Background: I am 49, 5'5" and 227lbs. I have type II diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol, sleep apnea and depression. I have completed 4 months of the 6 month required by insurance, weight loss attempt. I have dieted before and got to 190 lbs but it never lasts. I get discouraged and give up. I've been married five years. My husband is 6' and 175lb. His weight has not changed in five years!

On an impulse I went to True Results one day and checked out lapband surgery. I like the idea and want to get approved for insurance to cover the procedure. Since it was an impulse I didnt discuss this with Dan first.

After two months of appointments, Dan said he would rather put the money needed for surgery into a patio. I didn't comment since I wasn't entirely sure if I would want the band.

I just signed up for a gym membership with a personal trainer for 30 mins. 1 time per week. The trainer is concerned about the surgery having seen many complications from the band when he worked in a hospital.

At this point I am still keeping an open mind regarding all solutions and have started to try to lose weight. I was afraid if I lost much weight the insurance wouldn't cover the surgery, but I am ready to lose weight and feel it is in my best interest to at least try right now.

So last night I was telling Dan about the first meeting with personal trainer and how trainer is advising against the band and Dan said, again.... he would rather spend the money on the patio than a lapband for me.

I figure my out of pocket cost will be in the $2300 range and I have $1500 in flexible spending available. I feel like he is being a selfish b*st*rd but wonder am I really the selfish one?

And a typo poster too! Bouncey car ride doesn't help me to type !

Your life and health are more important. What good is a patio if your not around to use it. Think of yourself for once. Good luck whatever you decide

RwSample - once you start to lose weight, and begin to look and feel better about yourself, your self worth will improve. There is something very empowering about taking control of our life, no matter what the obstacles. Many times, when we feel bad about ourselves, we pull people into our lives that validate those feelings. I have a feeling that is ALL about to change for you.

Time will tell about your marriage. Just focus on you; have the surgery, drop some weight & get healthy. In time, all else will become clear