open letter to those who think they know whats best for us, and why surgery is the easy way out.

so today i joined my first class of Water aerobics at the local rec. center. the instructor was this tall thin thing, at first she seemed nice enough asking all the normal questions and when she brought up weight loss, i simply told her i looked forward to doing this even after surgery because playing in the pool really felt good. then came the look, we all know the one you get it from those who are on the latest fad diet and its actually working for them, or long time vegans who swear it works for everyone.

please do us all a favor and quit acting like you know me, quit acting like you know what caused me to get to where i am or that you even begin to know how to fix me!!!

take your holier than tho butt and your preaching on home!!! no one wants to hear you belittle their struggles and triumphs !!! especially while you are shoving recipes they didn't ask for down their throats!! If i wanted advice from a yoga doing perfect perky ass suzzie home maker fitness know it all id pay for a personal trainer, oh btw I've tried that too, and guess what i still didn't see the results i should have.

me being fat didn't happen over night, in fact I'm pretty sure i could shock the socks right off you if i should you all my sports photos back from when i played ball in school. I wasn't fat then and i loved to run, but that cant be cause I'm too fat for all that. right????

i was ok with agreeing to disagree and be mature enough to just walk away until you decided to open your mouth and tell me i was doomed to fail and this would just create more issues then i already had. first off you have no right to decided when i succeed and when i fail!!!! so fuck you and your high horse!!!

you making me feel terrible on purpose while using the guise of trying to help me was low. you are entitled to your own opinion but that doesn't mean its worth hearing. i never once asked if you thought i was doing the right thing, because its my life and my body!!! i refuse to be bullied around by you and people like you who keep saying well if you would just put your mind to it and actually commit you could lose the weight all by your self.

so ill leave you with the best advice my momma gave me " if you don't know what the fuck you are talking about or don't have anything nice to say shut the fuck up and exit stage left"

ok sorry rant/outburst over

I will say I started out telling anyone who asked and that worked just fine for me. Especially if the person asking was overweight or obese themselves. I did this mostly because I really wanted others to realize that having WLS is not as scary as it sounds.

I will say over time (I am 21 months post op), I have changed that approach a little. I assess the person asking me. If I get the feeling they are just being nosy I share that I follow a high Protein low carb diet, I exercise as much as possible and I track everything I eat. This is the truth, sometimes I simply choose not to add that I have add some surgery to help me be successful.

The reason I have changed this approach is because I have learned that this really is more about my behaviors at this point than it is about the surgery. Having had to work my behind off to get this far, i feel like the bypass is just there in the background helping me along and it is none of any bodies business.

Before I knew better I believed it really was the surgery that was creating my success. Now, I know that is 90% me and 10% the tool. That is because I can eat anything I want, I can eat around my surgery if I choose to, I can decide not to exercise and I will gain my weight back. So nearly 2 years post op, I have to work at this every single day.

Not sure if that makes sense to others but it does to me.

*shrug* When you volunteer unnecessary information to strangers, you expose yourself to being subject to their opinions.

If you don't want their opinions then either stop sharing personal information, or put on your big girl panties and tell them you don't want or need their opinion.

"When all is said and done, usually more has been said than done. "

While true, there is such a thing as decorum.

I will say I started out telling anyone who asked and that worked just fine for me. Especially if the person asking was overweight or obese themselves. I did this mostly because I really wanted others to realize that having WLS is not as scary as it sounds.

I will say over time (I am 21 months post op), I have changed that approach a little. I assess the person asking me. If I get the feeling they are just being nosy I share that I follow a high Protein low carb diet, I exercise as much as possible and I track everything I eat. This is the truth, sometimes I simply choose not to add that I have add some surgery to help me be successful.

The reason I have changed this approach is because I have learned that this really is more about my behaviors at this point than it is about the surgery. Having had to work my behind off to get this far, i feel like the bypass is just there in the background helping me along and it is none of any bodies business.

Before I knew better I believed it really was the surgery that was creating my success. Now, I know that is 90% me and 10% the tool. That is because I can eat anything I want, I can eat around my surgery if I choose to, I can decide not to exercise and I will gain my weight back. So nearly 2 years post op, I have to work at this every single day.

Not sure if that makes sense to others but it does to me.

Actually this does make sense. I'm happy for you. And honestly same here, the surgery will be a tool used to gain health and be in a better earth suit. At the end of the day that is what matters.

*shrug* When you volunteer unnecessary information to strangers, you expose yourself to being subject to their opinions.

If you don't want their opinions then either stop sharing personal information, or put on your big girl panties and tell them you don't want or need their opinion.

"When all is said and done, usually more has been said than done. "

While true, there is such a thing as decorum.

Decorum, like respect, is reserved for those who deserve it, not for those who demand it.

This, all of this. I wish I had the courage to tell people its not the "easy way out".

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Last year when people asked I said "I've been eating less, moving more." Seriously obese friends who asked with sincere intent, I'd explain in more detail. I find myself biting my tongue with obese friends who don't ask because I'd like to tell them, but like my religious beliefs, I'm not telling unless they want to ask about the hope that is within me. I respect people's right as individuals to figure it out for themselves unless they ask (or attend one of my classes, which is an implied ask)

*shrug* When you volunteer unnecessary information to strangers, you expose yourself to being subject to their opinions.

If you don't want their opinions then either stop sharing personal information, or put on your big girl panties and tell them you don't want or need their opinion.

"When all is said and done, usually more has been said than done. "

Maybe this opinion was stated in a harsh way but @@Fredbear is right. If you share your business you are bound to get some nasty comments eventually. I think it stinks you were treated this way but I am really not surprised. There are a lot of ignorant people out there. Every time someone shares a story like this it reaffirms my choice about only telling my husband and 3 best friends.

I didn't advertise it on my Facebook but short of that I have told everyone I am

I'm contact with. I am an extrovert and a life coach and being in my truth is not difficult for me. No one has ever said anything derogatory to me. Actually no one ever said anything derogatory to me when I weighed 300 lbs either. I remember when Star Jones publicly lied about not having had weight loss surgery. It really bothered me. If by my example someone else can learn about WLS being a viable option to get healthy I am pleased. I don't mind explaining it to people who are curious. How will people ever get to have a positive opinion about it if they don't have a personal experience with someone who has had it. I'm not ashamed that I needed help. I'm not hurt by people being ignorant about it and asking questions. My friends and acquaintances have been so supportive and I personally am really glad that they know all about it. In my life I have found that secrets are almost always toxic.

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