I have a 8 year old stepdaughter that lives with us half the time. She is 4'7" and weighs 113lbs. (Hubby and I have only been married a year so I'm still adjusting to my new role.) I've expressed a huge concern about her weight at such a young age. We've discussed it with her mother but she feels like we are making a mountain out of a mole hill. (We don't discuss it with the daughter, just me, hubby, and her mom.)

I wonder if I am not overly sensitive and reactive to it because of the way I grew up being fat. I want so badly to "fix" this in my stepdaughter so she won't have to deal with all of the cruelness that comes with being overweight. I've always sworn that I would NEVER let my kids get too big.

Do you think I worry about it more than I should? In a way I feel like a hypocrite because I am trying to help control her portion sizes and food choices and exercise and then I look at myself. I didn't do a very good job of those things pre-band.

The last thing I want to do is make her self-conscious about her weight and expose her to eating disorders and low self-esteem. But how do you get it under control with a delicate touch?

I have two boys one is 9 (85 pounds) and the other is 5 (46 pounds) and since I got my band I always tell them they should eat healthy so they don't have a problem with their weight like I did. I also control the amount of junk food, like they can't drink soda anymore unless we eat out and thats either diet or sprite, a few chip here and there but not a grab bag size like they use to do everytime we went to the store, I also buy them sugar free cookies. I will monitor the amount of food and if they over do it I will tell them to stop. Kids are smart and I think if you explain to them why you worry about them they will understand and listen. I think your right to worry, after all you are the step mom and she is a part of your family now!

No, the child will suffer and really if a child is overweight; it is not their fault; because they need to be taught about exercise; portion control and what to eat. Ediets.com has a website to tell you what children should weigh; they do it by BMI and they categorize where the child is at; you do not have to join; just go on to the website and search for nutrition and kids and you can find out what a good weight is; I can go do it also for you.

This is how your figure it out if she is overweight.

Body Mass Index (BMI): This is a simple number that corresponds well with body fat, derived from an equation based on your child's height and weight. As you will soon learn, the four Levels of the Trim Kids Program -- Red, Yellow, Green, and Blue -- are derived from the BMI. You can figure your child's BMI using the following formula:

Your child's weight in pounds: _____ divided by 2.2 = _____ kilograms.

Your child's height in inches: _____ X 2.54 divided by 100 = _____ meters.

Weight in kilograms =____ divided by (height in meters ____ squared) = ____BMI score

Example: Paul is 12 years old, weighs 120 pounds and is 48 inches tall.

Step 1: Divide his weight by 2.2 (120 divided by 2.2 = 54.5 kilograms).

Step 2: Multiply his height by 2.54 (48 X 2.54 divided by 100 = 1.22 meters).

Step 3: Now divide his weight in kilograms by his height squared (height X height).

Weight in kilograms = 54.5 divided by (height in meters 1.22 squared) = 54.5 divided by 1.49 = 36.6 BMI score. If you compare this score with the table below for 12-year-old boys, Paul's level would be Level 1 Red because his score of 36.6 was more than the score of 26 listed under the Level 1 Red column. -

This is the girls chart; but you can figure out where she stands.

Girls 5-17 years of age <TABLE cellSpacing=1 cellPadding=2 width=450 bgColor=#000000><TBODY><TR bgColor=#ffffff><TD vAlign=top width=38>Age </TD><TD vAlign=top width=89>Level I Red Severe Obesity more than 97 th % BMI </TD><TD vAlign=top width=99>Level II Yellow Clinical Obesity more than 95 th % BMI </TD><TD vAlign=top width=98>Level III Green <CF_AD>Overweight more than 85 th % BMI </TD><TD vAlign=top width=98>Level IV Blue Healthy Weight 50 to 85 th % BMI </TD></TR><TR bgColor=#ffffff><TD vAlign=top><5 yrs </TD><TD vAlign=top>See your pediatrician </TD><TD vAlign=top>See your pediatrician </TD><TD vAlign=top>See your pediatrician </TD><TD vAlign=top>See your pediatrician </TD></TR><TR bgColor=#ffffff><TD vAlign=top>5 yrs </TD><TD vAlign=top>more than 19 </TD><TD vAlign=top>more than 18 </TD><TD vAlign=top>more than 17 </TD><TD vAlign=top>15-17 </TD></TR><TR bgColor=#ffffff><TD vAlign=top>6 yrs </TD><TD vAlign=top>more than 20 </TD><TD vAlign=top>more than 19 </TD><TD vAlign=top>more than 17 </TD><TD vAlign=top>15-17 </TD></TR><TR bgColor=#ffffff><TD vAlign=top>7 yrs </TD><TD vAlign=top>more than 21 </TD><TD vAlign=top>more than 20 </TD><TD vAlign=top>more than 18 </TD><TD vAlign=top>16-18 </TD></TR><TR bgColor=#ffffff><TD vAlign=top>8 yrs </TD><TD vAlign=top>more than 22 </TD><TD vAlign=top>more than 21 </TD><TD vAlign=top>more than 18 </TD><TD vAlign=top>16-18 </TD></TR><TR bgColor=#ffffff><TD vAlign=top>9 yrs </TD><TD vAlign=top>more than 23 </TD><TD vAlign=top>more than 22 </TD><TD vAlign=top>more than 19 </TD><TD vAlign=top>16-19 </TD></TR><TR bgColor=#ffffff><TD vAlign=top>10 yrs </TD><TD vAlign=top>more than 25 </TD><TD vAlign=top>more than 23 </TD><TD vAlign=top>more than 20 </TD><TD vAlign=top>17-20 </TD></TR><TR bgColor=#ffffff><TD vAlign=top>11 yrs </TD><TD vAlign=top>more than 26 </TD><TD vAlign=top>more than 24 </TD><TD vAlign=top>more than 21 </TD><TD vAlign=top>18-21 </TD></TR><TR bgColor=#ffffff><TD vAlign=top>12 yrs </TD><TD vAlign=top>more than 27 </TD><TD vAlign=top>more than 25 </TD><TD vAlign=top>more than 22 </TD><TD vAlign=top>18-22 </TD></TR><TR bgColor=#ffffff><TD vAlign=top>13 yrs </TD><TD vAlign=top>more than 28 </TD><TD vAlign=top>more than 26 </TD><TD vAlign=top>more than 23 </TD><TD vAlign=top>19-23 </TD></TR><TR bgColor=#ffffff><TD vAlign=top>14 yrs </TD><TD vAlign=top>more than 29 </TD><TD vAlign=top>more than 27 </TD><TD vAlign=top>more than 23 </TD><TD vAlign=top>19-23 </TD></TR><TR bgColor=#ffffff><TD vAlign=top>15 yrs </TD><TD vAlign=top>more than 30 </TD><TD vAlign=top>more than 28 </TD><TD vAlign=top>more than 24 </TD><TD vAlign=top>20-24 </TD></TR><TR bgColor=#ffffff><TD vAlign=top>16 yrs </TD><TD vAlign=top>more than 31 </TD><TD vAlign=top>more than 29 </TD><TD vAlign=top>more than 25 </TD><TD vAlign=top>21-25 </TD></TR><TR bgColor=#ffffff><TD vAlign=top>17 yrs </TD><TD vAlign=top>more than 32 </TD><TD vAlign=top>more than 30 </TD><TD vAlign=top>more than 25 </TD><TD vAlign=top>21-25 </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>

my daughter for her age and height is in the level 4 Blue; which is considered a health weight. It's pretty interesting. Hope this helps. Good Luck.

The Meaning of the Color Codes

The needs of overweight children vary, so we have created four distinct levels that correspond to the severity of a child's condition and the specific considerations of a child at that weight range. So, for example, children who fall into Level I (Red/Severe) will do different physical exercises in the Trim Kids Program than those in Level III (Green/Overweight). As your child loses weight, he will graduate to a new level (or color) of the program. One reason we use the colors is to accentuate positive accomplishments. That means when a severely overweight child in the Red level loses enough weight to graduate to the Yellow level, he is reminded that his initial, short-term goals have been met.

The color-coded levels are broken down as follows:

Level I, Red: This level includes children with severe obesity or those with medical problems due to their weight. Their BMI is higher than 97 percent of other children in this country.

Level II, Yellow: This level is for children with clinical obesity who have special dietary, behavior or fitness needs.

Level III, Green: Many overweight children will be at this level when they start the program. It is also designed to help stop the onset of obesity.

Level IV, Blue: This regimen keeps your child healthy for life and is the goal of the overall program. If your child's weight problem is severe, and he falls into the Red level, your pediatrician may request additional medical tests and assessments. These tests typically screen for problems with endocrinology, genetics, cardiology, cholesterol, insulin, thyroid, blood pressure, the respiratory system, muscles or bones that can accompany severe weight problems. If your child already sees a specialist and is under treatment for a medical condition, you can discuss with your pediatrician the relationships between existing treatments and medications and your child's weight-loss goals.

I have 3 boys ages 17, 13, and 11 and not one of them have aweight problem, my youngest is actualy to thin and needs to gain wieght per doctors orders.

I don't know how it is with other children, but I believe my food obsessions started when my Mom started Jack LaLane and started talking about weight, and losing it, and how we were going to get fat if we kept eating too much. It was at that point I remember starting to sneak food.

Children are wonderful mimics - they mimic the good and the bad. Whether or not you say anything to your step daughter, she knows that you are focused on your weight - she may replicate that behaviour just by watching your example, which will undoubtedly send her down the same path you've traveled yourself.

Personally (not having children I'm just putting out my best guess), I would try NEVER EVER to focus on food, and certainly NEVER on things we "shouldn't" eat, or marking anything "forbidden" or just for "special" occasions. I believe that gives food waaaay too much power.

If I had a child with a weight problem I would do my best to ensure that I always served plenty (PLENTY!!) of good, wholesome foods. I would have the family involved in physical extracurricular activities. I would make a super human effort to NEVER mention weight - good, bad or otherwise. I would try and focus on fun things, and pay particular attention to what happens when things aren't going so well for my kid - bad day at school, disappointment, grief - and make sure I did not try to remedy those feelings with food treats/rewards.

I would do my very best to make food a non-issue, and be sure that they see me leaving food on my plate. See me stopping when I say I'm full, and getting up and tossing whatever was still on my plate.

I don't know if any of this would help a child, but it might keep them from developing into emotional eaters if food/weight was never made a focal point.

As far as teaching healthy vs non-healthy, maybe I would make an occasional comment about "Oh, these vegetables are just bursting with health!! I feel so much better after eating them!" Or in response to requests for junk food - "Yuck! That tastes waaay too salty. I couldn't stand eating that!" or waaay too sweet, or whatever.

Of course, then I'd have to find a good hidey-hole for all my crap food choices to eat in secret when they're not looking... :sick lol

My son is 8 and is a little on the thin side. I have no concerns about him.

I was an overweight child...I went on my first diet when I was 5 yrs old... I think this led me to more eating problems later on.

My daughter is four and is not overweight but I've always been very conscience of the food I offer her. There is no juck food in my house. Her deserts are applesauce and Jello. I don't have juice or soda in the house. Any junk food is a special treat we get when we are out and about. I also will say that she's had enough, when she has gone overboard with eating. I just say...I think you've had enough, why don't you stop, and you can have some more later...I then offer her some attention and diversion..children eat when they are board too...Your stepdaughter isn't very old, so I'm sure she will respond...but whatever you do, never mention that she is overweight to her...just sign her up in some summer activies that will get her out of the house and moving...like swimming or gymnastics...really encourage and praise her for the physical activies. I really think that is the key.

I hope this helps,

Aileena

P.S. one of the main reasons I wanted the lap band was that I wanted to get control of my eating, before my child started to follow in my footsteps.

I have four children. However my situation si somewhat different. Three of the four have Down syndrome and currently 2 are underweight and the other is chuncky on the regular chart- but a high normal on th down syndrome chart. She just has a very short and dense body structure! Our other little girl is 40th in weight and 75th in height (so she really is skinny (except the milk belly)).

Our attitude has been the following since before banding and we brought them home- we don't keep a whole lot of snacks in the house (potatochips & soda are for parties and special occasions only); they eat 1 -2 low fat but sugar in them yogurt a day. No trix or fruit loops- just cherrios and shredded wheat; I make the cookies they get- so I can make sure they get a lot of bran (important for the little ones with down syndrome to keep them pottying); they eat lotrs of different vegetables and are into using their magnets (even at 4 1/2 to 2) to tell what they still need to eat. They usually get 2-3 fruit servings a day! (water melon cantalop, a berry thing, pineapple, grapes, bannana or apples- we are not fond of citrus yet)-- applesauce is not a fruit. They also drinlk a ton and a ton of water!!!!! Milk 2 x day and maybe when we go out- but usually water - no juice

I did this mainly becasue It is easier to teach a mentally disabled child to eat healthy - and have it last a lifetime than try to teach a mentally disabled adult to eat better (hell - most of us can't do it ourselves and I know I couldn't and neither can my dh).

I also do not ever serve dessert except at holidays and stuff. Occasionally I will let them get one and we all share it when we go out! but not usually.

I carry snack foods with us- regular crackers, wheat triscuits and the immitation goldfish as well as fruit and always have water and cups in the car.

At this point it works because I am there world and I send snacks for them to school- they are not allowed to have chips when other parents send them- I always send fruit or grahm crackers (no juice boxes either- I sent water in speical refillable boxes for them- so they look like the others.

But we have a different situation and it is not that difficult to control yet! They are doing very well.

I find this to be an interesting topic.

My son is overweight. He is almost 10 and weighs about 95 lbs. He was big since he was born and has always been in the 95th percentile since he is 3 months old. Since he was only getting breast milk and formula, it is safe to assume that a lot of his problem is genetic. He has always been big.

My three year old is normal weight. He is 3 1/2 and weighs 36 pounds and is 38 inches tall. He was chunky as a baby, but thinned out and although he still looks like a bruiser, he is definitely not fat.

My brother in law has two boys 13 and 10. They are both overweight. They get plenty of exercise ,but cant seem to thin out. They also eat very healthy food, but quite a bit of it.

I was born a preemie and weighed about 4 lbs. So I dont necessarily see the correlation between birth weight and present weight. No one on my moms side f the family is overweight, but on my fathers side, there is definitely an obesity problem.

Babs in TX

My son is very big. Like bouncer big. I was able to keep a handle on his weight mostly until he started being able to go places on his own, with his own money. Soda pop has been his major downfall, and there is nothing I can do to stop it.

He goes to the gym at least 2x a week and works out, but his father was really big, and well, I've got the band.

He's seen the weight that DH has lost, and now Spudboy is a little worried that someday they might weigh the same! So, that's motivated my baby.

Great topic Nicole!

Yes! My 9yr old is overweight and my 4 yr old is as well. Donali gave some great pointers. The hardest thing for me is to not use food as reward system - too avoid saying something like, "If you 3 get along well we will stop for ice cream on the way home"

When I notice that my 9yr old has put on extra weight, I try and make him b/c more physical and (this is the big one) NO fast food. I can tell when weve been eating alot of fast food, his little cheeks b/c chubby!

You get a gold star for trying to get a handle on this with your step daughter. Good luck!

I had the same concerns myself a few years back, as it is genetics on both sides of the family to be overweight. I am the obese one of the family on my side, and yet, I was always the athletic one, go figure. On my husband's side, he has one sister who is obese, as well as many great aunts and uncles and his mother. The rest of his family has a weight problem, but it's minimal. On my side, half are overweight, the rest are thin, and I am, as I mentioned above, the only obese one in the family.

I've learned with my kids, to limit junk food intake, and teach them about healthy eating habits. Tell them why a glass of orange juice is better for them (potassium for the heart, vitamin C for colds) than Hi C, or a side of salad instead of chips with their sandwich for lunch.

I find that if they understand the importance of nutrition, and not weight gain/loss, it is less intimidating to them. If you constantly get after them for having a freeze pop on a hot day, you will only make them feel guilty for having it, then they will sneak food, to make themselves feel better. Let them have that treat- it's ok, so long as they get enough exercise and eat properly most of the time! Isn't that what we should concentrate on, instead of scaring them into eating their way into an eating disorder?

I cannot emphasize enough, physical exercise. I see way too many kids, obese, heavy, and skinny, playing too many video and computer games. Kick their butts outside, give them a ball, and tell them to PLAY. For that matter, join them- you'll both benefit from the exercise and fun.

But a related question, are/were your parents MO? Both my parents were/are MO, my dad's sisters are MO, and two of my mother's aunts were MO.

My ex-husband's mother was MO... but I never met any of his sibs.