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Divorce after WLS?

onehappychick

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onehappychick    45

onehappychick
Posted (edited)

I am curious about the demise of marriages after WLS. I know as your body changes your mind does as well. I've read the statistics but would like to hear from my fellow sleevers.

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Edited by onehappychick

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Miss Mac    6,261

Miss Mac
Posted

It is no secret that bariatric surgery exposes the raw dynamics of our relationships. That is not necessarily a bad thing. People just can't keep their mouths shut and you will very quickly find out what people really think about you. Then you have to deal with it and distance yourself from toxic interaction.

People that you thought were your friends can be mean and unsupportive.

Family can be mean and unsupportive.

Workmates can be mean and unsupportive.

Often when a marriage breaks down after you begin to lose weight, it was already broken before your surgery. Insecurities and jealousies can only hide for so long.

As you lose weight you gain confidence. Spousse find out that you can speak up for yourself, and they don't like it. They may throw roadblocks in your way, like deliberately bring home junk and eating it right in your face. The balance of control in a marriage can change.

So, just be prepared for what may come. If your mate can't be supportive of you being healthy and happy, then they don't deserve to be with you. You will either have to fix or flee.

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VSGAnn2014    12,992

VSGAnn2014
Posted

Coming up on twenty years married and two years post-op. Our marriage is stronger than ever.

:)

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danyelleb    386

danyelleb
Posted

Over four years post op and still happily married. I also have the same circle of friends plus a few more (I joined a running club and they are like family). ;)

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Babbs    14,680

Babbs
Posted

I have the double whammy. My husband had RNY 10 years ago and I had the sleeve almost 2 years ago.

We just celebrated our 27th anniversary last month ;)

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jane13    2,256

jane13
Posted

22 years strong as of about 3 weeks ago - I am blessed.

He has been my partner since day 1.

I also kept him informed from the very beginning and asked for his input/fears/concerns about me undergoing surgery.

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Christinamo7    4,041

Christinamo7
Posted

so far we are happier than ever. which is good but happy or not we are just as committed to each other.

we have weathered far rougher storms than this and decided a long time ago that we would not walk away from each other.

which is not to say that there are not unique stresses. we just decided we would just have to be very open in our communication with each other. and, we both expect to change as we go through life, so it is important to us to allow each other to grow and work to have a happy marriage as we move through life. because we'd rather be happy than not, and we'd rather go through life together than apart.

our next anniversary is #20. I'd hate to ever have to get used to someone else! so I hope we have a lot of years left, and I hope I go first when the time comes.

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GSleeve822    394

GSleeve822
Posted

I was just sleeved 3 months ago, along with my wife. We're good, but I've definitely changed. I don't put up with people's crap as much which has made my relationships with family, and my staff strained. It has made my staff respect me more but my family isn't quite as healthy and they are fighting against my new found voice.

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Fettchick83    70

Fettchick83
Posted

I am curious about the demise of marriages after WLS. I know as your body changes your mind does as well. I've read the statistics but would like to hear from my fellow sleevers.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

I have heard a lot about this too. I'm only 5 days out, but it does worry me.

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onehappychick    45

onehappychick
Posted

I was just sleeved 3 months ago, along with my wife. We're good, but I've definitely changed. I don't put up with people's crap as much which has made my relationships with family, and my staff strained. It has made my staff respect me more but my family isn't quite as healthy and they are fighting against my new found voice.

Sent from my SM-G930T using the BariatricPal App

It's awesome that you have found your voice! I found mine when turning 40. I had always tried my best to keep others happy to my detriment. Good luck in your new journey!

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

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cseidman    175

cseidman
Posted

My husband has been incredible supportive. We do see a counselor together and we've discussed both of our worries, fears, and excitements about my new lifestyle. We are really focusing on how this will be good for our entire family, not just for me. He'd like to lose about 20 pounds and we hope to model better eating habits to our kids. In fact, last night we discussed a possible reward we both want to work towards. My dream vacation for many, many years has been to go to Machu Picchu in Peru. So, we will book that trip when I reach goal (50 more pounds to go). This has him excited to be in better health as well. Now we just have to figure out if we can afford to take the kids along with us.

Anyway, getting him and the family invested in this journey has been extremely helpful. Let your loved ones know what this means to you, and also what it can mean for them.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

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Sophie74656    1,572

Sophie74656
Posted

I am 9 months post op and going through a dicorce. We would have been married for 10 years in September. After having surgery and loosing weight I gained some self confidence and my eyes were suddenly open to how emotionally abusive he was and to all the classic warning signs that he was cheating.

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Lizestymom03    1

Lizestymom03
Posted

I am so worried about this. I read somewhere it is like a 90% divorce rate! We are rocky as it is cause he is not an emotional person and very hard to talk to. Like others stated, I want this to be a family thing but he doesn't seem interested and he is having it done. I am just all over the place😯

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