My spouse and I both got referrals for bariatric surgery within a month or so of one another ( I was first, then my spouse). We have worked through all the preliminary steps together and it's been a real comfort having someone I love and trust by my side for all the steps so far. I was looking forward to us doing this whole adventure together, getting healthy together and we had already talked about things we wanted to do once we got this weight off. Friday my spouse had a pre-surgery consult with the surgeon and the surgeon did not recommend any surgery options for my spouse due to smoking history and severe GERD. I am disappointed but I am still moving forward with my surgery. I am worried that the changes my spouse has made will fall away and this disappointment will be a set back to a new healthy life. Does anyway have any advice or are you in a relationship where one of you has had surgery and lost weight and your spouse is still obese? I'm just worried that this will negatively impact out relationship. I have requested an additional appointment with the psychologist in my program to address my concerns.

thank you

Just now, DSDS said:

A 2- or 10-year period of cessation isn't universal, then, clearly. Is there another surgeon your wife could consult, if still interested in pursuing surgery?

Oops, I just noticed that this isn't an option right now. Sorry about that!

I had the sleeve. My husband is obese. He has lost alot of weight along with me and together we make better choices. What he does when I'm not with him, I cannot control but none of us are perfect anyway.

Sorry I mistyped, the surgeon said the sleeve would be a 50/50 outcome of making the GERD worse.

I never had issues before surgery. But I work 12-14 hr shifts. I found if I eat shortly before going to bed I'm in trouble. I actually woke up choking on acid that came up into my mouth. As long as I don't eat within an hour of lying down I'm ok though.

Thank you all for your comments and insight, I truly appreciate all of it. I have an extra psychology appointment next week already scheduled and my wife and I continue to talk about things as they pop up. We're planning on sticking to a paleo keto style diet after surgery so by proxy she'll be eating more healthy. I am the cook in our family so like another person said, if I'm on a diet everyone else is too!

3 hours ago, Seerae3 said:

I am the cook in our family so like another person said, if I'm on a diet everyone else is too!

Hehehe, payback's a b***h!

I hear that! I'm a woman married to a woman, too.

I wish I had more concrete wisdom to offer, but my situation isn't exactly like yours. I'm having Lap-Band-to-gastric bypass revision surgery sometime in 4-6 weeks and my wife isn't -- because she is not overweight. However, I've become aware of relationship problems that can arise when one spouse has a drastic lifestyle change and the other does not, and that's something my wife and I have discussed at length. My marriage is wonderful and extremely valuable to me.

Re: smoking and surgery: my surgeon does not perform surgery on smokers, but I was one until just a few months ago. A 2- or 10-year period of cessation isn't universal, then, clearly. Is there another surgeon your wife could consult, if still interested in pursuing surgery?

If it indeed happens, though, that you have surgery and she does not, you are wise to think now about what the future might look like and proactive in talking to the program psychologist about it. None of these things are beyond your (plural "your") control, but you probably will need to do some hard work and thinking. What will it be like if there's envy of what you're able to accomplish? What will it be like if you enjoy living in a more healthy manner and aren't able to maintain respect if your spouse, without this super helpful tool, isn't able to keep up? Will there be tension if you have more energy and want to do new and different things, going out more, trying new activities, etc.? Being able to be really honest about bad feelings can go a long way toward protecting against their effects.

The best to you!

Just saw this thread... I have a wife as well! I just had bypass surgery 2 days ago and my wife is scheduled for 11/20. We had a bit of arguing at first over who would go first, over cheating on the liquid preop diet... lol. But glad that we will be there in the same boat with each other, knowing what's going on from first hand experience and being each other's accountability partner. I know if we weren't both doing this... we would have serious problems in our relationship! There would be a lot of fighting. Sad but probably true in my case.

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Hehehe, payback's a b***h! [emoji4]

LOL [emoji1]

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It's not the gerd that stopped the surgery it is the smoking. When you smoke it slows down healing. Keep on your journey to a healthier you and hopefully your partner will quit smoking and be able to qualify in 6 months. Don't sacrifice your health for anyone. Life is a gift and you need to embrace it.