My own "What have I done?" moment has come.. please help

[TwoStepsBack 15]

I have heard many people having buyers remorse just after their op, and people having the feeling "what have I done?"

Up to now I hadn't experienced it, and didn't imagine I ever would. But all of a sudden I am overcome with fear and could really use some support.

Before the operation I told myself that I would rather die than be so obsessed with food and weight all my life. The risk was worth it. Now I am not sure.

What if something goes wrong with my sleeve? I am definitely not in the green zone yet, I'm only 5 days out.

What if there are long term side effects which will negatively affect my health, which we don't know about yet.

Why the hell wasn't I strong enough to deal with this problem naturally, and pull myself together?

I am 26 and want a family. What if I never make it to that point because of the foolish and lazy choices I have made?

What if something happens to me. My family are going to be distraught, I will have put them through pain and upset for my own selfish reasons. Because I couldn't get my act together.

I just feel like a fool right now. And I am angry with myself. And terrified of the consequences. Please help me get through this. :crying:

[**LaSaJaTa** 4]

What you're feeling is natural. You've undergone surgery, and made a huge commitment to a new lifestyle, one that will make you healthier, stronger and happier. You're going through a tough time, liquid diets, so much new information to remember....it's all overwhelming. Stay the course, and stay positive. Remember the "real" reasons you chose VSG, and keep those in mind. Find some inspiration...perhaps a photo, or a picture of your dream outfit, hang it on your bathroom mirror, as a reminder as to the "why".

You'll get through this, I PROMISE!!

*Hugs*

[TwoStepsBack 15]

What you're feeling is natural.

You'll get through this, I PROMISE!!

*Hugs*

Thank you. *sniff* I was worried I sound like a neurotic lunatic.

*Hugs back*

[trouble 0]

Don't worry. I'm about 6 1/2 weeks out and feel great and am so excited about the future. You will get there too. I had all the same feelings I just did it before surgery. I almost cancelled my surgery a few days before and am so glad that I didn't. Now that I'm completely healed I don't feel any different than I did before surgery. My doctor told me a few weeks before surgery when I was freaking out that it's just he first 12 days. He said after 12 days your pretty much healed and the chances of problems is diminished. So I counted down the days to day 12 and then had a huge weight off my shoulders. I agree that when your on liquids only that it's hard. You just have to keep telling yourself that part is temporary. I'm eating whatever I want now and the memory of liquids is pretty much forgotten (except for the fact that you could not make me drink a glass of crystal light now). You will be there in no time. Hang in there.

[mp8btpc 32]

Ahh poor Two ::gives you a hug:: I had the same breakdown somewhere around the same time post-op. I went to my room and bawled like a baby. I guess I was so loud that my son heard when he was walking by my room. He was waiting when I opened my door. He is only 11, he was worried. I assured him I was feeling physically fine nothing to worry about but that I was feeling kind of sad and down but that I just needed to cry and get it out. He gave me the biggest hug.

I think it was some post anesthesia depression along with the calorie deficit and the mental strain of worrying over leaks and such. Youre tired, youre sore, youre hormones are nuts and it is a big change. You made the decision to have surgery when you were in a clear frame of mind. You will get back to that point and you will remember all the reasons you did it and how much they meant to you. You will feel like you again I promise and it doesn't take long normally to reach that point. Just hold on tight hun.

[TwoStepsBack 15]

Thank you SO much everyone. It means the world to me to have such a wonderful support network.

I think the fact that as soon as my boyfriend got home last night I started moaning at him and crying about nothing hilighted the fact that I am just emotionally and physically exhausted and not in my right frame of mind.

I know that with your help, and a little time, I will get back to where I should be.

Love and hugs to all xxx

[chilo1 62]

I'm nearly 7 weeks out and I went through the same, the guilt, how could I not do this on my own, what did I do to myself, what if something happens to me , I have 3 children, one of them is a baby! Thats normal, you'll be fine, I promise, and you'll be over the moon like all of us, I still can't believe I'm on the other side now. In the last few days I've seen people who I hadn't seen in a long time and been told that I look like another person already and I've only lost 20 and a bit pounds. Big hugs and you'll be soooooooo glad you've made this desicion, I wish I could have made it when I was your age, so count yourself lucky!

[Hitorikiri 0]

I'm sorry I can't offer any words of experience, but you definitely have my support. You'll be in my thoughts and hopefully this emotionally fragile time will pass as you continue to heal. *hugs*

[JudyM 2]

Hi there! Don't beat yourself up - you have taken a huge decision, and had major surgery. Your emotions will be all over the place; mine were! But I was fine after the first month, and now I'm very proud of my weight loss - I still have a long way to go, but I have come a long way too!

Keep your chin up!

[Mi-Mi 0]

i have not taken the time to read all the replies yet since i'm at work, but i can tell you that i felt the exact same thing as soon as i was fully awake from surgery. it lasted a while... just the permanence of it all freaked me totally out! i never voiced that feeling but i kept saying to myself... here i am 30 years old... and i have made this huge change to my body and i have to live with it the rest of my life! and i kept thinking i wish i could have done it on my own.

now i'm a little over 5 weeks postop and about 37 pounds down... and it feels amazing! those feelings have gone. the worst of the "withdrawals" and anxiety is over and i truly savor and enjoy every bite i obsessively chew and chew and chew. haha!

you will be ok after a while. once you realize that weight is not coming back and that you CAN still have a life WITHOUT all that food (i call it my personal "crack" addiction) these feelings will pass and you have less and less regret as time goes on. i just know you're gonna love it! just be patient.....

[TwoStepsBack 15]

Once again the Vertical Sleeve Talk board members have pulled me out of my self indulgent misery, and put things into perspective. I have one word for you guys : Ace

xxxxx

Edited September 16, 2010 by TwoStepsBack

[**LaSaJaTa** 4]

I'm so glad we've been able to help! We've all been in your shoes, and we know things get better down the road, in fact, things get GREAT! Stay positive, and get through the next 4 weeks, you'll see....

[wannalise 15]

Guess what, every worry you have expressed is normal. I am almost 6 months out, and it is rare but sometimes (especially when I go out to dinner) I would really dig a big old burger or nachos. But for the most part that is it. I have experienced some physical pain especially as I was learning my new signals for fullness, and on occasion still have emotional crap to deal with. The other day I was overly tired and just wanted a giant diet coke some fast food and a nap. I had to totally step back and realize that this old method of self soothing still remains in my arsenal and I can't push it away, I just have to allow myself to feel the negative things, understand them and hopefully learn a little more each time.

I am excited to start a family in the next few years as well, and guess what, my pregnancies will be smoother, my children healthier. As they grow I will get to play with them without the same level of fatigue I would have felt before. My children will not be doomed to having unhealthy relationships with food, and I won't have to stress being the "fat mom."

All the discomfort, worry, fear every bit of it is normal, but your surgery is done. You can't have that stomach back, but you can create a better life for yourself and your future with this new teeny tiny one.

Hang in there!

Anna

[coreyandbrett 0]

TwoStepsBack you can help pull me out if I get to this point after my surgery. No date is set yet, but I've already had days that I've cried because I couldn't just lose the weight on my own. Some days I feel like a disappointment to my family because I am having surgery to get rid of the weight, but I am doing it for my health and my family. I know my husband and boys love me, but I'm sure they will be proud of me when the weight is gone and I can enjoy life more with them. I am super obese and my weight is causing my lungs to not expand like they should, I don't want to be on oxygen at my age or at any age, so this weight is coming off baby and I'm taking it one day at a time. Don't ever think you can't talk to us, that is what we are here for!

[susieq 49]

I'm 6 days out and have similar feelings. Reading this thread made me cry. I'm overwhelmed by trying to get all of this Protein down. I'm afraid of the Protein powder so I've been drinking Isopure. I'm not getting enough Protein, but I'm doing a little better each day. The schedule of drinking and eating just doesn't make sense to me.

In addition, I have work to return to on Monday. My surgery timing was poor as far as work is concerned, but it was either now or November and I didn't want to wait. I don't know how I'll survive doing everything I need to do next week AND keep track of eating and drinking. Anxiety level: HIGH.