I have a 8 year old stepdaughter that lives with us half the time. She is 4'7" and weighs 113lbs. (Hubby and I have only been married a year so I'm still adjusting to my new role.) I've expressed a huge concern about her weight at such a young age. We've discussed it with her mother but she feels like we are making a mountain out of a mole hill. (We don't discuss it with the daughter, just me, hubby, and her mom.)

I wonder if I am not overly sensitive and reactive to it because of the way I grew up being fat. I want so badly to "fix" this in my stepdaughter so she won't have to deal with all of the cruelness that comes with being overweight. I've always sworn that I would NEVER let my kids get too big.

Do you think I worry about it more than I should? In a way I feel like a hypocrite because I am trying to help control her portion sizes and food choices and exercise and then I look at myself. I didn't do a very good job of those things pre-band.

The last thing I want to do is make her self-conscious about her weight and expose her to eating disorders and low self-esteem. But how do you get it under control with a delicate touch?

My son is almost 6, weighs 44.5 pounds and is about 46 inches tall. He is skinny. Interestingly, he was a big honkin' baby--10-9 and I worried that he would be big like me--however, he eats like my husband does--sort of grazes "good stuff" all day long, and stays busy, like most little boys, so I guess that is why he isn't overweight.

I really thought he would be......

My 12 year old is obsese. She is currently on a "program" at the Tufts-NEMC, the same hospital I had my surgery. They want her to lose SLOW. She is like me, she lost 7 lbs the 1st month, we missed her next appt, then she gained 10 lbs. Its all about what we have in the house and size portions. We have begun measuring our portions. I couldnt believe the cereal portions. I think I was pouring the equivalant of 4 servings into the bowl in the AM. We are back on track this month!!

I am hoping that as I get closer to her size she will try harder to lose weight herself. The worst part is that she isnt bothered by her size....She doesnt really care if she loses weight. Well I guess her psychologist will help her with that.

Patty

Fortunately, I am the ONLY one with a weight problem in my household...except the dog. I have a slim 10 and 16 year old. I vowed to myself that I would make food a nonissue in my childrens lives. My son has been the finicky eater, but along with age he has added a variety of foods. They both eat and when they are full simply quit. I never say "clean your plate" or "would you like seconds" or even that "I am on a diet." I've always admired then both as if they have a cookie and are full, they can take a bite and not pop the whole thing in their mouth.

I am grateful that my kids don't live to eat. I am sad that I do.

Shawn

Hi..

I have three children... 22, 19 and 10... they are all very thin... who knew...

I was always worried about them when they were younger.. I always had a weight problem.. I never forced them to eat.. when dinner was ready.. if they didn't want it or weren' t hungry I didn't make them eat.. they ate when they were hungry.. today.. they still eat when they are hungry.. I don't know if its because of they way I brought them up or just a fluke... my youngest was really big as a baby.. but we found out that was because of a problem with his pituartary gland.. (he has CP).. he had to have a feeding tube inserted in November because he was really under weight.. (46lbs @10)

Only time will tell if they will follow their mom... ttfn

Patty-

My Daughter is obese and she is 10yrs old...It is a tremendous concern of mine...She is like your daughter she doesn't want to be that way but it doesn't seem to bother her like I think it should. What kind of program is your child on? Is it something that could be in my city? I am afraid I will go past her in weight and size and she will hold a little resent in that area...

Vicky

My 12 year old is obsese. She is currently on a "program" at the Tufts-NEMC, the same hospital I had my surgery. They want her to lose SLOW. She is like me, she lost 7 lbs the 1st month, we missed her next appt, then she gained 10 lbs. Its all about what we have in the house and size portions. We have begun measuring our portions. I couldnt believe the Cereal portions. I think I was pouring the equivalant of 4 servings into the bowl in the AM. We are back on track this month!!

I am hoping that as I get closer to her size she will try harder to lose weight herself. The worst part is that she isnt bothered by her size....She doesnt really care if she loses weight. Well I guess her psychologist will help her with that.

Patty

I have 4 kids 12 (91 lbs), 10 (65 lbs.), 6 yr old twins (43 and 41 lbs). All my kids have always been on the skinnier side of things, were little babies and the twins were preemies so they started out tiny. I am just really careful about what Snacks we have in the house. I very RARELY buy Cookies. I do notice I buy more crackers for snack than I need too but I do balance it out with fruit, yogurt, string cheese, etc. My kids love the healthy foods too so I don't have to force them.

What does your step-daughters doctor say? I think that you have every right to be concerned about that size because unfortunately other kids will give her a hard time as she gets older. I think maybe you can just do what you can by being careful with what you have in the house as far as snacks, juice, soda (for her at least), etc. It is probably hard if she goes back and forth between households. You can only do what you can. Hopefully for the daughters sake her mom will come around. Is her mom overweight? I have a friend who is obese and her son now is. When our kids were at their house they would constantly feed them. I would tell them, 'my kids JUST ate dinner' or 'they just had a snack 5 mins ago' but my friends mom would say, 'oh, they are just kids and they have babyfat'. Now my friends son is 10 and weighs over 100 lbs. That thought is okay when they are little but baby fat turns into kid fat when they get older than toddlers. Good luck!

Good topic, daisy, and I commend you for putting yourself out there like this. Does your step-daughter know about your band? If she does or even if she doesn't, I think you could use a little bit of manipulation to address healthy eating. If I were you, I would casually ask her one day if she would mind helping me look up some healthy recipes to try to help with the diet. You could tell her that you are bored with the same food choices and are looking for new ways to spice things up. Flatter her and tell her you know how smart and creative she is and that you think she could offer valuable help. Maybe you could ask her to go shopping with you to buy the ingredients and make some of the stuff. It would be a great bonding experience and also make her some what aware of healthy foods. I have often found, especially as a teacher and a mother of an autistic child, that when you approach a touchy topic as needing advice for yourself, the reaction is a much better one that just preaching. It humanizes us non-perfect adults. Good luck to you.

My 4yo daughter is near the bottom of the chart for weight, with average height. She's 15kg, or 33 pounds. You can see all her ribs and she constantly gets little bruises on her back where her vertebrae stick out.

I find it "odd", because I was a chunky toddler who grew into a chunky kid, chunky teen, obese adult. But my husband was a "greyhound" when he was a kid - just like our daughter - and only started filling out with muscle in his 20s.

Our little girl is OBSESSED with healthy food. Everything she eats, she wants to know "Mummy, is this good for our hearts or should we only eat a little bit sometimes?" She's like a walking catalogue - someone will mention the word mango and she'll say "Mango is fruit, and fruit is good for our hearts, so we can eat it every day, and fruit helps our poos come out too."

She does have a soft spot for McDonalds and ice cream, which I let her have because I believe in "everything in moderation, including moderation". I home-make the ice cream though, so I know it's high in fruit and low in sugar (relative to store-bought.) Her most common takeout food is smoked or raw salmon and avocado sushi. (Because fish and avocado are good for our hearts, of course!) Or ham/cheese/carrot/avocado sandwich on multigrain bread.

She is also very active, another trait she gets from her dad. I was always hopeless at sport and really uncoordinated. Our daughter, on the other hand, is great - she does swimming lessons, ballet, soccer, and has just started gymnastics (and stopped soccer).

My children are not obese.

10 year old boy- 72 pounds

9 year old boy- 65 pounds

6 year old girl- 50 pounds

I have one son whose body type is like mine - easily prone to obesity. He is 24 and addressing his issues now because he has seen how out of control I got.

My other son, 18, is blessed with his father's body type and he's a man who is still the same weight as when we married 27 years ago!

I grew up in a poor household and my brothers and I learned to grab hold of food whenever it was available. I just didn't unlearn that behaviour when food became plentiful and it has taken me a very long time to understand that I don't have to eat it all now, that there will be some for later.

yes unfourntaly my 5 yr old is she wears a 10/12 at 5

2 of my 3 children are prone to putting on weight but seem to maintain most of the time. They are now 20 and 18. My 15 year old is a skinny thing. Any way every so often one of them will complain about weight gain and talk about dieting - my reply is always - no diets , just cut out some of the junk and get out and exercise. I think this has worked quite well. I believe my weight gain got out of control from my mother putting me on every fad diet that came along and restricting all my food intake - this led to sneaking food and as i got older, instead of that one piece of cake with everyone else i would sneak off and buy a whole cake and then have to eat it all so i wouldn't be found out.

With 2 kids prone to weight gain and one who is skinny i really believe genetics play a big role, cause i don't feed them any differently.

I don't actually have children because I'm only 18, but being barely an adult I can definitely tell you about the overweight kid thing. I was on my first diet at 8 years old. It eventually got to the point where my mother would lock the cabinets at night so that I didn't steal food. Then, I would actually steal slices of bread that were left out because my mom wouldn't let me have anything else. I didn't want her to know that I got it and I was so ashamed. Blocking food is definitely not the way to go about it. A change of lifestyle is more appropriate and better for her self esteem in the long run. These other ladies have given great advice!

I'm a firm believer in genetics. Both of my parents were obese. My mother got a gastric sleeve and lost 200 pounds. My dad is still incredibly obese. I ate more than necessary, even as a baby. Every two hours I had to eat or I would cry and cry. It was just an upward spiral from there. I was 80 pounds in kindergarten and over 100 in the second grade. I have struggled my whole life with it, and there is no explanation as to why besides genetics. My mother strictly enforced a healthy lifestyle. No "junk cereal" or sweets were ever in the house but on rare occasions, yet I still gained weight. Ironically, my younger sister struggles with her weight, but not like I do. She just eats bad things while she is out and about. She doesn't have this... urge to eat even when she's full, so she has managed to stay much thinner than the rest of us. She only eats until she's full and stops. I didn't. I have no idea why we are so different. The only thing I can think of to explain this is genetics.

Elizabeth

I don't think you're overreacting one bit. You've been there and know what the girl is going through. According to the CDC, she is ABOVE the 99 percentile. She is in danger of having serious health problems. I have no doubt that she goes through Hell every day at school. As we all know, kids can be very cruel! I understand that being the new step-mother this can be a very touchy situation but something needs to be done to help her. I don't know what the relationship is between the adults involved but I suggest everyone sets any animosity they might have aside for the well being of the child.