First off I want to apologize if I offended anyone. Also please read all the way thru before condeming me.

I am having a bit of a time getting something out of my head. I have a problem with seeing fat people in public and thinking to myself negatively regarding that person-even avoiding them. You know-looking at that person with sort of a disgusted look on my face-wispering to myself what happended to them,how could they not care. These thoughts coming from a 430ish pound guy-probably looking worse off then the person I just saw. Does anyone else have or previously had this same thoughts?

I am not sure what is the cause of this but after some thought I came up with a few ideas. The first one is that society in general forsters this kind of thinking and it is socially accepted to "make fun" of an obese person. Secondly, my weight got put on me quickly with my thyroid quiting suddenly-leaving me with a mental body image quite different from reality. I sort of knew I had gained weight but always thought I looked better then I really did-sort of a glory picture in my head of days long ago. Then as time went on I noticed my weight in different body parts-my face,my belly and finally my first overall body viewing in a full length mirror. I was an obese man--I weighed it, I looked it, I felt it!! Then a sort of depression set in-only punctuated by periods of time of intense effort to fruitlessly loose some pounds only to regain it back.

I am a very caring guy- I stop and pick up hitchhikers, pull cars of people back onto the road that ran off of snowbound roads, hold doors open for people going into a store after me, spend as much time as I can with my kids playing games with them-yet I cannot understand my "hatred" of obese people!

Perhaps I cannot come to grips with the fact that I am one of "them" and despise what I let happen to myself. How could I let myself "go" and not care about how I looked for so many years? How could I bury my head for so long till I opened my eyes and am now such a socially disdained person. Could my slow social evolution from being semi-social to being isolated to being avoided be caused by my weight gain? Could my hatred of so-called friends that are now no longer around now that I am obese be fuelling my own dislike of obese persons?

Never being a popular person has me,at least that's what I think, of being more than aware of my "social" standing-perhaps paying more than the usual attention to it or to the lack of it as the case may be thru my life. Sort of always wanting more of something that I never really had. Now I am at the total bottom of the social ladder and my sense of competition has taken a huge blow. Has my years of thinking I am better than many around me taken its toll and I have become prideful in my own little way? Am I afraid to eat some humble pie and accept myself as others view me.

Just a few days ago- I was checking into a motel for the night- I noticed that they were remodeling and the new rooms looked very nice. I saw some people going in to the new rooms earlier so I asked the clerk if I could get a remodeled room. She told me that they are very picky who they rent the "new" rooms to and that I couldn't have one. I was amazed- my first recollection of discrimination based on weight. This hit me like a ton of bricks. You see I had always been raised at the middle to higher middle range of the socio-economic scale and always treated people nice and was treated in kind back. Now because of my weight I was no longer middle class but something lower-sort of a lesser human. And now this is my problem- I was a lesser human because of the choices I made for myself-not because of who I was born to or some life tragedy. I made bad choices- in what I ate, in how much I ate and in what I did or did not do for excercise. I made myself this lesser human and now I cannot seem to do anything on my own to get myself back.

Am I alone in my thoughts? Has anyone else has similar thoughts or feelings?

As I work on rooting out this negativity, I appreciate you comments and ideas.

T

Butch, there was a study done a number of years ago in a prison (This study would be illegal today), they increased the calorie intake of the inmates. All inmates began to put on weight in the begining but most stopped and some actually lost some of the weight back over time. Their metabolic rate, it seems adjusted to the increase. A small percenatge began to put on weight but this group did not stop, their bodies just kept on storing fat. For this group obesity was the result whereas the other group did not become obese. It is based on this study that I feel strongly that it is improper to judge obese individuals. On the same note I get frustrated with skinny people who take credit for their shape.

Cheers

I would really like to see this study. Citation please?

Oh, dont get me started on skinny people who take credit for their shape.

My BIL used to be merciless towards my DH, he obviously "blamed" him for his weight. He'd make comments on it and at the same time boast about things like how he barbecued 12 sausages and at them ALL. Or how he loves a big cooked breakfast.

neither DH nor I ever ever ate like that and we both have weight problems. Yet somehow, we're the piggies while Mr Skinny can eat a year's worth of cholesterol, lips and assholes all wrapped in sausage casing in one sitting and he's somehow on higher moral ground?

sheesh.

My dh can eat a ton and stay thin and athletic while I can eat a small amount and get heavy. Metabolism is so vastly different in some people. I have a lot of heavy and thin friends and I don't really think of them in terms of weight so much as that is just who they are . . . kind of like some people have big noses and some have small noses.

I do find myself having a bias when people blatantly disregard reason and do self destructive things. Whether it is overindulging in alcohol, food, drugs on a regular basis I seem to get upset. I am not talking about an occasional issue but a sustained issue over extended periods.

"Yet somehow, we're the piggies while Mr Skinny can eat a year's worth of cholesterol, lips and assholes all wrapped in sausage casing in one sitting and he's somehow on higher moral ground?"

Laughing at this ... My eyes are watering! LOL And it's SOOOO true! I actually KNOW people who think the same way - I can't stand to be near them ...

I love reading your posts ... you don't mince words :-)

Wow, what a great thread. Glad to see that I am not alone in my thoughts and perceptions of my self. I have to make myself see me as fat. I know I am but every time I look at myself in the mirror I dont see that. I see the healthy guy I use to be. I have a long way to go, both physicaly and mentally.

It is amazing to me to see how much some people eat and not gain weight.

I know some ladies that eat more than twice as much as what I used to eat and not gain any weight.

I just need to remember not to compare my self with other but just stay focus on the task on hand.

I am fortunate that both my wife and I had the lapband at the same time she has lost 85 pounds and from my heaviest weight I have lost 130 lbs.

OMG thank god, there's someone else. I'm almost 300lbs, I was banded 11/25 and I have hated fat people for some time now. I hate them because the majority are sloppy and ugly and make fat people look bad. I dress cute, do my hair and makeup every day, and it just makes me mad when fat people don't take care of themselves. Finally I just got to the point where I started hating those fat people I saw that looked like crap. I'm glad to finally be banded and start losing.

I think "hate" is a very stong offensive word.

I see where you are coming from, but I have issues with you using the word hate and I find it hurtful.

Sorry, but that's the way I feel.

I felt such a sense of relief after reading people's posts for this thread. I have experienced all of these emotions when I see obese people... empathy, sympathy, anger, disgust, relief, shame, etc. When I see someone who is morbidly obese, I want to just give them a hug and hand them one of my surgeon's business cards and tell the person how the LB has changed my life (empathy/sympathy). I also have felt anger/disgust when I have been out to eat and I see a morbidly obese person pound down a gigantic appetizer, an equally huge meal, and then order a monsterous dessert. I want to lecture them about how they are using food to kill themselves and that pigging out will not solve their problems. I then feel ashamed of myself for my self-righteous attitude towards someone's choice of lifestyle. I am more than willing to share my experience with anyone who has questions about the LB. I just need to remember that just like a drug or alcohol addiction, a person doesn't want help until he or she is ready to accept it.

OMG thank god, there's someone else. I'm almost 300lbs, I was banded 11/25 and I have hated fat people for some time now. I hate them because the majority are sloppy and ugly and make fat people look bad. I dress cute, do my hair and makeup every day, and it just makes me mad when fat people don't take care of themselves. Finally I just got to the point where I started hating those fat people I saw that looked like crap. I'm glad to finally be banded and start losing.

So, you are better than the other fat slobs because you have make-up on? Ever hear the old adage about putting lipstick on a pig?

"Hate" is a strong word indeed but what it really is is displaced self-hatred. I have the same problem but I cannot blame "fat people" for it, my feelings are my own. What I hate is how I felt at 340+lbs.

I hated my life then, and people who look like I did or look how I felt, engender some really harsh feelings in me. I feel those same exact feelings when I look at old photos, it sucks. When I see other obese people I see weakness, and it pisses me off because I felt weak and like a failure when I was obese.

I haven't read this whole thread but if you feel "hatred" maybe it would serve you to explore those feelings and where they really come from. Didn't we ask "normal" people to treat us like human beings when we were fat? Lets not be hypocrites.

tony, thankyou for your honesty. i have experienced being thin for most of my life and being treated very well publically. once i was heavy(gained 70 lbs. in one year) i experienced an unfamiliar discrimination. sometimes i am grossed out at how some obese people eat in public. but not all of "us" eat that way. you can be obese and still have manners. i am just beginning to feel some restriction from my band, so i still look obese. i have empathy for everyone who has to endure carrying this burden. a burden of not only social, psychological,physical, and moral penalties,but also a burden to our loved ones. this is a disease which can affect every aspect of ones life. never forget -no matter how thin and healthy you get, you are an obese person! not everyone can afford to have wls. i feel very bleesed that my insurance paid most of it. you have to accept yourself the way you are. by accepting yourself, doesn't mean"not changing yourself" (example: losing the weight) it simply means admitting to yourself that you are those obese people. and that's fine. we are good people, sometimes i think we are a "deeper feeling" people. never lose sight of being an obese person. i think it makes us better people. we have all went through much of the same stories, experienced muchof the same things in our lives. we are connected. i am comfortable with that. i wish much luck in dealing with your feelings. lisa6:smile2:

Thought this was very interesting. What do you think?

Ok a little about me to start off. Starting weight 252 banded 3-09-09. Lost 84 lbs to date and had a breast reduction/lift on 11/17. All around I think I'm doing really good on my weight loss.

I think that as much as people like to say that losing weight doesn't change who you are they are totally wrong. When you are an obese person like I was you a judged differently. You are judged as fat lazy and a slob. I really haven't changed much about me except my personal appearance but find that I feel like a different person and am treated differently. Its fine I don't really mind it because I have realized that people are shallow. I myself am shallow. I didn't get lapband just because of my health. The main reason that I got it was because I wanted to be skinny. I'm not going to be that person who says that they did it for other reasons I don't really care what people think. All that I know is that I am happy now even though I still have 20 lbs till goal. I love me and that's all that matters. F everybody else.

Bring this back up .................... for frog .... very interesting thread

I'd agree that demented could use a good look at this thread. It basically says the same thing that most of the folk said on the other thread. That such bitchy attitudes have very little to do with others, and much more to do with oneself.

The rest of the folks on that thread were offended for being called, names, being told they stink, don'e wipe, and smell bad.