I've been stalking the forum for a few months and I am on insurance 6 month wait for my sleeve. This is my 1st topic post. The 6 month wait, while initially frustrating, has given me opportunity to read, soul search, and really observe things in regards to my weight and how people treat me. I weigh about 303 pounds and my 6 month wait is up next month.

I have a close family member that had the sleeve, and lost a lot of weight, and had commented that people treat her better. Strangers, co-workers, other family. I believe it because I have seen it (old friends that see her slim and gush over her change), job opportunity opened up for her, and her confidence is certainly up.

Ironically, in the 6 month wait, I think I have detected a pattern of people treating me worse over my weight (my speculation/insecurity)? Comments here and there. Ideas shot down or dismissed. A job interview a year ago where I noticed literally EVERYONE in the office was thin and fit, and feeling the whole interview was 'going through the motions' from 1st handshake, and not realizing the connection until recently.

I am a pretty well educated person, director level job at a large company, etc. I recently was passed over for a great promotion to a national role, and the person who got the role had less relevant education, less experience, but....withen the last year had lost a ton of weight and was doing 1/2 Iron man triatholons (again my speculation / insecurity?). The VP literally told me he felt it was a coin toss between us.

So, people who have crossed the 'finish line', how do people treat you now that you have dropped the weight? I was wondering if you could elaborate on if its work, family, strangers, coworkers, boss, and if the people know how you lost it.

Huh. I must live in my own little bubble of unawareness because I don't notice people treating me any differently than they did before.

I was loud, sociable, opinionated, outgoing, overly confidnet and obnoxious when I was a thin teenager, the same when I was a fat 25-40 something and no different since my surgery. I get a few more looks from guys now than I did before, but that's not surprising.

Hmmmm. This is my own little world and I am quite happy here.

A year later & over 100lbs down other than compliments from people who knew me I'm not treated any differently. I was a confident & active person before and the only change is that I am even more active

Huh. I must live in my own little bubble of unawareness because I don't notice people treating me any differently than they did before.

I was loud, sociable, opinionated, outgoing, overly confidnet and obnoxious when I was a thin teenager, the same when I was a fat 25-40 something and no different since my surgery. I get a few more looks from guys now than I did before, but that's not surprising.

Hmmmm. This is my own little world and I am quite happy here.

A year later & over 100lbs down other than compliments from people who knew me I'm not treated any differently. I was a confident & active person before and the only change is that I am even more active

I have a tendency to agree with these. I HONESTLY think it's just our own projection. Like I said, I feel a little more confident, so I'm treated as such.

I became a Realtor in my mid life after deciding to change careers. At 45 and obese, I hit the gate running (figuratively) and had no problem getting business and have been fairly successful for a new agent. I really didn't let my obesity get in the way of my success, and obviously my many happy clients didn't seem to mind, either. I never felt when I went to a listing interview I would be not be chosen over another Realtor because of my obesity. If it happened, I just chalked it up to the other Realtor having more experience, personality differences, etc....

Like I said, I'm just even more outgoing now than ever before because I feel more comfortable in my own skin. I think people respond to that, not my outward appearance so much....

We really need to get out of the ol' "Oh I'm fat, so nobody likes me!" mentality. Nobody likes the victim mentality, and people pick up on it. And will treat you that way.

Eleanor Roosevelt said it best:

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent"

@@Babbs I totally understand the two sentiments that its really a reflection of myself. And it made me pause and reflect (all of your comments have actually, thank you).

I honestly had not even really considered anyone was treating me different or I was losing opportunities until I started down this journey to weight loss surgery. I have tried to lose weight for over 15 years now and was just starting to have health ramifications of being heavy, but other than that I have had a successful college run, good career progression (not amazing but good), a loving family that supports me no matter what, but I always felt I really had to scrounge to make stuff happen. I am a jolly guy, and get along with just about everyone.

I totally get the comments about being comfortable in your own skin, because I am not now. I hope to get that. I crossed a threshold where shopping in regular size stores is very difficult for me and it sucks.

I am hoping to get to about 175 on my 5'11" frame. That's about the trimmest I have ever been at my present height (Jr. in high school). My 6 months is up Thanksgiving week, so hopefully I can start a thread about a surgery date soon!

James

I find some people treat me better now. I was always easy to talk to and am a good listener and conversationalist.

I know I have more self confidence and that is probably reflective in my mannerisms, etc., but for a couple of acquaintances I knew since I was obese, I definitely see a more positive way they conduct themselves with me.

That is sad, those people were judging me on my weight.

We do not look across a room full of people and say to ourselves to someone attractive on the other side of the room "wow, that person has a great personality", but I would rather have a great conversation with a plain looking obese person who is sincere, fun, intelligent, kind and real, than a conversation with a shallow, judgmental and self-centered, attractive & thin person.

I feel like strangers seem more polite and acknowledge my presence rather than ignoring that I exist in passing on the street. They're not making catcalls or anything, but it's nice to get a polite smile occasionally. Store clerks seem more interested in seeing if i need help rather than ignoring me. My coworkers all know I had surgery and are very supportive/complementary. One negative is that my little sister and I have always been the two obese ones in the family out of 6 kids. We've also always been the closest to each other. Now that I've been losing a significant amount of weight I feel like she's withdrawing a bit from me. I try not to talk about what size I am or how much weight I've lost when we're on the phone. She is supportive, but I think hearing about my weight loss constantly only reminds her of her own weight problem since she and I used to be almost the same size (she was a tad bigger). I don't want her to feel like I am gloating or trying to rub it in when I talk to her, but it's hard not to want to call her up when I'm happy for being able to fit in a size medium top or 12-14 jeans! She's really my best friend, and I didn't anticipate this. My hope is that down the road she may decide to pursue surgery if she sees me be successful with losing the weight, but i don't want to push her since everyone come to this decision for their own reasons. For now, whenever I call (she lives in Canada and I live in AZ), I just try to stick to topics other than my weight/diet/exercise program.

I think awareness that you're different, and how early in life it happened are also contributing factors.

For instance I've been fat since childhood. Plus I have three other siblings, we're all two years apart, two sisters and a brother, and none of them have ever been overweight, let alone fat. And I'm the only one of the three girls who has had huge breasts since puberty. I'm a "DDD" while they're both in the "A" and "B" category.

I've been painfully aware that I never fit in with them since I was in grade school.

@@Babbs

We can agree to disagree. We all have our experiences with the way we are treated in life. i guess for me honestly from my WLS I am two different people. I'm glad to hear others have always been the same obese to healthy.

Not so much a victims mentality for me. Yes people liked me when I was obese.

Children God love them. They are so honest and not quite jaded. The comments they make about people that are obese is not a learned behavior. It is from a persons outward appearance.

Promotional opportunity's. I understand from my employers perspective. In the beginning of my career I completed the academy's fitness requirement. When I became unhealthy I could not. I was still getting promotions in the administrative/counseling areas. If you are large and out of shape. You are excluded. Its a dead end.

I am 28 years old and I have always been bullied my whole life about one thing or another. People would find a reason to bully me. It really hurts. I don't have a best friend. I have sisters. I have acquaintances. I have been hurt by friends too. I think everyone has.

I am one month post op on October 29th. I am not giving people another reason to pick on me. I am not telling anyone about my surgery but my family.

And when it came to work I had hippa (patient privacy act) on my side. I told work that I had appendicitis

I had jury duty today. The DA was an average looking woman, average body shape. The opposing council, was dumpy and overweight. I had to fight hard to look past the visuals and concentrate on what was said. I know that was happening to me when I taught. Too many times after I was teaching for 6 to 8 hours, I'd look like I was on the verge of a heart attack. It's distracting from what I want to teach.

This weekend I taught a nine hour class. This is after a day of meetings and 11 hours of travel to the school (and the fire alarms at the hotel going off at 1:30 in the morning). I have energy to spare at the end of the day. No sweat, total energy and focus. I could not have pulled that off at 305.

So what's more important, the look or the energy? I think they both go together. In time, the confidence comes (initially you are getting compliments which is usually deflected in a self deprecating manner). I don't see a downside in this at all.

When I lost and maintained with band 8 years ago I felt that men treated me better and women treated me worse. This time around I can't tell because I haven't lost enough yet.

A few of my family members know and luckily they're all very supportive

The big thing now post op is that whenever I eat anything someone always asks "oh can you eat that?"

Yes, if I'm eating it that means I can eat it.

I started gaining weight about 25 years ago following a divorce and a broken leg and ankle. I realize now that people really did treat me differently when I was overweight and then obese. I do feel better about myself, and my major depression is the best controlled it has been for many years, so I know I come across differently. People who knew me before I gained all of the weight don't seem to remember that I was thinner years ago. I am pleased with the compliments I get, but some of them make me think I must have looked really, really bad before. I am now able to say thank you to compliments and hope that's the end of the discussion. (Very few people know that I had the sleeve.) What always amazes me is the people who ask how I am losing the weight and ask how much I have lost. No one ever asked how I gained the weight or how much I had gained. For years I have known that people said about me, some to my face, "She has such a pretty face. She would look so good if she could just lose weight." Now my face is thin, people I haven't seen in some time really don't recognize me, and I get lots of positive comments and reinforcement. I could have used those when I was obese!

I am not a thin person despite losing over 220 lbs. But to be honest, I don't actually feel like anybody treats me differently. Even in public where I'm a stranger. I'm still the same person I always was, very chatty (even with strangers, random check-out clerks, etc.) even when I was almost 500lbs I was always energetic and a tiny bit hyper, even if I was slow or in pain or sweaty or whatever. I've always been easily liked by most people. Always say hello, always held my head up high. I guess... I don't know. The way people respond to me just hasn't changed much. I can't say why. Maybe I had blinders on before. I guess for me the difference is/was... even now, I'm often the first to engage with people. If you're engaging them and you've got a smile on your face or whatever, it's hard for people to automatically ignore you. I have heard so much about people feeling as though they were "ignored" when they were at their biggest. I never really felt that. Maybe when I lose the next 100 lbs, I'll notice a big difference in how I'm treated by society/strangers/etc. But for now things are happily the same as they have always been.