First off I want to apologize if I offended anyone. Also please read all the way thru before condeming me.

I am having a bit of a time getting something out of my head. I have a problem with seeing fat people in public and thinking to myself negatively regarding that person-even avoiding them. You know-looking at that person with sort of a disgusted look on my face-wispering to myself what happended to them,how could they not care. These thoughts coming from a 430ish pound guy-probably looking worse off then the person I just saw. Does anyone else have or previously had this same thoughts?

I am not sure what is the cause of this but after some thought I came up with a few ideas. The first one is that society in general forsters this kind of thinking and it is socially accepted to "make fun" of an obese person. Secondly, my weight got put on me quickly with my thyroid quiting suddenly-leaving me with a mental body image quite different from reality. I sort of knew I had gained weight but always thought I looked better then I really did-sort of a glory picture in my head of days long ago. Then as time went on I noticed my weight in different body parts-my face,my belly and finally my first overall body viewing in a full length mirror. I was an obese man--I weighed it, I looked it, I felt it!! Then a sort of depression set in-only punctuated by periods of time of intense effort to fruitlessly loose some pounds only to regain it back.

I am a very caring guy- I stop and pick up hitchhikers, pull cars of people back onto the road that ran off of snowbound roads, hold doors open for people going into a store after me, spend as much time as I can with my kids playing games with them-yet I cannot understand my "hatred" of obese people!

Perhaps I cannot come to grips with the fact that I am one of "them" and despise what I let happen to myself. How could I let myself "go" and not care about how I looked for so many years? How could I bury my head for so long till I opened my eyes and am now such a socially disdained person. Could my slow social evolution from being semi-social to being isolated to being avoided be caused by my weight gain? Could my hatred of so-called friends that are now no longer around now that I am obese be fuelling my own dislike of obese persons?

Never being a popular person has me,at least that's what I think, of being more than aware of my "social" standing-perhaps paying more than the usual attention to it or to the lack of it as the case may be thru my life. Sort of always wanting more of something that I never really had. Now I am at the total bottom of the social ladder and my sense of competition has taken a huge blow. Has my years of thinking I am better than many around me taken its toll and I have become prideful in my own little way? Am I afraid to eat some humble pie and accept myself as others view me.

Just a few days ago- I was checking into a motel for the night- I noticed that they were remodeling and the new rooms looked very nice. I saw some people going in to the new rooms earlier so I asked the clerk if I could get a remodeled room. She told me that they are very picky who they rent the "new" rooms to and that I couldn't have one. I was amazed- my first recollection of discrimination based on weight. This hit me like a ton of bricks. You see I had always been raised at the middle to higher middle range of the socio-economic scale and always treated people nice and was treated in kind back. Now because of my weight I was no longer middle class but something lower-sort of a lesser human. And now this is my problem- I was a lesser human because of the choices I made for myself-not because of who I was born to or some life tragedy. I made bad choices- in what I ate, in how much I ate and in what I did or did not do for excercise. I made myself this lesser human and now I cannot seem to do anything on my own to get myself back.

Am I alone in my thoughts? Has anyone else has similar thoughts or feelings?

As I work on rooting out this negativity, I appreciate you comments and ideas.

T

Very interesting post. My father feels this way about fat people and that's why I developed bulimia, anorexia, binge eating disorders and now, through years of dealing with my own internalized hatred got the lap band. Though, to just think "fat" people are lazy, gross, loppy, etc is tragic. There is disgust everywhere I go. I see unwed teenaged mothers on welfare with 5 kids from 5 different men. I see skinny, gorgeous people on drugs, stealing, and abusing people for a fix. I see child molesters, murders, rapists, bullies, animal abusers, etc. All that is what I HATE; not an overweight person, who by the way eats to soothe their pain from thoughts like yours.

You know it's weird, I agree and disagree with alot of these.

I recently went to my hospital to get a fill and where I get it done its the diabetes part and that particular day they had a weightloss clinic. I went in there and mind you I still feel big and am still big but I honestly was the smallest person there, and I just sat there thinking "holy crap, if I didn't have this then chances are I would have ended up that big"

In a way I'm probably more judgemental than I should be of bigger people. I see children that are like 7 and already have a double chin and I honestly wanna burst out crying or punch the parents because I know exactly what they went thru and no child should have to go thru bullying and everything that is associated with childhood obesity.

I know I shouldn't be this judgemental but I honestly can't help it and it seems to have only gotten worse since I've had this band. I recently went shopping for boxing day sales here and theres a plus size pretty fashionable shop that had 70% off. So I went in with my mum and there was a large which is about a 20/22 which is 22 american I think, anyway I held it up and said to my mum "oh it looks like a sack" and there was a chick that just stared at me. I mean I felt bad.

I see bigger people at the shops now and I kinda look down on them. I really want to get out of that mind mentality but I honest to god don't know how

This is internalized hatred at it's finest and it's horribly sad to me. It's even more disgusting than people who don't have a weight problem making judgments.

This is internalized hatred at it's finest and it's horribly sad to me. It's even more disgusting than people who don't have a weight problem making judgments.

I couldn't agree more!

I like Tommy O's reply to posts on this thread:

Making snap judgements about the quality of an individual based on something as superficial as appearances is wrong... We all have our biases and prejudices and we need to try and fight our way around them... To dislike, revile or hate someone based on appearance is wrong... When I see an idividual who looks different or catches my eye for some reason I remind myself that I know nothing about that person. How could I even begin to know who they are and what their life is like. It would be silly to assume that they are any better or worse than I...

We are all a work-in-progress. The OP was making a personal, insightful observation about his own "stinking thinking" when it comes to fat people (himself included). Facing our negative thinking is the way we become better people. I have no bad feelings about fat people--but have begun to realize that I harbor less-than-positive feelings toward the elderly (now that I'm nearing 50!). Self-knowledge is a never-ending journey!

Edited December 29, 200916 yr by willowcat

T, get some professional help. You are in a deep depression.

Before I go on I must admit that I have not read all of the posts in this thread so If I what I am about to write has already been written I apologize but this is a topic that I have strong opinions about.

First let me start by saying one of my greatest beliefs is that the only person you can truly affect change with is yourself. This and a strong belief that everyone, no matter their religion, colour, sexual preference, size and anything else that makes us different deserves to be treated equally with the same respect that I would expect to be treated myself.

If you choose (and I believe that this is a choice) to feel negatively about an individual that you do not know based on appearances than it is you that has a problem not them. One of the reasons people judge other people who they do not know is a caused by fear and shame of their own shortcomings.

Before you can forgive people for their differences you must forgive yourself, this may seem easy but it is often not. The best place to start is to remember that, as stated earlier, the only person you can truly affect change with is yourself.

So go ahead and forgive yourself for being flawed and remind yourself that you are doing this because you want to be healthier not because being fat makes you a bad person. Once you forgive yourself you will then be able to forgive us.

Tommy,

You are a very wise man! Cannot possibly find a better response to this post and thank you for reminding me that it is only "me" that allows myself to feel the way I do and to respond to the negativity in life.

Thank you!!!

This is internalized hatred at it's finest and it's horribly sad to me. It's even more disgusting than people who don't have a weight problem making judgments.

i find the honesty expressed by the unpopular refreshing. it is helpful for me to process some of my own feelings.

one woman's "disgusting" is another woman's reality, no? isn't that what this whole discussion really about?

Bring this back up .................... for frog .... very interesting thread

I'm glad you brought this thread out of retirement--the original was posted nearly 5 years ago (Feb 2005)--I wonder how BigT is doing now? It would be interesting to have him respond to his original post now 5 years later. I wonder how his perceptions have or haven't changed since then...