Hannah83

I didn't have a 'honeymoon' year one, in all honesty, it's been fighting tooth and nail in this first year. My weight has been in the low 190's high 180s for a long time, 6 months too long. But, we can be our own worst enemy or best ally. I think we are doing a bang up job! Some lose weight quicker than others, I look at it this way. We are slower yes, but it further solidifies good habits in place. I have been moving in a smaller size but same weight direction. Inch loss, so heck to the yes we rock! I rock! If anyone would like accountability please PM me or let's perhaps start a thread or something. I've not been in this size and weight range for 12 years!

So I didn't have a honeymoon year one, everyone is different. I've been in the 190's for a long ass time. I've been staying in my calories and getting enough protein and fluids water. It's honestly been a hell of a year. I will eventually hit the 180's at some point. I walk a lot outside workout DVD's inside when it is rainy outside. Good news to report: I start working at my new job on Monday the 12th! I have orientation for the first day, I'm an image generalist (I'll fill you guys in on what it is when I get there) My shift is a good one from 7 am to 3 pm Monday through Friday. Starting pay is 12 an hour and has growth opportunities. Once they see how diligent and hardworking I am they will (computers I'm in IT, there are no IT desktop support jobs close by) they will move me into other areas I'm sure. It's secure work, based on the fact that I have a disability (High Functioning Autism) I am mood wise struggling to stay afloat, been getting back into journaling and painting. When I workout I try so hard to reach the 'high' or the 'zen' that comes after a hard as hell workout. Nadda, nill nothing just sweaty Hannah with a meh ok that's done. ? Might have to do with hormones I'm looking at getting off of the bc I've been on since I was 25 years of age an entire decade of low dose bc isn't good. It's kept my PCOS at bay but I need to visit my OBGYN and come up with a game plan with her. I want to par down my meds too, but the first on the list is the bc. I'd just like to be down to two or three meds, not 6 and above. ?

Actually, I do try to stay positive but my wick is burned out on both ends and the candle is gone. Just resting and recouping from my loss recently.

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I had my one-year appointment on the 24th of October. I'm down 71 pounds from 261 to low 190s high 180s. It's been a gradual loss which is ok with me, slower the better as far as adjusting goes further planting into place good habits. I'll be honest the hardest part has been my mental health, not the weight loss, my medications took some tweaking for long months before they were 'just right' I think another reason the weight loss has been slower is that of hormones PCOS etc. Recently I adopted a nine-week-old puppy, only to have Bella pass away in my arms from chocking on her own food. I am a mess emotionally. I cry myself to sleep more often than not, and I'm truly trying hard to fight my grief on top of depression that has been in the toilet lately. I do workout at least 4 times a week tae bo DVD's and walking some weight lifting but I feel meh afterward I don't get the 'ok I just worked out yey' feeling anymore. In fact, sometimes I find myself sobbing after a workout a sweaty snotty mess. But I still press on and workout because it's good for me. I take walks outside and cry when I pass a dog an owner. ? Many days I want to sleep the days away and pull the covers over my head or pray for someone to smother me in my sleep. I'm already smothered by my own dunghill of issues one more makes no difference. ?

Bella passed away this past Friday afternoon at 1:30 PM. She choked on her puppy food as I was watching her eat, I frantically drove to the closest animal hospital and she was limp when I rushed in and asked for help. They did CPR 4 times and a shot of adrenaline to her heart but was gone. I was and still am a wreck. She was only 10 weeks old, should have probably stayed with her mom for 3 months looking back. I did all I could do, and my mental health has taken a nose dive. I'm not sure why things like this happen, but they do. I did all I possibly could. (I just said that) Ironically I'm not hungry or even thinking about food at all. I just want Bella back in my arms poop breath and all. Thank you all for your kind and thoughtful responses I appreciate it. ?

she is a cockapoo.

Yup, I lead her when I am outside with her, a vest is a good idea. Thanks.

Very much a case by case basis do your homework as others have mentioned. Take your time deciding, get more than one opinion from a doctor. I had the sleeve done on the 31st of October 2017. It'll be one year this 31st. Go to some support groups in your area if you can, talk to others. Take care.

Hey all, I've recently bought a new puppy and my depression and suicidal thoughts are gone! I love Bella so very much. When I wake I take care to watch her every move first thing is breakfast 1 tablespoon, and water 1 tablespoon. Then right away I gently coax her outside on our back deck she's pooped a couple of times out on the deck I've left the poops and point to them in an upbeat voice with 'poop outside' when she makes a mess inside poop or pee I don't yell at her I just clean it up without preamble. She knows that I'm not pleased. My question is how do I get her to use the bathroom outside when it's cold? She shivers and comes back to me, so I hold her and coax her gently say 'poop outside Bella' I am truly trying my best she eats on a schedule 4 times a day right now because she is so small and it's just a tablespoon of water and food. I then will right away take up her food and water when she is done eating. I will have a job soon, and will have her in a crate in the kitchen I'm not trying to force her into the crate but explore it. Long process, (I don't mind) I might just get baby gates and put them in the kitchen I don't want her to mess inside but will have little choice once I start working. It's not a crazy shift but 7:30 am to 3:30 pm M-F right away coming home and walking her feeding her etc. same as now just with me around less during the day. Any tips and advice would be great, she'll get it and is getting it. It's just staying consistent and I'm doing all I know to do. ?

(soft hug) I don't have words to offer and I wish I could reach through the screen and hug you tightly, be kind to yourself indeed as others have said. Take time for you, if you can. I myself have been in a dip of depression recently and old habits of spitting out food after chewing it have crept back, working out at 2 am etc. Disordered things I thought long buried have become zombies now that the chips are down mentally so I understand being frustrated with yourself. Hell, I've even had ice cream swallowed it only for it to come back up in the trash can. It worries me because of the purging aspect of it, and another unhealthy coping thing. End my own rant to say I in some way understand.

Thanks so much for your reply! Yea it's a contract job and will be wrapping up on the 21st of September. I already have a facetime phone interview this coming Monday fingers crossed I get it. It's an in-house IT help desk job that I am interviewing for, I do believe I just might get it! The experience at Riverside helping them has been awesome and I'm looking forward to a new IT job. The second half of my A-plus test I'll be taking in October before it expires at the end of 2018. I'm a strong believer in things happening for a reason, and 'for such a time as this' as we rise to each occasion usually, people will come alongside us and assist us when they see a genuine effort being put forth.

wjgo yea I am thinking weights might not be a 'thing' I like to do ither...meh, I do workouts at home now let my gym membership go, but before I crash land from after work I do pop in a DVD and workout that way I've gotten it in...again I think it's just my body finding it's 'new normal', working has actually helped a lot of things, purpose for one...two I like the 9 to five routine and I'm sleeping better then I have in a long time...so my body just might need some extra time catching up I do lift weights at home, and calisthenics are my own body weight so I've got body definition, on the whole, I feel better now that I am working along with the workouts

thanks, guys for your replies, I've been in a contract job and love it! It should lead to another Info Tech job within the system I am working for now. I get about 7000 steps a day and when I have the energy I lift weights, usually, it's eh. But you know what I mean. My mood has improved thanks to the full-time work that is engaging, challenging, active and pays decently.

I've never had excessive hair, probably being Nordic in nature I guess...I have PCOS and for the last 10 years I've been on low dose birth control, that's a long rear time to be without a period. My hormones have been wonky regarding my mood and related to PCOS, I've not had to take metformin anymore, never noted a difference that medication made anyway. My body 10 months out is still trying to find the new normal, I lift weights and have always been active even 60 plus pounds heavier I think the last 30 some odd pounds are being stubborn because of my meds and PCOS or all of the above. I do need to start having periods again normal ones...I also had heavy periods constantly from 13 on. As I got heavier I had worse symptoms. At some point in the near future, I'd like to be off birth control, I'm single and not sexually active so why bother?

(soft hug) I can say the same, I see flab when other's don't. As someone who was body dysmorphic and borderline anorexic and binged it does play with your head...Be kind to yourself, I know it's hard but as some soul on the other end who knows that struggle I reach out to you...find a support group or talk therapist if you can, or just talk to someone you trust and is a safe person. Don't leave this unchecked (I'm speaking to myself too) "if you see something say something" also applies to us individually when something is 'off' talk to someone say something, you are not alone in this sug...

Great job! Keep up the good hard work! I'm proud of you.

thanks wjgo that's what I'm working on. trying different classes, I might take up swimming just to see how I like it.

Well, I keep my options open, and I've been doing different things for activity. I go to the gym about 2 times a week, workout in my room once a week walk in my room or outside when it's not humid as hell. I've started lifting weights, I can see the gradual progress and I'm just blah about it. The post-workout high point isn't there anymore, I am guessing it's from the depression that I struggle with and my body trying to find it's new normal like a leveler bubble all over the place. I love being active, and really have not ever felt this way about it, I still like it when I am active but I'm just not getting what I used to out of it. I try classes, I might start those up again once I start working (thank God I have a job now) I think a lot of this is from not having a job that pays perhaps, I recently became employed and have had a lot of hoops to jump through this week but all my I's are dotted and T's are crossed. I'm just eh, turning inward. Working out inside has advantages but downsides too, I'm not around people it just becomes destructive over time not getting my sweat on around other humans. I have liked keeping a lot of options open so that I don't have an excuse, and many days I just push myself. I need to be kinder to myself but I wonder when this will pass it if will.

common sense is a superpower or some such ...the key is to stick with it, hell I'm losing slowly probably because my hormones are all out of wack etc. I'm on low dose bc to keep PCOS at bay and would like to slowly wean off of a lot of pills I'm on, think of a leveler and the bubble it's all over the place right now, I've not had a honeymoon period but I keep trucking through because the sun will come up tomorrow bet my bottom dollar that tomorrow they'll be sun...

good job for looking up youtube videos!!!! I do that a lot to mix things up! and (soft hug) I relate a lot to the PCOS (I have it) and hormones all over the place. I have high functioning autism and for a long time used food as my means of escape. before that, it was borderline anorexia all related to social things and trying to 'fit-in' now I don't have the energy to fit in, I just accept my autieness and continue to dance through life. I used to cut myself again related to the social stress and eat my issues. or not eat them. Recently I've been struggling with chewing food up and spitting it out...it's a big fat mess. I'm so tired of the cycle. It's more than reaching a goal weight and size, it's about health. I'm ranting now but I've been a ball of nerves on a wire with my antidepressants. I'm over the worst of it, I was crying myself cationic to sleep until I reached month 4 and that has subsided. I want freedom from this cycle, of shame related to food. I'm done with this. I need help. I do have talk therapy that I attend by weekly but it's one thing to have the session and quite another to live with me for a 24-hour observation.

no idea needed the laugh though thanks

Huge amen from me! We have to kick our own ass sometimes...I am going through adjusting to my meds still and I'm 9 months out! I had no honeymoon period. It's been hellish, but I steamroll forward how bad do you want health? Bad enough pissed off enough to get in the game? Or continue to piss and moan? I am so glad I waited two years before I had surgery, I don't regret surgery and I'm 1000 percent committed to my success. No matter how long it takes. Take an honest look at your food, write it down by hand if you have to, I log my food via bearatastic app on my phone, and never skip a day Everything that passes my lips is logged even late night snakes. I log each weight lifting exercise, cardio I have fail-safes in place meaning no excuses. I rotate from workout DVD's working out at the gym, walking out hell anything sometimes just walking in place in my room. How driven are you, and how bad do you want this? Not enough obviously.

get your head out of your plate and get your attitude out of your ass...as a person thinks, so are they...clearly you need a positive outlook, my pm box is open should you need to talk.

also, I highly recommend staying off Facebook and social media, log out often. It's helped me so much.