I read some interesting comments today and I wanted to make something really clear.

Out of all these people around the globe that are on this website, there are going to be some of us that have found post op, that this surgery was the wrong decision.

If you want this website to be honest and truthful, a source of good solid information for people considering surgery and a source of support for people post op, then everyone's experiences should be welcome.

The reason's I think this surgery was wrong for me has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with my post op complications!

And as for comments about people who regret their surgeries and have complications because:

• "houses were dirty"

• "they didn't follow instructions"

• "they haven't seen the great results yet"

• "they are just negative people and negative people are more vocal

So, just let me tell you this, some of us simply made a mistake.

We thought this was a good plan, we took advice, did our research, attended the seminars and weigh ins (in my case, two years attending).

We met our surgeons, we discussed our pre existing conditions, we spoke to our family and friends.

I myself have a counsellor, did CBT counselling for the entire two years pre op and am deemed emotionally and mentally sound. (just as an aside, my NHS CBT counsellor did not agree with this surgery).

I checked with my pain mgt team about the efficacy of my medications post op.

And it was still a mistake!

And so what?

It happens. And people like me should be able to explain these things without others trying to negate our admission of this mistake by offering excuses as to why we are unhappy with our decision.

I could have floated onto a cloud, had magical unicorns lick away my stomach, and woke up in paradise fully healed, sipping a cocktail in the sun and I would still tell you that this was a mistake for ME. And for many of my friends.

It doesn't matter how many years post op I get, I will consider this a mistake.

My house is not dirty, I followed instructions to the letter, I consider my bariatric discharge booklet my life guideline and I never variate.

I keep in touch with anyone and everyone in my medical care stream that might be helpful.

And complications happened. And yes, to many of us in our bariatric system. But again, it was not the complications that disturb us.

We all have different reasons for regretting it.

Most of us feel that we were misinformed, which doesn't help. My neighbour regrets her bypass because of her now permanent diarrhea and no improvement in her diabetes. She tells me that she has to think about food most of the day just to keep herself fed (choosing the right foods so as not to vomit), and she could have simply dieted harder if she had known she would have to think of food all day. She is three years post op and she still struggles with dehydration. Her hair never grew back after the initial drop out.

I myself am only 9 weeks post op and have had complications so I can't know what my future holds.

I miss eating quickly and simply in a way that doesn't have to be well thought out.

I want to be able to eat a full salad, maybe even with dressings, without worrying about which component might not agree with me.

I want to be able to eat any kind of meat I want cooked how I want in the quantity I want.

I want to drink beverages with my meals.

I miss a morning coffee or afternoon tea. I miss ice tea. (I know other people can drink it but I can't now).

I don't want to have to plan my food day meticulously or be different from others around me eating.

I want my medications to work again in the way they did pre op to control my fibromyalgia symptoms.

And I have definitely seen weightloss results. As I was lying there starving to death for seven weeks, I have lost all but 20lbs of my expected and required excess weight to satisfy my healthcare team. ( I am still only getting around 500 cals a day in, but have constant diarrhea so who knows how much stays in).

I now look "normal" except for the grey pallor in my skin and the nappy I now have to wear because of fecal incontinence (my IBS-d was totally controlled before surgery).

I am six dress sizes smaller but can only leave my house if I don't eat anything and wear adult protection in case of Water causing an "accident". Or in case I become faint from lack of food and fall.

So I do actually feel that had I read a forum entry like this, I might have thought twice.

And that's a good thing. If people are scared, that's okay. Let them hear more than just "don't worry, I was fine, you will be too!" Because maybe they won't!

So this is not about complications, it's about people.

One size does not fit all. Some of us should have simply accepted our weight, or worked harder to diet it off. Had I taken in only 300 to 500 calories a day for 9 weeks pre op, I would have lost all this weight anyway.

If you are happy, well done! If you are dead set on going ahead, ignore this. If you are a high BMI person (think 600lb life), God bless you, this may save your life, if you are a food addict, I feel your pain.

You will still have to diet post op! You will still have to exercise.

If you are undecided, then simply take a breath, think about it, really examine your food issues. Could you do more to lose weight? Could you move a bit more and eat a bit less?

Anyway, I am where I am and I plan to make the best of what I have left. And I intend to keep making sure that pre op people have a good think and post op people like me have someone they can talk to.

Thanks to everyone who is supporting me.

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When we write things on forums, it isn't just the original poster, or the responders who read it. I betcha there will be many lurkers who will read this thread and it's good that they can see various points of view. My remarks are targeted at those people who are trying to understand this surgery and if it is a good idea for them. It's a freaking scary proposition to have part of your stomach removed!

My personal experience as a sleever can be summarized like this:

• Preop - Terrified and anxious, I had to get short term medication to make it through the last week before surgery. The word "hot mess" comes to mind. It wasn't because I didn't want to be sleeved, it was because I had such a fear of the operation, such a fear of failing AGAIN (I was a failed band patient and there is no feeling of failure like failing after bariatric surgery)
• First weeks post op were very miserable and I was still fat. Struggle to get in enough Water, exhausted, anti-social, diarrea all that stuff. I never regretted it though because I knew this often happened and I just had to "muscle through it"
• Introducing solid food was another awful experience. I felt like I had to do it perfectly right since I was so desperate to succeed. I feared damaging my sleeve, I felt sick to my stomach, everything tasted weird, water tasted like it had metal in it.... and I was still fat.
• The next few months were surreal. I didn't feel like myself and I can't even articulate why. While I got the hang of eating properly, it was disorienting for food to taste bad, to eat so little, to have food restrictions, eating FELT LIKE A CHORE. Then, I had an "ah ha" moment - this is the window of opportunity to change my relationship with food. Food is not recreation, it's nutrtion - novel concept for me! I often felt I would be happier just not eating, but I realized that is another form of disordered eating, so I took on the approach that food is like medicine - follow my surgeons and NUTs directions and take it on faith it would get better. Still fat, but down alot.
• By 3-4 months out, people were noticing the weight loss, I was feeling more myself emotionally, I was not as naseaous, I could tolerate a wider variety of food and it started tasting normal. I was in a good workout routine and loving that I could do more. Yes, still fat, but not nearly AS fat. I started thinking that amazing things MIGHT be possible.
• At around 8-9 months my appetite returned, my weight loss slowed and I was still about 40# from goal. I made a conscious decision to evaluate what was important to me and I got my butt back on track with good steady losses.
• At 14 months I made my goal of losing 150#. I could wear cute clothes, people didn't recognize me, I could eat pretty much anything (exceptions are rich ice cream gives me cramps and spicy food can irritate my tummy a bit)
• I am nearly 5 years post op and living a good life as a normal sized, active woman with a loving boyfriend. I am living a day to day life that I could only dream of. Many people dont know I had surgery - I eat small portions of very normal food. My kids are shocked when they see my before pix... but they tell me I changed inside too, not just the weight loss. I wear makeup, I love to dress up, go out, social butterfly all that.

Life is pretty damn good and I am thankful for the help of the sleeve to get me here.

Now THIS post is helpful. Thank you!

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Incredible!! I have written my later posts to you trying to placate u. You pick it apart as well as others posts & slam us. You know what "Christian lady", you need to get off this site as you are nothing but mean & don't care about what anyone says, only about attacking a sentence or 2 that does not give the gist of what we are saying. I agree....stop you boohooing & get off this site, if you don't want anyone to say anything to u. You are exhausting & negative no matter what anyone says...& u can't be that busy as I look at all your posts on here & there r quite a few. I am going to do myself a favour & unsubscribe from yur post as I hope everyone else does. You may as well be talking to yourself as u don't READ what others are saying. Good luck with yourself.

Won't be bullied by you or anyone to "get off this site".

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I actually did seek out your thread because you responded to my thread about recovery by saying you wished you hadn't done it, and then when I asked why you simply said, "I want things how they were before", or something very close to that.

Since I am pre-op I was very curious. I don't have any experience with the surgery or the recovery or any of it, so I'm not coming from that point. I think these people are actually trying to help. When you say that you'll "never" stop regretting it after only 9 weeks then other people who maybe felt that way at 9 weeks are trying to encourage you by letting you know it could change.

I had a DCR surgery a few years ago and got Iron poisoning by swallowing too much blood. I have literally NEVER been so sick in my life. It's the only time I've lain in a hospital bed and not cared if I was dying. The point is that you can't be objective when you're suffering and in pain. Now that it's over, those few days (as AWFUL as they were) were worth the new tear duct they drilled through my nose and the end of constant and painful eye infections and pus leaking out of mine.

Sometimes it's hard to see the forest for the trees. Even if you are right and this surgery was the wrong decision for you it makes perfect sense that from an objective standpoint your complications are coloring the entire experience so far.

I think that you can indeed appropriate some blame on your doctors. I've done most of my research on my own and online and have already read about many of the possible complications. After 2 years they certainly should've been brought to your attention.

Just be open to the possibility that once things settle down and the post surgical complications ease up you may feel differently.

Not really sure why it is so important to everyone that I feel differently about my mistake. Why can't I feel as I feel without people spending so much time trying to convince me I will be happy about this later.

I have accepted it and am moving on with life but I should be allowed to be me without people trying to change me.

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And it's the vets that are the problem....

Vets are not the problem. The problem seems to be that outspoken, strong individuals, who stand up for themselves, are hassled in an attempt to change their behaviour and their comments.

If you read many of the posts on this thread, a thread which makes the topic clear, I am being personally insulted. No content about VSG or bariatric surgery. Blatant personal insults, some of them trying to bully me off this website.

Simply for having a different opinion than themselves.

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You said,

"Not really sure why it is so important to everyone that I feel differently about my mistake. Why can't I feel as I feel without people spending so much time trying to convince me I will be happy about this later.

I have accepted it and am moving on with life but I should be allowed to be me without people trying to change me."




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Because the idea that someone had an irreversible procedure done and is filled with regret is truly sad. They feel bad for you and know that your complications might be coloring your experience thus far. Self fulfilling prophecy is a real thing, if you just decide that this sucks and you'll never be happy about it then that probably will happen.

Why does it bother you so much to have people say that it might not bother you forever? Is the idea of making peace with this decision somehow stressful to you? You can go ahead and have your feelings about your mistake, but others can also share their stories and try to help you see a light at the end of the tunnel.

I shared a surgical story where I had IMMENSE regret during the recovery period and then it went away. Why are you so determined that you have to regret this forever?

Wait, 9 weeks out and this much regret? You are putting a whole bunch of stock in what is just a small adjustment period.

Sad that in two years you didn't take the time to learn that the first 6 months are an adjustment, and then generally things go back to normal.

I'm 5 years out, I eat quickly, I drink coffee (and tea), I eat meat and salad, I've gotten used to not drinking with my meals and learned that if I want results I have to approach life a certain way.

Seems like you did a lot of "research" and very little listining.

And I died, twice, from complications from my Lap Band, had a feeding tube for months, still have residual issues.

You may have been cleared for surgery, but you were obviously in no way prepared.

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You are right about one thing, and this is why I put up with so much abuse here to express my opinion, I was not prepared!

Despite all my research, despite being friends with 9 other bariatric patients, regardless of spending two years in classes, meetings, seminars. Despite reading, listening, exploring, I was not prepared.

I could not know what I didn't know.

That it was possible not to like the fact that I had 85% of my stomach removed permanently. I didn't like it on day one, I still don't like it on week ten.

There is no more regret today than day one. It's the same.

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Also if you've accepted it and are at peace then why do you seem so intent on letting everyone know how miserable you are?

Or maybe people are tired of you starting or going into every thread complaining about how much you regret the surgery? We get it. You regret the surgery. Move on. What the hell can you do about it now??

And how short sighted does someone have to be to realize it's not always going to be this way? When you have a 2 year old child, do you say they are still going to be throwing tantrums and not be potty trained when they're 20? Of course not. Things change and progress. Just like with this surgery. Yes, there will be a time when you will be able to eat more. Yes, there will be a time when you can eat whatever you want without feeling like sh*t. Yes, there will be time when you can pretty much ignore the fact you've had surgery and do whatever you want again once you've healed up. Yes, even your fairly normal complications will get better with time. I barely even know I've had surgery now at 2 years out with the amounts I can eat. Yes, NORMAL amounts if I really work at it. I feel completely normal. You're frikken 9 weeks out. Give yourself time to heal up and you can move on with your life like nothing ever happened.

Jeez.

This is why I started this thread. People who don't want to read my comments are welcome to ignore and move on themselves.

For everyone that tries to silence me, there are two people who thank me.

No, I can't change it but I can help other people to make sure that they are mentally, emotionally and physically ready for their surgery.

Or to say, "Wait a minute, I think I will just wait until I am more sure."

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You said,

"Not really sure why it is so important to everyone that I feel differently about my mistake. Why can't I feel as I feel without people spending so much time trying to convince me I will be happy about this later.

I have accepted it and am moving on with life but I should be allowed to be me without people trying to change me."

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Because the idea that someone had an irreversible procedure done and is filled with regret is truly sad. They feel bad for you and know that your complications might be coloring your experience thus far. Self fulfilling prophecy is a real thing, if you just decide that this sucks and you'll never be happy about it then that probably will happen.

Why does it bother you so much to have people say that it might not bother you forever? Is the idea of making peace with this decision somehow stressful to you? You can go ahead and have your feelings about your mistake, but others can also share their stories and try to help you see a light at the end of the tunnel.

I shared a surgical story where I had IMMENSE regret during the recovery period and then it went away. Why are you so determined that you have to regret this forever?

People need to stop putting so much emotion into this topic.

Emotional words like "sad", "happy", "light at the end of the tunnel", etc are irrelevant to me as I don't "feel" any of those things.

This is about intelligent, factual education.

People need to understand that it is possible to dislike the results of this surgery for reasons they may not have thought of.

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You said,

"Not really sure why it is so important to everyone that I feel differently about my mistake. Why can't I feel as I feel without people spending so much time trying to convince me I will be happy about this later.

I have accepted it and am moving on with life but I should be allowed to be me without people trying to change me."

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Because the idea that someone had an irreversible procedure done and is filled with regret is truly sad. They feel bad for you and know that your complications might be coloring your experience thus far. Self fulfilling prophecy is a real thing, if you just decide that this sucks and you'll never be happy about it then that probably will happen.

Why does it bother you so much to have people say that it might not bother you forever? Is the idea of making peace with this decision somehow stressful to you? You can go ahead and have your feelings about your mistake, but others can also share their stories and try to help you see a light at the end of the tunnel.

I shared a surgical story where I had IMMENSE regret during the recovery period and then it went away. Why are you so determined that you have to regret this forever?

People need to stop putting so much emotion into this topic.

Emotional words like "sad", "happy", "light at the end of the tunnel", etc are irrelevant to me as I don't "feel" any of those things.

This is about intelligent, factual education.

People need to understand that it is possible to dislike the results of this surgery for reasons they may not have thought of.

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I guess I'm not sure how to separate that out. You had an irreversible procedure that is causing you suffering and regret. As I, and most other responders, are compassionate people we immediately feel sad for someone in that position. When we further read that someone seems very hopeless about a process that they're not very far into, it's natural for us to try to remind them that regret might be temporary and to try to remain objective. We don't want to say, "you're right, you messed up big time, there is no hope that you'll ever stop regretting this", especially when that might not be true. If you're going to post about your disappointment on a public forum then most people will try to offer solutions that could be helpful.

You apparently don't want any solutions and are enjoying just living in regret, so ... I don't know what else to say. Best of luck.

Also if you've accepted it and are at peace then why do you seem so intent on letting everyone know how miserable you are?

Lol I am not "miserable" at all.

If you take the emotional words out of it a moment and read exactly what I say, you will see that I want to make sure that other people who feel as I do post op (and they do, it's not just me. I am the only one brave enough to speak out), know that they are not alone.

And to encourage other people to consider things that they cannot read in a book or hear in a seminar.

This is irreversible, permanent surgery that may not be right for everyone.

I have had many thanks for speaking out and it is worth all the bullying and personal insults just to know that one other person explored their options more thoroughly.

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Also if you've accepted it and are at peace then why do you seem so intent on letting everyone know how miserable you are?

Lol I am not "miserable" at all.

If you take the emotional words out of it a moment and read exactly what I say, you will see that I want to make sure that other people who feel as I do post op (and they do, it's not just me. I am the only one brave enough to speak out), know that they are not alone.

And to encourage other people to consider things that they cannot read in a book or hear in a seminar.

This is irreversible, permanent surgery that may not be right for everyone.

I have had many thanks for speaking out and it is worth all the bullying and personal insults just to know that one other person explored their options more thoroughly.

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Fair enough. There's nothing wrong with giving your honest experience. My advice would be just to make sure people know you are only 9 weeks out and have had complications so they can be more objective.

As far as "silencing you" and bullying you, seems a wee bit over dramatic. It's just a weight loss forum, you're not Edward Snowden.

You said,

"Not really sure why it is so important to everyone that I feel differently about my mistake. Why can't I feel as I feel without people spending so much time trying to convince me I will be happy about this later.

I have accepted it and am moving on with life but I should be allowed to be me without people trying to change me."

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

Because the idea that someone had an irreversible procedure done and is filled with regret is truly sad. They feel bad for you and know that your complications might be coloring your experience thus far. Self fulfilling prophecy is a real thing, if you just decide that this sucks and you'll never be happy about it then that probably will happen.

Why does it bother you so much to have people say that it might not bother you forever? Is the idea of making peace with this decision somehow stressful to you? You can go ahead and have your feelings about your mistake, but others can also share their stories and try to help you see a light at the end of the tunnel.

I shared a surgical story where I had IMMENSE regret during the recovery period and then it went away. Why are you so determined that you have to regret this forever?

People need to stop putting so much emotion into this topic.

Emotional words like "sad", "happy", "light at the end of the tunnel", etc are irrelevant to me as I don't "feel" any of those things.

This is about intelligent, factual education.

People need to understand that it is possible to dislike the results of this surgery for reasons they may not have thought of.

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I guess I'm not sure how to separate that out. You had an irreversible procedure that is causing you suffering and regret. As I, and most other responders, are compassionate people we immediately feel sad for someone in that position. When we further read that someone seems very hopeless about a process that they're not very far into, it's natural for us to try to remind them that regret might be temporary and to try to remain objective. We don't want to say, "you're right, you messed up big time, there is no hope that you'll ever stop regretting this", especially when that might not be true. If you're going to post about your disappointment on a public forum then most people will try to offer solutions that could be helpful.

You apparently don't want any solutions and are enjoying just living in regret, so ... I don't know what else to say. Best of luck.

This is not about solutions for me. This is permanent surgery, that is the point. There is no reset button.

I don't nor will I "live in regret".

Nor is this about "no hope".

This is not emotional. This is about urging people to consider exploring the unwritten, not advertised, not popular, possible results.

There is no point in spending time concentrating on what I cannot change.

But what I can do is help other people, just like my friends are doing.

We simply want people, especially low BMI people here in the UK, considering NHS bariatric surgery, to seek out more knowledge. To seek out better education about post op situations.

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Also if you've accepted it and are at peace then why do you seem so intent on letting everyone know how miserable you are?

Lol I am not "miserable" at all.

If you take the emotional words out of it a moment and read exactly what I say, you will see that I want to make sure that other people who feel as I do post op (and they do, it's not just me. I am the only one brave enough to speak out), know that they are not alone.

And to encourage other people to consider things that they cannot read in a book or hear in a seminar.

This is irreversible, permanent surgery that may not be right for everyone.

I have had many thanks for speaking out and it is worth all the bullying and personal insults just to know that one other person explored their options more thoroughly.

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Fair enough. There's nothing wrong with giving your honest experience. My advice would be just to make sure people know you are only 9 weeks out and have had complications so they can be more objective.

As far as "silencing you" and bullying you, seems a wee bit over dramatic. It's just a weight loss forum, you're not Edward Snowden.

Lol you would think so right? It has been amusing at the amount of people telling me to "get off this site". Read this whole thread if you want to see the idiotic insults and bullying that I have received.

Water off a duck's back though!

I have filled in my full profile (unlike others), have never edited nor deleted a post, and always made it clear that I am ten weeks post op which is nearly three months, have had complications etc.

Pre op people can't be more objective than me because they are pre op. That's the point.

Being objective won't alter the facts. That this is a permanent surgery removing 85% of a major organ. Or that it is major abdominal surgery. Or that you might end up with more medical problems than when you started or that you only are projected to lose 65% of your excess weight.

Everytime someone takes the time to shout "get off this site!", it gives me a platform to provide information.

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Lol you would think so right? It has been amusing at the amount of people telling me to "get off this site". Read this whole thread if you want to see the idiotic insults and bullying that I have received.

Water off a duck's back though!

I have filled in my full profile (unlike others), have never edited nor deleted a post, and always made it clear that I am ten weeks post op which is nearly three months, have had complications etc.

Pre op people can't be more objective than me because they are pre op. That's the point.

Being objective won't alter the facts. That this is a permanent surgery removing 85% of a major organ. Or that it is major abdominal surgery. Or that you might end up with more medical problems than when you started or that you only are projected to lose 65% of your excess weight.

Everytime someone takes the time to shout "get off this site!", it gives me a platform to provide information.

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.

I simply meant that I was alarmed by your initial post and after reading your full story your regrets made more sense to me. I don't think most of these posts on this thread were insulting, in fact I think they were very kind until they got snarky replies.

Well, you seem to be enjoying your limelight so I'll budge along now and you can continue with the others.

Onward and upward.