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Realizing just how fat I was...and still am



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Posted (edited)

When I began this journey at the beginning of 2018 I was 426 pounds. Can't tell you measurements because all my clothes were in X's and not inches. But for reference, I was in a 5x shirt from Casual Male. I only wore sweatpants and those were also a 5x. People only saw me in clothes and the comment I often heard was that I carried my weight well. Being 6'1" I had the advantage of being tall and heavy vs short and heavy. It was all an illusion.

Medically I was prediabetic, on CPAP, could only sleep on my back, had knee pain and sweated like a frog fresh out of the pond in any weather over 72 degrees.

7 months post surgery and I am down 139 pounds. My A1C is 4, off the CPAP, I can sleep on my side, I can walk all day and not have knee pain...unfortunatley I still sweat a lot.

My physical appearance has changed in visible ways. Prior to surgery, I use to measure my weight loss and gain by how close I was to my steering wheel. If I was rubbing it then it was a bad week, if I could fit my hand between my belly and the wheel it was a good week (I avoided scales, I knew I was fat and honestly just wanted to get by in life). I look down at my steering wheel now and I see the marks where my belt scratched up the leather. Now there are a good 10 inches between me and the steering wheel. I can get in a car accident and not worry that the airbag is going to kill me.

I can see the weight loss in my face:

facial.jpg.38641eb93be5bb084e9c060beaa6a25c.jpg

I also see the weight loss around my body. My shoulders are boney, my arms have lots of skin, my butt sags, the skin just hangs everywhere.

I'm down to a 2x and my waist is in a 50 pant which needs a belt. I hold these clothes out in front of me as I'm about to put them on and I say to myself, "There is no way this will fit me" or "Boy this is gonna look tight" and the clothes fits perfect. Not tight and hides my sag well.

Overall I don't want to sound like I'm not delighted, but I'm realizing just how large I was...and honestly still am.

I wish I were brave enough to take a photo so I could show you what I mean, but I can't believe after all this weight coming off I'm still so big. I sit and there is a huge belly still in my lap. My thighs are huge. Maybe as I continue to lose weight these two areas will decrease dramatically, but it seems like there must be 150 lbs there alone.

I never thought for a moment that after my surgery I was going to have a thin, fit beach body. I hoped though that it would be less fat looking when dressed and in public. I almost feel like I want to tell people "Yeah, but just half a year ago I was..."

Edited by MikeIL
correction

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1 hour ago, MikeIL said:

When I began this journey at the beginning of 2018 I was 426 pounds. Can't tell you measurements because all my clothes were in X's and not inches. But for reference, I was in a 5x shirt from Casual Male. I only wore sweatpants and those were also a 5x. People only saw me in clothes and the comment I often heard was that I carried my weight well. Being 6'1" I had the advantage of being tall and heavy vs short and heavy. It was all an illusion.

Medically I was prediabetic, on CPAP, could only sleep on my back, had knee pain and sweated like a frog fresh out of the pond in any weather over 72 degrees.

7 months post surgery and I am down 139 pounds. My A1C is 4, off the CPAP, I can sleep on my side, I can walk all day and not have knee pain...unfortunatley I still sweat a lot.

My physical appearance has changed in visible ways. Prior to surgery, I use to measure my weight loss and gain by how close I was to my steering wheel. If I was rubbing it then it was a bad week, if I could fit my hand between my belly and the wheel it was a good week (I avoided scales, I knew I was fat and honestly just wanted to get by in life). I look down at my steering wheel now and I see the marks where my belt scratched up the leather. Now there are a good 10 inches between me and the steering wheel. I can get in a car accident and not worry that the airbag is going to kill me.

I can see the weight loss in my face:

facial.jpg.38641eb93be5bb084e9c060beaa6a25c.jpg

I also see the weight loss around my body. My shoulders are boney, my arms have lots of skin, my butt sags, the skin just hangs everywhere.

I'm down to a 2x and my waist is in a 50 pant which needs a belt. I hold these clothes out in front of me as I'm about to put them on and I say to myself, "There is no way this will fit me" or "Boy this is gonna look tight" and the clothes fits perfect. Not tight and hides my sag well.

Overall I don't want to sound like I'm not delighted, but I'm realizing just how large I was...and honestly still am.

I wish I were brave enough to take a photo so I could show you what I mean, but I can't believe after all this weight coming off I'm still so big. I sit and there is a huge belly still in my lap. My thighs are huge. Maybe as I continue to lose weight these two areas will decrease dramatically, but it seems like there must be 150 lbs there alone.

I never thought for a moment that after my surgery I was going to have a thin, fit beach body. I hoped though that it would be less fat looking when dressed and in public. I almost feel like I want to tell people "Yeah, but just half a year ago I was..."

Dude, coming from someone who started their journey at around the same place, I have to say congrats. You definitely look like you've lost a lot.

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I know how you feel. I'm 50 pounds down but I feel bigger now than when I started because I didn't realize how big I was when I had surgery. I just couldn't see it. I was in denial. Now it's right in my face and I see every pound and inch of it.

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Congratulations on your successful journey!

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Posted (edited)

I totally understand , somehow what I thought a 70 lb. weight loss would look like doesn’t coincide with what I DO look like and obviously I am looking at how much longer I have to go instead of where I have come from. I also don’t believe it when people tell me how good I look . When someone compliments me I rattle off how much more I still have to go. I wish I could accept my success. Sometimes all I see is a wrinkly neck and sagging skin... but there are really good days as well.. is still never go back and the good way out weighs the bad. All we can do is change what we can and accept the flaws and not expect perfection .

Edited by Carrot64

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I think we all suffer from a bit of dysmorphia - it's so hard to see the progress how others see you. Well done for your hard work! You are looking great!

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On 6/12/2019 at 7:56 PM, MikeIL said:

My thighs are huge. Maybe as I continue to lose weight these two areas will decrease dramatically, but it seems like there must be 150 lbs there alone.

Weight loss is a b***h. The fat seems to be distributed kind of weird while and after losing weight quite often. It's royally annoying.

Quote

I never thought for a moment that after my surgery I was going to have a thin, fit beach body. I hoped though that it would be less fat looking when dressed and in public.

You've definitely come a long road already. Your weight loss is clearly visible in your face (and without a doubt it shows on the rest of your body as well).

However, you're still at a BMI of 38 after all. Technically that's class 2 obesity so it's quite normal that you still see yourself as "fat".

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And I am proud if and for you all, especially Mike and Carrot64, I too tried telling people how much more I needed to lose, guess I have never been good at saying Thank You and not belaboring the point. Either I am I ungrateful or I just have not had that many compliments in my life. When you are a fat baby, 36 pounds , 35 inches tall at one year, the size of an average American 2 and half year old, it is rough. Remember in the past the BORN TO BE WILD t-shirts? Someone should have issued me one BORN TO BE FAT, it was only the truth! And it has been difficult, notice I don't say impossible, only difficult, to lose 120+ pounds in 9 months but I am on my way and will remain on my way until my surgeons, other doctors and especially ME are satisfied, then I can go into Maintainance and like the motto I have adopted
THE REST OF MY LIFE WILL BE THE BEST OF MY LIFE!
JOY cometh slowly but JOy shall still come!

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