Background: I am 49, 5'5" and 227lbs. I have type II diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol, sleep apnea and depression. I have completed 4 months of the 6 month required by insurance, weight loss attempt. I have dieted before and got to 190 lbs but it never lasts. I get discouraged and give up. I've been married five years. My husband is 6' and 175lb. His weight has not changed in five years!

On an impulse I went to True Results one day and checked out lapband surgery. I like the idea and want to get approved for insurance to cover the procedure. Since it was an impulse I didnt discuss this with Dan first.

After two months of appointments, Dan said he would rather put the money needed for surgery into a patio. I didn't comment since I wasn't entirely sure if I would want the band.

I just signed up for a gym membership with a personal trainer for 30 mins. 1 time per week. The trainer is concerned about the surgery having seen many complications from the band when he worked in a hospital.

At this point I am still keeping an open mind regarding all solutions and have started to try to lose weight. I was afraid if I lost much weight the insurance wouldn't cover the surgery, but I am ready to lose weight and feel it is in my best interest to at least try right now.

So last night I was telling Dan about the first meeting with personal trainer and how trainer is advising against the band and Dan said, again.... he would rather spend the money on the patio than a lapband for me.

I figure my out of pocket cost will be in the $2300 range and I have $1500 in flexible spending available. I feel like he is being a selfish b*st*rd but wonder am I really the selfish one?

Ask Dan if he would rather put it into a divorce lawyer than the surgery or the patio. What an ASSH*T

Many folks don't have insurance coverage for WLS and end having to finance their surgeries. I can't think of any better money spent than money that is invested in your health, self esteem and longevity. Weight loss will reduce your sleep apnea episodes, and will improve your other heath issues.

What the hell good is a patio if you can't live to enjoy it

I suggest finding the best surgeon you can... and if you can lose weight before surgery it will go better.

I do not think you are selfish, I think your husband may be though and as for the trainer what does he know about it he has a personal financial stake in it by being a trainer, ultimately its your choice no one else, whether you choice to be banded or not , good luck to you what ever your choice may be

One more comment: I wouldn't take personal medical advice from a trainer regarding WLS surgery. But, I think you were very, very wise to join a gym or health club to pursue exercise. A good exercise program, combined with a WLS, is a key to your future success. Just like the lap band, exercise is one more key to being able to remove and keep the weight off. WLS, diet, exercise. 1, 2, 3....

Excuse my language, but your husband is a selfish rat b'stard! Having you healthy, happy and adding quality years to your life is worth much more than plywood and nails - ANY DAY!!! Don't listen to the trainer - he's there to make googobs of money off of your struggle. The band is safe - I know more than a dozen people who have had WLS and by far the best, least complicated surgeries were lap bands. I wish I could introduce you to one of my coworkers. She had it done 10 years ago - yes, even the very first bands were safe. She lost 200lbs and looks like a living barbie doll - you'd NEVER know she ever had a weight problem.

Meanwhile...if you continue doing what you've always done, you're not going to get very far. Some of us need help. I've done great on various programs, personal trainers, etc. and they all did exactly what they were supposed to do...for a while. The band is reversible, so if it doesn't work (the odds are in your favor that it will though) you can always get it removed. But with your comorbids, I wouldn't spend too much time pondering what you should do, every day your body is deteriorating a little bit more.

I was dianosed with Type II diabetes in March - I didn't mess around, I was at True Results in April. I started my preop diet yesterday and many of my diabetic symptoms are already subsiding...even though I haven't taken my meds in quite a few days, my blood sugar is 90! My diet isn't very strict either - I get 2 shakes and 2 meals a day - more than I need, to be quite honest. You have the money in your FSA - that's your money. If the surgery wasn't safe, do you think insurance would approve you? Far too many studies show that the Lap Band works, it's safe and it's effective. I only know of 1 person that failed and that's because she drank milk shakes, at ice cream - she lived off of sliders. That's a no-no. Since you are diabetic already, you wouldn't do that anyway, so you're one step ahead of the game.

Think about it, but forget the patio - what good will it do if you're sick and can't enjoy spending time outdoors anyway?

Ask Dan if he would rather put it into a divorce lawyer than the surgery or the patio. What an ASSH*T

I like it...a lot.

You are not selfish at all. Ask your husband how he would feel in ten years sitting on that patio ALONE because you have some VERY serious health problem that could easily take your life (God forbid).

I paid 13,000 out of pocket. Surgery was only a month ago but so far it's been worth every penny. I have lost exactly 50 pounds since I called and set up my consultation. I exercise 6 days a week, running/walking my first 5k on Saturday, taken off of blood pressure meds!!

I know that you are married but I would do it even without his support. This is YOUR life. You only get ONE. Good luck with whatever you choose.

P.S. your husband needs to get his head out of his a**!!

IMHO you should spend the money on lapband then save up for a divorce lawyer!

only you can answer this question, we on here can tell you the pro and cons. In my case the pro's where so much greater than the cons. I'm 46 start was 235 I'm down to 202. and I feel great. I look into the mirror and wonder who is this??? and I smile it's ME !!!!!!!

My husband has been having more fun on me since my lapband, than he has been having on the patio. Just saying...

I think every penny you spend on your health is worth it... at your age you can reverse your comords.. I had diabetes, high cholesterol, high blood pressure and arthritis in my knees.. my life was so dormant.. couldn't hardly clean my own house.. I decided I had enough years left and wanted to be active and healthy for the rest of those years if possible. getting lapband was the best thing I have done.. by the way I had a personal trainer last year.. lost some weight, got some muscles and ended up with knee problems and back issues.. If I had all the money I have spent trying to lose weight , every system known to man, ww, nutrisystem, hcg, all and more I would be rich... do what you want to do and tell your husband he's gonna like it.. or not.. he can build a deck somewhere else...

your health is priceless....

Ask Dan if he would rather put it into a divorce lawyer than the surgery or the patio. What an ASSH*T

Amen to that!

When I read this stuff, it really pisses me off. You are NOT selfish, but your husband is! I'm in total agreement with everyone above....your health is PRICELESS! Your husband better watch out, because if you choose to go through with the surgery, and bloom into a total bombshell, you just might have to kick him to the curb! Sorry for being so outspoken about your hubby, but I can't imagine being married to someone who puts my health and well being SECOND to a fricken patio!

Would he be as willing to buy furniture if it were his health at stake? Is it selfish to want to survive?