Has anyone kept your surgery a secret? I am pre-op and at this point, I don't want to have to explain WHY to everyone. I am also scared of being judged every time I eat in a social setting. What if I fail and have a regain, I can only imagine the judgment there. If you had it to do over again, would you tell people about the surgery, or not?

Only my husband and parents know (they help take care of my daughter). I've lost 115lbs and people constantly ask "what I'm doing" - my answer is always "eating less and exercising more" because it's TRUE. People also hate that answer so it stops most questions. Lol.

That being said, if you feel telling some folks would be helpful to you in terms of support and motivation, that's awesome! Just make sure its helpful to you and not out of some sense of obligation. You don't owe anyone an explaination, its your body and you CAN succeed with this tool! You're doing this for YOU not them. ?

The fact that our bodies are up for public commentary in general is creepy to me. Ugh!

Edited June 10, 20197 yr by Jonsie27
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3 hours ago, Jonsie27 said:

Only my husband and parents know (they help take care of my daughter). I've lost 115lbs and people constantly ask "what I'm doing" - my answer is always "eating less and exercising more" because it's TRUE. People also hate that answer so it stops most questions. Lol.

That being said, if you feel telling some folks would be helpful to you in terms of support and motivation, that's awesome! Just make sure its helpful to you and not out of some sense of obligation. You don't owe anyone an explaination, its your body and you CAN succeed with this tool! You're doing this for YOU not them. ?

The fact that our bodies are up for public commentary in general is creepy to me. Ugh!

I don't like the idea of being critiqued or having my body open to commentators at their free will either. I think that people feel at liberty to say whatever appeases them, without taking into consideration the consequences of their words. I also have to remember that other's abilities to take action and live a healthier lifestyle may be a trigger for another's insecurities. Just something to think about, because I have a family member who refuses to acknowledge the 30 pounds I've already shed. I'm not soliciting comments nor do I need validation, but 30 pounds is noticeable and we've discussed my sentiment regarding the excess weight. I commited to this journey last September and have been consistent. The only thing she says is, "what activity are you attaching yourself to this weekend?" Ohhhhh the shade, I just answer with pride....this 5k or this bike ride!!! I'm proud of myself and I am not going to allow or invite negativity to my life. We each will travel a different path towards success, my supporting cast will be determined along the way. I'm so private naturally and determined that, I don't have room for haters. Happiness is my choice...

Hi! I’m pre-op too (scheduled for 6/25) I had to go through the 6 month program because of my insurance and I haven’t told anyone apart from my husband, my sister, and my mother... my mother and sister had the surgery in the past and they didn’t tell anyone either except our immediate family members.
It’s worked for them all these years??‍♀️

Yes i did tell a lot of friends and neighbors. Now I wish I would have only maybe told a couple friends and my husband of course. I have had one neighbor who's a personal trainer ask me every time she sees me how much weight now? Okay im realizing that everyone you tell will look at you and the time frame from the surgery and think has she lost ? Or wow, she doesn't look like she's lost at all! ha Anyways only my opinion but if i were to do it again i would not ell anyone until they ask, 50-to whatever pounds later, and say have you lost weight?. Good luck , it's a personal choice, I think it can set us up for the old emotions of beating ourselves up again if we dont lose quick enough according to everyone else standards.

Edited June 13, 20197 yr by TreeMystic

It's a choice everyone makes for themselves there is no right or wrong here.I told a handful of people. Today, almost 21 months out those same few people are the only ones who know. My main reason for not telling everyone, I was afraid that I would lose the weight and regain it. I didn't want everyone to see that I failed at weight loss surgery. I had lost weight in the past only to go back to my old obsessions and regain it and then some. I really didn't know if I would be a long term success. Today, I struggle everyday to maintain the weight loss. I'm grateful for the surgery and the health benefits that I reap from the surgery. I've witnessed both the failures of those who didn't keep the weight off and more importantly those who are maintaining the weight loss. For me, losing the weight was the easy part, the surgery did it's job. Maintaining the weight loss is my job and as I said, it's a struggle each day. I take it one day at a time and if I'm successful today, then I build on that success the next day. If I fail by eating something that's not in my food plan, I regroup and redouble my efforts the next day. On day at a time.Those I have told have kept my "secret" and three have followed me by having WLS. Of the three one has told everyone that he had the surgery. As I said at the beginning of this response, It's a choice everyone makes for themselves there is no right or wrong here. Good luck and I wish you success and great health.

I didn’t keep it a secret but I didn’t go around telling everybody either my husband of course knows my children my sisters and some of the people that I’m close to. As for judgment I don’t care because I didn’t do it to just lose weight and to look better I did it because of my health I’m a diabetic I’m a cancer survivor and I have high blood pressure, My cancer is gone, My blood pressure is much lower, and my blood sugar is under take control of this is what matters to me, I don’t care what anybody says I did this for me and nothing else.

There is a big difference between a secret and something that is simply private. Secret frequently involved shame whereas if something is private it’s personal

I have not told anyone on the job, but they are amazed at how much weight I've lost. The good news is that I've always dieted so I just tell them I finally found a diet that works, lol... But honestly we do not need to explain our medical decisions with anyone.

I tell people. I mean, when you lose weight fast, they are either going to assume you had surgery or cancer. I've already felt with 2 cancer scares, and it's much easier to explain being sleeved and bypassed then having to explain my medical history.

I was actually asked "How" by someone for the first time today. I Joked and said "starvation and torture" and he took it and went on. Sometimes that's enough.

My surgery is scheduled for July 1. I was initially planning on telling just my husband and some of my immediate family who I hoped could come help care for my two young sons during recovery.

Then I came across THIS blog post, and it really changed my stance. I decided that even if some people shame or embarrass me, if I feel shame because of my choice to live a healthier life in a way that I will be able to succeed, then that might say something about my own need to work on self love and acceptance. Also, being secretive about it may delay other people's health journeys too; I know I personally gave weight loss surgery another look because of a friend who shared her experience, even after I'd dismissed it previously.

For myself, I have a very supportive community of other moms, so I decided that the problem was rooted in my own doubt and shame if I feared sharing with them. So though I'm certainly not broadcasting it, I have shared with maybe 8 people in that community, and probably will share with more. Mostly I have been blown away by their positive, affirming responses, and it has even helped me with my own process of mentally and emotionally preparing for all the changes. I also have told all of my immediate family, but don't plan on telling my husband's family, as they have a history of saying incredibly hurtful and ignorant things in regards to my body.

So, all that to say, you should feel free to share however much you feel comfortable with about your medical and bodily issues, but sometimes people surprise you and really show up with support and love if you give them that opportunity, and even just the act of sharing may help you work through some emotional things personally. Best of luck! ❤️

12 hours ago, DianaP said:

My surgery is scheduled for July 1. I was initially planning on telling just my husband and some of my immediate family who I hoped could come help care for my two young sons during recovery.

Then I came across THIS blog post, and it really changed my stance. I decided that even if some people shame or embarrass me, if I feel shame because of my choice to live a healthier life in a way that I will be able to succeed, then that might say something about my own need to work on self love and acceptance. Also, being secretive about it may delay other people's health journeys too; I know I personally gave weight loss surgery another look because of a friend who shared her experience, even after I'd dismissed it previously.

For myself, I have a very supportive community of other moms, so I decided that the problem was rooted in my own doubt and shame if I feared sharing with them. So though I'm certainly not broadcasting it, I have shared with maybe 8 people in that community, and probably will share with more. Mostly I have been blown away by their positive, affirming responses, and it has even helped me with my own process of mentally and emotionally preparing for all the changes. I also have told all of my immediate family, but don't plan on telling my husband's family, as they have a history of saying incredibly hurtful and ignorant things in regards to my body.

So, all that to say, you should feel free to share however much you feel comfortable with about your medical and bodily issues, but sometimes people surprise you and really show up with support and love if you give them that opportunity, and even just the act of sharing may help you work through some emotional things personally. Best of luck! ❤️

Thank you, Poignant post and I totally agree!

@DianaP I looked up on your profile where you l7ve. I wanted to see where you lived, with such a nice group of other moms, because it doesn't seem the norm here. I will be hop8ng to hear more good things from you as your own surgery time comes and then you start your New Future! The best of everything for you and your family, at least your side. I married into such a family myself! One of their statements that still bugs me and I've known these people , most of them 50by3ars and over " So and so is so pretty in the face!" always wanted to ask : Is the REST of that person's body chopped chickenbl8ger? And. they had a habit 9fcsaying this when they knew the person in question was withinbear shot And then that aunt would say ( with fake repentance) Oh my, did you hear that? Of course SHE heard, you have a Voice as loud as a Foghorn! AAND A FEW TIMES I HAD to hold and console the child or young adult 5heir words had wounded#

I told my work and my mom and of course my husband and that was it. I'm waiting until a year post op to actually announce it because then I'll have gotten though the hardest parts of it without having the condescending comments.

I’m losing weight at the moment. I had my gastric sleeve 2/28/19. I’ve lost 81 pounds from then to 6/7/19. I don’t tell a lot of people. I only tell a certain few.