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Frustrated with "I know someone who gained it all back" reactions



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I had surgery last July and I've lost 70 lbs. When I see people that I haven't seen in a while that is usually one of the first things that comes up. Immediately after "You look great!" comes the "How are you doing it?". What is most frustrating to me is that it seems like when I open up to people about my surgery so many choose to share that they know someone who did it, lost a bunch of weight, then gained it back or weigh more than before. I'm SO sick of hearing that! I feel bad to mislead people about how I'm losing so much weight because I know that desperate feeling of hoping to discover the "perfect" diet. I could just say that I only drink Water and mostly eat Protein but I'd feel like I was lying because I know I couldn't do this without the surgery. I've tried losing weight so many times. I am seriously surprised about the number of people that have reacted that way. In a way it is motivational driver to keep the weight off but it is also annoying because it keeps happening. This journey hasn't been easy and I'm proud of my accomplishments so it is depressing when someone's first response is negative.

Has anyone else experienced a lot of negativity when you open up about having surgery? How do you respond? Just wondering.

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22 minutes ago, Basham53 said:

Has anyone else experienced a lot of negativity when you open up about having surgery? How do you respond? Just wondering.

Interestingly enough not. Most people don't have a clue and ask some questions like "Does it work?", "Are there things you can't eat anymore or can you eat anything?", "Do you feel still hungry?", "Does it feel somehow weird or something?"

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I lost a friend for wanting my surgery, I was being a bad influence on her daughter, who was very interested in the surgery. I also get the common statements of oh i know people who have died, people who get the surgery look so sick....blah blah

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41 minutes ago, Basham53 said:

What is most frustrating to me is that it seems like when I open up to people about my surgery so many choose to share that they know someone who did it, lost a bunch of weight, then gained it back or weigh more than before.

So, sadly, this is a reality. The ASMBS places much higher success rates on surgery. But that is because their definition of success is "people who maintain a 50% EBWL over a 5 year period" post surgically. That mean that people regain 10-20% based on their original average expectations of weight loss.

I think it's how we choose to perceive and frame these comments. I hear that a lot. And it makes me:

1. Continually aware of the existence of this being a possibility. (AKA Scared Straight! Cuz I think of this potential any time I face a choice to eat calorie dense, emotionally vacant meals--oh I'm talking bout you French Fries & pizza. It helps reinforce my behavior to eat mindfully with healthy choices. It's not 100% but it's at minimum 80-90% and works for me.)

2. It makes me exercise every day to keep my metabolism up and to not rescind into old slothful habits.

3. It keeps me connected to my support system (support group in real life and online, and to BP forum) + doc + RD + psych

4. It keeps me focused on building new health living skills and having a barihealthylife!

5. It makes me determined to not be a statistic anyone will be able to say about me. I will do anything necessary to be successful by my definition.

So you see? Don't waste energy on anger. Turn it to your advantage!

Congrats on all your hard work!!!!

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The most negative statistical outcomes has been directly attributed to "The band" . most insurance companies don't even cover it anymore, and most surgeons will not perform the surgery. I believe one of the easiest ways to counter the negative vibes that you may encounter when talking to someone who "knows someone" that has significantly failed is to merely ask the question: "do you know what type of WLS they had".

In my experience pre and post op, virtually everyone says the same thing: "they had the band". If so, then just take a few minutes to talk about your surgery, and let them know that there is a significantly higher chance of success with the Sleeve or bypass. In fact if you look up the history of the sleeve, it was originally developed to be a "first step" in the bypass process, as an attempt to have severely obese people drop initial weight to a level which made the actual bypass easier and safer to accomplish.

What they however found in the majority of cases, was that patients didn't even need the bypass after the sleeve, which is why it is now so popular. The sleeve, and associated nutritional education are on the cutting edge (no pun intended) as a cure of the blight on our populace by the proliferation of cheap easily available questionable food choices. Corporate marketing of non-complex high carbs and calorie laden meals are literally tapping into the same brain chemistry as heroin dealers.

The food industry makes in money in carbohydrates, not Protein. Protein is expensive. Carbs are cheap. When you go out for your "reasonably priced" Pasta meal, consider that 85% of what is on your plate, cost them 10% of what you are paying. The protein then eats up 75+% of their costs. Unfortunately they are typically covered in sauces to make you think they are all the same thing. Not! The cheap carbs are what cause the problem and they are the majority of most meals.

As a side note to all of your "banders" who have succeeded. Bravo! I know it cant be easy.

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No problem here Screw People - I developed the attitude that most of the people most of the time have no Freakin clue what they are talking about and they just run there mouths to here themselves look or feel good!

My suggestion is like me be a ice queen and just ignore them, Most of it is useless opinions and views - Remember we all did this for our self not for any reason but to get healthy, So why would we listen to stupid people

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The stigma of WLS is one of the reasons I chose not to tell many people about my sleeve. I'm a rather private person anyway, so when people started seeing me lose weight and asked, I answered truthfully: I'm eating less, focusing on Protein, cut carbs and snacking (or any combination of all the sleeve behaviors I've adopted). I don't feel too guilty about it. It's the truth and they don't need to know my personal health history.

That being said, I haven't experienced much negativity from those who I have chosen to tell. My son was the only one who seemed taken back. He reacted disappointed in me, almost angry, but hasn't really commented much. Otherwise, my closest and truest friends have been nothing but supportive.

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1 hour ago, Fatboyslim1 said:

In fact if you look up the history of the sleeve, it was originally developed to be a "first step" in the bypass process, as an attempt to have severely obese people drop initial weight to a level which made the actual bypass easier and safer to accomplish.

Sorry to say but this is incorrect information.

The sleeve was originally designed to be the first step in the DS operation. Not the bypass. It's actually quite complex to do an RNY following VSG.

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I'm only 7 weeks out, but keep private, with the exception of close friends and family. Some of my family were concerned with my decision, but are excited and supportive now. The surgery was a drastic enough step that I am laser focused on lifestyle change at the moment and I am hopefully building a healthy resiliancy to get me to my goal and past the honeymoon phase and into maintenance. I guess I am too busy and self absorbed to pay attention to nay-sayers. [emoji2] I guess sometimes that's a good thing.

Sent from my Pixel 2 using BariatricPal mobile app

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1 hour ago, FluffyChix said:

Sorry to say but this is incorrect information.

The sleeve was originally designed to be the first step in the DS operation. Not the bypass. It's actually quite complex to do an RNY following VSG.

Potatoe potato :). While true true, the first was in reference to DS, thereafter original proving ground test subjects were RYGB. Regardless is was conceived as a "first step" for the morbidly obese to allow for easier follow up Bariatric surgery, with less complications.

i believe the sleeve alone has the highest 5 year rate, for those with a starting BMI of under 40.

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Whatever dude but VSG and RNY were NEVER intended to be part of the same surgery.

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1 hour ago, Fatboyslim1 said:

Potatoe potato

Using that to compare sleeve to RNY ... I don’t think sleeve was intended as a first step surgery but as a stand-alone procedure while RNY is gold standard. Duodenal switch is very rarely done but uses a sleeve type method with gallbladder removal and intestinal rerouting. I was interested in DS because I needed cholecystectomy due to chronic inflammation but sleeve isn’t good for GERd.

28 minutes ago, FluffyChix said:

Whatever dude but VSG and RNY were NEVER intended to be part of the same surgery.

I agree @FluffyChix as well as it seems many people who get sleeved end up getting RNY due to developing acid reflux (GERd) I’m still perplexed by some things about the procedures, like how they can go from sleeve to RNY.

4 hours ago, Fatboyslim1 said:

The most negative statistical outcomes has been directly attributed to "The band" 

I do agree that a lot of problems arise from gastric banding. But sleeves also can stretch and people can ignore the restrictions and rules of the tool they were given with whichever surgery they chose. So you have skepticism when mentioning any type of bariatric surgery. But modern day surgery, with the right surgical team, along with a good nutrition plan and mindfulness can change the outcome a great deal.

4 hours ago, FluffyChix said:

I think it's how we choose to perceive and frame these comments. I hear that a lot. And it makes me:

1. Continually aware of the existence of this being a possibility. (AKA Scared Straight! Cuz I think of this potential any time I face a choice to eat calorie dense, emotionally vacant meals--oh I'm talking bout you French Fries & pizza. It helps reinforce my behavior to eat mindfully with healthy choices. It's not 100% but it's at minimum 80-90% and works for me.)

2. It makes me exercise every day to keep my metabolism up and to not rescind into old slothful habits.

3. It keeps me connected to my support system (support group in real life and online, and to BP forum) + doc + RD + psych

 4. It keeps me focused on building new health living skills and having a barihealthylife!

5. It makes me determined to not be a statistic anyone will be able to say about me. I will do anything necessary to be successful by my definition.

So you see? Don't waste energy on anger. Turn it to your advantage!

As usual fluffychix is right. We also need to sometimes let others weight comments roll off our backs, and walk away.

this kind of thing is hard for me, I’m can’t read people. But I notice when I was gaining no one says anything not even my doctor when I’m pleading for help. I don’t get out often but now people see me and I get the occasional comment on how Skinny I’m getting or I’m disappearing. Which ... well is a double edge sword since I’ve spent my life invisible. I’m losing weight for me not for commentary. Although yes we don’t want to look at our reflection and dislike what we see and other people tend to act as mirrors. And their comments as well.

ultimately the journey is never linear no matter how we want it to be but in the moment someone asks you just say exactly as it is, you had bariatric surgery, your goal is to be successful no matter what happened to whomever else had surgery. And maybe, they are a bit jealous that you are succeeding. It’s sad that people need to be that way.

it does scare me that despite all my fight I won’t hang on to the weight loss because I can’t exercise and my health gets worse. I’m using my tool though and following rules. Even when the people around me don’t understand them. Or why in the rare times I go out to eat I’m so restricted.

sorry. Not only did I answer backwards but went off on a tangent. But the op question is on a lot of minds I’m sure for those unlike me with actual lives around actual humans. But those humans can be rather harsh when it comes to things like food and weight. I will never understand it.

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One of my coworkers is concerned and doesn’t think I should have the surgery because another coworker of ours had the lap band done and gained weight back. Darned if you do, darned if you don’t. Everyone else in my life that knows is supportive (at least to my face! 😂).

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One of my coworkers is concerned and doesn’t think I should have the surgery because another coworker of ours had the lap band done and gained weight back. Darned if you do, darned if you don’t. Everyone else in my life that knows is supportive (at least to my face! 😂).

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Usually when purple are unsuccessful it has very little to do with the SURGERY itself!!!!

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