PrettyThick1

apparently they are closing every where as i just found out through a FB group i belong to that they where closing. i was just in the AZ location 2 1/2 wks ago and they never said a word. i'm lost i have no idea how to find some one to continue my after care. i was just starting to try and get back on track as I've not lost weight in so long.. and would really like to get below the 200 mark and stay there. going to call them tomorrow and see what they have to say. but not very hopeful if they can jell their patients anything.

I agree that it's something that you have to work on every day to keep balance in your life. That said it is understandable for a person and/or persons who are undergoing life changing experiences like WLS or recovery to vacillate closer to one end of the spectrum and back to the other before they find their balance.
I think the key here should be support, from close family and friends or even a therapist who might be able to sense that they are too far in one direction for too long and give that person a nudge so they don't stay stuck there and can keep swinging until the find their rhythm.

Honestly at times I think I'm at the beginning, middle and end of that line. I like to think I'm spending more time in the middle, but I have my moments. It's a never-ending journey, isn't it, trying to find balance?

It's like a "Dry Drunk" who, while sober, has no humility - all ego. This journey for me is so different this time. Because for the first time in my life, I admitted I was a mess (no more listening to the " you carry it well") and (and this is big) I asked for help. I strive to be not just healthier, not just more physically appealing - but a better person on this journey. Good article! Thank you!

Confidence is a turn-on.
Arrogance is a turn-off.
We, the Post Op and the Doc, discuss RECOVERY all the time. ALL. THE. TIME. Why? Because we believe in it and know the healing power it brings.


We’ve never really talked specifically about "confidence" and "arrogance" per se, but we talk about narcissism and selfishness and how destructive they are to our Recovery from Obesity. That makes it entirely understandable that many recovery "newbies" could easily confuse the two.
If a person comes from (a perceived place of) “nothing” into a big, new life of potential “everything,” the pendulum can (and often does) overcompensate (swings wildly in the other direction). In other words, if you start from a place where you’re thinking you have little value (perhaps based on your weight) – it is sometimes the case that to people appear to be … overvaluing themselves (think a posted selfie … or two or three… each day for a solid year). Is either of those extremes a healthy place to be… or could it be that they may actually represent the same issue?
There is a continuum on which most “issues” can be placed. Think a straight line with a far left side, a center, and a far right side (sounds like politics, right?)! On that continuum we are talking about at the moment, there is a line of unhealthy to healthy behaviors. Think of feeling insignificant on the far left of the line, feeling confident in the middle, and feeling arrogance on the extreme right end of the line. In other words, sometimes when a person goes from a place of feeling insignificant (in this case, perhaps related to being obese), sometimes they "overshoot" the goal of having confidence and end up acting "arrogant."
And this is true for many other “issues” we could put on that imaginary line. Think “completely independent/I don’t need anyone” as being on the far left, healthy independence being in the center and “totally dependent on others” as being on the far right end.
Here’s the deal: both the far left and the far right “issue” actually represent the same thing … an unhealthy extreme… of the same problem. Think about it. A person who feels/acts terribly insignificant AND a person who feels/acts arrogant are both acting out the same issue… feelings of poor self-esteem. The healthy place to be on a continuum of healthy self-esteem is in the middle… feeling/acting confident.
It truly is often the case that people swing from one end of the extreme to the other. It can look very different, but to those who understand this tendency of human behavior… it makes perfect sense. Balance lies in the middle of extremes. In this case, confidence is the healthy place of balance between feeling and acting insignificant and feeling and acting arrogant.
In the example of someone who acts like they don’t need anyone else in their life, whether for companionship or ask assistance from on one of the scale to the person who is so “needy” or dependent on the other, the issue is the same – dependency. On one end is the person who refuses to acknowledge the need for depending on others at times. On the other end is the person who can’t seem to think for themselves, go anywhere alone, or be alone for five minutes. The healthy place of balance is in the middle – being someone who has healthy dependency… can manage on their own at times and knows they need others, as well.
In recovery, the goal is to allow the pendulum to settle, rather than swing wildly, and arrive at the center of the continuum! (Hmmm…pendulums and continuums…who knew?)
A great way to encourage balance is to listen to trusted friends who are willing to tell you things you might not want to hear. And…get ready to say "Ouch!" because it often hurts…
Fortunately, if you are open to considering the possibility that your trusted friends might be right, you open yourself to the possibility of health and peace of mind in recovery. Doesn't that seem like a healthy trade-off? A little hurt for a lot of healing?
If you were to place yourself on that continuum of self-worth/self-value, where do you think you'd be? No judgment -- Remember, AWARENESS and ACCEPTANCE are critical to recovery, so if you don't admit stuff, you can't change it.

I've felt it myself.....wanting to open a conversation with someone I see & tell them "I understand", etc. Before WLS was even a spark in my mind, I think I would have rejected someone coming out of the clear blue with that brand of dialogue. There is a time and a place, and "cold calling" isn't it.
My time and place was when my next-door neighbor told me that she had a bypass. We were just chit chatting about whatever when she said it, and I was shocked; had NO idea that this woman was ever obese. She didn't tell me as a way to motivate me to do it. She was simply sharing a part of her life. I asked her a ton of questions, and that's what starting ME thinking seriously about it. It took close to a year after that for me to actually go through with it, but that spark ignited something inside of me, and moved me toward taking that step. But, if that comment came from some stranger off the street, I may have been offended. I think, if we're having a casual conversation with someone already, and they mention that they had surgery, that's fine. But out of the clear blue......someone telling you that they understand what you're going through......when they have no idea who you are, is just wrong. IMHO, of course.

We've talked about this subject here many times. Not about people falling, but how we want to pour our heart out to that morbidly obese person in the grocery store on the store supplied electric cart or the heavy breather walking up the steps in the mall.
It's a hard one and we all agree that it's not appropriate to offer unwanted advice. So unfortunate!

A couple of weeks ago I was driving to an appointment and I saw a really large man walking down the street. Because of his size and the near 100 degree temperature, I knew he had to be extremely uncomfortable. As I pulled into my parking place I glanced in my rear view mirror and watched this man trip with a force that propelled him like a rocket to the concrete. I bolted from my car and ran to him...his arm was already bloody.


"Let me help you up". He had salt and pepper hair and perhaps the kindest sky blue eyes I have ever seen.
With a perfect Texas drawl he said "Little lady you're gonna have to pack a little more lead in the rear to help me up!" My heart was breaking for him. I grabbed him by his good arm and we rocked....1, 2, 3, and I pulled with everything I had. No matter how much I wanted to help this man, I couldn't get him off the ground. He explained he was walking to work and I at first got the impression he was trying to get some exercise. I asked him to stay put and I'd get some help and as I ran into the building, there were just a few tiny women and elderly people that could be of no help. By the time I got back out, a man had stopped to help him up. He was hurt....I told him there was a doctor inside, would he please come in? I know he was both surprised and ashamed that I would help him. He chuckled and said he was alright (he wasn't). As he walked out of my sight he said "It's time to go on that diet".
Of course I knew he'd been on hundreds of diets, just like I had. It was the perfect time to have shared my story but yet it wasn't. I wish I had at least gotten his contact information so that maybe my signature on my email would perhaps spark a conversation.
Maybe he didn't have a car and had to go into work anyway for fear of losing his job because of his size. Maybe he couldn't afford to call for an ambulance. So many "maybes". Every day since then I have considered waiting at that parking space to see if I could locate him again. He felt so much embarrassment and I wanted to tell him that I knew there was a perfectly loving man inside trying to get out. I wanted to tell him so many things but most of all that I didn't see him as just a morbidly obese man....that he was just as valid and worthy as anybody and the shell he lived in did not make him "less than".
I fell a few weeks before that and was in extreme pain so I could only imagine what he was dealing with. Tears ran down my face for the rest of the day. Call me silly for wanting to do this but I'm going back to try to find him. I want him to know why I didn't judge him that day.
And why I cried.
p.s. I just added this because I do want everyone to know that I would NEVER give anyone unsolicited advice because I have seen it happen and someone got the response "I've already had WLS". Much like asking a woman if she's pregnant....not until I see the crowning of the baby's head would I ever ask when someone's baby is due. I just wanted to make sure everyone understood that.
*Note- I wrote this in 2011 and reread it the other day. I decided to share it here because the comments left on this blog post were so memorable and heartfelt. If you'd like to read them you can see them here.
I've been back to that same parking spot every month basically at the same time of the day ever since that day. I have unfortunately never found him again. If I ever do, I hope he'll let me take a picture with him so you can see his beautiful blue eyes and the kindest face you could ever imagine.

You Choose: How Easy Do You Want Losing Weight to Be?

Weight loss surgery is a substantial step in the battle to control your weight. It is proof of your long-term commitment to eating better and becoming healthier. Research clearly shows that weight loss surgery can be far more effective for significant long-term weight loss than diet and exercise, so why don’t all weight loss surgery patients achieve their goal weights after weight loss surgery? Why do some people find the journey easier than others, even though both sets of individuals are motivated to follow the weight loss surgery diet?


The big losers do not necessarily have more willpower or desire. The important difference between the big losers and the re-gainers may be how easy they find the journey to be. Surprisingly, you can control a large part of how easy or hard it is to lose weight. The weight loss journey is not just about changing your digestive system through surgery. It is also about changing your entire lifestyle to facilitate weight loss.

Weight Loss Surgery is a Weight Loss Tool, Not a Cure

Weight loss surgery is a tool. It can make you less hungry by reducing the size of your stomach by inserting a band around your stomach (Lap-band), removing the majority of your stomach pouch (vertical sleeve gastrectomy) or folding or stapling away the majority of your stomach pouch (gastric bypass, duodenal switch, and sleeve plication). The vertical sleeve gastrectomy reduces hunger by reducing the amount of ghrelin, a hunger hormone, that your stomach produces. The gastric bypass and duodenal switch reduce nutrient absorption.

All of these surgeries can help you eat less and lose weight, but none of these surgeries are fail-proof. You can “cheat” by eating high-calorie foods, drinking high-calorie beverages, drinking beverages while you eat solid foods, and eating without measuring your portions. Successful weight loss requires good choices on your part, and making good choices is easier if you focus on your entire lifestyle, not just the part of your digestive system that was changed with surgery.

The Influence of Your Surroundings on Your Weight

Think about this scenario. You leave home without breakfast and order a muffin and ice coffee at the drive-through on your way to work. You grab a doughnut at your morning meeting, and go out for lunch with your friends. You order the lunch special with a salad, breadstick, fettuccine alfredo and cheesecake. You nibble on some chocolates from your secretary’s desk as you make your way to the vending machine for a soda in the afternoon. You pick up a pizza on your way home because you know that there is nothing else for dinner.

Now compare it to this second scenario. You wake up early to meet your friend for a walk before you get home for a breakfast of scrambled egg whites and spinach. You drive to work and have yogurt and some fruit at your morning meeting. Lunch with your coworkers consists of a green salad with canned tuna, and you have a hard-boiled egg for your afternoon snack. You are able to get dinner on the table quickly when you get home because you only need to defrost the meals that you prepared earlier in the week.

Which scenario do you think you can help you lose weight? The second one, of course. So why not make it a reality?

Do Your Surroundings Encourage Weight Loss or Weight Gain?

You have battled your weight for years, if not for your entire life before weight loss surgery. In all likelihood, your environment was set up for you to eat. Take a good, hard look at your environment. Is it more like the first scenario or the second one described above? You have the ability to make it more like the second one. Notice the following items from the two scenarios.
Exercise was automatic in the second one because you planned to meet a friend – so you couldn’t back out.
Preparing your dinners ahead of time meant that you could eat quickly without going to a fast food restaurant.
Packing your own snacks meant that you did not have to eat a doughnut in your morning meeting or chocolates in the afternoon.

Make the “Right” Choice Automatic

The fewer tough choices you have, the less likely you are to make poor decisions. Set up your environment so that the healthier actions are easier.

To make healthy eating easier:
Prepare plenty of meals ahead of time so that you always have a ready-to-eat, healthy option to prevent you from opting for take-out.
Throw away the take-out menus that you used to store in the kitchen. The extra time it takes you to look up the phone numbers and menus online may be enough to let you come to your sense and realize that you don’t want fast food.
Keep your kitchen stocked with all kinds of healthy foods, so that no matter your craving, you have a healthy answer.
Do not keep unhealthy foods at home. If they are not there, you cannot eat them.
Make sure that the healthy option is the default option. For example, measure your cheese and cut and wash fruits and vegetables ahead of time so that it is easier to snack on them than on cookies.

Also consider these ideas:
Meet your friends for walks or shopping trips instead of for meals at restaurants.
Park your car a few blocks away from work so that you have no choice but to walk those few blocks again at the end of the day as you leave work.
Do not drive past drive-thrus if they are too tempting. Also, do not keep money in the car, and consider removing your car’s cup holders so that eating in the car is no longer an option.

All weight loss surgery patients have their own struggles. Far from being wimpy, removing these obstacles rather than fighting them is the best way to overcome them. The weight loss journey path will always have speed bumps and potholes, but it will be a lot smoother if you set up your lifestyle to promote better choices all day.

Thank you, Alex!
Without LBT I'm sure I would have been a struggling bandster. I know I have learned more here than any of the other classes I was forced to take.
I've made life long friendships. The support system is unmatched to any other. I know, without a doubt, LBT is the reason for my success. I quit going to my local support group because it was a mixed group of all the WLS and most were LB bashers.Not pleasant!
What I tell anyone who post their introduction here is "Welcome, you are in the right place for knowledge, support and inspiration."
We owe it all to you!
My most heart felt appreciation,
Janet aka Maddysgram, Madds, Maddawg, dawg

I didn't quit- no complications at all. I think I even had a cig on the way too the hospital

Kin d of off topic, but hubby and I sarted smoking eCigs in January and LOVE them. Hubby7's smoked for 17 years and has not had a traditional cig since we got them - I actually get a better hit off my ecig than I did with a regular cig. You guys should give it a go! Our favorites are the Joye eGo-T

Thanks for all the replies. I quit today, I am ready mentally for a change. I have stocked up on Vapor "Cigs" and got me some gum so hopefully I will be able to stay smoke free. Thanks again!

The reason my surgeon gave for quitting was that smokers have reduced wound healing. My surgeon didn't require that I quit prior to surgery and I smoked right up to the night before. As I did before and after others surgeries with no healing problems. However with the Lap Band surgery I also had hiatal hernia repair and after the surgery my diaphragm was so weak I could barely draw in enough breath to speak a couple words, full sentences were impossible and even walking across the room left me breathless. There was absolutley no physical way for me to draw in air the way you need to to inhale cigarette smoke. This lasted at least 5 days, it was a blessing because thanks to that experience the 30th of this month not only brings my 3-year bandiversary but it marks 3 years as a non-smoker. May you have the same fortune!

I smoked before and after. I smoke about 10 a day, not good I know, but it is hard to diet and quit smoking at same time. You will be fine!!! Good luck!

Im a smoker 1 pack a day..I was searching all over the place on the forums to get a little comfort from others that DO smoke and have NOT quit before surgery..I was terrified something would go wrong if I did not quit..I was on a 10 day liquid diet before my surgery, and that was hard enough, there was no way i could get rid of both of my pleasures..smoking and eating..so i worked on the eating part and lost 18 lbs before surgery..my Doc did NOT require his patients to quit smoking before surgery, he did recommend it, but did not demand it..i just told the anasteologist (sp) that i was a smokier (and yes i had a few that morning before i had surgery) and he said he would give me something in my IV to help with any coughing i would have..I had a great surgery experience, I know smoking is totally bad for u, but like i said, I could not give up both eating and smoking before hand..Just try to research all u can and make ur mind at ease, that is what i did..Im all for peoople trying to quit..i do plan on trying to also, but i was not that stong at surgery time..I wish u all the luck in the world with your surgery, and dont let people on these forums freak you out with their comments about smoking (usually the ones that have bad things to say about smoking are NOT smokers and do not know how it is for the ones that do)

It'll be fine. I didn't quit before or after.

Thank you for the reply Becky...I feel much better now that I have decided to go with Dr. Hollis.
Thanks a bunch!!!!!