My doctor warned me about post surgery depression as I really like eating/tasting. I am having guests tomorrow and my mum îs cooking good food. I am not hungry but I have saliva into my mouth for craving what îs around me. Îs my second Day at home after surgery on Thursday. I did not think how much difference this surgery îs going to do in my life...

So any tips for handling food dispar?

I feel your pain. I had surgery a few weeks before Thanksgiving last year. That was tough.

Honestly, that is the problem that gets us all in the condition we were in. You just have to focus on something other than the food. Maybe go out for a walk when you are really stressing about it or maybe get involved in something else to distract yourself from it. Maybe it is not the best idea to have guests over on a food focused visit where it is going to do this to yourself. Until you get to a point where it becomes second nature it is not a good idea. I started my pre op diet earlier than I should have so that I could grow accustomed to not having the food so it was not thrust upon me. I have lost 20 pounds and for me, that motivates me away from the food. Do I want a bag of chips? It would taste great, sure, but my guilt would be so high I just turn my head and don't think about it. My workplace is a maze of treats....chips in the kitchen area, candy at the reception desk, people microwaving popcorn, food deliveries for lunch etc, etc. I have not really had the craving because I constantly tell myself I have to move forward and not backward. You cannot allow yourself to slip back into the overeating.

I suggest working with a bariatric therapist (see if your surgery center can recommend someone) because the cravings will not go away on their own, and if you had problems with binge eating before, it will hinder your progress, even if you lose weight in the beginning, you will start to regain. Good luck!

I do have some additional suggestions as someone who is 4 years post-surgery and has stalled weight loss and needs to start doing these again. 1) I didn't eat anything for 2 months after my surgery because my surgeon had me on a liquid diet to help the healing. If you can do that, you can do anything! 2) I still get cravings but they are mental. I drink water whenever I crave something and after several days, if I'm still craving it, I will have a small amount of what I am craving. But I NEVER binge. 3) portions matter. Stop eating when you're full. I don't care if you only have a couple of bites left on your plate. Get out of the "I can't waste food" mentality. Yes, it sucks to waste food and that will encourage you to have smaller portions in the first place. 4) take your vitamins every day. Cravings are, in part, due to our body needing specific nutrients. If you take your vitamins every day, you will have fewer cravings. 5) drink more liquids to feel full. 6) distractions like Tony said, but they don't always have to be physical, they can be mental as well. Read a book or do a puzzle, something that occupies your mind and hands. And most importantly, 7) block all ads on your social media that relate to food. Seeing food, even as ads, will tell your brain it's hungry when it's not.

So yes, I suggest staying away from your mom's food as much as possible. If you're allowed to eat at this point (or for future gatherings) I suggest asking someone who knows your condition to get you a small plate of food. That way you don't see the spread yourself and over-indulge. The person who gets your plate should know your diet constraints and be portion conscious.

7 hours ago, Stalled said:

Get out of the "I can't waste food" mentality. Yes, it sucks to waste food

15 hours ago, lizonaplane said:

I suggest working with a bariatric therapis

We were all conditioned to not waste food. Remember Mom saying, eat all your food there are people starving in(pick a country). I've learned that I don't have to waste food in order to not work around my restriction. (That's what we do when we are full and continue to eat) When I eat and my restriction kicks in (thank goodness after 4 yrs I still have a pretty good one) I stop eating, put the food in a container, store in fridge and eat the next day. I will eat the same thing for a few days so that I don't waste the food but most importantly so that I'm not tempted to work around my restriction.

I went to a therapist. This therapist was recommended by others in my support group. I honestly didn't find her to be as helpful as talking and interacting with others who had the surgery.

One other note to the OP, your family has to be in your corner 100%. Mom should not have had a large dinner with you only days post op. That's like a recovering alcoholic who has sit through a cocktail party. It will not bode well. I also find that drinking plain water or herbal tea helps control the craving to eat. It does two things, first the action of getting the drink takes your mind away from the food and the liquid helps to fill your stomach so that you eat less.

2 hours ago, Danpaul said:

We were all conditioned to not waste food. Remember Mom saying, eat all your food there are people starving in(pick a country). I've learned that I don't have to waste food in order to not work around my restriction. (That's what we do when we are full and continue to eat) When I eat and my restriction kicks in (thank goodness after 4 yrs I still have a pretty good one) I stop eating, put the food in a container, store in fridge and eat the next day. I will eat the same thing for a few days so that I don't waste the food but most importantly so that I'm not tempted to work around my restriction.

I went to a therapist. This therapist was recommended by others in my support group. I honestly didn't find her to be as helpful as talking and interacting with others who had the surgery.

One other note to the OP, your family has to be in your corner 100%. Mom should not have had a large dinner with you only days post op. That's like a recovering alcoholic who has sit through a cocktail party. It will not bode well. I also find that drinking plain Water or herbal tea helps control the craving to eat. It does two things, first the action of getting the drink takes your mind away from the food and the liquid helps to fill your stomach so that you eat less.

You say something very important here....the mother should not have had the dinner and it is like a recovering alcoholic going to a cocktail party. The difference I think is that the mother would NOT have her come to a cocktail party if she was an alcoholic or make an alcohol centered offering. The difference is significant because obesity is still one of those things that people STILL look at as an easily corrected behavioral issue. Most accept alcoholism as a disease and have empathy for those who struggle with alcohol while those same people have no empathy and in some cases disgust and look down upon those who have weight problems or unhealthy relationships with food. This is really backed up by the way society treats and supports those who are thin vs those who are overweight. Go on social media and see how all the "woke" people who are so empathetic toward race, religion, sexual harrassment etc but find a post about a fat person hilarious! It is a cultural problem that has lingered amongst all the political correctness.

Tony you are so correct. I belong to Over Eaters Anonymous. In some buildings that we rent space to have meetings AA will also have their meetings. This is usually in a church or private school. I would hear snide comments from some building staff about OA that they would never think to say about AA. Such as thats the fatties meeting or referring to the group a chubby's anonymous.

Exactly. I am not sure why this happens.

Misconceptions abound. My often cited one is looking at a person who is poor and obese. People will say look at that person complaining about not having money but probably wasted their money on food. The misconception is, poor people have poor food choices. Their diet consists of cheap over processed carb based foods. Eating these on a consistent basis will eventually lead to obesity. These poor food choices are direct marketed, readily available, easy to consume and cheaply priced. I too was a victim of this until I started to eat better quality food to maintain my weight loss. I don't know how many times I had to explain this to people who have no clue about food nutrition. I can't blame them, until my WLS I didn't know as well.

Hi @gabydoc
I’ve been facing the same thing with new family gatherings since we all got vaccinated. I agree with @TonyB and @lizonaplane. I got more supports from a distant aunt and from a therapist. I also brought it up to a support group for WLS, OA would fill that same niche.

The goal is to enjoy (or endure) the party staying true to your goals of health. I had to pick a likely person for support, great aunt. I spent most of my time outside away from food. I ate BEFORE the party. I drank my water during the party. I convinced the teenagers to go for a walk. The focus became the beach, the dogs, and the people.

I read you are day 2? I’m not sure I was fit for society on day 2. Maybe this party can be a pass until you are ready to come out of your butterfly chrysalis. Best wishes!

I suggest a therapist that specializes in disordered eating. Many people benefit from them in this community. I always thought it was actual hunger that I was experiencing pre surgery but now that I am still having jt post surgery I know it is head hunger and I indeed have an eating disorder of sort. (I have only had one session with mine and can’t say if it’s going to help but so many people swear it changed their lives I figured I’d try it).

Hello again and thank you all for comments. They really helped. I knew all my life that I binge eat but in spite of all the therapy, nothing helped. this is why I decided to have the surgery. I will do the social changes too in order to keep the track. Someone said that ”if you can do liquid diet, you can do anything”. That helped also.

I do not intend to change my family life too much and not being able to swallow really did the trick in remembering not to eat. So I stayed away of food during all meals. The shakes helped too. I am now in week 2 and allready lost 6,5 kg. So lets rock the world!!!

I have a weird trick that works for me. Everyone was eating cake earlier this week for the office birthdays and I was tempted to eat a piece. Then I reminded myself that I have already eaten that piece of cake. That piece of cake is in the fat in my belly. I thoroughly enjoyed it when I ate it a year ago or two years ago or whenever it was. I already had my serving of cake and I opted to take it earlier lol. Like I said it's weird, but it works for me.

Awesome thanks