No support from husband

[lessoflilo 34]

Hello there!

I am pre op, don't have a date yet and I'm not getting support from my husband, he's not against it but he's not for it either. I don't know what it is, I don't know what to do. I have asked him flat out and he can't give me an answer, once he said that if I do it we may not go out to eat ever again... every time I say something about the surgery he gets really serious and doesn't even answer if I'm asking him a question, he changes the subject. I am not telling that many people about the surgery so it's very hard not to have his full support. Any ideas? Comments? Suggestions? Anybody went through the same thing?

Thank you!

[Sosewsue61 3,185]

Well sorry, he is probably comfortable with the current setup and hates change. Change is hard. But tell him it is only in the first few months that your intake would not be conducive to eating out, and that you will be able to eat out - just not right away. But don't make him think there will be no changes, because there will be adjustments.

you can vent on here anytime

[lessoflilo 34]

Well sorry, he is probably comfortable with the current setup and hates change. Change is hard. But tell him it is only in the first few months that your intake would not be conducive to eating out, and that you will be able to eat out - just not right away. But don't make him think there will be no changes, because there will be adjustments.
you can vent on here anytime

Thank you! It's nice to know I have a safe place to express myself. Thank you! [emoji8]

[scrubby3250 4]

I want ti say sorry....my husband is 100% supportive...When I started I told him if u in with me good....if not wait for the transformation...do u..he is maybe feeli mng scare...u going to look awesome....so grab on to God hand....he is with u..good luck...mine is on the 10th...this Monday...

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G920A using BariatricPal mobile app

[Berry78 4,259]

Your hubby sounds like mine... not about my surgery, but about issues that change HIS life.

You will be changing, and it might not just be physical. He probably suspects this, and is nervous about the future. Complications are never far from the mind as well.

You can't really make promises about how things turn out, but you can promise to try and not impact his life any more than necessary. So if he wants to go out to eat 4 days postop.. you should go too and order herbal tea. It probably doesn't matter to him what you eat or don't eat. It's about the socializing.

Make sure that you are doing this for you, and the rest will fall into place. Many of us rely on people other than our spouses for our support.

If he actively tries to sabotage you, that is another issue, and doesn't bode well for the longevity of the relationship.

[Joann454 1,329]

Is your husband a good husband in general? Do you have a good relationship normally? He may be feeing insecure or worried and not expressing it. If he's normally like this, well, idk what to say. I'd find a support group nearby.

[lessoflilo 34]

Your hubby sounds like mine... not about my surgery, but about issues that change HIS life.
You will be changing, and it might not just be physical. He probably suspects this, and is nervous about the future. Complications are never far from the mind as well.
You can't really make promises about how things turn out, but you can promise to try and not impact his life any more than necessary. So if he wants to go out to eat 4 days postop.. you should go too and order herbal tea. It probably doesn't matter to him what you eat or don't eat. It's about the socializing.
Make sure that you are doing this for you, and the rest will fall into place. Many of us rely on people other than our spouses for our support.
If he actively tries to sabotage you, that is another issue, and doesn't bode well for the longevity of the relationship.

Thank you very much for your advise. I have a gluten allergy and I already work around menus all the time. We are a great couple and he supports me 110% with everything else. Thank you!!!

[lessoflilo 34]

Is your husband a good husband in general? Do you have a good relationship normally? He may be feeing insecure or worried and not expressing it. If he's normally like this, well, idk what to say. I'd find a support group nearby.

He is the most supportive husband for everything else! That's why I'm so puzzled! He is overweight son maybe he's feeling insecure... we'll see. Thank you for your advise [emoji8]

[NikkiWorldJourney 70]

My husband was like this but since surgery a week ago he has been all on board. I think he was scared and didn't understand why I would do surgery which seemed so drastic to him. If he is a good husband he will come around. See if he can go to a dr apt or pre op class with you. That helped mine understand more and now he is excited about what's to come and being able to do things, like roller coasters or zip lining, that couldn't do before.

[lessoflilo 34]

My husband was like this but since surgery a week ago he has been all on board. I think he was scared and didn't understand why I would do surgery which seemed so drastic to him. If he is a good husband he will come around. See if he can go to a dr apt or pre op class with you. That helped mine understand more and now he is excited about what's to come and being able to do things, like roller coasters or zip lining, that couldn't do before.

Thank you! You give me hope, he's a great husband so in sure he'll come around [emoji6]

[NikkiWorldJourney 70]

Just stay the course if you know it's right for you. He will come around just might take a bit.

[Joann454 1,329]

He is the most supportive husband for everything else! That's why I'm so puzzled! He is overweight son maybe he's feeling insecure... we'll see. Thank you for your advise [emoji8]

Then I'd bet he's feeling nervous that you might leave when you lose weight.
See if you can get him on board with the heathy eating and working out with you. My sister's husband was not on board either but he works out now and they are stronger than ever. [emoji173]

[lessoflilo 34]

Just stay the course if you know it's right for you. He will come around just might take a bit.

Thank you!!! You guys are awesome!!!

[lessoflilo 34]

Then I'd bet he's feeling nervous that you might leave when you lose weight.
See if you can get him on board with the heathy eating and working out with you. My sister's husband was not on board either but he works out now and they are stronger than ever. [emoji173]

Thank you! Will do!!!

[Dabearo 118]

From a guys perspective I would agree with others. It probably more about how his life will change and what it means to him. Additionally if he is not participating in your pre-op classes, he should. It will give him tools to be able to support you. He probably has no idea what is means to him and how to support his wife. Big stressors for a hubby.