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Hit me with your best dad jokes



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C'mon we all know some, I'll start.

I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: “Don’t worry; this is a piece of cake.” I said: “No, it’s a math problem.”

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So many ...

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59c6f7232d6b0_ScreenShot2017-09-24at10_05_09.png.d0fafc528a9d22526efca6515382c328.png

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Just to round out the baker's dozen ...

59c6f8d7b5f17_ScreenShot2017-09-24at10_12_53.png.7bdb8088cc3cd08bd316cde68cf760a1.png

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59c6f8d361a20_ScreenShot2017-09-24at10_13_16.png.c2eed6bac4deddd6a4eded732e43ef80.png

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A pilot in a plane flying over the ocean had to ditch as the plane engines failed.

He saw a ship and headed towards it hoping to be saved if he ended up nearby.

Sadly, he misjudged and went straight into the ship. He went through the upper deck and every deck below and, finally, right through the hull of the ship causing it to sink.

With the passengers swimming towards the lifeboats, he resurfaced and joined them. The others were totally amazed at how he could have survived this and asked how he did it.

He said, " I've been through hardships before."

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5 minutes ago, Maggie_ said:

A buccaneer

JUDGE: We are searching for more evidence.

PIRATE CAPTAIN: There is none.

JUDGE: Well, firstly, where are your buccaneers?

PIRATE CAPTAIN: On me buccan head!

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When you're trying to be cheesy, but everyone around you is laughtose intolerant.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

I don't trust those trees. They seem a little shady.

What video game do you play on the toilet? Call of Doody.

Why did the birdie go to the hospital? Because it needed tweetment.

Didi you know I used to be a banker? Meh, I lost interest.

I started a band named "999 Megabites" but we haven't gotten any gigs yet.

A blind man walks into a bar...and a table...and a chair...and people

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A termite walks into a tavern and says "is the bar tender here?"

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How do you make holy Water? You boil the hell out of it.

What kind of magic do cows believe in? MOODOO

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    • Aunty Mamo

      Iʻm roughly 6 weeks post-op this morning and have begun to feel like a normal human, with a normal human body again. I started introducing solid foods and pill forms of medications/supplements a couple of weeks ago and it's really amazing to eat meals with my family again, despite the fact that my portions are so much smaller than theirs. 
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    • BeanitoDiego

      Oh yeah, something I wanted to rant about, a billing dispute that cropped up 3 months ago.
      Surgery was in August of 2023. A bill shows up for over $7,000 in January. WTF? I asks myself. I know that I jumped through all of the insurance hoops and verified this and triple checked that, as did the surgeon's office. All was set, and I paid all of the known costs before surgery.
      A looong story short, is that an assistant surgeon that was in the process of accepting money from my insurance company touched me while I was under anesthesia. That is what the bill was for. But hey, guess what? Some federal legislation was enacted last year to help patients out when they cannot consent to being touched by someone out of their insurance network. These types of bills fall under something called, "surprise billing," and you don't have to put up with it.
      https://www.cms.gov/nosurprises
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      Quick ending is that I don't have to pay that $7,000+. Advocate, advocate, advocate for yourself no matter how long it takes and learn more about this law if you are ever hit with a surprise bill.
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