How are you treated by people pre-surgery versus post-surgery?

[KristenVSG2014 1,871]

I see a lot of larger women really working hard to get people to like them, to be funny, to be witty, to be sophisticated and friendly and essentially massively over compensating.

I see many examples of this myself.

In fact, I think that "growing up fat" required I develop significant compensating behaviors and skills to overcome the downside of being fat.

This is a big subject. The topic would benefit from its own thread.

Agree. I grew up fat and overcompensated by being all those things. More funny, witty and sophisticated than friendly. I'm friendly but I don't go out of my way.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Huh. I must live in my own little bubble of unawareness because I don't notice people treating me any differently than they did before.

I was loud, sociable, opinionated, outgoing, overly confidnet and obnoxious when I was a thin teenager, the same when I was a fat 25-40 something and no different since my surgery. I get a few more looks from guys now than I did before, but that's not surprising.

Hmmmm. This is my own little world and I am quite happy here.

[BLERDgirl 6,417]

A year later & over 100lbs down other than compliments from people who knew me I'm not treated any differently. I was a confident & active person before and the only change is that I am even more active

[Babbs 14,680]

Huh. I must live in my own little bubble of unawareness because I don't notice people treating me any differently than they did before.

I was loud, sociable, opinionated, outgoing, overly confidnet and obnoxious when I was a thin teenager, the same when I was a fat 25-40 something and no different since my surgery. I get a few more looks from guys now than I did before, but that's not surprising.

Hmmmm. This is my own little world and I am quite happy here.

A year later & over 100lbs down other than compliments from people who knew me I'm not treated any differently. I was a confident & active person before and the only change is that I am even more active

I have a tendency to agree with these. I HONESTLY think it's just our own projection. Like I said, I feel a little more confident, so I'm treated as such.

I became a Realtor in my mid life after deciding to change careers. At 45 and obese, I hit the gate running (figuratively) and had no problem getting business and have been fairly successful for a new agent. I really didn't let my obesity get in the way of my success, and obviously my many happy clients didn't seem to mind, either. I never felt when I went to a listing interview I would be not be chosen over another Realtor because of my obesity. If it happened, I just chalked it up to the other Realtor having more experience, personality differences, etc....

Like I said, I'm just even more outgoing now than ever before because I feel more comfortable in my own skin. I think people respond to that, not my outward appearance so much....

We really need to get out of the ol' "Oh I'm fat, so nobody likes me!" mentality. Nobody likes the victim mentality, and people pick up on it. And will treat you that way.

Eleanor Roosevelt said it best:

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent"

[james1 34]

@@Babbs I totally understand the two sentiments that its really a reflection of myself. And it made me pause and reflect (all of your comments have actually, thank you).

I honestly had not even really considered anyone was treating me different or I was losing opportunities until I started down this journey to weight loss surgery. I have tried to lose weight for over 15 years now and was just starting to have health ramifications of being heavy, but other than that I have had a successful college run, good career progression (not amazing but good), a loving family that supports me no matter what, but I always felt I really had to scrounge to make stuff happen. I am a jolly guy, and get along with just about everyone.

I totally get the comments about being comfortable in your own skin, because I am not now. I hope to get that. I crossed a threshold where shopping in regular size stores is very difficult for me and it sucks.

I am hoping to get to about 175 on my 5'11" frame. That's about the trimmest I have ever been at my present height (Jr. in high school). My 6 months is up Thanksgiving week, so hopefully I can start a thread about a surgery date soon!

James

[4MRB4PHOTO 3,899]

I find some people treat me better now. I was always easy to talk to and am a good listener and conversationalist.

I know I have more self confidence and that is probably reflective in my mannerisms, etc., but for a couple of acquaintances I knew since I was obese, I definitely see a more positive way they conduct themselves with me.

That is sad, those people were judging me on my weight.

We do not look across a room full of people and say to ourselves to someone attractive on the other side of the room "wow, that person has a great personality", but I would rather have a great conversation with a plain looking obese person who is sincere, fun, intelligent, kind and real, than a conversation with a shallow, judgmental and self-centered, attractive & thin person.

[rnsamantha 352]

I feel like strangers seem more polite and acknowledge my presence rather than ignoring that I exist in passing on the street. They're not making catcalls or anything, but it's nice to get a polite smile occasionally. Store clerks seem more interested in seeing if i need help rather than ignoring me. My coworkers all know I had surgery and are very supportive/complementary. One negative is that my little sister and I have always been the two obese ones in the family out of 6 kids. We've also always been the closest to each other. Now that I've been losing a significant amount of weight I feel like she's withdrawing a bit from me. I try not to talk about what size I am or how much weight I've lost when we're on the phone. She is supportive, but I think hearing about my weight loss constantly only reminds her of her own weight problem since she and I used to be almost the same size (she was a tad bigger). I don't want her to feel like I am gloating or trying to rub it in when I talk to her, but it's hard not to want to call her up when I'm happy for being able to fit in a size medium top or 12-14 jeans! She's really my best friend, and I didn't anticipate this. My hope is that down the road she may decide to pursue surgery if she sees me be successful with losing the weight, but i don't want to push her since everyone come to this decision for their own reasons. For now, whenever I call (she lives in Canada and I live in AZ), I just try to stick to topics other than my weight/diet/exercise program.

[The Candidate 3,215]

I think awareness that you're different, and how early in life it happened are also contributing factors.

For instance I've been fat since childhood. Plus I have three other siblings, we're all two years apart, two sisters and a brother, and none of them have ever been overweight, let alone fat. And I'm the only one of the three girls who has had huge breasts since puberty. I'm a "DDD" while they're both in the "A" and "B" category.

I've been painfully aware that I never fit in with them since I was in grade school.

[Healthy_life2 8,319]

@@Babbs

We can agree to disagree. We all have our experiences with the way we are treated in life. i guess for me honestly from my WLS I am two different people. I'm glad to hear others have always been the same obese to healthy.

Not so much a victims mentality for me. Yes people liked me when I was obese.

Children God love them. They are so honest and not quite jaded. The comments they make about people that are obese is not a learned behavior. It is from a persons outward appearance.

Promotional opportunity's. I understand from my employers perspective. In the beginning of my career I completed the academy's fitness requirement. When I became unhealthy I could not. I was still getting promotions in the administrative/counseling areas. If you are large and out of shape. You are excluded. Its a dead end.

[RGraham87 62]

I am 28 years old and I have always been bullied my whole life about one thing or another. People would find a reason to bully me. It really hurts. I don't have a best friend. I have sisters. I have acquaintances. I have been hurt by friends too. I think everyone has.

I am one month post op on October 29th. I am not giving people another reason to pick on me. I am not telling anyone about my surgery but my family.

[RGraham87 62]

And when it came to work I had hippa (patient privacy act) on my side. I told work that I had appendicitis

[OKCPirate 5,323]

I had jury duty today. The DA was an average looking woman, average body shape. The opposing council, was dumpy and overweight. I had to fight hard to look past the visuals and concentrate on what was said. I know that was happening to me when I taught. Too many times after I was teaching for 6 to 8 hours, I'd look like I was on the verge of a heart attack. It's distracting from what I want to teach.

This weekend I taught a nine hour class. This is after a day of meetings and 11 hours of travel to the school (and the fire alarms at the hotel going off at 1:30 in the morning). I have energy to spare at the end of the day. No sweat, total energy and focus. I could not have pulled that off at 305.

So what's more important, the look or the energy? I think they both go together. In time, the confidence comes (initially you are getting compliments which is usually deflected in a self deprecating manner). I don't see a downside in this at all.

[Bndtoslv 292]

When I lost and maintained with band 8 years ago I felt that men treated me better and women treated me worse. This time around I can't tell because I haven't lost enough yet.

[Sophie74656 1,572]

A few of my family members know and luckily they're all very supportive

The big thing now post op is that whenever I eat anything someone always asks "oh can you eat that?"

Yes, if I'm eating it that means I can eat it.

[hildegardhamhocker 14]

I started gaining weight about 25 years ago following a divorce and a broken leg and ankle. I realize now that people really did treat me differently when I was overweight and then obese. I do feel better about myself, and my major depression is the best controlled it has been for many years, so I know I come across differently. People who knew me before I gained all of the weight don't seem to remember that I was thinner years ago. I am pleased with the compliments I get, but some of them make me think I must have looked really, really bad before. I am now able to say thank you to compliments and hope that's the end of the discussion. (Very few people know that I had the sleeve.) What always amazes me is the people who ask how I am losing the weight and ask how much I have lost. No one ever asked how I gained the weight or how much I had gained. For years I have known that people said about me, some to my face, "She has such a pretty face. She would look so good if she could just lose weight." Now my face is thin, people I haven't seen in some time really don't recognize me, and I get lots of positive comments and reinforcement. I could have used those when I was obese!