What If People Treat Me Better As A Thin Person? It Would Make Me So Angry!

[LouiseC 1,029]

Hmmm. I have different take on this.

I wonder if when we feel better about ourselves that we treat ourselves better and this in turn leads to other people treating us better.

I have previously found myself in a self hate mode, feeling fat and ugly and wishing no one would look at me only to later reflect on having felt invisible, but really, isn't that what I wanted? To be unseen? When I feel good, positive and beautiful others react to the positive energy I put out there. Confidence is catchy.

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[PollyBlue 22]

Yes, they do treat me differently and it disgusts me. I was on a plane recently and when I needed to squeeze through to visit the loo people were kind and smiling and happy to adjust their stance so I could get through. Before, whien I was massive, I'd get eye rolling and lips curled in disdain. It's not just on planes, it is everywhere - shops, restaurants, just walking down the street. I am more confident, however I didn't consider myself hideous pre-weightloss - or deserving of general disdain. People can be so blatantly cruel.

[Marty McSkinnystein 342]

They did a "What Would you Do?" segment on t.v. on a similar thing.

There was a person stealing a bike--- tools and all (lock breaker, crowbar etc.) They did the segment in a crowded park. The "thieves" all kept looking around as if they wanted to steal the bike and were furiously trying to get the lock off.

1. White young man- hardly anyone strolling through the park said anything.

2. Black kid dressed EXACTLY the same as white kid- people gathered, said WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!? called the police.

3. Beautiful blonde- they actually kept helping her with the tools. Even when she said things like "well it doesn't reallllly belong to mee" they actually HELPED her steal the bike or laughed and watched not calling police.

Looks matter. People have pre-conceived notions. Even a few black women realized the same feelings came up in them and were glad to have been a part of it.. Imagine the black kid's sadness...even though he was an actor in the scene he saw what went on with the other scenarios.

[HadToDoIt40 34]

Even with just a 45 lb loss, people thatI really had no interests in, are now going out of their way to interact with me.

I have always been a confident, strong-minded (and strong-willed..LOL!) person and that has not changed. I did not have issues wih self esteem. Prior to surgery, people have told me that I "command attention when I walk into a room." I am still the same person... The only thing that has changed is my looks.

Post surgery I am a bit more self-conscious because I feel like I am on stage with all of the attention and because I feel like I am in the ugly duckling stage. My "curves" have all shifted and I don't have the same shape as before. Still trying to adjust to my new body.

Anyway...

People are shallow. Bottom line.

[AnewMe@28 38]

Omg, I have had this conversation with my hubby several times, I thought I was just trippin. I have noticed people, men especially seemingly breaking their necks to be nice or help me.

At my job I am an office coordinator, I have to pretty much do everything. One day I am unloading supplies onto a dolly and getting ready to pull/push it into the bldg.

Mind you I have done this same task countless times as a big girl and nobody moved a eyelash to help me, not even to hold the door.

Well fast forward 1yr/127lb loss and I am doing the same task & co-worker & supervisor of the dept are both at my truck unloading supplies&pushing the dolly into the bldg for me, I actually had to tell them I could take it from here.

Now this type of thing has been happening alot, I would be flattered/unfazed had it happened before my hefty weight lost.

I was the same woman I am today, very independent & fabulous darling. The confidence was not/is not a question. I know my self worth as a woman&child of God.

This prejudice type of behavior rubs me wrong bc I feel like if you wasn't checking for me when I was 200+lbs please dont try me now. I am in love with the person who loved me all of me when I was 298lbs. He loved me then&still does now.

[Catracks 865]

My husband, daughter and the people I love treat me the same. My husband has always loved me at any weight.

Strangers and acquaintances treat me very differently than they did before and I'm not even at goal. I tend not to blame them too much. Even the nicest person is hardwired to some extent. I just try and remember what it was like for me and treat others accordingly.

Now I just want to tell everyone about this surgery, but it CERTAINLY isn't our place unless asked. I had my blood drawn this morning and a beautiful young woman came in. She was so pretty, but she was quite large -- like maybe mid 400s. I just said a prayer to myself that she either is or gets to be right where she wants to be.

[LouiseC 1,029]

Even the nicest person is hardwired to some extent. I just try and remember what it was like for me and treat others accordingly.

I very much agree with this. I strive to think the best of people and I am happier in myself when I view humanity as being basically good. I know I sometimes judge others, despite my best intentions and therefore understand when others judge.

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[LilMissDiva Irene 3,281]

I was raised to always take people as they come, and to think about a person's kindness or intelligence before I think about the way they look.

We've all encountered people out there who are prejudiced and bigoted against those who are big-bodied, but what happens when those same people all of a sudden fall all over themselves to talk to you, get to know you, hook up with you, etc., just because you're thin?

I dislike prejudice of any kind, even when I'm on the "positive" end of someone's prejudice.

Those of you who have lost weight, have you noticed a positive difference in the way you've been treated in public? By waiters and waitresses, by shop assistants in clothing shops, by people on the bus, people at school or work? How do you keep yourself from resenting them for it?

Yes I know for a fact I get treated differently now. Men are a lot more kind to me as I've noticed, they always let me on or off the elevator or through doors ahead of them - and sometimes act a little more kind. I know it's because I'm a lot thinner now, I won't pretend it's not. It happens all over, in places where no one knew me before. I've also not changed my demeanor since losing weight. I've always been cheerful, even when I was larger. If anything I was MORE cheerful then!

How do I not hold resentment? Because I know that is their problem not mine. I wouldn't benefit being negative over a situation I can't control. I can only control how I respond, and I choose to respond in no way. I simply say thank you, smile and move on.

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,281]

Omg, I have had this conversation with my hubby several times, I thought I was just trippin. I have noticed people, men especially seemingly breaking their necks to be nice or help me.

At my job I am an office coordinator, I have to pretty much do everything. One day I am unloading supplies onto a dolly and getting ready to pull/push it into the bldg.

Mind you I have done this same task countless times as a big girl and nobody moved a eyelash to help me, not even to hold the door.

Well fast forward 1yr/127lb loss and I am doing the same task & co-worker & supervisor of the dept are both at my truck unloading supplies&pushing the dolly into the bldg for me, I actually had to tell them I could take it from here.

Now this type of thing has been happening alot, I would be flattered/unfazed had it happened before my hefty weight lost.

I was the same woman I am today, very independent & fabulous darling. The confidence was not/is not a question. I know my self worth as a woman&child of God.

This prejudice type of behavior rubs me wrong bc I feel like if you wasn't checking for me when I was 200+lbs please dont try me now. I am in love with the person who loved me all of me when I was 298lbs. He loved me then&still does now.

Yes and YES!!

[PdxMan 4,292]

Well ... I'm sad/happy to say that yes, thin people are treated differently. But to echo what Lissa said, it is hard to blame people on the way we have all been conditioned. To be honest, it is on my list as one of the reasons to have the surgery. It has always been obvious to me in the work world that I was discriminated against. How was I going to change this? It is profiling, yes, but that is the reality of it. I challenge everyone on here not to profile in one way or another. It is just hard not to do.

[VACookey 111]

I've noticed that I'm treated differently by strangers. Mainly, it's when I'm shopping. Before, I could walk into a store and do all my shopping and leave without anybody speaking to me except the cashier. Now? I literally cannot walk into a store without someone saying "How are you today?" or "Can I help you find anything?" This is men and women. It's really weird. If it's all about customer service, why didn't that happen before?

[Lilee84 648]

Maybe its the clothes? I think we can all agree that the clothing selection before wasn't nearly as flattering as it is now. It's like clothing designers think big people like flowered prints pastels... Just a thought. I know I'm definitely more fashionable now than I was, and I've always dressed nice, its just that now i dress nicer.

[former_vbg 198]

I don't really have anything new to add that hasn't already been said really. But, now that I'm nearly at goal, and people are actually calling me "skinny" (a very odd thing to get used to but I graciously say thank you) and that feeling of being noticed and not blending in with the woodwork if you will is hard to get used to. Like others have said, I intentionally tried not to draw attention to myself because I didn't want people to look at how fat I was. Now that I am wearing size 4 slacks, can tuck in shirts confidently to show off my slimming figure (compression shirt for the loose skin of course), but just today I had 3 people at work say, "Wow, you are really skinny!!". Now, these same people didn't treat me ugly before, but there is a definite difference when out in public how we are treated according to what we weigh. The perception of someone who is overweight is that we are lazy, unmotivated, and some even think "dumb". Part of that is because for those who don't understand the need for the WLS, that we should "just control our portions and not eat unhealthy...." like that's the silver bullet. They just do not understand the issues behind obesity.

I had to go see a specialist today (first time I had met him), and we were discussing my risk factors for future blood clots, etc.. His exact words were, "well, since you are so active and thin, you are not in the high risk category....". I about did a double take to see who he was talking to that was "thin". Yes, I know I am looking pretty good right now, but it is an adjustment.

I also know that while I was always a confident person before, never had a problem speaking my mind, that I do walk differently, and on some level demonstrate just a bit more degree of confidence. When i speak up at a meeting, I no longer worry whether someone will discount my opinion because I was so fat. To be fair, I didn't do much to dress anymore than the required business casual before. Now, thanks to thrift stores, I have lots of nice dress suits, slacks, etc and I dress quite nicely now. I need to work on my hair, but that's another story. Until my Hair loss gets under control, I am quite limited on what I can do short of a wig.

Anyhow, I try to take things in stride the best I can. The people that probably upset me the most in these situations is those that didn't want anything to do with me when I was heavy and now want to pretend like they have been my best friend all along. I am civil with them, but certainly don't do anything to encourage anything more than a civil friendship with them.

[toibunny 12]

I know people treat me differently...try being a morbidly obesse african american & see how people ignore or look right through you. I work for a University and for 6 years most faculty NEVER ADRESSED me directly or by name. Now 15 months after surgery i am in awe at how many not only knew my name but some how i am worthy of their conversation! I am proud of what i did for me...anyone else hangups or weirdness will not disturbe my vsg groove!!!

[Butterthebean 8,146]

I lost 100 pounds through diet and exercise before and people did treat me differently when I was smaller. I think' date=' however, that it was only partly because I looked better and the other part was that I acted different. I walked with confidence and looked people in the eye and smiled more than I do when I am large. People respond to confidence.[/quote']

Same thing happened to me in the past and I think you are dead on. I've read several posts on this forum that mention how some of us overweight people also have self confidence issues. Makes perfect sense to me that some people would. Once you lose all that weight, you feel so much better about yourself, at least you should. You are liable to be way more outgoing.

Everyone wants to be friends with positive, happy, outgoing people. As we begin to look better and feel better, some of us will discover our inner social butterfly, and other people will respond to that.