DSDS

Hello! I am one week post-op, Lap-Band to RNY, with a surprise hiatal hernia repair as an added bonus. When I'm anxious, I prepare. So I prepared lists of foods to have during each stage, lists of things to bring with me to the hospital, lists of things to have on hand upon my return. But I also did a lot of reading about others' experiences, and I took care to read messages from the same people right after surgery and then months on. I am SO glad I did. Over and over, I'd read, from the just post-surgical, "What have I done?!" And then weeks or months later, from those same people, "I am so glad I did this." I made a note to myself (a physical note) to expect to feel regret amid the pain and discomfort and to keep in mind that it would almost certainly pass. There were a couple of days last week where I would have given a limb to rewind to the week before surgery. Those were some VERY challenging times. But one of my comforts and the thing that kept me thinking forward was that note. There isn't anything that's been more valuable than the lived experience of those who've come before. At this point, at the very beginning of this, the knowledge that things will look very different in a few days, a few weeks, and a few months, is the best thing I have. So, thank you, so much, to those who share their lives. And for those yet to have surgery, I hope you find that bit of knowledge as important and comforting as I did -- and do.

Oops, I just noticed that this isn't an option right now. Sorry about that!

I hear that! I'm a woman married to a woman, too. I wish I had more concrete wisdom to offer, but my situation isn't exactly like yours. I'm having Lap-Band-to-gastric bypass revision surgery sometime in 4-6 weeks and my wife isn't -- because she is not overweight. However, I've become aware of relationship problems that can arise when one spouse has a drastic lifestyle change and the other does not, and that's something my wife and I have discussed at length. My marriage is wonderful and extremely valuable to me. Re: smoking and surgery: my surgeon does not perform surgery on smokers, but I was one until just a few months ago. A 2- or 10-year period of cessation isn't universal, then, clearly. Is there another surgeon your wife could consult, if still interested in pursuing surgery? If it indeed happens, though, that you have surgery and she does not, you are wise to think now about what the future might look like and proactive in talking to the program psychologist about it. None of these things are beyond your (plural "your") control, but you probably will need to do some hard work and thinking. What will it be like if there's envy of what you're able to accomplish? What will it be like if you enjoy living in a more healthy manner and aren't able to maintain respect if your spouse, without this super helpful tool, isn't able to keep up? Will there be tension if you have more energy and want to do new and different things, going out more, trying new activities, etc.? Being able to be really honest about bad feelings can go a long way toward protecting against their effects. The best to you!

@Seerae3 mentioned their "spouse," NOT their "husband."