open letter to those who think they know whats best for us, and why surgery is the easy way out.

so today i joined my first class of Water aerobics at the local rec. center. the instructor was this tall thin thing, at first she seemed nice enough asking all the normal questions and when she brought up weight loss, i simply told her i looked forward to doing this even after surgery because playing in the pool really felt good. then came the look, we all know the one you get it from those who are on the latest fad diet and its actually working for them, or long time vegans who swear it works for everyone.

please do us all a favor and quit acting like you know me, quit acting like you know what caused me to get to where i am or that you even begin to know how to fix me!!!

take your holier than tho butt and your preaching on home!!! no one wants to hear you belittle their struggles and triumphs !!! especially while you are shoving recipes they didn't ask for down their throats!! If i wanted advice from a yoga doing perfect perky ass suzzie home maker fitness know it all id pay for a personal trainer, oh btw I've tried that too, and guess what i still didn't see the results i should have.

me being fat didn't happen over night, in fact I'm pretty sure i could shock the socks right off you if i should you all my sports photos back from when i played ball in school. I wasn't fat then and i loved to run, but that cant be cause I'm too fat for all that. right????

i was ok with agreeing to disagree and be mature enough to just walk away until you decided to open your mouth and tell me i was doomed to fail and this would just create more issues then i already had. first off you have no right to decided when i succeed and when i fail!!!! so fuck you and your high horse!!!

you making me feel terrible on purpose while using the guise of trying to help me was low. you are entitled to your own opinion but that doesn't mean its worth hearing. i never once asked if you thought i was doing the right thing, because its my life and my body!!! i refuse to be bullied around by you and people like you who keep saying well if you would just put your mind to it and actually commit you could lose the weight all by your self.

so ill leave you with the best advice my momma gave me " if you don't know what the fuck you are talking about or don't have anything nice to say shut the fuck up and exit stage left"

ok sorry rant/outburst over

I'm with @@Fredbear , this is why I don't volunteer my personal life to strangers. I don't care about their opinions and I don't want to hear it.

Make your life easier and don't tell people your personal business. It is not lying or keeping secrets. All of the people I talk to on a daily basis and I consider friends know about my surgery. There is no reason for random people to know.

I know this is a personal choice and we debate it here almost every week, but consider it. Stress is bad for weight loss and other people will stress out and steal your joy, and they won't even care. That lady isn't still thinking about you, but you are thinking about her after the encounter. You really don't want to live the rest of your life like this or defending your life choices.

Wow @@Fredbear not sure where this is coming from but you don't even state and opinion with which I can disagree. "Suck it up and put on your big girl panties" is in no way helpful or useful advice.

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Actually it is really useful advice. This whole situation happened because she told a stranger something the stranger had no right to know. It is just like when people get angry on this forum because they make a public thread and people don't agree with them.

You can't control other people, you can only control yourself and your reactions. And just because you post in rants doesn't mean everyone is going to, or has to agree with you.

Not telling your business is an easy way to help prevent people from commenting on it. This is for your own sanity, not other people.

I resent the vegan comment, you just did the same thing and lumped all vegans together just like those people lumped you together, so from a fat vegan. gee thanks

I resent the vegan comment, you just did the same thing and lumped all vegans together just like those people lumped you together, so from a fat vegan. gee thanks

Sweetie it wasn't like that, what I was getting at is there is a group of them that swear if you come over to their side of life it will fix all your issues. And that's what I said " long time vegan who thinks it will work for everyone". I have no issue with anyone provided they aren't trying to shove their way of life down my throat when I didn't ask for it.

I resent the vegan comment, you just did the same thing and lumped all vegans together just like those people lumped you together, so from a fat vegan. gee thanks

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.... I have no issue with anyone provided they aren't trying to shove their way of life down my throat when I didn't ask for it......

You are still talking about vegans, aren't you?

Edited June 21, 201610 yr by 4MRB4PHOTO

No that could refer to anyone catholic, muslim, palleo diets, racist, which political parties ur voting for, how to raise my kid... it doesn't matter to me what u are if I wanted or had interest in finding out I'd ask questions

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For me. weight loss, WLS, and cancer have this in common; there will always be people who can't get past the label they have attached to you. They will always be watching for some sign that you are dying or gaining weight!

I had cancer 14 years ago and I still run into people who can't wait to grill me about my cancer status. Really? 14 years later and you are still fixated on that? Isn't there anything else you might want to ask me about? It got to a point where I just did not want to be labeled as the "Cancer Girl" and avoided those people at social gatherings. I still try to answer a question or two gracefully and then change the subject to something else. If they really annoy me, I make sure that I change the subject to something that they would prefer not to rehash (over and over), like any perceived failure on their part!

I'm just 2 wweks out from surgery but I expect that I will probably experience similar ongoing questions regarding WLS. For some people it will be the first words out of their mouths when we meet. I don't feel obligated to tell them how much I weight, lost/gained, current weight, or any other personal question that they would be mortified if someone asked them. I'm curious how some of you have handled those questions?

Great Rant!!

I'm always amazed when commenters make snotty rude remarks on this site that is here solely to bring us together.

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People in their bubbles..... I always smile with a bit of evil when they keep talking.. Though some personal trainers aren't bad,some actually start out overweight or obese we just don't have enough of them to go around sadly.

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To those just starting out, THIS is exactly why I never told no one....that was 5-1/2 years ago.

Now, all the weight has been gone for years, the fact that I used to be fat-obese is old news, hardly anyone remembers.

Personally, so what if it is the easy way out??? People do things everyday as part of their daily lives to make life easier...most inventions in history were aimed at completing some task easier....

Accusing someone for doing something that will make their life easier, improve overall well-being and health, is totally illogical.

It's all about finding an easier way...and I can't be more glad I did it...

I'm glad I avoided it....

Like @@B-52 said, I also told no one exclusively because I didn't feel like dealing with their judgement. Ok, wait, I lied there...I told my three best friends after I had the surgery because I can't keep my mouth shut, but to my knowledge they have never told anyone and they have never once made me feel like I took the easy way out or I did something wrong. I was 100% sure that first, everyone would be watching to see if I gained the weight back and then have all kinds of things to say about me and second that everyone would be watching to see how I eat and to judge that too. I may not have the thickest skin ever and I know that, so I made a point to tell no one.

Again, like B-52 said, the fact that I was fat is now old news. I am almost 3 years out and most people don't tend to see me as the reformed fat girl but just a normal size person. There are no more annoying comments about how much weight I've lost, no really how much in pounds have you lost, no more thoughts about what I eat or how often I exercise, and I just get to live like a normal person. I am very happy I chose to tell no one because now there are no resentful rude comments about how I cheated or I don't deserve to be thin because I cut out my stomach and that makes it a lot easier to feel comfortable as a "normal-sized" person.

I completely understand and agree, I wasn't thinking when I said it I was excited over my last Dr app and getting closer to the final steps before surgery. Normally I tell no one out side my small circle. My mom, my son, my spouse and 3 of my best friends. Oh and I just told my boss Monday morning I was shocked to find she was so supportive, told me to take as much time as I needed and she was proud of me lol these groups tho are as close as I come to telling strangers usually unless my mouth slips

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I had a personal trainer tell me that if you can only do 10-lb weights (instead of the 30-40 lb weights she was using...), then it really isn't worth your time. Really?? Don't we all have to start somewhere? Needless to say, not working w/her any more --

I had a personal trainer tell me that if you can only do 10-lb weights (instead of the 30-40 lb weights she was using...), then it really isn't worth your time. Really?? Don't we all have to start somewhere? Needless to say, not working w/her any more --

I have had some terrible experiences with personal trainers...some of them really just dont get it.

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At almost two years post-op, I have leaned not to tell most people. This is due to often finding myself in the position of having to educate health professionals and others. When I am heading to the gym after work many of my coworkers are supportive. The only know that I am working on my health. I do not think I will ever tell them about my sleeve. To me it is like telling someone you have diabetes.

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