I've been stalking the forum for a few months and I am on insurance 6 month wait for my sleeve. This is my 1st topic post. The 6 month wait, while initially frustrating, has given me opportunity to read, soul search, and really observe things in regards to my weight and how people treat me. I weigh about 303 pounds and my 6 month wait is up next month.

I have a close family member that had the sleeve, and lost a lot of weight, and had commented that people treat her better. Strangers, co-workers, other family. I believe it because I have seen it (old friends that see her slim and gush over her change), job opportunity opened up for her, and her confidence is certainly up.

Ironically, in the 6 month wait, I think I have detected a pattern of people treating me worse over my weight (my speculation/insecurity)? Comments here and there. Ideas shot down or dismissed. A job interview a year ago where I noticed literally EVERYONE in the office was thin and fit, and feeling the whole interview was 'going through the motions' from 1st handshake, and not realizing the connection until recently.

I am a pretty well educated person, director level job at a large company, etc. I recently was passed over for a great promotion to a national role, and the person who got the role had less relevant education, less experience, but....withen the last year had lost a ton of weight and was doing 1/2 Iron man triatholons (again my speculation / insecurity?). The VP literally told me he felt it was a coin toss between us.

So, people who have crossed the 'finish line', how do people treat you now that you have dropped the weight? I was wondering if you could elaborate on if its work, family, strangers, coworkers, boss, and if the people know how you lost it.

I don't feel like I've been ignored but I do feel like people look at me different now that I am almost 300 pounds

I find things are a mixed bag for me. I grew up a normal sized girl who had it in my head I was overweight, so I acted the part. My family were all heavy so I assumed I was much the same. I wore baggy clothes and just assumed people wouldn't automatically like me. Much of this was based on how I saw people treat my mother. My mother was serverly obsese much of her life and more than once I saw her ridiculed for it so I learned this is how people treat overweight people.

Then I had a brief spell where I got on a swimming kick when I was finally out on my own and lost enough weight to be underweight. It was a very unhealthy place for me, but I was young and quite frankly neurotic about weight so I didn't care. I felt thin for once. I felt like I was getting noticed more often and had more attention from the men around me. Of course, I was also finally buying clothes that fit me better and looked nicer, I was less self conscious and in general just acting different. I felt I looked good and no longer assumed people were looking at me as unattractive. People were treating me better but a lot of it was because I wasn't acting like a little Eeyore with a black cloud over my head.

This has always been my issue: How I see myself in my mind often reflects in how I act around people. It used to dictate if I was outgoing or not. When I settled down with a guy and started gaining weight slowly my self confidence tanked again. I went back to that learned behavior from my younger years. People treated me differently as a result.

When I hit my mid thirties I realized I was just as riddled with issues over my appearance and how I worried my weight would affect how people treated me, however, I didn't really care anymore. I was myself and happy and people always treated me as well as I treated them. Then I lost a pregnancy and went into a full on weight overload with my grief eating and gained nearly ninety pounds in a short time and the difference in how I was treated was no longer in my head. It was really sobering, sad and made me feel really bad for the state of some people in our society.

I only had my surgery back in July and now that I'm down 80lbs and three dress sizes, once again I feel like I'm back to that good place of dealing with my own issues, not worrying about them so much when out in the world and once again I don't feel like anyone treats me any different --as in I'm treated fine by most people I come across. I've still got a long way to go but I feel better about myself in a way I never have in the past and I know that's radiating out of me in many different ways.

I will say though --the one thing I've encountered that I haven't liked is having a few people who know I've had the surgery give me a real critical eye. They're expecting me to drop the majority of my excess weight in a ridiculously short time and when I don't meet with the expected change in my appearance, they'll harp on me about perhaps I'm not trying hard enough or (and this kills me) being so close to my goals but letting myself remain fat longer than need be. I lost a job (I do freelance work for various groups) that required I be around a set of clients in person when normally I just deal with everyone online or over the phone. They decided to wait until next year when I might have more weightloss and better represent them. They were quite blunt about it too. Life's too short. I removed myself from their list of freelancers and sent them a letter addressing their open discrimination.

I regret nothing about this process though. Whether people treat me different or not, it's helped me get myself into a better headspace and as a result a lot of things have changed for the better. I have found positivity thankfully often gets met with positivity. Good luck to you!

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent"

A-FREAKING-MEN.

The "shaming" mentality, the "bullied" mentality, the "blaming". JEEEZUS. Don't give people your power. You're the only loser when you do that.

Yes. Because I am obese people think it's okay to be disrespectful and rude to me. I don't take that crap though but it happens very often. I guess slim people think it's okay to be awful because the over weight person "doesn't respect" themselves. Before becoming very obese I was treated nicer and with more respect but now after having 3 kids back to back and packed on the weight I am 50% of the time not treated so nicely by both men and women. A lot of my "friends" started being distant towards me and once I have the surgery and they decide to come around again..nope I don't think so. I'm supposed to have to surgery either in February or may. I am hoping for February ..it'll be a great birthday present for myself but of course it's up to my insurance. So far they denied my sleep study test because I'm not "sick enough" (I only have high blood pressure and bmi of 54) so I'll have to wait and see if I'll get approved to take it at home *fingers crossed*

Denied sleep study test to be taken in the hospital*