Which embarrasses you more?

[Mrs J.J 2]

Over the last two months people have realised that something is different with me. I have received so many compliments from people telling me how nice my hair looks to saying you just look fab! I strut my stuff and tell them I am on a health kick and loving it. That seems to satisfy most of the people that notice.

[tapshoes 2]

I have received so many compliments from people telling me how nice my hair looks to saying you just look fab! I strut my stuff and tell them I am on a health kick and loving it.

That's great. Wish someone would say my hair looks nice or that grey shag is somehow stylish!!

[L12 13]

I voted #1. I gained 100 pounds in about three years; all I want is to get back to my old self! It's OK if my husband, family, or very close friends say anything, but for most people I'd rather them just keep quiet--hearing anything about it just makes me remember how different I am now than I was back then--not in a good way.

[ginny two 0]

I get upset if people don't notice. I haven't really lost that much, but I feel like I look so different already.

My ex-husband called the other day and asked, "Is this Skinny Ginny of the recently acquired lapband?" I replied, "The one and only!" I know that he was trying to take a dig at me, but I thought you could be called worse things by your ex-husband. I think he's just threatened that I might lose the weight that he always wished I would lose when we were together.

I would be more embarrassed if I didn't tell people and then they found out, than if I just tell them straight out. I also think that maybe it might help them somehow. I know that my daughter's gym teacher had WLS and I talked to him about it. He encouraged me to do it, to not be scared. It helped me a lot.

I know there are also the "she took the easy way out" people out there. Screw them, though. I don't care what they think.

When I was 17 I lost a lot of weight and was about 5 pounds away from my goal. I went to visit my grandparents that summer. My grandfather took my hands and held them up while he looked me up and down. He praised me to high heaven for having lost "so much weight". Then he said something that I've never been able to get out of my head. (Maybe I should be telling a therapist instead of you guys.) He said, "You almost look normal".

That's what I've always hated. Being viewed as abnormal.

Then again, my grandfather used to yell at the T.V. a lot and he sent all my inheritance to Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker.

[kimaly 57]

For people I see everyday, I don't mind them not saying anything but if I haven't seen you since I was at high weight you bet you better notice. I worked hard to get this far and it feels good when others notice. I've never been the shy type so I voted #2

[dmbrn 0]

people not saying something about my weight loss bothers me. I don't need someone to say something over and over but to be acknowleged my loosing wt. would be great. I have lost 26 pounds and only 2 people have mentioned it. My mother claims she said something but she didn't. The only ones who know about my band are my family and one friend. Some of my family members would rather concentrate on neg. things rather than pos. My coworkers all always speak on anyone's wt. gain but not loss. Maybe it's a jealousy thing because just about everyone of them is overweight. The couple of people who have mentioned my weight loss have made me feel so good and motivated. But no matter what I am going to be successful FOR ME!!!!!

[owhynot 0]

Our American culture is so funny- we often avoid stating the most obvious things! This is not true in other cultures, I'm thinking specifically of America's Deaf culture (think of a culture whose many norms are based on what is seen with the eyes) where it would be considered extremely rude or worrisome if people didn't comment on a noticeable physical change! I'm thinking of the previous post that described the experience of direct comments at the Chinese restaurant, and wonder if that culture has a similar norm.

I am being banded in just over a week, and everyone in my small office of 8 knows about it. They have been extremely supportive, and many of them are dealing with their own weight or dietary issues. My best friend is very engaged in this process, since she is overweight herself and curious about the LapBand. Her older sister, a very overweight bully who has never really liked me, knows about what I'm doing and has stated that she is going to do it 'the right way' by eating less and exercising. She views the band in a negative light, and I have to confess that I am really looking forward to showing her just how wrong she is! So many of us already know that losing it is one thing, but keeping it off is another thing altogether. Even my surgeon has confirmed that the physiological component of a body like mine (that makes very efficient use of every single calorie, eager to turn as many as possible to fat) is tough to beat without the additional support of a tool like the LapBand.

I have already considered how to respond to the 'how much?' question- I do not plan to give an actual number. For me, that is the painful part, as I hate to acknowledge that I had so much to lose! I am tall enough to hide a fair amount of weight, so my number could elicit the sort of shocked response that I don't want to hear from just anyone. Breezy answers such as 'almost enough!', or 'enough to feel great/need new clothes!' are vague but affirmative enough, when delivered with the right attitude. For people who press, a simple 'why do you want to know/does it really matter to you?' may be required to end that line of questioning.

As for folks who may declare that I have 'taken the easy way' (even though that we all know that the LapBand is not exactly that) my response is going to be, 'what is so wrong with that?'. Who wouldn't elect to go an easy route, instead of a hard one? Ever heard of the 'path of least resistance' theory? As far as I'm concerned, I've outgrown the need to suffer and will take whatever ease comes my way. It doesn't mean I'm lazy, it means I am practical!

My guess is that I am bound to encounter a variety of caring and cruel remarks along this journey of mine. My in-laws know nothing of what I am doing, and I have no intention of telling them. My DH has promised to keep this secret with me. My FIL always calls me 'skinny', which is far from accurate, and my MIL is always talking about the tiny sizes that she can now fit into as she ages and shrinks. I find that exposure to these comments is toxic, so I avoid it. DH knows, and because they live several hours from us it is easy to keep our distance. I am already practicing my response to their comments when we see them this summer- I don't plan to mention the band at all, but will refer to doing 'lots more walking and careful eating', which will be true!

Only those people who I consider truly supportive and considerate will be allowed access to pertinent details, and hopefully this will help alleviate my own embarrassment about my weight gain as I strive to make it a thing of the past.

Sorry for the long post, but this thread topic is actually quite thought-provoking for me!

thanks to all of you for your posts, and the support that reading them gives me.

[TQUAD64 9]

It is going to take a whole lot more than a discussion on my weight loss to make me embarressed.