I read some interesting comments today and I wanted to make something really clear.

Out of all these people around the globe that are on this website, there are going to be some of us that have found post op, that this surgery was the wrong decision.

If you want this website to be honest and truthful, a source of good solid information for people considering surgery and a source of support for people post op, then everyone's experiences should be welcome.

The reason's I think this surgery was wrong for me has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with my post op complications!

And as for comments about people who regret their surgeries and have complications because:

• "houses were dirty"

• "they didn't follow instructions"

• "they haven't seen the great results yet"

• "they are just negative people and negative people are more vocal

So, just let me tell you this, some of us simply made a mistake.

We thought this was a good plan, we took advice, did our research, attended the seminars and weigh ins (in my case, two years attending).

We met our surgeons, we discussed our pre existing conditions, we spoke to our family and friends.

I myself have a counsellor, did CBT counselling for the entire two years pre op and am deemed emotionally and mentally sound. (just as an aside, my NHS CBT counsellor did not agree with this surgery).

I checked with my pain mgt team about the efficacy of my medications post op.

And it was still a mistake!

And so what?

It happens. And people like me should be able to explain these things without others trying to negate our admission of this mistake by offering excuses as to why we are unhappy with our decision.

I could have floated onto a cloud, had magical unicorns lick away my stomach, and woke up in paradise fully healed, sipping a cocktail in the sun and I would still tell you that this was a mistake for ME. And for many of my friends.

It doesn't matter how many years post op I get, I will consider this a mistake.

My house is not dirty, I followed instructions to the letter, I consider my bariatric discharge booklet my life guideline and I never variate.

I keep in touch with anyone and everyone in my medical care stream that might be helpful.

And complications happened. And yes, to many of us in our bariatric system. But again, it was not the complications that disturb us.

We all have different reasons for regretting it.

Most of us feel that we were misinformed, which doesn't help. My neighbour regrets her bypass because of her now permanent diarrhea and no improvement in her diabetes. She tells me that she has to think about food most of the day just to keep herself fed (choosing the right foods so as not to vomit), and she could have simply dieted harder if she had known she would have to think of food all day. She is three years post op and she still struggles with dehydration. Her hair never grew back after the initial drop out.

I myself am only 9 weeks post op and have had complications so I can't know what my future holds.

I miss eating quickly and simply in a way that doesn't have to be well thought out.

I want to be able to eat a full salad, maybe even with dressings, without worrying about which component might not agree with me.

I want to be able to eat any kind of meat I want cooked how I want in the quantity I want.

I want to drink beverages with my meals.

I miss a morning coffee or afternoon tea. I miss ice tea. (I know other people can drink it but I can't now).

I don't want to have to plan my food day meticulously or be different from others around me eating.

I want my medications to work again in the way they did pre op to control my fibromyalgia symptoms.

And I have definitely seen weightloss results. As I was lying there starving to death for seven weeks, I have lost all but 20lbs of my expected and required excess weight to satisfy my healthcare team. ( I am still only getting around 500 cals a day in, but have constant diarrhea so who knows how much stays in).

I now look "normal" except for the grey pallor in my skin and the nappy I now have to wear because of fecal incontinence (my IBS-d was totally controlled before surgery).

I am six dress sizes smaller but can only leave my house if I don't eat anything and wear adult protection in case of Water causing an "accident". Or in case I become faint from lack of food and fall.

So I do actually feel that had I read a forum entry like this, I might have thought twice.

And that's a good thing. If people are scared, that's okay. Let them hear more than just "don't worry, I was fine, you will be too!" Because maybe they won't!

So this is not about complications, it's about people.

One size does not fit all. Some of us should have simply accepted our weight, or worked harder to diet it off. Had I taken in only 300 to 500 calories a day for 9 weeks pre op, I would have lost all this weight anyway.

If you are happy, well done! If you are dead set on going ahead, ignore this. If you are a high BMI person (think 600lb life), God bless you, this may save your life, if you are a food addict, I feel your pain.

You will still have to diet post op! You will still have to exercise.

If you are undecided, then simply take a breath, think about it, really examine your food issues. Could you do more to lose weight? Could you move a bit more and eat a bit less?

Anyway, I am where I am and I plan to make the best of what I have left. And I intend to keep making sure that pre op people have a good think and post op people like me have someone they can talk to.

Thanks to everyone who is supporting me.

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I agree that absolutes and generalizations like: never, always, all, everyone, only, etc., can be dangerous, especially for self-talk.

I am not negative, not in my outlook nor in my inner mind.

I simply don't like the outcome of an ill informed decision that I made.

I am simply trying to get across that my opinion is not because I am only 3 months post op.

This isn't about complications. Or healing.

I just don't like my new stomach and how I have to live now because of it.

The concept is really simple and I am amazed that people want to make huge excuses about why I feel the way I feel!

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My apologies. I had no intention of crossing over from opinion to assumptions, but I guess I did.

You didn't rattle my cage. I expressed yet another opinion. Your life is your own, and I certainly had no intent to label you. My words were based on yours, however incorrectly I interpreted your words. I still wish you the best, just as I did before.

That's fine and thank you, but saying things like " even if I don't wish the best for myself" is really unhelpful.

Your words about me being "miserable", "pessimistic", etc were not opinions about my disliking my new stomach, those were assumptions about my frame of mind.

I just don't like it.

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you might not like it, but I am sorry to say you do come across as miserable and pessamistic - which can be self fulfilling - so it is good that you correct that assumption so that current and future readers will better understand.

You didn't rattle my cage. I expressed yet another opinion. Your life is your own, and I certainly had no intent to label you. My words were based on yours, however incorrectly I interpreted your words. I still wish you the best, just as I did before.

That's fine and thank you, but saying things like " even if I don't wish the best for myself" is really unhelpful.

Your words about me being "miserable", "pessimistic", etc were not opinions about my disliking my new stomach, those were assumptions about my frame of mind.

I just don't like it.

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you might not like it, but I am sorry to say you do come across as miserable and pessamistic - which can be self fulfilling - so it is good that you correct that assumption so that current and future readers will better understand.

That's because no one is actually considering this subject without emotion.

I may be the only person on here that simply dislikes their new situation (all my realtime bariatric friend regret their surgeries too).

People find this opinion hard to accept. Pre op people are desperate to get their surgeries and most other people are quite happy to lose weight with this surgery.

In telling my story and asking my questions, I may have come across as miserable because I was in alot of pain, sick as a dog and starving to death.

I nearly died. My family was distraught.

But there is a big difference in that and the context that post was made.

This mistake does not define me. It confines me, restricts me, changes my daily life and health but no, I am not those labels.

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Gina, people just want to give you hope. Perhaps we are all coming off wrong. lets hope things get better for you & you can have a better life than you do right now...to be able to stop losing weight at the rate you are...to be able to go out without having to worry about leakage....to feel healthier than you do. I am sorry you feel attacked. I know I felt the same way when I mentioned a book I had read that I thought may be interesting, lol.....it was like woah.....I was just saying it was interesting, but people got angry....so I got angry & thought I wasn't going to post anymore.....so I can understand....words sometimes don't come off the way we mean them or.....we can't see past our own prejudices. I think many people get to the point where we get rattled when we hear can't, won't, etc.....because Gina, we all believe in hope & without it, what's the point? Hope keeps us all going & that's what we all try to get out of situations like this, & to offer. We are just trying to offer you some hope, one human to another. I guess that's not what you wanted & I apologize for my earlier posting, where I thought I was giving you hope & support......I am sure everyone else was trying to give you this too.......I guess all you wanted was to open our eyes to the dangers, & you have done that. Thank you Gina.

I believe all opinions are welcome here and people considering surgery should be informed about possible complications. People researching WLS should also be informed that not everyone adjusts well to post bariatric life, and yes some regret it. Thank you for your post. I am truly sorry you are going through this. You may never stop regretting it but I hope find a new normal that you can live with. I don't think anyone should have to live with fecal incontenance. I am in the USA and my bariatric team would have been all over this. Being a small rural hospital... I would been referred to Johns Hopkins or another world class top hospital after a short time. I guess what I am asking is whether You have faith in your medical team? Have you consulted with another bariatric team or

gastroenterologist. It is hard to heal and create a new normal when you as sick as you are. I hope your health improves soon so can make the best of this regretful situation.

I believe all opinions are welcome here and people considering surgery should be informed about possible complications. People researching WLS should also be informed that not everyone adjusts well to post bariatric life, and yes some regret it. Thank you for your post. I am truly sorry you are going through this. You may never stop regretting it but I hope find a new normal that you can live with. I don't think anyone should have to live with fecal incontenance. I am in the USA and my bariatric team would have been all over this. Being a small rural hospital... I would been referred to Johns Hopkins or another world class top hospital after a short time. I guess what I am asking is whether You have faith in your medical team? Have you consulted with another bariatric team or

gastroenterologist. It is hard to heal and create a new normal when you as sick as you are. I hope your health improves soon so can make the best of this regretful situation.

I am American and have lived in the UK since 1985. When I first came here, I was shocked at the difference in the healthcare between here and the States, The Netherlands and even South Africa.

Things are different here. I won't berate the details because I would surely offend someone.

No, I lost faith in my bariatric team just prior to surgery but I put mistakes down to their being busy. And it got much, much worse. Now, I rely on my own research, my GP etc. I will no longer jump through the system's hoops to satisfy their statistics. I am vocal about their shortcomings hoping that they will make changes.

I know that in the States that I would be receiving better care. But I have to accept what I have.

Also, I am a devout Christian. I have a deep and abiding faith that helps me know that no matter what, I am not alone. And that whatever happens, I will be okay.

You are right. I am developing a new normal. I can't get Protein in (I literally have had nothing but maybe a couple of eggs in homemade egg drop soup) and have not had any to speak of for ten weeks.

This is a problem that I will have to solve.

I am going to ask to see a gastroenterologist as soon as someone contacts me.

Everyone here seems to think that I am lying here lamenting my mistake and wailing woe is me.

This is not the case. I am moving house so very busy packing, cleaning etc. I am living my life. Albeit with incontinence. I don't really bother with food much. I eat Soups, taste things etc, but I get my fluids in and then forget it.

I know that I need healthcare. I wish they would concentrate on those of us who are sick and stop doing new surgeries. We deserve it.

But life goes on. I don't sleep much and I am in some pain, but my life other than this is good.

Thank you for your kindness.

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Gina, people just want to give you hope. Perhaps we are all coming off wrong. lets hope things get better for you & you can have a better life than you do right now...to be able to stop losing weight at the rate you are...to be able to go out without having to worry about leakage....to feel healthier than you do. I am sorry you feel attacked. I know I felt the same way when I mentioned a book I had read that I thought may be interesting, lol.....it was like woah.....I was just saying it was interesting, but people got angry....so I got angry & thought I wasn't going to post anymore.....so I can understand....words sometimes don't come off the way we mean them or.....we can't see past our own prejudices. I think many people get to the point where we get rattled when we hear can't, won't, etc.....because Gina, we all believe in hope & without it, what's the point? Hope keeps us all going & that's what we all try to get out of situations like this, & to offer. We are just trying to offer you some hope, one human to another. I guess that's not what you wanted & I apologize for my earlier posting, where I thought I was giving you hope & support......I am sure everyone else was trying to give you this too.......I guess all you wanted was to open our eyes to the dangers, & you have done that. Thank you Gina.

I do appreciate your thoughts but you are really mistaken about how you think I feel.

You are using words like "feeling attacked", "angry", "hopeless".

As a devout Christian, I am never without hope. My team may have lost hope and be out of their depth, but I am not hopeless, nor do I feel attacked or angry.

People here can say anything they want.

I welcome that. But if they are wrong about me, I will correct them.

I have no worry about leakage. They checked that (well they said they did).

My mental and emotional state is fine.

I know that people here don't want to hear that I refuse to make nice about my mistake. I do also wish that I could have a better quality of health.

Moving house when you are ten weeks out, with an abdominal abscess while constantly pooping yourself, is no joke. But it is very embarrassing.

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Gina, your story shows just how important pre-op education is. Folks need to have a full understanding of the issues that they may run into. This surgery isn't right for everyone. You noted in another thread that you and your friends were not given a complete picture of the risks. That definitely wasn't fair to you.

It took me years to decide that the likely benefits outweighed the likely risks. Having surgery was the right choice for me. I benefited from hearing other's stories of success, failure, and complication.

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You're right. None of us know you. However, what you write makes you sound miserable, negative, uninformed and crying out for attention. Not generally what I read from devout Christian women. I pray one day you can read your own posts and cringe.

You're right. None of us know you. However, what you write makes you sound miserable, negative, uninformed and crying out for attention. Not generally what I read from devout Christian women. I pray one day you can read your own posts and cringe.

Oh dear! And I am the "negative attention seeker".

*looking for the intelligent, informative input in this post.... nope, nevermind!

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You're right. None of us know you. However, what you write makes you sound miserable, negative, uninformed and crying out for attention. Not generally what I read from devout Christian women. I pray one day you can read your own posts and cringe.

Oh dear! And I am the "negative attention seeker".

*looking for the intelligent, informative input in this post.... nope, nevermind!

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As I said before, something about my not liking my new stomach really brings out the personal insults from people.

I don't go through my backposts and edit or delete them the way some people do here. I am honest and forthright.

I will leave my saddest, most frightened posts here for all to read.

I don't care what anyone thinks of me personally. I certainly won't take any notice of mudslinging. Nor will I take too much notice of insults from pre op folk.

You have no idea yet.

If you are about to comment here on this thread, ask yourself what your objective is?

I am going to do it again, here we go, watch closely now... I will never (ooo the miserable, negative, never word!) cringe at my posts.

I own them. Not sure how much more informed I could be after over two years of research and actually having surgery nearly three months ago.

As long as I help one person simply look harder, research longer, talk to their surgeon more, and really examine their relationship with food prior to surgery, then I am happy.

I think alot of what is bothering some folk is that I am almost at perfection weight ten weeks out. With no effort and being bold enough to say that I would rather be the way I was.

So go for it, let it all out, I can definitely take it. And of course, I need a good laugh to cheer up my "negative, miserable" life!

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Exactly. Your not looking for input, just attention. Shut up, stop whining and get over yourself. You'll be fat and happy again in no time. Just read all the other whining posts. Some of us accept responsibility for our decisions without acting like victims. If you were so well informed and did your research, how are you so clueless? You need help.

Exactly. Your not looking for input, just attention. Shut up, stop whining and get over yourself. You'll be fat and happy again in no time. Just read all the other whining posts. Some of us accept responsibility for our decisions without acting like victims. If you were so well informed and did your research, how are you so clueless? You need help.

See, there you go! Bet you feel better now!

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