Hi all, I'm scheduled to have the surgery in a couple weeks, and aside from my husband, I plan on telling absolutely no one about it (people can be so judgemental!) I'm nervous about all of the questions that will come, like "why aren't you eating anything at my dinner party?" Or "how did you suddenly lose weight so quickly, is that safe?" Or "where have you been for the past couple weeks?" Or "a little bit won't hurt you!"

I would love to hear how some of you have fielded these questions, and also if there were questions you were asked that caught you off guard so that I can be prepared for them. As much as I would love to say "none of your business" to family and friends, I think that would only make them more suspicious.

Thanks for your help!

I tell them I'm focusing on my health. Eating far fewer calories than I had been eating, primarily eating protein to keep me full longer, reducing carbs, and logging it all on an app to keep me accountable. I tell them that I am approaching the age my dad was when he died, and it just finally made me take action. Best of luck in your journey!

"why aren't you eating anything at my dinner party?"

No one has ever asked me that, and I went to a Thanksgiving dinner at a relative's house 45 days after surgery. I put a spoonful of each thing on my plate, ate a little, and played around with the rest.

But how about, "everything looks so good, where did you get the recipes?"

"how did you suddenly lose weight so quickly, is that safe?"

I did tell a few people I was on a doctor-supervised diet, but I think diet and exercise are also fine. "Thanks for noticing, I've been working hard at it!"

"where have you been for the past couple weeks?"

I told people at work I had an operation and wouldn't tell anyone what. They left me alone. "Oh, how sweet of you to notice. What have you been up to?"

"a little bit won't hurt you!"

Actually, I think it might make me feel sick. Please enjoy yours, though! "Oh, thanks for offering, it looks great, I'm full, though."

I didn't tell anyone either. At first when people would say, "Have you lost weight?" I would just shrug it off. Now when they ask how I've lost the weight I say, honestly, "Diet and exercise."

I took off work for surgery in June (2015) and told my co-workers I was taking a "staycation" to work on some house projects. I started off at over 300 lbs, so no one started noticing my weight loss until October. By then, I doubt anyone linked it back to my "staycation" in June. When it did eventually come up, I just said what one of the above posters said - a medically supervised diet and exercise, which was actually true - I just omitted the part about the surgery. I rarely get those questions anymore because almost everyone has either already seen me thin or never knew me as obese, but it still comes up once in a great while when I run into someone I haven't seen in four or five (or more) years. Now, I'll sometimes tell them the truth if they happen to be obese (because we obese people know that the diet & exercise thing doesn't work), but if they're thin people, the diet & exercise excuse usually works - skinny people believe that schlock.

I avoided telling people about surgery but didnt hesitate to discuss my new diet. This was the 2nd greatest visible change.

It looked similar to all the other programs going around : Keto, Whole30, South Beach, Paleo. etc... So I told people I changed my diet.

To field anymore questions about it I encouraged the questioners to try my foods instead of me being pressured into trying theirs. That meant I often brought dishes of food I could eat along to events for everyone else to enjoy.

I think it becomes more obvious if you make it a big deal and isolate yourself with a tiny Tupperware of food while looking miserable.

And not every occasion is meant to be enjoyed with food. Sometimes you can just nurse drinks. Or say your not hungry, you've already eaten.

I personally treated my diet transitions as the most natural thing in the world that shouldn't raise suspension because it was obvious yet not dramatized and I was confident in my choices.

Good Luck ?

Edited June 2, 20197 yr by GreenTealael

“I had my gallbladder out” (which I did the same time as my bypass) “I just can’t tolerate _____anymore”

I have had ulcers (well I really did and do still) and _____ seems to set it off. I'm sure you'll understand.
And I recently had a lower-grade friend, not in my upper circle, inform me my weight loss was from chemotherapy, "No No", I tried to explain only to be told " The least you could do is own up to it!" Some days it just don't pay to be honest!

“I recently had bariatric surgery and am on a restricted diet.” I say it matter of fact, with confidence. If it’s someone I know well, I don’t care if they know. If it’s a stranger, well, what do I care if they judge me?

Edited June 2, 20197 yr by AngieBear

6 hours ago, Frustr8 said:

And I recently had a lower-grade friend, not in my upper circle, inform me my weight loss was from chemotherapy, "No No", I tried to explain only to be told " The least you could do is own up to it!" Some days it just don't pay to be honest!

That's crazy! This is exactly the type of person that I don't want to know about it. I can only imagine what kind of weird opinions they would share if you told them the truth ?

9 hours ago, GradyCat said:

Now when they ask how I've lost the weight I say, honestly, "Diet and exercise."

Good point, it's not even a lie!

8 hours ago, catwoman7 said:

if they're thin people, the diet & exercise excuse usually works - skinny people believe that schlock.

That's so true! They'll just assume I wasn't trying before ?

8 hours ago, GreenTealael said:

To field anymore questions about it I encouraged the questioners to try my foods instead of me being pressured into trying theirs. That meant I often brought dishes of food I could eat along to events for everyone else to enjoy.

This is genius! I can't tell you how many times people have put pressure on me to eat unhealthy food. I'm really excited to try this and turn the tables on them ?

I used the preop phase to ease people into the fact that I'm making lifestyle changes. So I told them that I was trying to lose weight by replacing two meals with high protein shakes and having a low carb dinner. I also bought a 64oz water bottle and have been toting around non stop.

Since I had my surgery in Mexico I said I was going to visit family with my parents (my step dad is Mexican and his family lives in Tijuana) couldn't be more perfect. While I was there I made sure everyone took plenty pictures of food as well as tourist sites so I could post them on my social media to make things seem more normal. Now that I'm back no one has noticed too much of the weight loss, the few that have I just keep advertising my protein shakes and exercising my will power when they bring in food for employees.

I saw someone post once, "No one asked me the details about my weight gain or how I got there, so they don't need to know the details of my weight loss or how I'm getting there" LOL!

Im planning on telling people that, "I had to lose weight before surgery (since I was extremely overweight) to remove a liver hemangioma (a mass of blood vessels) and kept with the strict diet afterwards as well. (I had what looked like a hemangioma a while back that made me extremely sick a few times which is extremely rare.) I am also keeping the diet in order to not stress my digestive system."

Oh, and I also am changing jobs this August which should also help with other people's concept of how I look.

On 6/2/2019 at 11:38 AM, rs said:

I tell them I'm focusing on my health. Eating far fewer calories than I had been eating, primarily eating Protein to keep me full longer, reducing carbs, and logging it all on an app to keep me accountable.

To be honest, during the pre-op this was what I was doing and enjoyed eating that way. I dont know how I missed it all my life, but it really helped me to "passively" lose weight. So if people are looking for good tips, this has to be #1 on my list. Everyone loves to talk about dieting...and when you mention protein, even the guys get in on it.

On 6/4/2019 at 9:53 AM, ChocoTaco said:

I saw someone post once, "No one asked me the details about my weight gain or how I got there, so they don't need to know the details of my weight loss or how I'm getting there" LOL!

Absolutely brilliant!

Isn't it, just! I still like mine "I will forgive you for the audacity of asking such a personal question if you will forgive me for not answering!" Which is a LONG WAY version of "None Your Beeswax, Baby!"