I'm about to start the process, my insurance gives hoops to jump through , and I have my first appointment with a surgeon next week. It will be probably at least 6 months before I can get a surgery date. My fiancé is unbelievably supportive, but I'm too embarrassed to tell anybody at work, and I know my siblings and parents will think I'm being extreme and should just try harder on my own. I have lost 80 pounds on my own in the past but it came back with bonus weight. Did anybody have their surgery without telling their families ?

List of people I let know:

Immediate household (not feasible to hide it from them, and didn't care to either)

Boss

Best friend

Best friend's roommate who, as luck would have it, works as a NUT for a local bariatric program (not the one I used)

To me, that's a complete package. However, anybody on this list who wouldn't be supportive should not be told just because they are in one of these categories. It is probably best not to tell people who would try to talk you out of it. Especially if they aren't heavy, they have no reason to know about the grim data facing old-school weight loss hopefuls.

At first I was going to hide my surgery from others. But then I felt like I was feeding into the shame and stigma that's associated with the surgery. While I have had some haters (although their protests were super polite "maybe you could just eat like that without surgery", or "have you tried exercise?") for the most part people were pretty supportive. I was also an inspiration to those who were silently thinking about the surgery. Overall I am happy with my decision to share my journey as I found friends and support in people that I didn't expect it from. What a blessing!

So far only my mom and therapist know my plans to do the surgery. I recently mentioned it to my best friend and her response was "you don't need that! You're not big enough!" (My bmi begs to differ!)

I haven't told my boyfriend yet and am really stressing about that. We met when I was thin and he's seen me fluctuate over the years, but I still think he sees me as I looked when we first met, and I'm afraid he might view me differently. I know I need to tell him and I will.

Finally, I don't plan on telling anyone at work, which is causing me to rack my brain to figure out when to schedule it and how to take time off if needed (I'm a teacher and am praying that I can do it over a vacation week)!

I broached the subject with my husband this weekend. I'm just in the thinking about it stage but I wasn't sure how he'd react. He has pretty old school thinking about weight and weight loss. He thinks if I move more it will be fine. His main concern is that my skin will be flabby and gross.

However, after he has had some time to think about it he is a little more open to the idea. He still thinks I should be able to do this on my own but then as he wants me to be healthy.

Good luck discussing this with your partner. It can be a hard topic to bring up.

I DIDN'T TELL ANYONE - LONG LONG DRAWN OUT STORY SHORT - THIS WAS THE ABSOLUTE BEST DECISION THAT I MADE KEEPING IT TO MYSELF

Im really struggling with this decision. I want to own it and tell people who ask because its the best decision ive ever made and im proud of myself. But... I feel a little embarrassed and dont want to be judged badly. I HATE that I even care and worry about what others think about me. (Still working on that in therapy!) Any way I have told my immediate family only. I wasnt going to tell my neighbors, co workers or friends but my sister told a few people Grrrrr!!! and now im scared its going to get around and I dont want to get caught in a lie.

I am struggling with this as well. Tomorrow is my first day back at work after surgery. A couple of close coworkers know I'm having "stomach surgery", and that it's not cancer. My mom and two life long friends I never see in person know. I'm not going to lie, but I figure if I stonewall everybody they'll figure it out. Unless I just fail and stay fat. Which I fear at this point given the insane cravings I'm having. Back on point, the reason I don't want to tell my coworkers (you tell one, you've told 'em all, plus the building next door), is that several of them are JERKS about obesity. I know this from both sides of the fence as I was not obese when I started working there a decade ago. Not sure how I'm going to handle it, but I suspect I'll find out tomorrow!

UPDATE: I was too tired to say anything other than the truth. Now everybody knows. And I could care less. No one has said a negative thing to me. I realize I don't care enough about the jerks to worry over what they think.

Edited November 14, 201510 yr by LupineNight

I only told my husband, my sister and 2 close friends. I didn't want my parents to worry and I also didn't want their opinion. The reasons surrounding my surgery were something I had to work through on my own and I didn't need to here others opinions.

Someone I know from the bariatric support group at my doctors office came into my work and announced to his friend that I had surgery and how great I looked. I was devastated. I gave him the look of death. I'm sure over time people will find out but until I am ready to deal with it I feel it's my story to tell.

The surgery puts you on an emotional roller coaster. Don't give yourself added stress.

My husband and I have talked at length about this. I don't have a surgery date yet but should have one next week. Thing is, I'm usually not that private of a person. Pretty much an open book. I really don't want to tell anyone about this. Of course husband knows and I do have 4 kids, (just one left at home) and I really don't want them to know. Mostly because I know my sons will tell their wives which in turn the daughters-in-law will tell their mothers, sisters, friends, etc. Oddly enough I worry mostly about my best friend. I tell her everything. I don't want to tell her this b/c I think she will be negative about it and I don't want any negative comments. BUT I don't want her to hear about it from someone else as I think that would really hurt her feelings and that is something I would never intentially do. I think we have decided to keep it to ourselves and if asked just say I have been working my ass off and eating very small portions. One other issue is we often go out for dinner and drinks with the BFF and her hubs. That will need to stop for a while and I am hoping that since we all usually hibernate when the winter cold sets in that will be my excuse to decline a dinner invitation. :::shrug::: It seems sort of dishonest, but like I keep reading on here I don't want to be put under a microscope either. ......Then the other side of the coin, should I OWN it? Make it mine. Shout it to the rooftops that I am taking control of my life and this is how I choose to do it! LOL, decisions, decisions!

Edited November 10, 201510 yr by time2live4me

Thanks everyone for your input. I really want to keep this to myself, but I have no idea how I can. My fiancé knows and is super supportive. I did end up telling one of my sisters. Initially she asked why I couldn't do it on my own, and was concerned about the risk, but once I talked to her about it, she seemed to be on board and promised she would keep it to herself. I know my parents are going to be against it, but I'll figure out how to deal with that closer to when I get a surgery date. Work is another major concern for me, I work with all women, many of whom are incredibly big gossips. I also am pretty sure I won't get the time off without everybody knowing what's up- oh and I work at the hospital where the surgery would take place.. I know it should be confidential but I don't know how it won't get out

At first I decided to keep it from my co workers etc. As surgery got closer I started telling few close friends . Then I realised I really dont care who knows. I filled in my sick leave form at work and put in capital letters OBESITY SURGERY . I then scanned it to 19 people at my work with subject title (in capitals) again ANY QUESTIONS. I guess worrying about what people think of me is of little consequence . Life is an hourglass and the sand is only at the top once. So Im having sleeve to reclaim my life if anybody judges me (and they will) I couldn't give a sh*t . Lets roll on and enjoy this life. To all you people out there who are stressing about what people thing about your surgery how about You become a stress doner and pass your stress to me and I will happily ignore it and you can give your self some relief.,deal ?

Personally, I did not want input from anyone other than my surgeon when I decided to do WLS. My thought was that I had lived most of my life listening to people talk about how bad obesity was on health and how such surgeries were an easy way out.....blah blah.... I did not need any validation from anyone regarding my decision, it was my life my decision!! Only I knew my pain, struggles and hopes. So.... the day before surgery (preregistration), I told my husband to expect a large withdrawal because I was having WLS surgery the next day. He smiled and said, that if that was what I decided to do, to go for it. So to this day, only my husband and surgery team know. (duh! and you guys )
I am perfectly OK with my decision.

I only told very close family members and two friends. My two friends also had the same surgery and I used the same DR for my surgery. I only told people who would support and help me through this time, so don't tell people that can't support you. Just don't add more stress in your life at this time. I went into surgery and never told my parents even, they are not very supportive people. I couldn't handle the negative comments. I still never told them and I'm almost four months out. I believe they found out through my sister but never said a word to me about it. This is your your life and nobody is living in your body or walking in your shoes every day. It's funny how people with a normal BMI can't understand , how living a obese life affects us, so I don't even try to explain it to them. You make the best choice for you.

Initially I told my closest friends, husband, parents & sister. I didn't want ANY negative comments while going through the process because I knew it would be hard enough. I only wanted a support team.

Fast forward a year later, now I don't care. Still not at goal but I feel I am living more normally and if anyone is struggling and needs advice about the surgery, i'd like to be available to them as three other people were for me.

So freeing, now that it's no longer a secret.

Edited November 11, 201510 yr by Kathy812

I only let 2 friends know and some of my family. I felt this was a private decision for me. I only needed and wanted the support of the ones I knew I could count on. Still nobody knows and I like it Like that. It brought my husband and i incredibly close. Its Like our thing. And he helps me succeed.

I am down 76-77 lbs and he knows my short term goals and helps me with meals and exercise.

Its your decision, a private decision. What you decide will be the right choice for you.

Good luck to you! This surgery saved my life!

(I am pre surgery) so far my husband, one co worker, my mother in law (kinda knows) my parents, and 2 friends know. My boys are only 8&5 we will tell them after we have a date.

My one coworker knows because she is the one that actually pushed me off the fence about it and has been a HUGE support and a fountain of knowledge of how to work with the insurance company ( she is 8 weeks post)

I REALLY hesitated telling my parents because my mother had a failed lapband and is somewhat emotionally unstable but I need there help to watch my kids occasionally for appointments and during surgery. My dad has been extremely supportive my mom not so much but not against it ether. It's all really confusing with them.

My mother in law knows because she lives with us and she asks too many questions so it was just easier to tell her than lie.

And then I told one friend because she is a nutritionist and had worked on a program with her for 6 months and thought I would use her records. THAT WAS A HUGE mistake. She went off the handle. Chewed me out for an hour. I left that conversation in tears and was ready to just back out and be fat forever. Because she flat out told me that I would fail because I failed at her super strict plan. As I was leaving another friend called me I answers bawling and just spilled my guts to her and she was and is sooooo supportive.

At this point I have no plans to tell anyone else.