Dating and the band

[krzy4vt 109]

I was banded 12/3/12 and took time to really focus on myself and losing weight. I have lost 60lbs and feel great. I was asked out on a date and really looking forward going this evening. However, when is a good time to bring up my band? I know there may be questions at dinner when I don't eat much but don't know if talking about is too much for a first date. I am very open about my surgery to friends and co workers but don't know how my date would feel about it. Any suggestions?

[can_do 195]

TMI for a first date. Who needs to know? So you don't eat much. That's your choice and you don't have to defend it. Have a great time!

[Bjc1227 64]

My first thought is that's a tough one, but not really. If there is a moment when you feel comfortable, go ahead and tell your date. If it's too much information for him to handle, wouldn't it be good to know up front?

I was lucky. I started dating someone in October last year, and had my surgery in February this year. We're still seeing each other, though it's long-distance. He liked me then, now and I expect he'll like me in the future. He knew I was planning surgery before we ever met.

Good luck and have fun.

[BandtoSleevechick 171]

think if you are comfortable with telling him or it somehow comes up do it!! if not wait til you had a few more under the table so to speak lol Have fun!!

[mrsto 2,925]

My initial response is.....it's not necessary info for the first date. Let him get to know you, before you (possibly) scare him off with information he doesn't fully understand. See where Date #1 goes with him first, before going down that road.

As far as why you're not eating much, just tell him that you had a late lunch & you're not that hungry :-)

Have fun tonight!

[Andrew0929 1,101]

From a man's perspective, my advice is to wait until you get to know him better and then just mention it casually. Regarding your eating small portions at dinner, that's not something you need to elaborate on with him. Lots of people are watching their weight, eating smaller portions ...

[Bandakat412 26]

I agree. Not a first date topic. I actually dated someone for two years and never told him. I was crazy in love and I'm not ashamed, but it wouldn't change anything and people don't get it really well, even if they are awesome. In other words, what's the benefit of sharing?

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,721]

if there is more dates, tell him then

the band doesnt define you...you define the band

go out and enjoy yourself :wub:

[krzy4vt 109]

Thanks everyone. I decided not to talk about it and we decided to do a movie instead. Had a great time.

[marfar7 1,528]

I was widowed 6 yrs ago and gained from 200 to 250 lbs in 2 yrs. I had my band in 2009 at 248 lbs. Wanted to start dating but as afraid of only attracting "chubby chasers" and I wanted someone normal! LOL! I started dating (online) almost a year after and about 75 lbs lighter. Most of my dates were just coffee so it never came up. if we were eating a meal, I usually brought it up cuz I was pretty proud of losing 75 lbs and wanted them to know I'm still working on the rest. I never got a negative response. Most were interested in everything involved.

I met my "now husband" 2 1/2 yrs ago online (we were chatting online at midnight and he mentioned meeting for coffee. I said "now"? He said "yeah, u gunna turn into a pumpkin?" So I showered and met him at a 24 hr coffee shop at 2 am. And the rest is history. I told him while having coffee. We had something in common. He had recently lost 80 lbs also,thru Atkins tho. He was impressed with my loss.

Anyway, I guess what I wanted to say was- if it's just coffee, there's really no need to even bring it up, unless you want to. I guess I wanted to cuz I still had about 40 lbs to lose and I wanted them to know that I was working on it (for those "normal" guys who don't want a fat girlfriend.). I'm like you - very open with everyone about my band. I carry a before pic in my wallet to show everyone what I looked like 104 lbs ago. They are amazed. Don't even believe it's me.

Have fun dating. I went out on about 15 dates before meeting my husband. Had a relationship for about 2 mths before meeting hubby, but he was definitely a "chubby chaser". Both (yes i said BOTH) of his ex wives are over 300 lbs. Nope, not for me..

Marci

[mrsto 2,925]

I was widowed 6 yrs ago and gained from 200 to 250 lbs in 2 yrs. I had my band in 2009 at 248 lbs. Wanted to start dating but as afraid of only attracting "chubby chasers" and I wanted someone normal! LOL! I started dating (online) almost a year after and about 75 lbs lighter. Most of my dates were just coffee so it never came up. if we were eating a meal, I usually brought it up cuz I was pretty proud of losing 75 lbs and wanted them to know I'm still working on the rest. I never got a negative response. Most were interested in everything involved.

I met my "now husband" 2 1/2 yrs ago online (we were chatting online at midnight and he mentioned meeting for coffee. I said "now"? He said "yeah, u gunna turn into a pumpkin?" So I showered and met him at a 24 hr coffee shop at 2 am. And the rest is history. I told him while having coffee. We had something in common. He had recently lost 80 lbs also,thru Atkins tho. He was impressed with my loss.

Anyway, I guess what I wanted to say was- if it's just coffee, there's really no need to even bring it up, unless you want to. I guess I wanted to cuz I still had about 40 lbs to lose and I wanted them to know that I was working on it (for those "normal" guys who don't want a fat girlfriend.). I'm like you - very open with everyone about my band. I carry a before pic in my wallet to show everyone what I looked like 104 lbs ago. They are amazed. Don't even believe it's me.

Have fun dating. I went out on about 15 dates before meeting my husband. Had a relationship for about 2 mths before meeting hubby, but he was definitely a "chubby chaser". Both (yes i said BOTH) of his ex wives are over 300 lbs. Nope, not for me..

Marci

Marci - I also met my husband online.....on Match.com.

15 years ago, after I'd lost 90 pounds and was living a perfect size 6, I decided to reclaim my life. Well, I probably decided that at the beginning of that weight loss journey, but it was time for me to get back into dating; I wanted to find my life partner.

Though I hadn't been banded back then, I told some that I'd lost a lot of weight, and some.....it never came up. There was an interesting cross of response; most of it positive, but there were some negatives. I had about three dates with one guy who flat out told me that he was afraid that I would gain all the weight back. There was a whole lot of other pathology that went with his psyche, and the third date was the last. But I learned through the (what felt like) a gazillion coffee dates, that it was best to focus on getting to know one another, while leaving the weight story for another time. Not to hide it, just hang on for a bit until I had a better sense of who I was dealing with.