Things People Pass Off For Compliments and Things Skinny People Say That Piss You Off

[coolcrystal 1]

Without getting into the little snippyfest you are having fun with :thumbup:, I think you have a good point. Many of us ARE overly sensitive to comments about our weight and take genuine compliments in the wrong way, because we read our own self-esteem issues into other people's words. For example, many many people find the "you have such a pretty face" compliment to be a subtle insult because they automatically fill in the blank afterwards with "...for such fattie!" This is partly their own insecurities and partly the truth that they don't want to face! Just look at the thousands of comments in the before and after pics thread. Losing weight DOES make most of us look more attractive - that's half the reason we want to do it! Comments like "you are really attractive and if you'd lose the weight, you'd be stunning!" might be hard to hear, but let's face it - it is true, isn't it?

I think most of the time when people give compliments like that, they are trying to focus on the positives without commenting on the obvious negatives. That doesn't always work, because we are so aware of and sensitive to the negatives that we add them even when they haven't been said. Sure, some people are really tactless with how they say it, but for many of us, it doesn't take a great deal to reduce a genuine compliment to an insult in our own minds.

Thank you :-) Just to share a little story... at my wedding two of my very best friends, who happen to be roughly 350 lbs were sitting diagonal from my mother. (My mother is about 130 lbs.) After the dinner my friend came up to me and said that my mom was staring at her periodically "probably because I'm fat" and "watching every bite I was putting into my mouth" and how embarrassed she was to even eat the food because my mother was looking at her. But, when I asked my mother about it she said, "are you talking about the pretty lady with the dark hair? she looked like my best friend in highschool so I kept looking at her face to see if it was her". (They are just a few years apart).

My friend was just paranoid and passing her paranoia off on my mother. I hear a lot of my plus sized friends saying that people stare at them or give them dirty looks, but we never know what is going on in people's heads. It could be negative, or it could be positive.

When I look through this site I see these beautiful women, the folks just starting their weight loss journey, and the folks who've met it.. I grow to know them, adore them, respect them and a few are annoying, but even the annoying ones (like me!) have heart and they have points to make.. but most of all, we have gone/are going through the same thing with our bands and that bonds us.

Nobody is perfect... some people don't know how to say things, me included.. and some blow smoke up our asses... but we are all human. Now, there are mean folks out there, big and little, who will say the most horrific things.... and I'm definitely not making excuses for those kinds. :eek:

Jachut - THANKS!!

[alv2008 0]

My brother and my dad always used to tell me that I would be so much prettier if I just lost weight. I used to really let it get to me and it would depress me for days....then I decided to have weight loss surgery and stuck them with the bill. It doesn't make it right, but I secretly enjoyed watching them fork over thousands of dollars.

Fortunately, I realize that I'm pretty regardless and my ultimate goal is to be able to wear some small, expensive jeans, run a marathon and live longer because I'm healthy.

[bandster_1007 1]

my dh has said things to the effect that i would look better if i lost weight, but that i am beautiful now. he loves me the way i am, but it does not hurt my feelings, and he does not say it in a hurtful way, when he does say it. but it is the truth. he will say things like, god i hope that beautiful big butt of yours doesn't go away when you lose weight, but it will show up so much better when you lose some weight in your thighs..then i will be fighting off the men..

..doesn't hurt my feelings, it is the truth. if he were trying to be mean, it would.

when people say i have a beautiful face, i accept it as a compliment, i know i don't have a beautiful body in a stereotypical way, so i don't expect them to say that i do, because i would think they were lieing. truthfully people said it that way to me when i was thin..i think they are truly just thinking about your face at the moment.

but i haven't had people do some of the horrific things that other people on here talk about.

however, i did go into vs not too long ago. i am heavy, but i am not too heavy for their bra's etc. however, i went in there wanting to be fitted for a bra and to purchase one. i waited for someone to volunteer to help me and no one did. they helped everyone around me, but not once did they offer to help me. i left.

i don't know if they didn't help me because i was fat, or because i was dressed really down that day with little makeup and didn't look like a woman who really cares about theirselves or their underwear...lol..i got tricked into going to the mall, so i was really dressed for home, but once there i wanted a bra. i haven't been back.

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,281]

Thank you :-) Just to share a little story... at my wedding two of my very best friends, who happen to be roughly 350 lbs were sitting diagonal from my mother. (My mother is about 130 lbs.) After the dinner my friend came up to me and said that my mom was staring at her periodically "probably because I'm fat" and "watching every bite I was putting into my mouth" and how embarrassed she was to even eat the food because my mother was looking at her. But, when I asked my mother about it she said, "are you talking about the pretty lady with the dark hair? she looked like my best friend in highschool so I kept looking at her face to see if it was her". (They are just a few years apart).

My friend was just paranoid and passing her paranoia off on my mother. I hear a lot of my plus sized friends saying that people stare at them or give them dirty looks, but we never know what is going on in people's heads. It could be negative, or it could be positive.

When I look through this site I see these beautiful women, the folks just starting their weight loss journey, and the folks who've met it.. I grow to know them, adore them, respect them and a few are annoying, but even the annoying ones (like me!) have heart and they have points to make.. but most of all, we have gone/are going through the same thing with our bands and that bonds us.

Nobody is perfect... some people don't know how to say things, me included.. and some blow smoke up our asses... but we are all human. Now, there are mean folks out there, big and little, who will say the most horrific things.... and I'm definitely not making excuses for those kinds. :thumbup:

Jachut - THANKS!!

Well said and I agree with both sides to an extent. I'm more along the lines of ANYONE, big or small who say hurtful things about someone's weight, big or small. It's wrong on both accounts.

I have been both, big and small. When I was thin I used to get teased, I think even more than I did when I was larger. As for the naming of this thread, it never really meant that much to me as I didn't name it. I never tried to analyze that, but the discussion however has been good for the most part.

I personally have never been offended by someone telling me I had a pretty face, because I've always been told that, big or small. But when you hear of people outright being humiliated in front of others, i.e. Cerrin and the screws being thrown at her then you just have to give support. That is what we are ALL here for - again, big or small, whatever the circumstance.

[bandster_1007 1]

"I personally have never been offended by someone telling me I had a pretty face, because I've always been told that, big or small. But when you hear of people outright being humiliated in front of others, i.e. Cerrin and the screws being thrown at her then you just have to give support. That is what we are ALL here for - again, big or small, whatever the circumstance"--Lillmiss

i have to agree, what they did was pure torment and bullying. not to mention very juvenile. i would not have been able to handle that.

[XX BeGone 0]

I have also been told the pretty face thing... One time this guy i was dating said "you'd be so hot if you lost some weight" Of course I was young and insecure, so I didn't say anything, but that hurt.

My grandmother would always tell me that I need to loose weight, and if I ever planned on going to see our family in Italy I need to loose - she always made me feel bad about my self in the weight dept, yet liket the Italian she is, 5mins later she is putting food in my face!! Funny thing is now today at 200 lbs my grandmother thinks I look great and when I told her I need to loose 50 more pounds, she tells me very seriously that I don't need to, I'll be too skinny. LOL - I love my grandma!

Just the other day I had a friend over and she was looking at one of my BIG pictures and she kept saying DANG!! DANG!! I didn't know you were that big... you were HUGE!! - this is comming from a 5ft nothing overweight girl herself. But took it as a compliment anyway. :smile2:)

OH - one time when I was walking down the street when I was 18 some guys in a truck decide they would "MOO" at me - that sucked, and then I was 200lbs.

One insult-hidden compliment I am looking forward someday is some stranger getting so mad at me yelling out "Skinny B*%@H" :tongue2:) That will be the day I laugh and say THANK YOU!!

[Tyler883 0]

I was nicknamed "newman" from the Jerry Seinfield show.

I was also nicknamed "Norm" from Cheers.

Why couldn't I have been "John Candy" or "Drew Cary"? I like them.

but personally, It pisses me off to no end when someone says "Hey, Boss...."

[Cerrin 3]

Thanks everyone for the support. It is nice to know that I am not the only one that takes things people say wrong. My mom always tried to tell me not to be so sensitive. but it is something I just cant control.

So I usualy dont complain out loud it is nice that I can come here and let it out without being judged...too much. lol

[Tyler883 0]

the rudest comment I've ever heard was when I was in the bar with a group of employees.

One of the guys said to the overweight lady next to me...."having sex with you must be like stuffing a turkey."

I didn't laugh that one off. I lost my temper and just about punched the guy out before leaving.

She and I both got an apology on Monday morning, I believe it was sincere, but it will be a hard one to forget and forgive. Time will tell.

[singingkim 0]

I had a crush on a guy in college and we were dance partners at all the clubs (swing dance and country dancing). He once told me I was the "perfect woman" if only I weren't so fat. Nevermind I am smart, funny, a great dancer...he just couldn't get over my extra pounds!

Well, I wish he could see me now!!!

[Chrisann 0]

You know when you are a kid and you get into an argument that turns into insults? The most famous response to an insult that I am known for, and now get reminded for is:

I may be fat, but I can always lose the weight, you will always be ugly.

[alv2008 0]

I've used a similar response to being called fat.....

I may be fat, but I can lose weight....you'll always be an a$$hole (insert terrible character trait).

I've had people make comments about my weight for no reason. I was walking to my car in a parking lot and some guys were yelling things like, "Lard a$$", etc. I don't mind when people I know make comments about my weight. It's the strangers that I've never spoken to, never met before and will probably never see again who get to me because I think that they are seeing me as the rest of the world full of strangers sees me. Friends and family look past your outside and love you for who you are, not what you are. In my mind, the insults from the strangers hurt more because I feel like they are telling me the truth because why would they need to sugarcoat anything to protect my feelings. Does that make sense?

[neverB4 2]

My HS sweetheart, turned fiance, broke our wedding 3mos before our date. Never could give a straight-up reason...DAH..dummy me!........

My sis and I were riding in my little red Nissan Pulsar when a bunch of girls turned the corner, started hackling and I could hear one say..."My G...look at that fat lady in that little car!" My sis heard but said nothing to me for encouragement. She was honestly speechless because she's such a dear heart. I wasn't, I was used to comments like that.

Just this Mother's day weekend, my mom's aunt meets my 13yr old daughter...her first comment.."well, she's a big one like you too"

I', glad my Rachel's nowhere as big as I was at her age!!

[Erink 0]

I've got three.

A few years ago we were in Hawaii and the hotel "Do Not disturbe sign had a fat Hawaiian man in a hammock sleeping. My 3 1/2 year old daughter saw it and said, "He is fat." Never having heard her recognize fat before, I asked her what it meant. She said he had a really big tummy. I then showed her that I had a big tummy and asked if that meant I was fat, and she said, "No, only boys can be FAT!"

The other was when I was 15 years old visiting my older sister in her college apartment for the day. She had a women landlord from Jamaica (Rather large herself.) My sister said to her landlord, this is my sister Erin, the landlord exclaimed, "My, she is a fat one!" I almost died. I was only 15. Now I laugh about it whenever I think if it.

One more - this is sad. My son was three years aold and we were watching TV one night and he said to me out of the blue, I don't want to you be a fat Mommy anymore. I broke down in tears trying to hide them. I asked him if any of his preschool friends had said I was fat, and he said no. Then he climed up on me and said but I love you so much Mommy.

[j_war06 0]

I agree with alv2008. Strangers always get me down, I feel as though my friends and family are obligated and caring enough to love me no matter what size I am...but I feel like those 2 strangers judging me are seeing me how the whole world sees me. Its like my family and friends see through rose-colored glasses, and the rest of the world has 20/20 lol! Im better about it though now, than I was when I started this thread. Sure, Ive become meaner...but only to the people who are mean to me first. I know thats immature, but it makes me feel better lol!!

Oh, BTW....dont you love your rail-thin friends who complain CONSTANTLY about not being able to gain weight OR even better, those who continue to tell YOU of all people, how they are afraid of being fat...yeah...people should have common sense.

I dont complain to my friends about being overweight, and I expect them not to complain about them being too skinny and stuff like that...and most dont...just those few dummies out there. Like Im really going to be sympathetic to you. Its just hard for me to be, because thats all I ever wanted and they are complaining about it. My BFF doesnt wish she was any bigger than she is, she just wishes she had a bigger butt...those comments are fine to me...but it just bothers me when others say stupid things....its like they are trying to make you feel better somehow??? I dont know...thats my rant for now...