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Social outings suck now



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Sleeved 10/2. Have always been an extrovert who loves going out with friends, going to parties, bars, clubs, etc. but ever since I've been sleeved all these experiences have sucked. Not being able to eat or drink while everyone around me is is not fun at all. How did you guys cope with this?

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I was sleeved on 10/10. I still go out. I just drink Water now. All my friends know I had surgery so it hadn’t been an issue. I would rather go out and have water than miss out on the fun!

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I dragged some friends out on a walk with me today. Then we went to a coffee shop. (I know this doesn't solve the "bars aren't fun" problem, which I'll get to in a moment, but it is a suggestion about how to get in some socializing on your own terms.)

I haven't been to a restaurant or a party-party, yet; there's been food at a couple of places I've gone, but it hasn't really been hard to avoid, yet. I'm hoping maybe I can hold off on any event that's too food-heavy until, if there's something I really want to eat, I can have a bite of it without endangering my healing stomach. (I am not going to be one of those hardcore diet deprivation folks you see on here. Not judging them--if anything, I'm impressed by their fortitude--but just being realistic about myself. "I can have exactly one bite of the very tasty thing, and I will enjoy the crap out of that bite" is just a better way for me, personally, to live my life.) Also, raw veggies are the one really healthy thing you can generally rely on finding at parties, and I know those are a ways off for us, yet.

Failing the "delay" plan, though, I would probably be inclined to bring something I can have, that others might also like.

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Do something that doesn’t center around food/drinks

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I have no advice because this is a huge issue for me too. I was sleeved 8/15. I get so frustrated going out to dinner and only having a couple bites and no alcohol, then just sit there forever while everyone else finishes eating. I hate it. It makes be very angry.

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A huge part of my success/recovery from obesity...has been working through the causes of my lifelong overeating with my therapist.

If lack of being able to overeat is sucking the joy out of your life...it might be time to consult your therapist.

I promise they don't bite...and even a crusty skeptic like me...has found talking about my food issues incredibly helpful with my progress.

Edited by Creekimp13

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12 hours ago, Oct517 said:

How did you guys cope with this?

Temporary thing.

Once you're a while out you will be able to eat decent amounts of food and you will (most likely) be able to have some alcohol if you wish.

I attended a party just yesterday, yummy food buffet style. No alcohol this time though because the party was in the boonies and I had to drive home. Interestingly enough I feel like having a hangover today anyway, lol.

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My best friend and I go out to lunch several times a month. About 3 years ago, she developed an aggressive form of breast cancer. Part of her treatment was to become vegetarian. We both would have suffered if she didn't want to meet up with me because she couldn't eat what I ate. Instead, I made it my challenge to find great tasting vegan/vegetarian restaurants that she hadn't tried yet. Even if I ate some grilled chicken, she was ok, because we had gone somewhere that had good, tempting options for her, as well.

After I had my surgery, we found places that were not only vegetarian but offered bariatric-friendly Soups, too. Maybe your friends can help you identify the best virgin-drinks in town or offer to be your ride (once you can have a drink or two). Another great support is someone (or more) who are willing to share a couple of bites of their meals with you so that you get the experience without having to waste an entire entree.

Giving up our former relationship with food causes grieving and we can go through the steps of grief. You are in the anger stage right now, but you will transition through it and life will be good again.

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Thank you guys for all the responses.
Unfortunately, my situation isnt as easy as just finding something that doesn't involve food and drinking. As mentioned, I'm a bar person and so are my friends. We have a big group, all in our twenties, if there are no drinks my friends are probably not going there lol
I could always hang out with my very close friends and do something non-food/drink related but it isnt the same as being out on the town.

Sent from my SM-G960U using BariatricPal mobile app

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A huge part of my success/recovery from obesity...has been working through the causes of my lifelong overeating with my therapist.
If lack of being able to overeat is sucking the joy out of your life...it might be time to consult your therapist.
I promise they don't bite...and even a crusty skeptic like me...has found talking about my food issues incredibly helpful with my progress.
I'm only about 3 weeks out so its not wanting to overeat, it's not being able to eat at all while out. I'm technically on soft food stage but still can barely tolerate that. I wouldn't risk ordering something while out.

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I was sleeved on 10/10. I still go out. I just drink Water now. All my friends know I had surgery so it hadn’t been an issue. I would rather go out and have water than miss out on the fun!
Same! I don't want to miss out on the fun. I've been just sticking to water but its mentally draining to sip on eater while all my friends drink and eat.

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I dragged some friends out on a walk with me today. Then we went to a coffee shop. (I know this doesn't solve the "bars aren't fun" problem, which I'll get to in a moment, but it is a suggestion about how to get in some socializing on your own terms.)
I haven't been to a restaurant or a party-party, yet; there's been food at a couple of places I've gone, but it hasn't really been hard to avoid, yet. I'm hoping maybe I can hold off on any event that's too food-heavy until, if there's something I really want to eat, I can have a bite of it without endangering my healing stomach. (I am not going to be one of those hardcore diet deprivation folks you see on here. Not judging them--if anything, I'm impressed by their fortitude--but just being realistic about myself. "I can have exactly one bite of the very tasty thing, and I will enjoy the crap out of that bite" is just a better way for me, personally, to live my life.) Also, raw veggies are the one really healthy thing you can generally rely on finding at parties, and I know those are a ways off for us, yet.
Failing the "delay" plan, though, I would probably be inclined to bring something I can have, that others might also like.
Thank you for the suggestions!
I wound up bringing pumpkin spice yogurt to the Halloween party I went to last night. Everyone else loved it, I hated it! Lol

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On 10/28/2018 at 18:51, Oct517 said:

Thank you guys for all the responses.
Unfortunately, my situation isnt as easy as just finding something that doesn't involve food and drinking. As mentioned, I'm a bar person and so are my friends. We have a big group, all in our twenties, if there are no drinks my friends are probably not going there lol
I could always hang out with my very close friends and do something non-food/drink related but it isnt the same as being out on the town.

Sent from my SM-G960U using BariatricPal mobile app

I am a bar person too and I made my first trip to the bar 6 days after my surgery (surgery was 10/10) and I’ve been 4 or 5 times since. I just drink Water and I bring a Protein Shake just in case I get hungry. Just try it and see how it feels! It’s not as bad as I thought it would be.

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Late to this thread ... but adding anyway ...

I do a lot of travel and entertainment for work. So that is several nights a week usually that absolutely revolves around food and alcohol. It's my job, so I can't avoid it, or change the focus.

Additionally, spending time with friends usually revolves around food and/or alcohol as well. Happy Hour, wine tasting get together, cocktails at X's house, etc.

Maybe because I'm older, but it hasn't really been that hard. At first I was hyper focused on losing the weight so it was an easy decision to make to have Water. When you're only eating 500 cals or less a day, then a 100 cals for a light beer is a lot, and not worth it. As I've gotten near goal, I have relaxed a bit. I'll have a glass or two of wine, or cocktail, or beer. But it is much more so in moderation. I'm mindful that drinking like I used to would add 1000's of cals a week to my diet, many 1000's some weeks. There is no way I'm going to sabotage all my hard work in that way.

So it really comes down to the fact that losing and keeping the weight off is much more important to me than drinking alcohol in excess.

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Back in my partying days, there were times I would go to bars or hang out at friends houses while others drank and I would hang out with them and not drink (maybe I had to work the next day or a dr appt whatever) and I still had a blast. Now I'm a huge introvert and can't stand people. Online I can choose when to deal with people.

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