Jonsie27

I'm 1 year 2 months post op and have lost 115lbs which is awesome. I have more energy and can do more things with my daughter, I'm in clothing sizes I have never worn! I should be the happiest I've ever been, but I have a mindset I feel is holding me back. This may seem ungrateful, but I'm ANGRY I'm treated differently now that I've lost weight. It's like I was invisible (or worse- gross) when I weighed 286 but now people notice me just because of what I look like and it PISSES ME OFF.I was all the things that make me ME before I lost weight and now it's like a revelation that I'm worthwhile somehow. All of this positive feedback would have been awesome when my self-esteem was in the toilet from being depressed and overweight. -My husband wants to tell me I look cute and wants to have more sex - and my 1st thought is why didn't you do this before? -People who wouldn't give me the time of day at work tell me my ideas are great - and I think, they were good before, why didn't you speak up then? -My family tells me nice things about myself and my clothes - I cant stop thinking about how I could have used this support BEFORE. Has this happened to anyone else? What do I do to move past this? Should I see a therapist? I don't want to be ungrateful...

Lets do it!!!!!! I've been thinking about a fitbit, maybe its time to take the plunge!

No offense, but I don't feel l angry with myself. Should I? Hmm, dont get it. Aw, hubby is a good dude. But going from his interest in sex pre-op (the level of which was fine with me) to his increased interest now feels like it's just based on my weight. That's not what I thought our relationship was based on, and I've got some hurt feelings about it. And I've talked about this a little bit above, but honestly, YES I would prefer he, and everyone else, didn't discuss my weight loss. Pre op and post op he asked how he could best support me (like I said, good dude) and I asked to not talk about it unless I bring it up - which is almost never and that's what we've done. That being said, thats what's supportive to ME. Other people may find support in validation from others, it's just not where I get mine. Am I being fair to him? Probably not! That's one of the reasons I made the post. I plan on heading for some therapy, but I'm also not planning on compromising on some of this. "That's just the way society works" and "you should be happy" are not good enough.

Sometimes I feel like its good to look at these because its so easy to get caught up in the "I'm still losing I gotta keep pushing" mindset.

Hello! My roux en y was 4/4/2018 and I've lost 115lbs. This month I want to get to the 160s from the 170s and get back on track with my water intake/food journaling. I'm not gaining but I've been on a plateau for about 6 weeks and it's super frustrating! Any one out there with some good plateau busters?

Only my husband and parents know (they help take care of my daughter). I've lost 115lbs and people constantly ask "what I'm doing" - my answer is always "eating less and exercising more" because it's TRUE. People also hate that answer so it stops most questions. Lol. That being said, if you feel telling some folks would be helpful to you in terms of support and motivation, that's awesome! Just make sure its helpful to you and not out of some sense of obligation. You don't owe anyone an explaination, its your body and you CAN succeed with this tool! You're doing this for YOU not them. 😁 The fact that our bodies are up for public commentary in general is creepy to me. Ugh!

Definitely planning on it. Trying to find one that specializes in WLS issues.

Is this person literally INSANE?! Who says that?!!?

Not just a NY thing, I'm in Cali and people thought I had some weird disease. They couldn't handle me talking about why the weight was coming off. "But what are you DOING????"

Im so sorry you were having a tough time, hoping things have smoothed out a little! A friend of mine said this and I think about it every day: It costs ZERO dollars to mind your own damn business. Why people can't just say "hey, are you feeling ok?" and then STFU and listen if you want to talk or respect the fact that you dont want to talk is beyond me. Lol, I've found that "you look pale" also means "why aren't you wearing makeup, bridge troll?"

I know like

Dear all the work haters who are crabby because I got a raise, because now my ideas are somehow more worthy when they come from a smaller person. No, its not fair, but I got the raise...Keep hating, your salt is delicious.

Yay! Like, can we all move past this please? People have told me how great it must be to have all this attention... I'M AN INTROVERT! I've been one my whole life and haven't changed. All this commentary and questioning makes me want to take a nap, ugh. Lol.

Agreed, and I'm sorry, but your cousin sucks.

You're absolutely right about this, these are two separate things! I work in healthcare too (I think we care for others at the expense of ourselves sometimes) and we do have a lot of overweight people in our field. Although where I work the difference in the way people are treated is pretty real.... Maybe I should change jobs lol.

Good job on heading to the therapist! Maybe you can share some of your therapy insights if you think theyre helpful?

I know I'm probably in the minority on this one: I would actually PREFER if no one said anything about my weight loss. I felt like that before the surgery and still feel like that now. The fact that my body is up for public commentary is GROSS to me. I didn't look my best before the surgery, and I love fitting into new clothes and having more energy now. But I certainly didn't feel like I looked awful before. I also feel like hating what I looked like before is a trap that makes me less compassionate to myself and others who are overweight. That being said, different strokes for different folks, right? Thats just me.

Seriously! When this happens I just want to eat the stuff that got me to surgery in the 1st place, which defeats the purpose. I just want to shout at them, "I didn't do this for YOU!" But if I say anything to people about the new way they're treating me, they act like I should be flattered that they're treating me better.... Grrrr.

This is magnificent!!

This is so true, I've struggled with this...I think therapy may be the way to go just so I don't poison my own well, but I do think I need to sit with the feeling and feel it too! When ive tried talking about it to people, sometimes i get the "you should be happy now" speech. Dude! I get to have grumpy feelings too!

Omg i love it!!!!

You may be right about the therapist. Although why is it assumed that because you're overweight that you're some how unhappy?

THIS. people are like "you look so great now!" what did i look like before, a bridge troll?!! 🙄

Great job, Tracy. I know how hard you've worked to get that 100lbs off! The discrimination is real... People who haven't lived it don't get it. One of the things that's helped so far is just being the person the discrimination stops with. When i encounter folks who say hurtful things or invalidate somone who's overweight I try to advocate for them. Weve been there and we know how hard the road can be! With your knowledge and experience I know you'll continue to shine bright like the star you are!

Hi Everyone, I'm one month out of surgery, and I just don't want to eat anything. I'm not really nauseous or sick, I'm just not hungry and I don't want to eat. I'm still on a soft diet until Friday, but eating some of the things that have worked for me so far (eggs, tofu, cottage cheese) just doesn't sound appealing. Eating new things sounds a bit scary. I'm getting at least 80g protein a day, but I'm still using the protein shakes at least once and sometimes twice a day to get there. Does this pass? I'm assuming I'll be hungry later, but I feel super ambivalent about eating actual food.