Which type are you?

[MacMadame 81]

You may find Brandy and others frustrating but that doesn't give you the right to come on here and talk about these people like they are some sort of low life.

Well no one did that, so it's all good.

But if people put their situations out there for others to comment on ... as BrandyII did ... then people will comment on them. You can't invite people into your problems and your life and then complain when they don't say what you want them to. (Well, you can but it doesn't make you look good.)

This is a forum for everyone to use but rants like this seem to indicate otherwise.

And your post makes it seem like people who are frustrated aren't welcome either. If we can't put on the happy face and gather around the campfire to sing kumbaya, then we should shut up and/or go away.

Look inside your heart and try and imagine what it feels like to lose siblings, parents, to be abused, to be abandoned,to be raped and the list goes on. If you can't then it's not for you to judge.

Well I can. So I guess you've just given me permission to judge. :Angel_anim:

My childhood was crappy and disfunctional, the sort that tv movies are made from. I surived and MOVED ON because I refused to wallow in it and define myself as a victim. I was, and to this day, am a survivor and a happy person. That's how I define myself -- even when life it kicking me in the teeth, as it still sometimes does -- and it's a big difference between myself and the rest of my family and it's why I am a big success now with a family of my own and a good job and nice things and they are still struggling.

Now one of my sibs has been diagnosed with a mental illness and I recognize that "just be happy" isn't going to cut it for her. But at the same time, adjusting her attitude is an essential part of what she had to do to get better.

In that way, it's like being morbidly obese. Telling a morbidly obese person to "just eat less and move more" isn't very helpful and isn't going to cut it. That's why we get WLS. But once we have this tool, we have to eat less and move more or we aren't going to lose the weight. Having WLS gives us a fighting chance, but at some point we had to do the work.

Just as, at some point, my sister had to accept her diagnosis and start working with the program instead of fighting it in order to have a chance at a normal life.

One of the things I've done in order to be successful is to find role models -- people who are where I want to be. Jachut is a role model to me [and other people on here, too] because she turned her fat around without going to extremes (like puking over the kitchen sink after every meal). Not everything she's done is going to work for me, but when she tells me how she got to where she is, I listen because she was successful at doing something I want to do too.

To reject the advice of the successful is just mind-boggling to me. Yet people do it all the time. Instead of saying "here's a blueprint for how to get where I want to go", they do everything in their power to diminish the other person -- to make it seem like they had it easy or they are just stronger somehow or they otherwise are an alien whose advice is obviously worthless because it doesn't apply to mere humans.

You can do that if you want to, but it's not the way I roll.

[Great2BThin 5]

Very well put MacMadame!! Couldn't have said it any better.

[Sades 4]

I don't like victims either but I do have compassion which is what has been lacking here from most people. Whatever has gone on in your life there is no need to put people down just because they don't fit the mould of how you think people should live their lives. Go back and read some of the things that have been said, read them from the other person's point of view and then say they are not harsh and mean. For many people it is a struggle just to pick themselves up and do normal everyday things so give them a break. Yes Brandy put herself out there and I truly believe she needs help but this not helpful, this is downright nasty. You guys remind me of the work tearoom situation where there's a queen bee who bitches about some poor soul and the other bees gather around to add to the sting. We are adults, so please try to act with some decorum.

[Sades 4]

PS, I don't disagree that Jacqui has done well for herself and that she looks great. I just think that her success does not mean that everyone needs to see her as their hero. I said it before, everyone travels their own path to achieve success and some will fall on the way. Either they will pick themselves up and move on or they will decide it is too hard... we are not here to judge either person.

[*JASMINE* 1]

I don't like victims either but I do have compassion which is what has been lacking here from most people. Whatever has gone on in your life there is no need to put people down just because they don't fit the mould of how you think people should live their lives. Go back and read some of the things that have been said, read them from the other person's point of view and then say they are not harsh and mean. For many people it is a struggle just to pick themselves up and do normal everyday things so give them a break. Yes Brandy put herself out there and I truly believe she needs help but this not helpful, this is downright nasty. You guys remind me of the work tearoom situation where there's a queen bee who bitches about some poor soul and the other bees gather around to add to the sting. We are adults, so please try to act with some decorum.

I completely agree. Starting a thread to call out certain members of this board is very unnecessary, which is exactly how this thread started. Brandy hasn't been back for days, I wonder why:rolleyes:. I guess what was set out to be accomplished, was. That's one less "whiner" for you all to have to "put up" with...

[BJean 16]

I find if someone is seriously wanting to share the reason for their success and if they seriously care about another person, whom let's call Joan, they will share their story and take the time to go into details about how they felt going through the process. Let's say Joan doesn't accept the help or just doesn't get it, or just isn't willing to make a change, a truly caring person will probably realize that they wasted their time, but you wouldn't expect them to just haul off and verbally slap Joan in the face and tell her that she is lazy and keep heaping on other negative insults. Because if she did, her "caring" would seem extremely disingenuous.

[BJean 16]

*Jasmine* I don't think it is whiners they seem to have a problem with - it's whingers.

[BJean 16]

Sades: I think we all judge other people. It's in our nature. But not all of us find it necessary to publically dress someone down who we judge to be inferior to us. You have to wonder why people got enjoyment out of that and why they seem to want to continue ragging on about it.

[Sades 4]

Jasmine, many of us are struggling to get this thing right and coming to this board is what helps keep us motivated. I love reading how successful people have been but some of this carry on is totally unnecessary. That's what made me put my 2 bob's worth in. Sorry Jacqui but you can have your thread back.

[Sades 4]

Yes BJ, that is my point exactly, you can be frustrated with someone because of their victim mentality but I wouldn't try to humiliate them in front of all and sundry.

[*JASMINE* 1]

*Jasmine* I don't think it is whiners they seem to have a problem with - it's whingers.

Hi BJean,

Sorry, I had never heard that word before, I had to look it up. So now that I have, let me get this straight. They are complaining about complainers? What's the sense in that? Just to get if off their chests and make them feel better?

[BJean 16]

Whingers wasn't in my dictionary. I thought they were spelling whiners incorrectly because they seemed to be talking about hating whiners. My mistake. Complainers compaining about complainers makes more sense. :Angel_anim:

[Ninja 0]

I'd like to point out that this thread, which I've followed closely and really enjoyed reading, has for the last several pages been a discussion completely separate from the issues that Sades and Jasmine and BJean decided to reintroduce. Again. The Brandy brouhaha has been thoroughly hashed out on at least two other threads and your points were made equally well there. The fact is that others disagree with those points, so perhaps it would be best if we just leave it at that and return to the discussion that was going on before the threadjack.

[*JASMINE* 1]

I'd like to point out that this thread, which I've followed closely and really enjoyed reading, has for the last several pages been a discussion completely separate from the issues that Sades and Jasmine and BJean decided to reintroduce. Again. The Brandy brouhaha has been thoroughly hashed out on at least two other threads and your points were made equally well there. The fact is that others disagree with those points, so perhaps it would be best if we just leave it at that and return to the discussion that was going on before the threadjack.

I used Brandy as an example, but the fact remains that there will always be those types of people, that someone will feel the need to start a thread about. Don't you think that this type of behaviour is unnecessary? And it wasn't a "threadjack". That was the OP's initial statement...

[BJean 16]

Sorry you missed 'em Ninja, check out their posts on pages 7 and 8. We didn't bring it up again. They just never let it go and we got tired of it - once again.

Hey I gotta say everyone has a right to post anything they want - and Jachut certainly has claimed this post as her very own so she certainly can post whatever she deems fit to print.

We are equally free to protest certain attitudes and language if we choose.

Nobody likes whiners or even whingers (to speak the Queen's English) and I think we all agree on that. What some of us don't care for is someone bullying someone else and others piling on. And I just didn't see it as "tough love" it stank more like gloating and sneering much of the time.