Well this is my first post ever. let me just say I am married, I am the father to two young girls. I have high blood pressure, sleep apnea, starting to be diabetic and I'm getting arthritis in my knees. I have been a lurker for months now. I have been on this forum reading and looking at pictures like crazy. I have gone through all the preop lab works doctors appointments etc. etc.

Surgery is finally here I have been going back-and-forth in my head for the last two weeks. Last night I went to target to stock up on all the necessities I needed for post op and I had a major meltdown. I actually had tears in my eyes and had to put everything I was about to purchase back on the shelf and leave the store with my head doWn. I am a 43-year-old manly man, bearded biker type, and was practically in tears. Tomorrow is my clear liquid diet before surgery on Monday. I'm a complete wreck today. The permanence of the surgery, the not drinking an hour during dinner, major chewing of my food from now on (instead of just eating normal), never being able to guzzle water, (or anything for that matter), never drinking a beer again. These things and more are whizzing violently through my head. I'm on the fence, off the fence all day long....I know this is not well written and jumbled as this is how my head is today.

I'm a wreck..... Anybody got anything?

My mind kept coming back to you, and wondering what decision you would make. Congratulations! I'm very happy for you.

good luck to you tomorrow. can't wait to get back on and read your follow ups about how things went as my surgery is Wednesday! i am on day 5 of my pre op liquid diet and i too had a small thought during it about not going through with it and just living "fat and happy" as i called it. but i realized i was letting some food run my life and i want to be around for my two boys as i am only 31 and need to go ahead and take my life back! i have several friends who have had the surgery and they all say that their only regret is not doing it sooner!!!!! here we go!!!!

Congrats on your decision. We're here for you. Wishing you a speedy and uneventful recovery!

@@frankenstein what you are experiencing is normal. This is a big deal! About a week before my surgery I became preoccupied with the thought of "what if I die." It got so bad that at one point I did call the office about cancelling, but the receptionist who I had become friends with over the months of prep told me they hear this all the time and to just ask myself what I plan to do if not this, because my weight was going to kill me if I didn't do something. I knew this. I knew I had no other real options and that I needed this. I was just afraid of leaving my kids behind. I thought about it and prayed about it and I decided I would rather die in surgery showing my kids I tried to get my life back, than to die in my sleep from sleep apnea, a heart attack trying to put my shoes on or a stroke from trying to make it down the drive way. We all have our reasons that brought us to this point and you really need to focus on those as the time for surgery nears. For me, I prayed to God to give me strength, peace, and to keep me safe and bring me home to my family. On the actual day of my surgery I was zen. After all the tears and fear, the day of surgery I was almost stoic! Fast forward to almost 3 months out and Imm so glad she talked me down from the ledge and I had the surgery. I don't regret it at all and I haven't felt this alive in a long long time. My kids are getting the mother they deserve instead of the mother they had to settle for because of my weight.

Well, let me start by saying that I'm sitting in my driveway, and Faith No Mores "A Small Victory" just came on my stereo as I started writing this. The title is fitting for me right now.

I'd just like to take a second to thank each and everyone of you for replying to my first ever "meltdown" post. This forum has been a wealth of knowledge for me and truly an inspiration. With all of your help, as well as other, I snapped out of my funk, and decided to move along as I originally intended to and get this mofo done! It's been almost 8 months since I started this journey and I need to follow through.

I just got back from Walmart this time, picking up all my pre-op supplies (I didn't go back to Target this time, as I had a freak out the last time I was there, so I went a different route, plus the people there are some times great to take your mind off of things) LOL.

I'm as ready as I think I ever will be and I'm going for it! My surgery is at 8:00 am tomorrow. First thing I'm asking for is a Valium or something of the sort though! I'll pop back on tomorrow after surgery when I feel up to it and let everyone know how it went...

Thanks again!

Frank

I'm so excited for you and I can't wait to hear how it goes. Good luck tomorrow and I can't wait to join you on the losers bench....save me room!! ????

@@frankenstein - so happy for you. Coming out of these decisions are so hard. I find that just making the decision is lifting.

Remember..... all the restrictions are totally workable after surgery. Nothing will stop you you can do it.

Get the mofo done!

@@frankenstein - As I write this you are hopefully in surgery - I wish you ONLY the best and I have your seat ready here <<losers bench>>

YOU got this!!!

Welcome to the BP family

@@frankenstein Thinking about you this morning! Be sure to give a shout out so we know how you're doing! See you on the losers bench!!

This entire post was so great. Frank, my thoughts are with you today, as you begin your new phase of life. Hopefully I will be joining you before the year is over. My first visit to the surgeon is next Tuesday, and we go from there. I think my insurance requires some months on a supervised diet, bah. My opinion of that is that if we could do this on a diet, we wouldn't be looking for other options! But I'll jump through the necessary hoops for the coverage....

Hope your surgery went well Keep us posted.

Cannot wait to hear how your surgery went! I am hopefully going to get mine in February, waiting on a date. I can totally relate to your fears. The thing I am struggling with the most, and it sounds weird, is I love to drink out of a straw. And I know that's not a good idea post op. It's just been something that I keep thinking about. So we all have our stuff, but what a gift we have been given! Good Luck!

the no straw thing is just at the beginning. I've been using straws for months now.

Thinking about you today, Frank! Hope all has gone well thus far today and continues to do so. I am proud of you for deciding to go through with the surgery! Looking forward to your post later!

Congratulations on going through with your surgery.

It's ok bro, you are not alone in feeling that way.

You will be able to eat the same foods again, just in smaller quantities and for some, less frequently.

Yeah, there is a difference in eating (smaller quantities, chewing more, not drinking a liquid a little before or after, etc.) but look at all of the things you will be able to do post surgery and the longer, healthier, better quality life you will live, more NSVs than you can shake a stick at, etc..

You made the right choice.

Can't wait to hear back from you and see how you feel!!!! Congrats on making a wonderful decision! You got this bro!!!!!!