To Tell or Not to Tell?

[ellie123 374]

Weight loss is such a personal journey...a hairball of the bliss of eating favorite foods, complex emotions, compulsions, defeating behaviors, shame, embarrassment, resentment, and the list goes on and on. No one wants to admit that they can't control what goes into their mouth. I'm coming up on my surgery Nov 2nd...and frankly, if I could, I would tell no one at all! Some of it is the former, but also, from having my lapband surgery, it added sooo much pressure, having people watch everything I ate, asking me how much weight I've lost each time I saw them, saying insensitive comments and remarks, etc...and then it was what they did not say, as I put the weight back on slowly but surely...I could almost hear what they were thinking while watching me eat. My mother falls into the category of people I don't want to tell. I love her dearly, but she's a stoic, non understanding person, who, when I had the lapband, called up each and every one of her thousands of friends to "in confidence" express her fears over my decision, and to ask their opinion. I was mortified at how many people knew, way before I was willing to share...

When I loose weight, folks will surely ask how, and I'm not sure how to circumvent lying. I don't want to be dishonest, but then again, I don't feel like I need to share my personal and medical choices with certain folks... I will need all my mental energy to focus on learning to use this tool to loose weight, rather than appease peoples curiosity and deal with their remarks and opinions.

So in short, just wondering, if you decided to tell or not to tell. And if not, how you coup with the inevitable questions that will come.

[Jefferyc79 103]

Weight loss is such a personal journey...a hairball of the bliss of eating favorite foods, complex emotions, compulsions, defeating behaviors, shame, embarrassment, resentment, and the list goes on and on. No one wants to admit that they can't control what goes into their mouth. I'm coming up on my surgery Nov 2nd...and frankly, if I could, I would tell no one at all! Some of it is the former, but also, from having my lapband surgery, it added sooo much pressure, having people watch everything I ate, asking me how much weight I've lost each time I saw them, saying insensitive comments and remarks, etc...and then it was what they did not say, as I put the weight back on slowly but surely...I could almost hear what they were thinking while watching me eat. My mother falls into the category of people I don't want to tell. I love her dearly, but she's a stoic, non understanding person, who, when I had the lapband, called up each and every one of her thousands of friends to "in confidence" express her fears over my decision, and to ask their opinion. I was mortified at how many people knew, way before I was willing to share...

When I loose weight, folks will surely ask how, and I'm not sure how to circumvent lying. I don't want to be dishonest, but then again, I don't feel like I need to share my personal and medical choices with certain folks... I will need all my mental energy to focus on learning to use this tool to loose weight, rather than appease peoples curiosity and deal with their remarks and opinions.

So in short, just wondering, if you decided to tell or not to tell. And if not, how you coup with the inevitable questions that will come.

This is a great topic! I appreciate you for bringing this up @ellie123. I think that you pretty much answered your question for yourself on what would be best to do. But, if I could offer my two cents I'll tell you how I'm going to handle this. At first I was on the fence about telling anyone (other then my wife of course). The big thing with getting this surgery I find is the mental edge you have to keep. It's already so hard having this issue with food, and worrying about the scale and just the overall stress of the surgery in itself. People are going to judge. That's just want people do. So go into this knowing that. With that being said if I were in your shoes I wouldn't tell anyone who DOESN'T need to know. This is your decision and it's your life. People have to realize and understand that it is okay for YOU to make a decision in your life for yourself. One thing that really bugs me is people who don't have a weight problem and other obesity related issues can actually have the NERVE to even suggest that I should try something different. I told my Aunt with my wife that I was getting the surgery and her and my Uncle just jumped down my throat like if you've already lost 25 pounds you can lose 100 pounds, it might two you 3 years to do it but you can do it. The fact that she said that tells me that she just doesn't understand. I had to tell her because we need her to keep our son during the time I'm in the hospital. But, I will NOT be telling any other family members. The reason why I've done so well with my life change so far is because I have no added stress. People don't know I'm on a change (with my eating and working out) I don't broadcast it. I already have sooo much other stuff to worry about. After the surgery once I start losing weight faster I know that people will ask. And a few of my friends who I know won't judge me I'll tell. Other's I'll just say I've changed my life learning about weight and nutrition. It's not lying because that's exactly what he all are doing. We're changing how we look at food and how it pertains to our lives. I hope you decide to not bring more added stress to your life and keep it between yourself until you get to a point where you can handle telling people. Good luck @Ellie123. Also, congrats on your 5 pounds lost. Keep it up!

[ShrinkingPeach 1,291]

It is amazing how everyone has an opinion and how they go one step further and feel they have the right to judge or tell you what to do.

You are doing this for yourself and not others. Yes yu will get more years with your wife but first and foremost it is for YOU. You don't owe anyone an explanation. It is your choice who to share with and who not to share with.

This is your journey and your's alone, leave out those who will not enhance it. Build a support group of those you trust and Celebrate your success.

I have told none of my family, only my husband and his oldest son (14). I told 3 friends and haven't heard from them since. Their loss not mine. That says more about them and not me.

Good luck!!

[con con 142]

I decided to tell just my boyfriend and brother. My brother because he was the one who picked me up at the hospital. Honestly my standpoint is, my life, my decision. If people take notice I will respond with a thank you. A lot of people who have never had to deal with what we've dealt with the majority of our lives have no understanding of what it is to be overweight and micromanage everything that we put in our mouths. They just see people who overeat. There is so much more going on. Genetics, psychological and physical components. Do what is best for you and only you.

Edited September 29, 2015 by con con

[katladee 156]

Well said Jeffery! I have only told my fiance, two of my closest friends, a cousin, and my 2 adult children. No one else needs to know my personal business. I agree with Jeffery that when the weight starts falling off I will say that I finally made a life decision to change my eating habits and lose the weight for my health. Everyone knows I am diabetic so they will be happy if I am able to go off my med's after surgery. Best of luck in whatever decision you make, and during your weight loss process!

[JacksdadShane 65]

You have to do what you want. If you don't feel comfortable telling people by all means don't do it. I personally have told as many people as ask. I feel for me by telling people it will make me more motivated to lose the most possible weight and keep it off.

[twinhappy 79]

I told no one at work except for one person and she knows she is the only one. When people ask how I am loosing weight I don't feel I am lying - I just don't mention the surgery. I tell them eating less and concentrating on high Protein and very low carbs. Good luck!

[saraannie 7]

I guess I am different. I have no problems telling people about my band to sleeve journey. When I had the band they understood why I was throwing up and not speculating if I had an eating disorder. Quite frankly, I don't care who judges me, I did this for my health, no one else. Plus I have great friends and family who are supportive. Good luck.

[Fatty McFatster 888]

I will be doing the band to sleeve revision and I can say that I told too many people about the lap band. I guess I just believed everyone would be supportive, but now I know that's not the case. I received some support, but also quite a few rude comments. This time around I will be telling a lot fewer people about the sleeve.

[Jeniiake 6]

I understand how you feel. I told my immediate family and my closest friends when having the band done in 2009 and the same people (except for my dad, cause he has a big mouth and would have told my business to everyone) this past February when having my revision. You must understand that some of your "friends" will tell others (even if you ask them not to), I was judged by 1 of my friends' "friends" (who's opinion I don't care about), and simply told her she doesn't have to deal with the knee and hip pain that I do, and if the day comes when she does then she can talk to me about MY decision then.

With the band, it was embarrassing to only lose 30 lbs and then gain 20 of it back within a year; not to mention trying to eat out with them or have dinner and everything getting "stuck". Bottom line for me was the band did not work and I had complications from early on. Ask yourself who you are doing this for, I'm pretty sure it's for yourself . As long as you are happy who cares what others think.

Now, as for the inevitable questions: "What's your secret?" or "How are you losing so much weight?" There is no need to lie!! Just simply tell them "Increased Protein, low fat, low carbs and portion control." These are not lies.

[Jefferyc79 103]

Well said @Jeniiake. I agree 100%. Don't let the people in your life "RUN" your life. I've been there as well. When I let my family run me I was miserable. I took my life back and I love it! Screw anyone who thinks what I think is BEST FOR ME isn't good for them. It's not about them.

[ellie123 374]

Thank you all for your awesome, candid, insightful responses! I know for sure I'm not alone in how I feel, and that is pretty awesome

[sweettea 300]

I told my mom, my youngest son, my best friend, and of course my husband (who had just had sleeve surgery). I forgot my mother tells everything to everyone. Opps! I've only had two negatives, my best friend worried about me having surgery, and the rest saying I look to thin. No one has even ask how I lost weight. Oh, I do know my ex is telling everyone I'm on drugs. I don't care. Anyone who knows me doesn't believe him, and the rest can sit and spin. Sorry about the tangent. Do what's best for you. And I like what everyone else said. Protein, lower carbs, Portion Control and exercise. By the way, I would NEVER ask personal questions as to how. I'd more than likely tell them how great they look and keep up the good work, but that's me.

Edited October 12, 2015 by sweettea

[ellie123 374]

Finally home. Surgery was this past Thursday. 3 hour surgery, 2 night and 3 day stay in hospital. Band removed, hiatal hernia repair (I did not know I needed it), Gallbladder removal and ofciurse Sleeve. Very rough first day. But I took a Licken and kept on Ticken! Will write more about experience, when better rested. Hard to write on phone. Peace and love

[katladee 156]

Ellie, so happy it is all over for you now! Wishing you a speedy recovery!