Not going to apologize for being vain

[summerset 5,261]

On 14.5.2017 at 6:48 PM, ryan_86 said:

Back when i started this process, I made sure everyone knew it was about health, not vanity.

Me, too - want to know why?

1) I didn't want people to be on my back for "doing this about looks", even though this weight was killing my soul because I felt like the "fat freak".

2) It was about health after all, so it wasn't technically a lie.

and last but not least (in fact maybe most important):

3) You simply have to pretend that this is "about health only" because of the insurance companies. And "health" means physical health only in that case, not psychological health which is a shame.

Same with plastics: Will I have plastics? Of course I will once my weight has been stable for a while again. There is the prevention of regain, that's a very important point.

So is it because of physical health? Hell, yes - it's about regain prevention, but it's also about psychological health! This is about looks and feeling good within my body without getting skin in the way while exercising or sitting down or whatever and being able to wear a skirt or dress without having to wear pants underneath so the skin between my thighs won't rub itself to death.

Of course when it comes to insurance my one and only point will be the prevention of regain and the occasional rash (which most likely means that I'll be a self-payer abroad).

[Joann454 1,329]

Hmmm.
Well. Here is the thing...
You can't know for sure if losing weight and looking better per societal standards are going to help you in the long run.
I can 100% say I had surgery to look better. That's the main reason I did it. And for awhile it felt GREAT to look better. I felt like a million bucks.
But it wore off. After a while it wasn't enough.. I found I felt the same about myself. There was always something about my appearance to feel unhappy about. So then I wanted plastic surgery. And I got that. And still... nothing really got better. I felt unsatisfied by another thing and then another.
I also realized that finally looking better (or what I thought I should look like) left me feeling even more scared and vulnerable about food. What if I gained it back and got ugly again? Was I going to diet forever? I was miserable.
I was more miserable than ever as I felt even more at risk for losing what I wanted which was to look good to other people.
Then I realized looking good still wasn't enough to make everyone love me.
Anyway. In the long run I had to get away from caring about my looks and start working on my life. I had to forget about being good looking and perfect in order to be happy. I said no to any more dieting, made peace with my body. I'm still working on continuing that process every day. I got angry. I got pissed about how I treated myself before I lost weight and how others treated me. I got it through my head that being fat does not equal being ugly.
Being fat DOES NOT equal being ugly. Period.
I decided my looks were like getting an unexpected bonus from work but they weren't what made me deserve that bonus. Looks are secondary to happiness and they should be. Looks are subjective. Lots of people like overweight body types and visa versa. I wasn't ugly before and that is what I needed to realize.
It's okay to want to take care of yourself and to feel good but it's important to make sure that physical appearance is what you need to do that. What will REALLY make you happy/unhappy?
Taking care of your appearance isn't vanity and neither is practicing self care. Just don't forget about all the other factors in your relationship with yourself and others that matter.
And be careful what you say about yourself to others. Being overweight does not imply anything negative about a person. Just because you feel that being thin is important to you doesn't mean it's okay to be negative about body weight- remember there are many people out there working to love themselves as they are and they don't agree with you about what is attractive.
Don't feel badly about what you want for yourself but don't place your aesthetic beliefs on others.
When you say "I lost weight to look better" you are making a value statement to others about what is attractive. You are saying that being at a higher weight isn't attractive. That can hurt others a lot. Being at any weight can be attractive, period.

Beautifully said.

[Middus 491]

Feeling good about how you look is technically a 'health reason' i.e Mental Health!! [emoji3][emoji3]

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[summerset 5,261]

5 minutes ago, Middus said:

Feeling good about how you look is technically a 'health reason' i.e Mental Health!!

I couldn't agree more. Maybe we can convince insurance companies as well?

[summerset 5,261]

6 hours ago, bellabloom said:

When you say "I lost weight to look better" you are making a value statement to others about what is attractive. You are saying that being at a higher weight isn't attractive. That can hurt others a lot. Being at any weight can be attractive, period.

This is a sensitive subject, isn't it? At least I try to be sensitive about it as much as possible but I have to admit I'm obviously not that successful at it. I have to admit that I think (e. g. when I look at before/after pictures at this site) that the thinner person looks better than the fatter version of the same person. I also think of myself as better looking now.

Maybe this is why I hate these before/after comparisons and maybe this is why I hate comments about my weight. It throws me into a kind of inner conflict.

[B.Annie 290]

This is a sensitive subject, isn't it? At least I try to be sensitive about it as much as possible but I have to admit I'm obviously not that successful at it. I have to admit that I think (e. g. when I look at before/after pictures at this site) that the thinner person looks better than the fatter version of the same person. I also think of myself as better looking now.
Maybe this is why I hate these before/after comparisons and maybe this is why I hate comments about my weight. It throws me into a kind of inner conflict.

lol ok. So plastic surgery where people make their lips look like balloons, face skin look 2 sizes too small for their skull, boobs that float, and butts that are so perfectly round they weeble wobble when they sit is ok, but losing weight isn't? I get stared at, whispered behind, and told straight to my face - not always in the most pleasant or appropriate ways - how I should lose weight (even at the gym!), but if I work out, eat healthier, then get surgery to help me the rest of the way, I'm vain??? Lol. Can't win.


HW: 328 (02/21/17)
CW: 275 (preop 53# disowned)

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

@B.Annie

We had another thread where we talked about how people view surgery for women vs men. When Men have surgery it is assumed it is for their healthy and they are at deaths door. When women have surgery, people assume it is vanity.

[summerset 5,261]

36 minutes ago, B.Annie said:

I get stared at, whispered behind, and told straight to my face - not always in the most pleasant or appropriate ways - how I should lose weight (even at the gym!), but if I work out, eat healthier, then get surgery to help me the rest of the way, I'm vain??? Lol. Can't win.

Jokes aside. I guess one really can't win in this "moral battle" when it comes to losing weight with WLS. My own impression is that people think we're not "deserving" of a weight loss method that makes things actually easier than conventional weight loss and this is not necessarily about vanity. "Fat" has become a moral issue long ago. We must suffer to make up for the sin of becoming obese, therefore we don't deserve WLS.

[blev 58]

I agree

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[Sullie06 1,013]

Health reasons were of course my first reason for doing this, I want to be here to see my kids grow up. But appearance was an important reason as well, I've been overweight since I was 12 years old and I'm not going to lie that for the first time ever I'm not just the "Fat Girl with the Pretty Face". I'm average sized now and growing up with a super naturally thin sister, it feels nice to stand next to her and not look like just the fat one.

[FAT2LESS 45]

I did for mostly health i wanting to fit in society literally fit in clothes fit in chairs fit in a air plane a car and buckle the seatbelt but of course to look an feel good vanity is also good to

BigBodyBombFace

[bellabloom 2,467]

Do what you do for you. Not other people. Be aware not everyone feels bad about how they look in regards to their weight. Practicing self love is about seeing after your mental and physical health, only you can know what that means to you.

All I'm saying is looks are VERY subjective. Forgetting that is indeed risking becoming shallow.

Love yourself!! It's okay to love yourself. Be gentle with yourself. Be proud of yourself. It's okay to look and feel beautiful no matter what you weight. It's okay to want to be different than you are or to love the you right now.

Just embrace your fragile human imperfect beautiful self. That's what this is all about.

[higher 966]

Mental health is super important. If the surgery helps enable you to view yourself in a more positive light and boosts your confidence, that's an improvement in your mental health and that's a big deal.

When I was fat I often felt sad depressed and ashamed over it. When life's difficulties would arise, I would double down on the bad feelings because on top of the normal stressors- work, family, etc - I hated my appearance.

Now when im having a bad day, I make myself feel better by looking in the mirror.....