My spouse and I both got referrals for bariatric surgery within a month or so of one another ( I was first, then my spouse). We have worked through all the preliminary steps together and it's been a real comfort having someone I love and trust by my side for all the steps so far. I was looking forward to us doing this whole adventure together, getting healthy together and we had already talked about things we wanted to do once we got this weight off. Friday my spouse had a pre-surgery consult with the surgeon and the surgeon did not recommend any surgery options for my spouse due to smoking history and severe GERD. I am disappointed but I am still moving forward with my surgery. I am worried that the changes my spouse has made will fall away and this disappointment will be a set back to a new healthy life. Does anyway have any advice or are you in a relationship where one of you has had surgery and lost weight and your spouse is still obese? I'm just worried that this will negatively impact out relationship. I have requested an additional appointment with the psychologist in my program to address my concerns.

thank you

Could you share more about the reason your husband is not approved? GERD is often fixed with bypass, so I'm surprised that would be a reason not to do bypass.

And about smoking, has your husband considered quitting smoking? My surgeon was very strict that he does not do surgery on smokers. But he would if someone had quit.

That's sad news, but maybe it's not the end of the road. You can always try a second opinion. I switched surgeons midway, so don't give up hope.

HW 310 SW 299 CW 267

I had gastric bypass and it resolved my GERD. Has your husband considered getting a 2nd opinion with another bariatric surgeon?

The reasons the surgeon gave against RNY was that the risk of ulcers is extremely high and could be life threatening in someone who is a smoker, my spouse quit about 6 weeks ago in prep for surgery, the surgeon said they like to have someone quit smoking at least 10 years before they would consider RNY. And the bypass was questionable because of the severe GERD, the surgeon reported that with GERD the chances after bypass of it getting worse is about 50/50, so he didn't recommend it but would go forward if that's what we wanted (with further testing like endoscopy and looking for a potential hernia).

My surgeon said must be quit for 2 years on her program. Why not do it in Mexico as self pay, with an RNY and your spouse DEF quitting smoking?

Also, the surgeon said RNY would/should eliminate GERD since no stomach acid will be going into the esophagus and the part of the tummy making the acid no longer has access to the new pouch and esophagus. (The remnant will still make acid and they can't monitor it with an EGD any longer, but why not use PPIs for life?)

Edited October 8, 20178 yr by FluffyChix

It is disturbing to hear a surgeon say a bypass has a 50 percent chance of making GERD worse. From everything I've read, it's simply not true. A bypass usually fixes GERD, and in a very small percentage it doesn't.. like 5%?

You can look around for more info. As for the smoking, I really couldn't say.

But, if he isn't a surgical candidate, maybe he can still join you in a lifestyle improvement. My hubby did just that. He started when I was 3 months postop, and has been working hard at improving his diet. He has lost about 40lbs in 3 months!

The first surgeon I approached said no because I'd had other abdominal surgery in the past and there would be adhesions. When I met the second one I was so glad the first one declined! My surgery was massive I did have adhesions my liver and spleen were fused together and both fused to the stomach. He spent 2.5 hours just separating them then discovered I had a hiatus hernia and repaired that and removed the damaged part of the stomach 6.5 hours. Before it I had a gastroscopy a colonoscopy a heart ECG and Echo. He left nothing to chance. It worked out beautifully. I would definitely get another opinion and if they decline maybe try something less invasive like the balloon until he's at a safer weight. I was close to 400lbs

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Have your husband wait 6 months of not smoking. I would change surgeons and have them do an endoscopy on your husband to see what his stomach looks like.

If still no approval - get a loan for surgery in Mexico.

@Seerae3 mentioned their "spouse," NOT their "husband."

Hmm.. yeah, you're right! Guess we tend to put people in our own shoes when trying to imagine their situation...

To the OP, sorry if I made assumptions...

On 10/8/2017 at 6:56 PM, Berry78 said:

It is disturbing to hear a surgeon say a bypass has a 50 percent chance of making GERD worse. From everything I've read, it's simply not true. A bypass usually fixes GERD, and in a very small percentage it doesn't.. like 5%?

You can look around for more info. As for the smoking, I really couldn't say.

But, if he isn't a surgical candidate, maybe he can still join you in a lifestyle improvement. My hubby did just that. He started when I was 3 months postop, and has been working hard at improving his diet. He has lost about 40lbs in 3 months!

Sorry I mistyped, the surgeon said the sleeve would be a 50/50 outcome of making the GERD worse.

18 hours ago, DSDS said:

@Seerae3 mentioned their "spouse," NOT their "husband."

Thank you, yes my spouse is a woman. We are wives. I typically use generic/neutral terms when posting in forums. Not everyone is accepting and I'm not here to fire up any grand debates, just trying to get advice. Thanks!

My wife is not open to a second opinion at this time, we have Kaiser and it's kind of a united front with their team of surgeons. Mexico is out of the question, too risky in our minds. I think my main concern at this point is not how to get her surgery done but how do we move forward together when I'm the only one having surgery. I don't want us to fall into the " high rate of divorce after weight loss surgery "crowd. We have a great relationship, really open and good communication so we've already talked a lot about it, I'm just looking for any insight from people who've been in similar circumstances. Thank you all so much!

Yes, it might be different with 2 females where one is getting healthy and losing and the other isn't committed "as much." That's a broad general term/concept. Truthfully, it might have no bearing. Can't say. I can say that my partner (male) has no interest in surgery for himself, but is supportive of mine. He is however, committed to becoming healthy and losing weight. He's a T2 and so we're working really hard to reduce his BGs and A1c. While I've been doing my healthy prep for surgery, he's been doing it too. Cuz you know...I cook. So if Mama's on a diet, ain't nobody, nowhere, nohow, not eating the same thang. Even though he's been far less vigilant (and does have small servings of rice and potatoes when he's at a business lunch, he's still lost about 30lbs to my 50lbs. I still outweigh him by 10lbs and could snap him like a twig if I had half a mind to, but he's happily going along on the healthy train. No reason your wife can't too? She will get healthy by proxy if she's has commitment. (pssst, she may still be in the grips of a junkie situation with the smoking...that monkey is hard to pry off your back--and that could be contributing to her WLS decision tree)

Yes, the sleeve does pose high risk when it comes to GERD.

And a bypass is high risk in a smoker.

Let's hope y'all can be a team, regardless of surgical status.

5 hours ago, Seerae3 said:

Thank you, yes my spouse is a woman. We are wives. I typically use generic/neutral terms when posting in forums. Not everyone is accepting and I'm not here to fire up any grand debates, just trying to get advice. Thanks!

I hear that! I'm a woman married to a woman, too.

I wish I had more concrete wisdom to offer, but my situation isn't exactly like yours. I'm having Lap-Band-to-gastric bypass revision surgery sometime in 4-6 weeks and my wife isn't -- because she is not overweight. However, I've become aware of relationship problems that can arise when one spouse has a drastic lifestyle change and the other does not, and that's something my wife and I have discussed at length. My marriage is wonderful and extremely valuable to me.

Re: smoking and surgery: my surgeon does not perform surgery on smokers, but I was one until just a few months ago. A 2- or 10-year period of cessation isn't universal, then, clearly. Is there another surgeon your wife could consult, if still interested in pursuing surgery?

If it indeed happens, though, that you have surgery and she does not, you are wise to think now about what the future might look like and proactive in talking to the program psychologist about it. None of these things are beyond your (plural "your") control, but you probably will need to do some hard work and thinking. What will it be like if there's envy of what you're able to accomplish? What will it be like if you enjoy living in a more healthy manner and aren't able to maintain respect if your spouse, without this super helpful tool, isn't able to keep up? Will there be tension if you have more energy and want to do new and different things, going out more, trying new activities, etc.? Being able to be really honest about bad feelings can go a long way toward protecting against their effects.

The best to you!