My husband refuses to drop me off or pick me up from the hospital. He disagrees with my decision to have surgery. I expected this but now need a plan. For those who have a spouse like mine or kept your surgery a secret, how did you arrange for hospital pick-up/ drop-off? Uber? Swear a friend to secrecy?

8 hours ago, Tony B - NJ said:

I think your husband is being extremely selfish and has other reasons why he doesn't want you to get the surgery. Maybe he is self conscious and is afraid if you lose a lot of weight that he will lose you. Maybe bring that conversation up. If that is the reason, he needs to grow up, pull on his big boy pants and get over it. In ANY case he needs to grow up and get over it. It is his responsibility as a husband to take care of you regardless of his feelings. he can disagree but he MUST take care of you during and after the surgery or to be honest, he is not worth being with. Sorry for the bluntness, but it is really true.

I like bluntness. I agree with what you said. I was hoping my husband would step up for me like I would if it were him. My doctor told me early on that some relationships don't survive the surgery. She's probably seen these situations hundreds of times.

4 hours ago, Shelly689 said:

WHAT! Totally Uacceptable. My husband is fit and thin and doesn't agree 100% but has purchased all of my items 4 liquid diet and will definitely be there during and after. He can agree to disagree but his job is be by your side. Sorry you are going through this. This process is stressful enough.

Thank you.

5 hours ago, Vanessa Kiro said:

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’d recommend you take an Uber to the hospital and ask a neighbor or coworker to pick you up from. That way you only ask them for one service and they are more likely to say yes

Yeah, maybe I could arrange just a pick up.

This situation is why I am divorced. Your husband sounds like ex. He hated when I wanted to do something to improve my health. This may have been years ago and long before I actually started the process to gastric bypass but it is still true.

He says things like this to stop you from doing it and refusing to drive you in the hopes you won’t be able to have the surgery without a ride. I’m sorry to say it but he’s emotionally abusive. Manipulating your situation to keep you where he wants you. This relationship is toxic. After you get home and he proceeds to behave like this and not help you, divorce him. You may find yourself becoming mentally stronger and long term success without being beat down emotionally because you made a decision for you.

10 hours ago, DoodlesMom said:

I like bluntness. I agree with what you said. I was hoping my husband would step up for me like I would if it were him. My doctor told me early on that some relationships don't survive the surgery. She's probably seen these situations hundreds of times.

Have a more blunt conversation with him. Do not let HIS insecurity get in the way of you achieving this goal. This is not a selfish goal you are pursuing, it is a healthy goal that you are right to pursue. Hang in there and good luck.

17 hours ago, Ashley_vsg_2021 said:

I find it super annoying that people need to stress how supportive their spouses are obviously knowing yours is not. Literally no advice, just a boast on “my husbands better than yours” pretty much .. anyways .. understanding that your husband is unsupportive, I really stress to please try and find a support system! Even if paid, you will need support. Not to mention your hormones will be everywhere and that alone is a big one post surgery!

I agree with that you say here. That is why I was extremely blunt in my advice. I think anyone who has a spouse that let's their own insecurity lead to statements of non support need a firm talking to and a corrective action if they cannot put aside their petty insecurity and do what is right for their partner.

I just thought of it but maybe you could post something at your clinic asking for a real life surgery buddy. That way you can get help from someone post surgery that understands this whole process and maybe make a friend in the process.

You could also ask your clinic if they have support groups and if so go to one of those and ask if anyone can help you??

55 minutes ago, ShoppGirl said:

You could also ask your clinic if they have support groups and if so go to one of those and ask if anyone can help you??

Good idea. I am sure there is some charitable organization that helps people with this

I’m having the surgery on Wednesday. Should be able to leave the hospital on Thursday. My BF isn’t able to come get me either. I plan on taking a taxi or the train, depending on how I’m feeling. They never mentioned anything about someone having to be there to pick me up. Getting kinda worried now reading the comments. If it’s a requirement, they should have mentioned it imo.

My husband refuses to drop me off or pick me up from the hospital. He disagrees with my decision to have surgery. I expected this but now need a plan. For those who have a spouse like mine or kept your surgery a secret, how did you arrange for hospital pick-up/ drop-off? Uber? Swear a friend to secrecy?

I hope you have some friend. At least take a taxi but maybe It will cost you. Your husband way of doing Is unforgivable[emoji34]

xx

Edited August 13, 20214 yr by Maisey

2 hours ago, muffin.x said:

I’m having the surgery on Wednesday. Should be able to leave the hospital on Thursday. My BF isn’t able to come get me either. I plan on taking a taxi or the train, depending on how I’m feeling. They never mentioned anything about someone having to be there to pick me up. Getting kinda worried now reading the comments. If it’s a requirement, they should have mentioned it imo.

I would ask when the nurses call to go over your surgery because they may not let you leave unless they are releasing you into the care of someone. You don’t want to get stuck there for another night or however long if you can avoid it.

I'm sorry that your husband isn't supporting your decision to have was. It must be so disappointing and hurtful when your spouse won't even drive you to & from the hospital. I truly hope he has a change of heart and realizes that you would like for him to be more supportive.?

Maybe in your therapy sessions or talks regarding the topic, you could ask him (again, if you already have) if it would help if he spoke to the doctor to find out more about the surgery or if he would be interested in hearing or reading about other people who have gone through it. Although, it sounds like he is not open to it at this point. But he does need to know that you want this (wls) and you will do it with or without his support, but prefer he was on board.

Good luck to you with your surgery & finding a ride. I hope you have or find a positive support system. You have many of us on here rooting for you!?

4 hours ago, muffin.x said:

I’m having the surgery on Wednesday. Should be able to leave the hospital on Thursday. My BF isn’t able to come get me either. I plan on taking a taxi or the train, depending on how I’m feeling. They never mentioned anything about someone having to be there to pick me up. Getting kinda worried now reading the comments. If it’s a requirement, they should have mentioned it imo.

For almost every major surgery (and some minor) most hospitals/clinics will only release you to an adult over 18.