My mom is dead set on trying to keep me from having this surgery and I am dead set on doing it. She knows a woman at her work who knows someone that died from the surgery. I suspect she is asking the same person everyday at her work and just keeps telling me the same story everytime. I'm going to my one support group requirement tonight and after that I have a nutrition class on the 20th of Jan and only two classes left after January. All nay sayers aside, I can't wait. I have noticed that since I started eating more protein anything sweet I eat makes me nauseous.

Most people seem to be uninformed about a lot of things, but always ready to offer an opinion. Probably the best thing you can do for your relationship with your mother is to be patient with her, and provide information that shows how safe this is. Heck, you can quote me if you want. I had two friends, one of them Mrs. LittleBill's maid of honor, who died from this surgery. But that was many years ago. I might have gone through with this sooner if they hadn't, but I finally got around to it, and I am still here, posting away as I waste away. Things have really improved over the years. You're in more danger going shopping in Chicago.

Yes, I also notice that eating high Protein changes how my taste buds taste other foods. Not necessarily bad, just different. Odd, subtle.

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While it's possible, because there are serious complications and higher risk because of obesity, here's my experience.

In my circle of friends, a person died several years after having some unspecified WLS. (No one really knew WHAT our friend had done, but the person who was with her at the facility was NOT impressed with the surgeon/facility.) She never followed through on the post-op diet plan, and had a number of health issues. She hated that she'd had the surgery, and said she had issues with food intolerance and other problems every since. However, she lost very little weight and like I said had lots of issues. While I haven't seen her medical records, as a nurse I can tell you that it's incredibly unlikely that she died as a result of the surgery, or even its complications.

Another friend of mine lost his sister several years after a gastric bypass. He insists that her health was compromised by the surgery and she never really recovered from it. Again, I don't have access to her records, and didn't socialize with her so I don't even know the extent of her post-op issues, but it's very unlikely that the surgery caused the death that many years out.

I personally know two people who almost died after lap band due to severe infections. I know three people (including one of the ones with the infections) who ate around their bands and were actually worse off from having it.

So I had some friends who had deep concerns about my safety for the surgery. But the sleeve is not the bypass or the band. The bypass can result in some issues with nutrient absorption that can cause long-term health problems if not properly managed, and the lap bands are particularly prone to infection because it leaves a foreign body in the person. The sleeve has a very good safety record. There can be some long-lasting complications, like reflux, but severe complications are not common, and are usually manageable. Also, over time all of the WLS's have become safer because the surgeons learn more about what works and what doesn't. Once I educated them about the difference between the surgeries and the safety record of the sleeve, they quit trying to scare me out of it, and have been very supportive.

My sister had the sleeve several years ago, and then had some complications with the skin surgeries. She also tends to go on and on at length about things with everyone who will listen, so everyone in the family has been subject to her monologues about food and diet and the surgery. So my parents had concerns about the complications, not realizing that her complications were actually from the skin surgeries. And they were worried that I would become "no fun" to have dinner with anymore. Once I cleared up the confusion about her surgical complications, and assured them that I have no reason to lecture anyone about what I'm eating or why or to police their eating, they dropped it.

My dad also didn't understand why I couldn't just quit eating stuff that's bad for me, and exercise. He was able to drop his excess weight (about 50#) that way and keep it off, because he's a very disciplined sort. Once I showed him the new science about set point and the pressures and drives the hormone system does to keep the weight on, and the evidence that the surgery re-sets the set point and blocks many of the hormone drives, he understood why I was doing it.

Bottom line, you are doing this for YOU, and for your health. If you and your team are good with the plan, ultimately that's all that matters. You can try to educate people, because many times their concerns or objections are based in things they've heard that aren't quite right. But don't let them get you off track or convince you not to do what you and your medical team have decided is in your best interests.

Yes I could easily get shot in Chicago quicker than getting this surgery. When I tell her to read up on it she wants nothing to do with it, she just wants me to change my mind and I'm almost done I'm not backing down. I even have a have a friend go to surgery with me she says she wants no part of it.

@@pvechiola

You are very determined to have surgery and I support that decision 100%. I am so confused on why you would be negative towards the 28 year old on a previous thread who also wanted it. You suggested diet and exercise yet you get frustrated when people suggest alternatives to you.

Thoughts?

At 55, you are well beyond needing your mother's approval. We never stop wanting it, but we sure as heck don't need it. Maybe just stop discussing it with her.

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sure people have died from it. People have also died having their tonsils taken out. But in both cases, it is SO rare. This has really become a routine surgery and they've made so many advances over the years that the mortality rate is now something like 0.3% from bypass, and even lower for sleeve. That's lower than hip replacement surgery. On the scale of surgery safety, this rates as one of the safest.

She's basing her concerns on fears, not facts. There is a personal anecdote out there about someone dying from almost every medical or dental procedure, every medicine or vaccine, or simply from a fluke. The fact of risk isn't nearly as relevant as the probable chance of it. Modern-day WLS has a low rate of mortality or serious complication. You should absolutely understand those risks, but you also have to think about the risks of not finding a long-term solution to obesity. Insurance companies wouldn't provide coverage for WLS if there wasn't substantial proof of efficacy, and if the benefit didn't outweigh the risks.

You could show your mom data from reliable sources about the low risk of the surgery and the effectiveness of it. Or just simply try to guide conversations off of surgery as much as possible and focus on other topics. You can't let the opinions of others stop you from doing what it prudent for your own life.

<------- Uninformed.

This is why I didn't tell anyone but my husband and kids what I was going to do.

@@pvechiola

You are very determined to have surgery and I support that decision 100%. I am so confused on why you would be negative towards the 28 year old on a previous thread who also wanted it. You suggested diet and exercise yet you get frustrated when people suggest alternatives to you.

Thoughts?

I wasn't meaning to sound negative I just wanted her to be sure she tried every other way because she is only 28, but I stand corrected because I was new to these forums and there is alot of younger women wanting this surgery. I was more or less thinking of how easy it was for me to lose weight at 28. Everyone's different, I didn't have a problem loosing weight. I quit doing drugs and after ten years I seem to know have a food addiction. So I definitely wasn't trying to come across to her as negative, because I know how it feels to have people put you down.

sure people have died from it. People have also died having their tonsils taken out. But in both cases, it is SO rare. This has really become a routine surgery and they've made so many advances over the years that the mortality rate is now something like 0.3% from bypass, and even lower for sleeve. That's lower than hip replacement surgery. On the scale of surgery safety, this rates as one of the safest.

Thank you that's what I said

Most of us have been in your shoes (get ready to buy more shoes, when you get little...your feet will too!) before and we've had to shut them up in our minds...they just keep at it. Anyway, you know what you want for yourself and how you choose to go about it is your business. WLS has come a long way since the days of patients dying on the table - let that be the least of your fears, you'll be just fine. As you become the butterfly within, those naysayers will still say "you didn't need it" but you keep on shedding that cocoon anyway. We are your support group, we've been where you are and have had the same fears and reactions, don't let it get to you. Come here and be reassured whenever you need to.

Yes, I also notice that eating high Protein changes how my taste buds taste other foods. Not necessarily bad, just different. Odd, subtle.

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It's like when you eat protein you just don't have such a craving for sweets

She's basing her concerns on fears, not facts. There is a personal anecdote out there about someone dying from almost every medical or dental procedure, every medicine or vaccine, or simply from a fluke. The fact of risk isn't nearly as relevant as the probable chance of it. Modern-day WLS has a low rate of mortality or serious complication. You should absolutely understand those risks, but you also have to think about the risks of not finding a long-term solution to obesity. Insurance companies wouldn't provide coverage for WLS if there wasn't substantial proof of efficacy, and if the benefit didn't outweigh the risks.

You could show your mom data from reliable sources about the low risk of the surgery and the effectiveness of it. Or just simply try to guide conversations off of surgery as much as possible and focus on other topics. You can't let the opinions of others stop you from doing what it prudent for your own life.