I read some interesting comments today and I wanted to make something really clear.

Out of all these people around the globe that are on this website, there are going to be some of us that have found post op, that this surgery was the wrong decision.

If you want this website to be honest and truthful, a source of good solid information for people considering surgery and a source of support for people post op, then everyone's experiences should be welcome.

The reason's I think this surgery was wrong for me has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with my post op complications!

And as for comments about people who regret their surgeries and have complications because:

• "houses were dirty"

• "they didn't follow instructions"

• "they haven't seen the great results yet"

• "they are just negative people and negative people are more vocal

So, just let me tell you this, some of us simply made a mistake.

We thought this was a good plan, we took advice, did our research, attended the seminars and weigh ins (in my case, two years attending).

We met our surgeons, we discussed our pre existing conditions, we spoke to our family and friends.

I myself have a counsellor, did CBT counselling for the entire two years pre op and am deemed emotionally and mentally sound. (just as an aside, my NHS CBT counsellor did not agree with this surgery).

I checked with my pain mgt team about the efficacy of my medications post op.

And it was still a mistake!

And so what?

It happens. And people like me should be able to explain these things without others trying to negate our admission of this mistake by offering excuses as to why we are unhappy with our decision.

I could have floated onto a cloud, had magical unicorns lick away my stomach, and woke up in paradise fully healed, sipping a cocktail in the sun and I would still tell you that this was a mistake for ME. And for many of my friends.

It doesn't matter how many years post op I get, I will consider this a mistake.

My house is not dirty, I followed instructions to the letter, I consider my bariatric discharge booklet my life guideline and I never variate.

I keep in touch with anyone and everyone in my medical care stream that might be helpful.

And complications happened. And yes, to many of us in our bariatric system. But again, it was not the complications that disturb us.

We all have different reasons for regretting it.

Most of us feel that we were misinformed, which doesn't help. My neighbour regrets her bypass because of her now permanent diarrhea and no improvement in her diabetes. She tells me that she has to think about food most of the day just to keep herself fed (choosing the right foods so as not to vomit), and she could have simply dieted harder if she had known she would have to think of food all day. She is three years post op and she still struggles with dehydration. Her hair never grew back after the initial drop out.

I myself am only 9 weeks post op and have had complications so I can't know what my future holds.

I miss eating quickly and simply in a way that doesn't have to be well thought out.

I want to be able to eat a full salad, maybe even with dressings, without worrying about which component might not agree with me.

I want to be able to eat any kind of meat I want cooked how I want in the quantity I want.

I want to drink beverages with my meals.

I miss a morning coffee or afternoon tea. I miss ice tea. (I know other people can drink it but I can't now).

I don't want to have to plan my food day meticulously or be different from others around me eating.

I want my medications to work again in the way they did pre op to control my fibromyalgia symptoms.

And I have definitely seen weightloss results. As I was lying there starving to death for seven weeks, I have lost all but 20lbs of my expected and required excess weight to satisfy my healthcare team. ( I am still only getting around 500 cals a day in, but have constant diarrhea so who knows how much stays in).

I now look "normal" except for the grey pallor in my skin and the nappy I now have to wear because of fecal incontinence (my IBS-d was totally controlled before surgery).

I am six dress sizes smaller but can only leave my house if I don't eat anything and wear adult protection in case of Water causing an "accident". Or in case I become faint from lack of food and fall.

So I do actually feel that had I read a forum entry like this, I might have thought twice.

And that's a good thing. If people are scared, that's okay. Let them hear more than just "don't worry, I was fine, you will be too!" Because maybe they won't!

So this is not about complications, it's about people.

One size does not fit all. Some of us should have simply accepted our weight, or worked harder to diet it off. Had I taken in only 300 to 500 calories a day for 9 weeks pre op, I would have lost all this weight anyway.

If you are happy, well done! If you are dead set on going ahead, ignore this. If you are a high BMI person (think 600lb life), God bless you, this may save your life, if you are a food addict, I feel your pain.

You will still have to diet post op! You will still have to exercise.

If you are undecided, then simply take a breath, think about it, really examine your food issues. Could you do more to lose weight? Could you move a bit more and eat a bit less?

Anyway, I am where I am and I plan to make the best of what I have left. And I intend to keep making sure that pre op people have a good think and post op people like me have someone they can talk to.

Thanks to everyone who is supporting me.

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@@GinaCampbell, I apologized to you, as have several other people, and yet you continue the nastiness. You are giving as good as you get. What is it that you want to hear that you might find helpful? People have gone so far as to validate you, and you still find a way to be snarky. You are not helping anyone here. So as you gather your thoughts about how to further lash out at me, remember that you are the one keeping all of this ugly. We have tried to be nice, so why can't you?

Again, I wonder what brings you here, to this thread?

Why do you follow my threads and posts if I am not helpful to you?

If you don't wish to hear from me, move along to another thread.

And you are not the judge of who I help and who I don't.

I am not "lashing" out at anyone. It is you following me, attention seeking from me.

I have made my objective here on this thread (clue is in the title), very clear.

I didn't start this thread to "hear" anything in particular.

But I will not be bullied off my own thread.

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***Internet 101***

just because that is your objective does not mean that it is the reader's objective in their replies. they are allowed to have their OWN objectives just like you are allowed to have yours. their reply comes from THEIR perspective and really does not have to fit in to your agenda. your agenda does not have to fit in to their agenda either. there is room for everyone here.

there is no rule that someone has to agree with you to comment on a thread you start. this is a public forum. Most people have tried to be very nice to you in your difficulties. just because they disagree or question some statements does not mean they are bullying you. if you feel someone is bullying you the best thing to do is put them on ignore. you won't see their posts and it becomes a nicer experience for you.

just because you start a thread does not make it yours. it belongs to a public forum. it can veer off topic or take any kinds of left turns much like conversations in person can do.

People have tried to help you and say the right things. I truly find you fascinating. Maybe I am honestly interested to know what you need to hear to make you feel as though you have met your objective. People don't have to agree with you, and they don't have to agree with me. I just don't get why you think you shouldn't respect any other point of view the way that you are insisting that others should respect yours. I admitted the fact that I made you feel disrespected, and yet you continue to criticize me and anyone who won't agree with you. I like a good discussion, because that is how I learn about people and experiences. I don't always say the exact right things in the exact right way, but I never intend to insult anyone the way that I have you. I just never encountered anyone quite like you, and I really am interested to know what you came here to accomplish. This will be my last comment out of respect for you and your point of view. I wish you well, and that is the honest truth. Sorry we couldn't seem to understand each other...

She's a sick person. She's getting off on the attention. Let's not give her any more. Bet she responds within 30 seconds, because that's the way she rolls.

***Internet 101***

just because that is your objective does not mean that it is the reader's objective in their replies. they are allowed to have their OWN objectives just like you are allowed to have yours. their reply comes from THEIR perspective and really does not have to fit in to your agenda. your agenda does not have to fit in to their agenda either. there is room for everyone here.

there is no rule that someone has to agree with you to comment on a thread you start. this is a public forum. Most people have tried to be very nice to you in your difficulties. just because they disagree or question some statements does not mean they are bullying you. if you feel someone is bullying you the best thing to do is put them on ignore. you won't see their posts and it becomes a nicer experience for you.

just because you start a thread does not make it yours. it belongs to a public forum. it can veer off topic or take any kinds of left turns much like conversations in person can do.

You know, the reason I don't hit ignore is because these people clearly need somewhere to vent. They follow me around seeking attention from me. Hitting ignore means that I am hiding their comments as if I am not able to handle their insults, if there are any.

There is something about this topic that really upsets people.

They want to hear what they want to hear and when that doesn't happen, personal insults start flying. I can understand that. Because I am making them look deeper and alot of people don't want to do the work.

What if this happens to them? What if they have irreversible surgery and then find that they hate the result?

Or even more aggravating, what if they do it and fail? Stay fat or gain weight?

That idea makes people scared and angry. But that's great. The more people read this thread, the better so the more they post, the more my message gets out.

I don't "own" the thread, but I started it for a reason. I welcome all posts, bullying or not.

And yes, there is at least one post here that is quite aggressive and has a bullying tone.

I certainly won't lose sleep over it.

I agree that everyone is welcome to their opinion, and the more people resort to name calling, insults etc, the less intelligent they sound.

People don't have to be nice to me, but being civil is helpful.

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People have tried to help you and say the right things. I truly find you fascinating. Maybe I am honestly interested to know what you need to hear to make you feel as though you have met your objective. People don't have to agree with you, and they don't have to agree with me. I just don't get why you think you shouldn't respect any other point of view the way that you are insisting that others should respect yours. I admitted the fact that I made you feel disrespected, and yet you continue to criticize me and anyone who won't agree with you. I like a good discussion, because that is how I learn about people and experiences. I don't always say the exact right things in the exact right way, but I never intend to insult anyone the way that I have you. I just never encountered anyone quite like you, and I really am interested to know what you came here to accomplish. This will be my last comment out of respect for you and your point of view. I wish you well, and that is the honest truth. Sorry we couldn't seem to understand each other...

See, she finds me fascinating. She wants to know more about me. She keeps asking what my objective is, despite me repeating it for her again and again. She feels personally criticised by me. She thinks I felt disrespected by her.

All sounds quite personal, not about WLS at all.

My point exactly.

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She's a sick person. She's getting off on the attention. Let's not give her any more. Bet she responds within 30 seconds, because that's the way she rolls.

And I wonder what about me inspires your devoted following of me. What about me upsets you so much? Why are you engaging with such a "sick" person?

And you will give me more attention, you know you will.

And there is the playground statement. "Let's all ignore her, not play with her because I don't like her".

You just prove my point.

And don't hate me just because I am clever enough to post on BP more quickly than most. Being jealous of the way "I roll" (really, from a woman your age?) is only a complement.

Ask yourself, why are you on this thread? Hurling insults won't help your objective. Unless your objective is just being a mean girl.

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*compliment

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Incredible!! I have written my later posts to you trying to placate u. You pick it apart as well as others posts & slam us. You know what "Christian lady", you need to get off this site as you are nothing but mean & don't care about what anyone says, only about attacking a sentence or 2 that does not give the gist of what we are saying. I agree....stop you boohooing & get off this site, if you don't want anyone to say anything to u. You are exhausting & negative no matter what anyone says...& u can't be that busy as I look at all your posts on here & there r quite a few. I am going to do myself a favour & unsubscribe from yur post as I hope everyone else does. You may as well be talking to yourself as u don't READ what others are saying. Good luck with yourself.

Or maybe people are tired of you starting or going into every thread complaining about how much you regret the surgery? We get it. You regret the surgery. Move on. What the hell can you do about it now??

And how short sighted does someone have to be to realize it's not always going to be this way? When you have a 2 year old child, do you say they are still going to be throwing tantrums and not be potty trained when they're 20? Of course not. Things change and progress. Just like with this surgery. Yes, there will be a time when you will be able to eat more. Yes, there will be a time when you can eat whatever you want without feeling like sh*t. Yes, there will be time when you can pretty much ignore the fact you've had surgery and do whatever you want again once you've healed up. Yes, even your fairly normal complications will get better with time. I barely even know I've had surgery now at 2 years out with the amounts I can eat. Yes, NORMAL amounts if I really work at it. I feel completely normal. You're frikken 9 weeks out. Give yourself time to heal up and you can move on with your life like nothing ever happened.

Jeez.

Anyone know how I can delete a post .. I started a thread and wanted to delete it and start a new thread ?

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When we write things on forums, it isn't just the original poster, or the responders who read it. I betcha there will be many lurkers who will read this thread and it's good that they can see various points of view. My remarks are targeted at those people who are trying to understand this surgery and if it is a good idea for them. It's a freaking scary proposition to have part of your stomach removed!

My personal experience as a sleever can be summarized like this:

• Preop - Terrified and anxious, I had to get short term medication to make it through the last week before surgery. The word "hot mess" comes to mind. It wasn't because I didn't want to be sleeved, it was because I had such a fear of the operation, such a fear of failing AGAIN (I was a failed band patient and there is no feeling of failure like failing after bariatric surgery)
• First weeks post op were very miserable and I was still fat. Struggle to get in enough Water, exhausted, anti-social, diarrea all that stuff. I never regretted it though because I knew this often happened and I just had to "muscle through it"
• Introducing solid food was another awful experience. I felt like I had to do it perfectly right since I was so desperate to succeed. I feared damaging my sleeve, I felt sick to my stomach, everything tasted weird, water tasted like it had metal in it.... and I was still fat.
• The next few months were surreal. I didn't feel like myself and I can't even articulate why. While I got the hang of eating properly, it was disorienting for food to taste bad, to eat so little, to have food restrictions, eating FELT LIKE A CHORE. Then, I had an "ah ha" moment - this is the window of opportunity to change my relationship with food. Food is not recreation, it's nutrtion - novel concept for me! I often felt I would be happier just not eating, but I realized that is another form of disordered eating, so I took on the approach that food is like medicine - follow my surgeons and NUTs directions and take it on faith it would get better. Still fat, but down alot.
• By 3-4 months out, people were noticing the weight loss, I was feeling more myself emotionally, I was not as naseaous, I could tolerate a wider variety of food and it started tasting normal. I was in a good workout routine and loving that I could do more. Yes, still fat, but not nearly AS fat. I started thinking that amazing things MIGHT be possible.
• At around 8-9 months my appetite returned, my weight loss slowed and I was still about 40# from goal. I made a conscious decision to evaluate what was important to me and I got my butt back on track with good steady losses.
• At 14 months I made my goal of losing 150#. I could wear cute clothes, people didn't recognize me, I could eat pretty much anything (exceptions are rich ice cream gives me cramps and spicy food can irritate my tummy a bit)
• I am nearly 5 years post op and living a good life as a normal sized, active woman with a loving boyfriend. I am living a day to day life that I could only dream of. Many people dont know I had surgery - I eat small portions of very normal food. My kids are shocked when they see my before pix... but they tell me I changed inside too, not just the weight loss. I wear makeup, I love to dress up, go out, social butterfly all that.

Life is pretty damn good and I am thankful for the help of the sleeve to get me here.

Wait, 9 weeks out and this much regret? You are putting a whole bunch of stock in what is just a small adjustment period.

Sad that in two years you didn't take the time to learn that the first 6 months are an adjustment, and then generally things go back to normal.

I'm 5 years out, I eat quickly, I drink coffee (and tea), I eat meat and salad, I've gotten used to not drinking with my meals and learned that if I want results I have to approach life a certain way.

Seems like you did a lot of "research" and very little listining.

And I died, twice, from complications from my Lap Band, had a feeding tube for months, still have residual issues.

You may have been cleared for surgery, but you were obviously in no way prepared.

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And it's the vets that are the problem....

I actually did seek out your thread because you responded to my thread about recovery by saying you wished you hadn't done it, and then when I asked why you simply said, "I want things how they were before", or something very close to that.

Since I am pre-op I was very curious. I don't have any experience with the surgery or the recovery or any of it, so I'm not coming from that point. I think these people are actually trying to help. When you say that you'll "never" stop regretting it after only 9 weeks then other people who maybe felt that way at 9 weeks are trying to encourage you by letting you know it could change.

I had a DCR surgery a few years ago and got Iron poisoning by swallowing too much blood. I have literally NEVER been so sick in my life. It's the only time I've lain in a hospital bed and not cared if I was dying. The point is that you can't be objective when you're suffering and in pain. Now that it's over, those few days (as AWFUL as they were) were worth the new tear duct they drilled through my nose and the end of constant and painful eye infections and pus leaking out of mine.

Sometimes it's hard to see the forest for the trees. Even if you are right and this surgery was the wrong decision for you it makes perfect sense that from an objective standpoint your complications are coloring the entire experience so far.

I think that you can indeed appropriate some blame on your doctors. I've done most of my research on my own and online and have already read about many of the possible complications. After 2 years they certainly should've been brought to your attention.

Just be open to the possibility that once things settle down and the post surgical complications ease up you may feel differently.