her stall as she had extra extra large! Or the man at the Indonesian apothecary who offered me a special herbal tea that would make me not so fat! I also had a Vietnamese pedicurist convinced I was pregnant, lol.

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When I was much younger I bleached my hair blond and wow I had such a crazy reaction from men whisteling and acting stupid..... flash forward to losing weight and I have not had to same reaction but most of my coworkers have been very supportive and my friends have also been conciderate and supportive. So take it with a grain of salt just think of yourself and appreciate the good will.

I also had a Vietnamese pedicurist convinced I was pregnant, lol.

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Honey, you and I should hang out! One time when my husband and I were traveling across Canada, we were trying to find a place to stay the night, but there were very few motels nearby, and the ones there were were filled up or the lobbies were closed. We went to a gas station to ask if we could use their phone to call a potential motel, and the gas station attendant handed me his phone.

When he came around my side of the counter, he turned the "closed" sign right away because, in his words, "This is an emergency, you remember what happened last time there was no room for them at the inn?"

He got on his moped, and led us to the nearest available motel--no joke. We got a room that night because of my 8-months-pregnant-looking belly. The first time I got asked "when are you due?" was when I was 14 lol

I never thought to use it to my advantage, but I wonder if it might also have gotten me a seat on a crowded bus

Honey' date=' you and I should hang out! One time when my husband and I were traveling across Canada, we were trying to find a place to stay the night, but there were very few motels nearby, and the ones there were were filled up or the lobbies were closed. We went to a gas station to ask if we could use their phone to call a potential motel, and the gas station attendant handed me his phone.

When he came around my side of the counter, he turned the "closed" sign right away because, in his words, "This is an emergency, you remember what happened last time there was no room for them at the inn?"

He got on his moped, and led us to the nearest available motel--no joke. We got a room that night because of my 8-months-pregnant-looking belly. The first time I got asked "when are you due?" was when I was 14 lol

I never thought to use it to my advantage, but I wonder if it might also have gotten me a seat on a crowded bus [/quote']

Brilliant! We could champion positive discrimination!

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Honey' date=' you and I should hang out! One time when my husband and I were traveling across Canada, we were trying to find a place to stay the night, but there were very few motels nearby, and the ones there were were filled up or the lobbies were closed. We went to a gas station to ask if we could use their phone to call a potential motel, and the gas station attendant handed me his phone.

When he came around my side of the counter, he turned the "closed" sign right away because, in his words, "This is an emergency, you remember what happened last time there was no room for them at the inn?"

He got on his moped, and led us to the nearest available motel--no joke. We got a room that night because of my 8-months-pregnant-looking belly. The first time I got asked "when are you due?" was when I was 14 lol

I never thought to use it to my advantage, but I wonder if it might also have gotten me a seat on a crowded bus [/quote']

Brilliant! We could champion positive discrimination!

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Timely topic for me to see

I believe people do treat me better/differently now I am average looking (still carrying a bit but nothing like before). Sometimes I struggle with this and other times I just roll with the punches.

Part of the change also is due to the change in the way I treat my self. I have more self confidence and am alot happier in who I am and where my life is going (for the most part).

Not a day goes by where I am not told by someone how great i look etc. This is flattering but thankfully they werent walking up to me before telling me how bad I looked.

Most people that meet me now, cant comprehend that I was ever as big as I was, which is nice too.

Ok ramble much....

My point (or 2c) is that it doesnt matter how other people treat you now, the most important thing is how you treat yourself. Others will treat you the same way.

Ah yes. I have had that' date=' but each time in Asia. So again I put it to cultural difference. The lady in the Hong Kong market stall who chased after me to come back to her stall as she had extra extra large! Or the man at the Indonesian apothecary who offered me a special herbal tea that would make me not so fat! I also had a Vietnamese pedicurist convinced I was pregnant, lol.

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When I lived in Korea, shop owners would stop me at the door and tell me to get out because I was too fat. I have 5 daughters that aren't fat but they just saw me an assumed.

Speaking from my experience only...YES they do treat you better on average. More people smile at me, men hold the door open more often, retail people ask me if I need help more often, men of my aqaintance whom would never have considered me anything more than a friend now look at me in a different light.

I am not different person. (Or am I putting on more confident airs?) What I want to mention is that I am so much more sympathetic and apathetic to obese strangers now. If you are in the store and see me smiling at you, it is because I understand not because I am staring.

This is a journey with many ranges of emotions to deal with along the way. Take the bad with the good for the good FAR outweights the bad. We can not change others opinions, only ourselves.

Hugs - I love my sleeve and have no regrets.

Honey, you and I should hang out! One time when my husband and I were traveling across Canada, we were trying to find a place to stay the night, but there were very few motels nearby, and the ones there were were filled up or the lobbies were closed. We went to a gas station to ask if we could use their phone to call a potential motel, and the gas station attendant handed me his phone.

When he came around my side of the counter, he turned the "closed" sign right away because, in his words, "This is an emergency, you remember what happened last time there was no room for them at the inn?"

He got on his moped, and led us to the nearest available motel--no joke. We got a room that night because of my 8-months-pregnant-looking belly. The first time I got asked "when are you due?" was when I was 14 lol

I never thought to use it to my advantage, but I wonder if it might also have gotten me a seat on a crowded bus

This made me think about how some skinny chicks will do a little song and dance about how fat people get treated in public. I really REALLY hate these. They're usually on TV shows such as Entertainment Tonight where they'll have say, Jessica Alba dress in a "fat suit" and wear fugly sweats and walk around town. Or she'll get on a crowded bus and have the camera follow her doing these things. Sitting there showcasing how rude people are to fatties. This annoys me to no end! First of all, if you've never been fat you will NEVER in your life know what it's like... so don't patronize me. Second... I don't need your pity!!!

Now if I were to start a Rants & Raves thread, that's what my topic would be about.

ETA: I understand wanting to believe it's us and that we have changed - but I cannot get on that bandwagon. I refuse to take responsibility for someone'd else's damaged views on others. I am the same person on the inside, only my outside has changed. Like I said, if anything I'm far more considerate of myself than ever. I'm not afraid to say what's on my mind or bothering me. Before I would always be quiet and nice, now? Hmphh!! So, others being more kind and helpful to me doesn't have anything to do with me, it's clearly them.

Along the same lines I went to my nephews 14th birthday party. He and his guests were making fun of the "skinny kid" - I remember when I was a kid we made fun of the "fat" kid.

How times have changed, some of our social mores are reversed.

On a similar note I wonder - what if friends start treating me differently in a negative way?? My best friend has already distanced herself from me, and I've only lost 10 lbs. We have been friends 12 years. She was never overweight until a couple years ago, and even still she's not too bad (about 200 lbs). I have a feeling that I always made her feel better about herself by being the big fat ugly friend. I am not sure how she will react once I lose all of this weight.

Has anyone had people in their life who started treating them negatively after losing weight/gaining confidence?