I was raised to always take people as they come, and to think about a person's kindness or intelligence before I think about the way they look.

We've all encountered people out there who are prejudiced and bigoted against those who are big-bodied, but what happens when those same people all of a sudden fall all over themselves to talk to you, get to know you, hook up with you, etc., just because you're thin?

I dislike prejudice of any kind, even when I'm on the "positive" end of someone's prejudice.

Those of you who have lost weight, have you noticed a positive difference in the way you've been treated in public? By waiters and waitresses, by shop assistants in clothing shops, by people on the bus, people at school or work? How do you keep yourself from resenting them for it?

I know from experience that we (overweight people) are treated differently. And I can say that I actually purposefully put on 150+lbs so that I would be ignored!...how crazy ass backwards is that!?! I made such horrible decisions in choosing men....so when the last one broke my heart and nearly destroyed me' date=' I put on my "fat suit" so I would be ignored by men and that way it wouldn't have to be my decision anymore. I absolutely succeed 100% in that men especially do not give eye contact...I feel the pity smiles from women but for the most part feel ignored. I have been on both sides and now that I trust myself I can't wait to get back to people paying attention and being noticed. However I do feel it's human nature - our minds make assumption/decisions in a blink, before we even know why we reacted the way we did....we are all "programmed", especially in this society to associate attractive/ thin with positive and fat/overweight with negative.[/quote']

It's not crazy! I did the same thing. I gained weight to repel the opposite sex(it worked)!

six years later I'm ready to start dating again.

I was able to work on the things that were wrong in my life, this was the last one!!

Good luck to you!!

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HelloNurse!....exactly! Ready to get my life back, start dating and knowing now I will chose a good guy and see the bad ones coming from a mile away....all this time allowed me to discover who I am I see that you are also a SoCal Support Group....look forward to meeting you soon!!!

@cantwaittolose

That sounds great, what area are you in?



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@cantwaittolose

That sounds great, what area are you in?



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Orange County (San Clememte - very south OC).

Oh thats not too far!! I'm in San Diego!

I hope they have a reunion this summer!!

I would love to meet all the Cali Sleevers!!

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Yes, some people will treat you differently when you're thin. I decided not to waste time or energy worrying about that--in fact, when it happens to me, I go out of my way to say "hello" to someone who is "invisible" like I used to be in society. Just a simple smile or quick "hello" or "how's it going?"--no big deal, but I know how it feels to not be taken seriously or not be really thought about at all--and yes, that was by my choice, exactly as cantwaittolose above said, but it is still hurtful.

I think in the end that's about all we can really do that's a positive response--just try to treat everyone the way we would want to be treated, no matter what our size, like we are there, we matter, our opinions and thoughts and feelings matter, and we're all in it together. Doesn't require anything huge or earth-shaking, and we can maybe be the agents of the change we want to see.

Me too Meg, I do go out of my way to be especially pleasant to "invisible" people. Not just obese but people I can see seem quiet. Seeing their face light up means the world to me. Honestly.

HUGE difference by everyone including family, friends, waitstaff, men, women everyone! The only people who haven't changed are my kids and husband. My husband actually says, "It kinda makes me feel bad about myself when people constantly ask "How did you land her?" It hasn't been all good either, my friends no longer hang out with me but I find it very easy, now as a thinner person, to make new ones. I never open doors by myself, people GIVE me free stuff often at say AT&T and food places, men offer to carry my things. I'm never expected to be a work horse like I was before (Oh she's big she can lift this heavy thing). It's amazing the difference. It's sad too. It just reaffirms my want to NEVER be fat again.

Me too Meg, I do go out of my way to be especially pleasant to "invisible" people. Not just obese but people I can see seem quiet. Seeing their face light up means the world to me. Honestly.

MISS DIVA! I've missed you! Look at you, you look amazing! I also go out of my way to speak to obese people and include them. It's very easy to feel so fat that you want to be a wallflower for fear everyone will judge you.

I don't know whether this is a big cultural difference or whether I am just interacting with people like you good folk.

I never, ever feel discriminated against as an obese person. People generally treat me well. I have lost a lot of weight before and I have not always been obese and I don't notice much difference in how i am treated though I do notice a difference in how I act.

Oddly enough, on every visit I have had to the USA I have found people to be super polite and friendly, more so than in my own country, except in NYC but then I don't think that was because I was obese but rather because it was NYC.

So most of your experiences really surprise me.

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if you weren't there at my worst you don't deserve me at my best

i love that phrase - i think its priceless ,

kathy

MISS DIVA! I've missed you! Look at you, you look amazing! I also go out of my way to speak to obese people and include them. It's very easy to feel so fat that you want to be a wallflower for fear everyone will judge you.

Ohhh heyyy lady!! And look at YOU!! You've blown past your goal -- CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I've missed this place a lot, though at the time I didn't come here much I didn't realize it. But I did, and I'm glad to be back.

Nothing is more important for someone to have "been there" and to be able to continue to empathize with what people are going through. It is always my hope that I can even share with them at some point my journey. I just want everyone to feel what I feel. FREEDOM!!!

Southernsleever, I am feeling like you, suddenly and recentely I've lost all my friends. It's like they don't feel comfortable around me anymore. I am married and in love with my husband for 20 years so I don't want yours. It seems so silly to me at 45 years old. Even when I just posted my before and after pix on fb no positive comments at all, I don't get it because I think my transformation has been amazing and I feel great. Thank God for this site and my loving husband.

I've shared on this forum alchoholism is something I went to rehab for over 10 years ago and with the help of a 12 step program, I have been able to keep it at bay. I basically lost all of my friends from that time. One of them shared with me, the last time I was with them, that nobody feels comfortable around me anymore. He said I was like a mirror that, when put in front of their face, they see where they are and their struggles. They don't really want to confront their issues so it is easier if I wasn't around. They hated seeing how good I looked sober and dealing with the horrors in their closet wasn't something they were prepared to do at that time.

I totally could appreciate this and that was basically the last time I made contact with any of them. I also had to let it go so I could grow. In a way, they were also a mirror showing me what I once was and I knew to be like them surely meant death for me, so, I had to move on.

I can easily see how this could also be true in our circumstances.

Same for me. I posted some before and after pics and not one person commented on them....I don't really have friends now. The old ones does care for the thinner me and I don't try to make new ones. Living my life for me and my wonderful family.

Yes, and some people will be jealous too.