I had a conversation with my surgery buddy in which she said that when she now sees larger people, larger meaning bigger than herself, she feels disgusted. She asked me if I feel the same and I replied no. When I see people who are bigger than me I feel sorry for them and at the same time thankful that the Lord gave me the opportunity for change.

The formally fat, losing the fat, fat shaming other fat people? It seems a sad lot to me.When I am get to 150 lbs I am still going to be a fat person. One of my goals as I am on this journey is to not judge others along the way.

What are you thoughts about this? Is it fitting to treat people who are big with disdain as we lose ours?

I think learning to see ourselves differently is a huge part of our process, and that also means seeing others differently as a byproduct. It isn't uncommon, for example, for someone recovering from addiction to alcohol to see anyone who drinks at all as an addict. That kind of oversimplification often doesn't last, it's part of the process.

I agree that judging others isn't wise or helpful. We don't know the stories or struggles of others, and I don't feel sorry for other, either. That puts me in a place of presuming at least part of their story. The person I see at the grocery story who looks 100 lbs overweight and barely able to walk may in fact have lost 100 lbs and be walking today where they couldn't before. It's all too easy to think of ourselves as superior because we're making positive changes in our lives, y'know?

This comes up on the forums from time to time and I honestly can't relate. I might be guilty of finding very obese people ...invisible, but if I make a personal connection, I feel compassion.

I was at a live music dance with a meetup group. One of the men was very very large, barely walked with a cane. He was so obviously grooving to the music, that I asked him if he wanted to dance. He basically just nodded and tapped his foot to the music, but he was on the dance floor with everyone! I noticed after that, a few other women danced with him too. The way I feel when I see someone in his situation is i empathize and hope they can get the most out of life. I don't feel disgust or pity, but I do feel empathy because I remember how hard it is.

That's a lot of judgment passed on people who are judging.

The reasons often cited for WLS patients initially having that reaction to seeing others who are morbidly obese is that they're fearful (terrified, actually) of regaining their weight and returning to the hell on earth that their own obesity felt like for them.

Experiencing weight loss surgery from pre-op to maintenance years later is full of a lot of changes in attitudes, opinions, perspectives, etc. I expect your surgery buddy (and you) will go through many such changes.

For example, just five minutes ago I said to my husband, "It's so weird! When I first weighed 135 pounds (having lost 100 pounds) I thought I looked anorexic. Now (many months later) I don't think that at all -- now, I just look normal."

Lotsa attitudinal changes on this journey. Lotsa changes! I don't know if they will ever end.

I agree, but I can also say for myself that the things that tend to disgust me about people usually not their physical appearance. I imagine that will continue. I am not judging my surgery buddy I just do not agree. I live in Chicago and take public transit. I see all kinds of people on a regular basis and usually when I see people that leave me wanting it is because of how they treat others. I do not see people judging others. Besides I am in the 240s I still got plenty of fat, so what right would I have to look on another with disdain? Again I am not looking down on those who are passing judgment or on those that society would deem worthy of judging. I'm just saying I do not feel that way and I hope that I do not.

That's a lot of judgment passed on people who are judging.

The reasons often cited for WLS patients initially having that reaction to seeing others who are morbidly obese is that they're fearful (terrified, actually) of regaining their weight and returning to the hell on earth that their own obesity felt like for them.

Experiencing weight loss surgery from pre-op to maintenance years later is full of a lot of changes in attitudes, opinions, perspectives, etc. I expect your surgery buddy (and you) will go through many such changes.

For example, just five minutes ago I said to my husband, "It's so weird! When I first weighed 135 pounds (having lost 100 pounds) I thought I looked anorexic. Now (many months later) I don't think that at all -- now, I just look normal."

Lotsa attitudinal changes on this journey. Lotsa changes! I don't know if they will ever end.

I feel compassion as well, and have tried to reach out and get people to engage who are shy and maybe hanging back in social situations because of their weight.

Now that my weight has become such a HUGE focus this past month as I prepare for surgery, I can see how my mind has shifted. I notice overweight people a lot more as overweight people, not just as people like I did before, but still with love. I have been careful to catch myself before I judge, but I want to scream out "HEY! LET'S CHANGE TOGETHER!" and introduce them to surgery and tell them there are options. There is a 400+ lb man I see in the cafeteria at work occasionally, and he's so isolated and alone, I really feel for him and want to reach out. I sometimes think about how he might be different if he had WLS, too. Maybe I'll become a sleevangelist when this is all said and done with. But of course, that's all just silly and people are on their own journeys. It's just an interesting shift of thought.

I personally think it is horrible for people to judge others when they have been in the same situation previously. There is a term for that and it is called HYPOCRITE.

I don't like someone judging me based on what I look like and I would not do it to someone else. Even watching "My 600 lb Life" I never wonder how someone could get that big because the fact is I could have been that very person.

Does that mean these people don't need some help? No, it doesn't but you help these people if they ask for help. I would never assume they want to change and impose myself upon them when they are not at the point of wanting to make a change. Also, I don't think one should assume when they see a obese/morbidly obese person they don't want to make a change. Maybe they really want to have surgery and their insurance doesn't cover it and they have no resources to self pay. Maybe they are a single parent who has no support/family to watch their kids while they do all the preop work and have the surgery. I could go on and on.....

There is a Native American saying on judging another person that goes something like this:

“Before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their moccasins. That way when you judge them, you are a mile away from them and you have their moccasins.”

I may have gotten some of it wrong in the translation.

I think that reaction is probably a combo of things - as someone mentioned above, fear that they could possibly gain the weight back, prideful because THEY actually did something and made the change (I'm not saying that in a good way - it's a self-righteous attitude), and possibly disgust because looking at a fat person in a "thin" body, makes them realize how they actually looked too.

None of these are good reasons, but I think that might be what is going through your friend's brain.

As I go on my journey, I'm not disgusted by fat people at all, but I am very aware of where I was/still am and how differently I view myself than when I was in constant denial, and I wonder if they might be in denial too. Ignorance is bliss, right?

Sorry if this seem like a rambling mess.