Is Keeping The Secret Possible?

[weight_no_longer 64]

What's killing me about this whole thread is that people are getting so upset. Everyone is accusing everyone else of 'attacking.' You know what it makes me feel like? It makes me feel like I can't be honest' date=' or express a differing opinion, without people accusing me of being a bully (or worse). I have NEVER set out to bully anyone EVER. I have NEVER told anyone that they are a bad person just because they have a different opinion than I do. We are all adults and should be able to have an open discussion without people getting upset because someone else is trying to come at the situation from a different point of view. You don't agree with me? Cool. Let's talk about it. Maybe we can each learn something. I'm not going to call you a bully because you think I'm wrong.

VST is usually such a wonderful place full of information and the experiences of many different people. I miss that...[/quote']

I have no problem with any differing opinions & in fact like to hear different points of view. I only became annoyed when the person that made the comment that by not telling others we are lying ... now thats a childish immature attacking comment!

[Butterthebean 8,146]

I have no problem with any differing opinions & in fact like to hear different points of view. I only became annoyed when the person that made the comment that by not telling others we are lying ... now thats a childish immature attacking comment!

What's childish and immature is you attacking and name calling because myself and others said something that you don't like. So many people say "this" or "that" is not a lie. I disagree and say it is. Your opinion.....my opinion. Why is that a problem?

Am I not allowed to call BS when I hear it? Am I not allowed to challenge people to do something outside their comfort zone? I'm going to guess that everyone who has had WLS had to step way out of their comfort zone the morning they got on that operating table.

[weight_no_longer 64]

What's childish and immature is you attacking and name calling because myself and others said something that you don't like. So many people say "this" or "that" is not a lie. I disagree and say it is. Your opinion.....my opinion. Why is that a problem?

Am I not allowed to call BS when I hear it? Am I not allowed to challenge people to do something outside their comfort zone? I'm going to guess that everyone who has had WLS had to step way out of their comfort zone the morning they got on that operating table.

In what part of what i said did I attack ? i said I dont like being called a liar because I choose not to tell anyone. Its not BS its just keeping my personal business to myself! Sounds like you have a problem with people having a different opinion to you!!!

[hm734 228]

If you fuel your journey on the opinions of others, you are going to run out of gas. Do what works for YOU. Agree to disagree.

Let's get back to supporting one another now.

[Butterthebean 8,146]

I have no problem with any differing opinions & in fact like to hear different points of view. I only became annoyed when the person that made the comment that by not telling others we are lying ... now thats a childish immature attacking comment!

What I should have said to you is this....if you read the entire thread you will see that I already admitted to being judgemental and I stated I would try not to do it again. That doesn't change my desire for more people to be open about their surgery, and I will still encourage people to share their story. But I recognize that it is each person's right to keep it private.

[Leilahsmommy101 6]

I dont mind lying, and there are many others that can represent the sleeve community. But im only 220 many on here dont have to defend theyre choice because " oh your not that heavy just stop bein lazy diet n excersize " I dont feel bad for my choice cancer fits many symptoms that we will have. Nausea, hairloss, weightloss, poop problems.... Sry if I offended anyone who is holier than I.. But im not truley hurting you am I? Or anyone else for that matter.....

[weight_no_longer 64]

What I should have said to you is this....if you read the entire thread you will see that I already admitted to being judgemental and I stated I would try not to do it again. That doesn't change my desire for more people to be open about their surgery' date=' and I will still encourage people to share their story. But I recognize that it is each person's right to keep it private.

[/quote']

I have read the entire thread & yes you did say you would try not to be so judgemental... so please dont be so harsh on people who see this journey differently to you. Alot of overweight people already have low self esteem. The last thing they need from this 'support' group is to be judged so harshly for wanting to keep this to themselves. Voice your opinion freely but not judgementally. Thank you for realising its the individual's right to keep this private.

[GonnaLoseIt 33]

I personally have only told my immediate family and best friend, but I have found, some people I told can't keep there mouth shut.

Overall most people don't know and I like it that way. There have been a few ignorant comments from people who do know. I just don't want people to underestimate the amount of work I have put into losing this weight.

[mommymar 34]

I read through all the comments and I see both sides. I was "out"as a fat person. I didn't have to shout it from the roof tops, anyone who knew/saw me knew I was fat. Unfortunately, me being "openly fat" didn't change the stigma of fat people being "lazy" or "disgusting" or "our of control" so I think (its just me and it could have to do with my insecurities) how can I change WLS stigma? I was a good fat person and still felt judged and looked down upon. I hope to be a good WLS success story and DON'T want to be judged or looked down upon. Just as I admire those that stood up for the obese ones, I admire those that stand up for WLS. I hope to be one of you one day. Thanks everyone for sharing and making me truly look at all sides of this issue.

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

I started going to the gym trying very hard to lose weight, for YEARS before I had WLS. After surgery, it was pretty easy to say that I was working out, counting calories, eating smaller portions , and that I drank Protein shakes for Breakfast and sometimes lunch. Everyone knew how hard I was trying to lose weight before so it made sense that I was finally losing weight.

The only people who know are my kids and my boyfriend, and a couple friends who also had WLS . My coworkers don't know, and a lot of judgemental familly members don't know I had WLS.

[desert19 93]

I only told 2 people at work who I trust to keep their mouths shut, I also told all my small family who are extremely supportive. When I was on the 2 wk liquids, I would go out to my car to drink them and read a book. I took 3 weeks off work, so I was pretty much on solids when I went back. We do have flexible lunchtimes at work, so I always go late, and there is hardly anyone in there. I eat my little lunch then read my book.

[justmeandmysleeve 91]

I could not agree with you more. I have chosen to only tell my family and a few of my best girlfriends. I am just not one of those people that can post about it on Facebook, etc. I absolutely believe in telling only who will support you at this stage.

I actually had one of the girls tell me at work that she knew my dress was maternity because her sister had the same dress.....her sister was pregnant!

I won't be outing myself until I feel comfortable.

[minnie20 8]

I think the point is that people shouldn't be asking or commenting in the first place.

If, when, and how we lose or gain weight is personal, private, and really no one's business except perhaps close friends and family who may have a true concern for our well being. Personally, I think it is super rude to comment on someone's weight unless they have been open about it and/or are giving pretty clear signs they are OK with comments. I know many like it when someone notices we're a bit smaller. But some of us do not like the added attenttion.

It is not lying to omit a personal medical decision if people are so rude as to ask. Telling people you are on a liquid diet or VLCD and exercising is the truth. The surgery helps you do it, but you could have the surgery and drink milkshakes all day. The majority of the work is done by the individual and you are not being deceptive by not opening yourself up for a lot of "helpful" advice or commentary. Like someone stated earlier, people get WLS to be normal and not to be the former fatty who had to have surgery.

I was at work when someone commented on another coworker's weight loss. It was in a total congratualtory way, as in "wow, you've lost a lot of weight! How are you doing it? I need your secret!" The answer: "Cancer. I have cancer and am going through chemo."

That's why people should mind their business and keep their comments to themselves unless otherwise elicited. You never know what someone is going through and you might feel like a total heel for asking.

I totally agree! Thanks

[Nikki613 120]

This has been an eye opening and exhausting thread....thank you everyone for sharing your experiences and advice. Good luck to you all

[runner 53]

The Poster that started this thread wanted to know if it was possible to keep it a secret at work. They did not ask anyone what they thought about it, or anything else of the sorts. We must respect their decision and not offer our 2 cents when it was not ask for. If you have advice on how you were able to keep it a secret at work please post, if not ....