I am brand new to all of this today...so this may have come up before. What was/is your greatest fear going into surgery?

I am being sleeved on 11/18. I am VERY EXCITED to take this next important step in my life. There are so many things I think (and research) about as the date draws closer and closer...but my GREATEST FEAR is that I won't like the way that I look. I know that may seem very shallow given the complexity and importance of everything else tied to the procedure...but I can't help it.

I have been big my entire life....and I actually like the way that I look (except for my torso). I just want/need to get my health under control.

Does anyone else have crazy things like this that consume their mental side of the experience?

You aren't alone. I'm so used to how I look now, I'm worried I won't like what I see. Especially with loose skin and possible hair loss. But, at the end of the day, my desire to add years to my life outweighs my concern in that way. It's not shallow imo. How we look changes the way a lot of the world reacts to us, which feeds our own insecurities or appreciations.

I'm actually nervous about how people may treat me differently. I've heard sometimes there can be jealousy, or previous friendships fall apart because you are no longer their "fat friend". Which, I guess in hindsight, is better to know then to not know. I'm sure I'll still be the same dorky me, but lighter. Hopefully most of my friends and family will be supportive.

I'm excited for you and your journey. I'm right there with you.

People will treat you different for sure. But, you will be a different person. No matter what people say WLS will change you. Goods and bads...

I had two major fears:

1. I would have some sort of serious complication. For some reason, people delight in telling you horror stories once they know you are having bariatric surgery and all that gave me anxiety.

2. I was afraid it wouldn't work. I don't know why, I just wasn't confident that the surgery would be effective for me.

As it turned out, both fears were unnecessary. I had no major issues with surgery and I'm happy with my results so far. ? And now I get to be a counter-example for all those horror stories, LOL.

Nothing wrong with caring about your appearance, nor wanting to feel comfortable with what you see in the mirror. We all know that its not helpful to worry about something that may or not happen in the future, but we do it anyway. Maybe the goal is not to stop worrying, but to deal with the worry a little bit better. There are a myriad of things you can do, and something in there is bound to ease the anxiety (even if just a little)...just need to find it. Since you didn't ask, I won't list them out, but Google is your friend.

To the question you did ask:

My greatest fear was dying on the table. When I woke up from surgery my first thought was "Yes! I'm alive!"

My current greatest fear is still also dying. After over 15+ years of being MO, I am so grateful to be in a body that allows me to enjoy so many aspects of life that I want lots and lots and lots of more years to do it.

Edited October 19, 20205 yr by ms.sss

Complications during surgery was #1 and getting my hopes up and them cancelling on me at the last second was #2. I guess a distant #3 was it not working at all and all the work was for nothing.

I had 2 major fears.

1) Like many others, dying on the table. This was especially bad as I could not say goodbye or hug my loved ones due to COVID quarantine.

2) Saying goodbye to how I used to eat, permanently. I had an abusive relationship with food and I was afraid that I wasn't ready to change my relationship with eating. It was hard at first... I spent some time mourning food, right before and during my pre-op diet. But through therapy and with help from the surgery I've been able to reduce my reliance on food for comfort. My body seems to enjoy healthier, simpler meals more than complex/fatty ones, so the comfort I used to find in chicken nuggets I get from some good soup.

My biggest fears are:
1. Dying- I am the breadwinner for my family, have two young children, and two elderly parents with dementia I take care of. I need to be here because there are a lot of people counting on me for pretty much everything.
2. It not working- I feel like I hear so many horror stories of it not working, or people losing only a small amount of weight before nothing happening. I know it generally works, but you can’t help but be concerned that you might go through all this for nothing.
3. Regain. This is not my first rodeo with weight loss. Over 10 years ago I lost 150 lbs (without surgery) and had an amazing experience being “thin” for the first time in my life with all the accolades, pride, etc that comes with it. Only to gain it all back plus a lot more. I am doing everything I can to try to make this time different but I’ve done it to myself before and I’m terrified I’ll do it again.
4. My freaking insurance finding some dumb loophole to deny my surgery that they submitted for last week! Or Covid causing elective surgeries to be cancelled again and my husband losing his job that has the Bariatric coverage medical insurance before they resume surgery. Or basically some new reason that I get denied after so many years trying to make this work.
5. Complications: a leak, chronic issues, being nauseous forever, a clot, having to have the surgery revised later due to gerd, or any other issues that I can think of.

So basically what are my greatest fears? Everything, it looks like. Ha!

4 minutes ago, blackcatsandbaddecisions said:

4. My freaking insurance finding some dumb loophole to deny my surgery that they submitted for last week! Or Covid causing elective surgeries to be cancelled again and my husband losing his job that has the Bariatric coverage medical insurance before they resume surgery. Or basically some new reason that I get denied after so many years trying to make this work.

Yes..... I forgot about this one since it has been so long since I was originally approved. I was so worried I would get the surgery then the insurance would back out of paying and I'd get stuck with a huge bill! Seems funny now.

2 hours ago, BayougirlMrsS said:

People will treat you different for sure. But, you will be a different person. No matter what people say WLS will change you. Goods and bads...

What are a few of the bads you are referring to? If you don't mind?

3 hours ago, Jaelzion said:

2. I was afraid it wouldn't work. I don't know why, I just wasn't confident that the surgery would be effective for me.

^^^^^^^^^^^ THIIIIIIS ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

I have been big my entire life and i've tried EVERYTHING and was afraid that bariatric surgery would be the same way. So far, this is working the best for me (bypassed in July) and I feel more confident with this than I did with anything else. Sometimes our minds are our own worst enemy.

Body dysmorphia after surgery is real and requires some adjustments every time you look in the mirror. Mine is mild compared to others, but occasionally I am shocked and dismayed by the weird lumps and bumps of fat as I lose weight. I also have some extra wrinkles in my neck that suddenly make me feel old. With that said, I would not trade my dramatically improved health and energy for anything.

I can’t recall any specific fears prior to surgery, although I did have the standard bit of nerves about surgery. Now, I am just afraid of falling off the wagon at some point and regaining all of the weight I have lost.

Wishing you the best as you make life changing decisions!

Edited October 19, 20205 yr by WishMeSmaller

1. Dying during the surgery

2. Complications that result in me being more ill afterwards than I was before

Depressing but true!

2 hours ago, blackcatsandbaddecisions said:

2. It not working- I feel like I hear so many horror stories of it not working, or people losing only a small amount of weight before nothing happening. I know it generally works, but you can’t help but be concerned that you might go through all this for nothing.
3. Regain. This is not my first rodeo with weight loss. Over 10 years ago I lost 150 lbs (without surgery) and had an amazing experience being “thin” for the first time in my life with all the accolades, pride, etc that comes with it. Only to gain it all back plus a lot more. I am doing everything I can to try to make this time different but I’ve done it to myself before and I’m terrified I’ll do it again.
4. My freaking insurance finding some dumb loophole to deny my surgery that they submitted for last week! Or Covid causing elective surgeries to be cancelled again and my husband losing his job that has the Bariatric coverage medical insurance before they resume surgery. Or basically some new reason that I get denied after so many years trying to make this work.

All of these. Well said.

Mine are:

The surgery not working

Vomiting right after surgery

Complications

My age

Not telling my kids about the surgery

Pretty much the same as what others have already said!

• Complications - The main reason I took so long to have the surgery (I first looked into it about 15 years ago) is that I've always been lucky enough to have good health, and I was afraid that I would have complications and end up being sick and in the hospital all the time. I actually didn't worry that much about dying, but I don't have any dependents. In the last few days before surgery, it occurred to me that I should put my affairs in order just in case. I intended to leave some notes on my work in case I died and someone had to pick up what I was doing, but I eventually decided, "If I'm dead, work can be someone else's problem."
• Surgery getting canceled/delayed - I had a fairly narrow window to get the surgery at a time that wouldn't conflict with any major commitments, and I was afraid I wouldn't be able to get in that window because of COVID, insurance delays, issues discovered during pre-op testing (I had this feeling that they would find a problem on the EKG the morning of surgery, or that I would get COVID right before surgery), and then I'd have to wait until next year to do it. The pre-op process seemed a little too easy and I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
• Not losing weight/regain - I live in fear of regain every single day. I've been on a lot of diets and lost a lot of weight, only to regain it and more every time. I've heard of people getting WLS and regaining all the weight, and wow, that would be devasting, to go through all of this and end up back where I started. I'm doing great now, but I have this nagging knowledge that I've been here before, succeeding at weight loss for a short period of time, but I've never been able to sustain it in the long run.

I actually had very little concern about my appearance since I looked horrible at my heaviest and it could only improve. I wasn't bothered by the thought of having loose skin because I think loose skin is far better than the alternative (skin full of fat). I never thought I would consider plastic surgery, but now I'm jealous of the results of people here who have had it, so I'm not so sure anymore (I still have a long way to go before I get to that bridge, though).