I'm not the one who wants to keep it a secret.

[LillieDuFran 127]

I'm comfortable with transparency, to a point. But I'm 65 & have been chronically ill the last 10. Lots of surgeries, 23 meds a day. So my doing WLS to help resolve some health issues is my answer because it's true. And weight loss will do this.
I don't work, so I truly don't have to deal with what y'all are. My family is gone, my kids are grown & supportive.
I am not telling my husband's family. Tall, skinny & high metabolism. They won't get it.

Sent from my XT1575 using BariatricPal mobile app

[Jaratar 2]

I am a firm believer that by not being open and honest, and instead hiding things (especially major life changes such as WLS), we only contribute to the unfortunate stigma associated with it. Every single person I have told has been incredibly supportive, and for that I am lucky. The more people who know, the greater the support system around me. Maybe it's because I am RN and have very personal conversations with complete strangers every day at work about their health and bodies, but I feel no shame at all in discussing the importance of this surgery for my health and saving my life. And if anyone has anything negative to say, it's no sweat off my back; it is more a reflection of them than of me! If we are not going to advocate for ourselves and educate the general public, then who is?

[Rainbow_Warrior 996]

2 hours ago, Jaratar said:

Every single person I have told has been incredibly supportive, and for that I am lucky.

You are most fortunate that everyone you have shared your 'news' with has been on side. Not all people are so lucky, Jaratar.

You are blessed to have 100% respect and understanding.

I have been on these pages about three weeks and can tell you that you are the exception, NOT the 'norm'.

In my case, I can tell one sibling anything and she's always supportive. Among my social friends, I've told four or five close people and asked them to keep it to themselves as there are almost as many negative about obese people per se, WLS and dieting.

As for work, I have told my boss that I am having time off for surgery with a 2-3 week recuperation period. I have not shared the exact reason but told her that it's related to my hernia, my weight and joint problems. That is truthful enough ... but frees me of the other staff knowing any more.

You say you're 'lucky' and I tend to agree. If the prejudices here were not so high, I'd feel freer about sharing.

Edited October 6, 2017 by Rainbow_Warrior

[TheNewMrsR 249]

On 9/28/2017 at 9:46 AM, oopsydaisy said:

When I decided to look into the VSG surgery, I told my husband and he was supportive and positive. I also told my mother, who was not. (Just get your hormones straightened out. You'll be fine. No one in my family is overweight and I didn't struggle until last 12 years.) I started with my preop appointments in August. My husband went to the consultation with me and he drove me to/from the appointment for the GI endoscopy. He keeps saying that we shouldn't tell anyone - friends or other family. If any one asks when I start loosing weight, he feels like we should just tell them I started power walking. He told his business partner that the appointments were for 'woman issues'. The hell. the business partner is also a best friend that we spend time with outside of work. I really suck at lying. I have mobility issues that arose in my 20's before I gained weight and fibromyalgia- walking is painful! I do it when I have to, but no one is ever going to see me out power walking the block! And if people think I am, then they'll have a real lack of understanding when I can't participate in physical activities due to pain or weakness. For the rest of my life. While my mom is not supportive of anything I do, my family is very small and close. Basically, it's us and an uncle that I'm really close with and an aunt that adores me unconditionally. Both would be supportive and happy of my success. My weight has never been an issue with my husband. While his initial comments were supportive, the idea that we lie about what I'm doing seems very unsupportive and I don't understand what it might accomplish or what a hidden agenda might be. I asked if he was embarrassed for me. He said no, he just feels it's none of anyone's business. What am I missing here? I feel so agitated by it that I don't want to include him in anything else.

In my experience, most men are just more private about things in general. My husband doesn't like everyone to know our personal life details. I've learned to time down and share a lot less on social media since we started dating and got married. It's not that we have anything to hide. He is just old school and feels some thing's should stay in the home. He doesn't even talk about vacations until we are back home so that people don't know were not home.

[Rainbow_Warrior 996]

6 minutes ago, thin_desires_n_Fall_River said:

He doesn't even talk about vacations until we are back home so that people don't know were not home.

Given the propensity of savvy crooks/burglars who glean info from 'extremely open' posters on Facebook, I can see where he's coming from.

[Ausgirl5 23]

I guess my situation is a little different. I'm a nurse in a small hospital and there are no secrets. Everyone knows I am having the sleeve done next week. But I have no issues telling my family and friends cos I believe this is the only thing I am now able to do to improve my life and it is absolutely the right thing for me to do. I have had nothing but support (so far) and I am sad that people think they may be judged. No one needs that sort of negativity in their life. Having said that, there is a difference between honesty and privacy...Am I going to post on Facebook - No. Will I answer questions honestly - Yes, cos maybe I may just help someone like me one day make the best decision for their health too.

[Berry78 4,259]

I haven't run into any negative opinions either, so far.

I think it should be up to the patient to decide with whom this info is shared.

When a hubby has prostate trouble and can't pee, it's his job to decide who to tell... (wife shouldn't chat with her sister about it without his say so)... same thing applies here.

My MIL is a blabber-mouth, so even though I pretty much had to tell her (we live in the same house), I don't think every one of HER friends and family really needed to know...

It's not that I care they know, it's that she didn't ask me whether it was ok to tell.

So, on that bent, if the OP wants to tell, she should tell. Her hubby shouldn't make that decision. If he thinks its a bad idea, he can lay out his reasoning, then let her decide.

[ristharp90 2]

In the beginning I only told those closest to me. Mainly because I there were so many steps until I had final approval. I didn't want to announce it and then something happen. I am now scheduled to have the sleeve on October 24th and everything has been approved. I've decided to be very open about it. I've realized the people who have had negative comments, which has honestly been very few people, just didn't understand why I was doing it. I had lost about 70lbs on my own before my wedding and then gained about 40lbs back when I started law school. So they thought that I just needed to go back to that and do it the natural way. What's hard to understand is that I've always been obese. ALWAYS! When I lost that weight on my own I was at the gym about 10 hours a week. I don't have that kind of time now. I want to use this as a tool to basically put me on a more even playing field so I can focus on other aspects of my health. But once I explain that people seem to get it. I explain that I think my success in the past was just learning the skills I needed to make this surgery work. Everyone is excited for me. I've also made the decision to tell people because I don't want people to worry that I'm sick when I'm out of work and then hopefully losing weight. I'd rather people actually know what is happening instead of making assumptions. I'm very proud of my decision. I think it's the best thing for me and I know it's going to be a lot of work but I'm so excited for this chapter of my life. I think it's really going to be a major life change and I want those around me to understand what is happening. I know I'm going to need support. Ultimately, everyone is different and you have to do what is best for you. But i felt so much better when the people who I thought wouldn't understand turned out to be extremely supportive.

[Frustr8 7,886]

Hmmm a very interesting post. I agree with most of the assesments, disagree with some but then I don't have a dog in this fight, I'm widowed.

[kimberlymi 113]

I have decided to only tell a hand full of people. It isn’t anyone’s business but my husband and doctors. My best friends know and support me 300% a few family members know but after I got crap remarks from someone I was sure would be behind this I stopped telling anyone. If I am asked what I am doing I will say I have changed my eating habit’s and exercise 6 times a week which is 100% the truth. The surgery is only a tool that will help me reach my goals. It is me that has to work it to get what I want. I do not think not telling is a lie. You can have a personal life.

[FingersCrossed18 19]

Im sorry your mom is being an unsupportive ass, that sucks. It's great your husband understands. I'm lucky enough to have my whole family support me, I have Insulin Resistance and I'm going to tell people that I got a procedure to cute that and PCOS, which is true and I'm only doing this to have little to no complications for my next kids, I don't care about being "skinny". So maybe you can tell people that? I know my husband sometimes, in order to protect my feelings, and it sort of feels like that's what he could be doing, like the first comment said? Also, and this might come off super F-ucked up, but, he could be embarrassed? And that doesn't mean he doesn't love you or even think your not attractive or anything negative really? Some people are super private and just don't want to know what others think, if you get ehsg I mean?

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[moondoggie1983 202]

I must be incredibly lucky, because I tell literally everyone (including random waiters, sometimes, to my bro's horror) and have never had a single person make a disparaging comment toward me regarding my surgery.

I think it's better to be honest. If you start lying now, you'll need to lie for the rest of your life, which will make everything in your life a lie. Living that way would cause me serious anxiety. Once it's out there, it's out there. Your friends will better respect your dietary restrictions, and be helpful/friendly/supportive -- or, if they're not, then they're not really your friends, are they?

It sounds like your husband is embarrassed or ashamed, which is really shitty, and you should talk to him about it.

This. So much this. I’m scheduled for May 10 and all of my close friends, family and coworkers know. They’re all super supportive. Maybe afterwards they’ll occasionally think to themselves “should she be eating that?” Or whatever. Maybe some of them thought that I was taking the easy way out. Ha! Well now I’ve started the Optifast and they see all the work that goes into this, they’re being amazing! Don’t get me wrong, I’m not broadcasting it all over social media, but I am proud! Also, I know people are going to DEFINITELY notice I’m losing A LOT of weight. I certainly didn’t want anyone to think I was sick or had an eating disorder or anything like that.
But I am an open book person. I’ve had a bunch of really rough Patches in my life, and I’m upfront about all of it.
Heck! My doctor even gave me a medical alert card stating that I’ve had Bariatric surgery and to please let me order from the children’s or seniors menu when I go out! Very nice of them and I’m sure I’ll use the hell out of that!


HW: 311
CW: 262
SW: We’ll see on May 10!

[Frustr8 7,886]

Stay cool and good luck on May 10th.

[Rainbow_Warrior 996]

On 29/09/2017 at 2:10 AM, Brandeis said:

If you start lying now, you'll need to lie for the rest of your life,

It may not be a lie.

It maybe that one just does not tell "negative" people or naysayers.

Seven months ago, 45 kilograms (100 pounds) ago, I just did not want to hear from people who wanted me to try the diet and exercise pathway again.

To reiterate what I said (about me) a week before my operation:

In my case, I can tell one sibling anything and she's always supportive. Among my social friends, I've told four or five close people and asked them to keep it to themselves as there are almost as many negative opinions about obese people (per se), WLS and dieting.

As for work, I have told my boss that I am having time off for surgery with a 2-3 week recuperation period. I have not shared the exact reason but told her that it's related to my hernia, my weight and joint problems. That is truthful enough ... but frees me of the other staff knowing any more.

- - -

Now, nearly seven months on, when people ask how I achieved my loss (so far), I tell them: "I got a surgical kick start and now I use dieting and exercise."

I have the support of an exercise physiologist and the bariatric clinic's senior dietitian, the latter included as part of the sleeve procedure's cost. I see the exercise physiologist every three weeks and the dietitian (monthly now, but originally fortnightly).

When (almost all of them) praise my loss or give me a proverbial 'pat on the back', I tell those who are still curious that, in late 2019, my surgeon and I will pursue an 'apronectomy' to remove my excess abdominal and flank skin and stubborn 'hard' fat.

- - -

Very nice that @Brandeis has had a great experience in telling all and sundry. It's nice that she can be at ease in her family and community.

But I also know well the value of the sentiments expressed by @Sosewsue61 in saying that INFORMATION OF A PERSONAL NATURE DOES NOT HAVE TO BE SHARED with anyone.

Edited May 4, 2018 by Rainbow_Warrior

[oopsydaisy 40]

In the end, my husband's advice was good. I get both sides of this, but not everyone needs to know and I think I'm better off for being able to focus on myself with out having unsolicited advice from anyone. If someone asks me, I'll be transparent because life is easier that way. And maybe it might help someone make a good decision for themselves. Who knows!

Hope all went well with your surgery, moondoggie