Why am I holding onto my fat?

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

What's it doing for me? Why have I never attained a goal weight in my entire life?

I've lost weight before, and bounced back up higher than I started.

Now with WLS, I've lost 2/3 of my excess weight -- 100 pounds. With fifty left to lose, I've stopped. Where's the drive, energy, enthusiasm to reach the weight loss finish line and transition into maintenance?

What's the fat doing for me?

[Babbs 14,680]

Only you can answer that question....

I hope that we can help support and encourage you any way we can to get you there! But you gotta meet us half way

[parisshel 1,892]

This is a great topic to ponder. I've probably been asking myself that question for 30 years. You know what? Sometimes I am convinced that obesity is merely a genotype--similar to being short or having brown hair. In other words, there are many of us who are fat not for any psychological reason, but because this morphology is the "voice of our genes."

There are those that hang onto weight because of trauma or other, but really, I am convinced that there is also a set of us that have fat inscribed in our genes. So weight loss is all that more challenging (though obviously not impossible, just harder) because our we are battling genetic code and nothing more.

[Djmohr 6,965]

I am right there with you. 34lbs to go and fighting every single pound!

I just think these last 50 are the hardest and require even more hard work On our part to get there.

I believe we can do it if we want it bad enough.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

Just want to add: this isn't a boo-hoo, poor-me post. I'm really thinking that this time, to get to goal, I'm going to have to uncover and solve - somehow - the forces that keep me subconsciously hanging on to this cushion around me. I see a therapist for my divorce. I'm going to ask her tonight if she has expertise in this area or can recommend someone who does.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I went through something very similar. I lost about 100-120# (or thereabouts) but still had more to get to goal. My losses were grinding to a halt and I had to ask myself some tough questions.

1. Do I actually WANT to be slimmer? I had lost enough that I was much healthier, was able to move and do stuff comfortably but I had a nice matronly look about me. the remnants of the "fatsuit" made me feel safe and comfortable. The decision to really push and get to goal was a little like deciding to strip in public - it was very very unsettling to me.

2. I had let certian "healthy foods" become my new junk food. Quest bars are fine once a day, but when you start nibbling them like the new snickers bar... your losses will stall. I had to really decide to not use food that way anymore. Really. Not even healthy food.

3. I had to change up my workouts to give me a bit of extra "burn". I went to high intensity interval training and loved it.

I decided to go for it and hit my goal of losing 150# 14 months from my revision. I found out that for me, the loss of the fatsuit gave me a great deal of angst. My biggest learning from all this was the deep understanding of how that "anxiety" has always contributed to regains in the past.

My surgery was Dec 2011. I hit goal in Feb 2013. It is now almost first of july 2015 and i am still maintaining... and I am very aware of all this now. The angst over how I look (that being exposed thing) is pretty much gone now but it was harder then you might think...

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Oh, I used to always tell people that the last 40# were hand to hand combat, one pound at a time. It is a joke of course, but the visual is actually quite representative of the emotional state about it. It was like the first 100-120# came off following normal bariatric rules, but the last bit required a force of will to make it happen...

You know what, I think it is perfectly "ok" to stop before hitting that "ultimate goal" too. This is very much an individual choice but part of my soul searching conclusion was

"I want this life. I want to buy clothes at any store. I want to be the woman who can fit in the small spaces. I want to weigh less than the man in my life... for once in my life I want to maintain a weight/size that feels just normal"

[CanyonBaby 1,852]

And don't forget, due to reasons such as heredity (there go those darn genes, again, fighting everything...), your body is fighting with everything it has to hold onto it's resources (fat) JUST IN CASE there's a FAMINE in sight! So it's not just a mental battle we deal with, but a real, genuine physical battle, as well. Mind over matter (our bodies). You CAN do it, it just might take a little longer, and a little harder to fight, but PERSERVERE, my dear....we're here with you....

[Bandista 7,466]

This is such a timely post for me. I am, I think, 20-30 from goal (still not sure what goal is but somewhere in there seems reasonable for a 5'7" frame). The truth is I have no idea where I'll feel comfortable and finished with losing. Meanwhile, I am so happy with what I have lost that I also stopped losing and even gained several back. But it's not complacency; it's much deeper than that. There is a "don't look at me, don't look at me" voice inside, leftover, obviously from all those years of feeling embarrassed about my weight. Since dropping weight I have received uncomfortable attention and have been trying to sort through that (my boss, so some one with financial power over me), but it's not just that. I am enjoying how much more "normal" I feel and how my introversion over the years is now shifting and I am so much more at ease out in the world. I like to dress up and have fun, talk to strangers and laugh loudly (actually despite being one of those very soft spoken people I have always had a really big laugh, which should be a clue that I was just hiding before and the real me, the laughing one, doesn't mind being out there, quirky, funny and enjoying herself). On biology, I'm adopted and when I met my birth family I immediately understood that not only was my weight gain due to personal issues in my life but clearly genetics played a big role, eeek. Lately I have thought that I may have put myself on pause because I wanted to let not only myself but the people around me and new people in my life catch up with where I am, who I am, how I look at this point in my life. Not 70 pound heavier me, and not 100 pound lighter me, the "me" now. But I am not yet where I want to be and I know that. I am enjoying being able to buy a size 12 suit off the rack and just go to Maine and out it in and look/feel fine. What? But I still have a paunch -- not the Mrs. Winnie-the-Pooh of yore but a belly. I want that gone. And I want to wear the size 10 linen pants I greedily scooped up at a sale and out in my closet as motivation (one pair in purple, one in red -- nice and long so no high waters but they are way too tight), I want to be able to stretch and bend with less stuff in the way. I have arthritis and still hold out hope that less weight on my frame will mean less pain. I wrote myself a letter to be opened at goal and I want to see what I wrote then. It was a thank-you letter. Maybe I will go back to my posts here and see what I wrote two years ago at this time while I was waiting to go to the mandatory information session and start my process. I will be two years out in November and would like to start next winter at goal. I'd like to be someone who can monitor a small gain and catch it. Right now being some one with 20-30 to lose feels like such a luxury, especially in our society where people are heavier and heavier, but I want to take it to the next stage. By now I know how to do it. My dimmed appetite allows me to have a regime which before I coukd do but it was so hard I woukd bounce right back afterward. This my third day of a fast. I'm doing it to try to clear out congestion in my joints and see if I can identify any triggers for the increased inflammation of late (probably more related to the barometer; will it ever stop raining?). But I'm also doing it to get on course. I tend to gravitate toward grazing. An ongoing wine and cheese party is not doing my waistline any favors. So a fast nips that in the bud. I like the idea of intermittent fasting -- a couple of days a week. It simplifies things for me and I think I have he right body type for it. So here I am at day three about to do the Epsom routine with olive oil and grapefruit tonight. It's hard core but I gravitate in that direction and realize I need to do that for my health. A liver cleanse, like the French (back to wine and cheese party issues). I don't know how long I will go. I have done three weeks in the past and it wasn't that long ago I was in pre-op liver shrinking mode for the surgery. I've recently increased my exercise, although mine is walking outdoors so the rain harshes that groove. Still, when I work out I am working so much harder now. My body likes/needs that. So now the brain needs to be on board. No secret folds of self-sabotage -- everything out in the open. If being thinner makes me anxious, what is that about? No longer being able to tamp down anxiety with food means that any anxiety (and there is plenty) is coming to the surface. Well that's good,I'm guess, though it can be messy. We had to pull over the car on the way home from the coast as I was so anxious. Fortunately my new remedy for that is walking it off, not eating it down. So, a therapist? Probably a good idea! I saw one to prep for the WLS surgery and for a little while after while I found my way. Maybe time for another round. But meanwhile very thankful for this place where I can tap out my thoughts freely, knowing that there are people who so get it. Thank you!

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Only you can answer the question: "Why am I holding onto my fat?"

I love that you're going to find a counselor to help you answer that question.

Short shift to a related topic ("Let's talk about me!"):

I found that when I lost the last 25 pounds -- and especially the last 15 pounds -- that that's when I finally lost the fluffy tummy, the arms started to firm up (could NOT believe that would ever happen), the face changed (before that I just looked like a less fat version of the old me -- now I do look different), and that my energy just boomed!

So it was the last 25 pounds that made by far the biggest difference in how I feel and look. BTW, that was also when I lost the most dress sizes (from size 14 to size 8).

Some of those changes have provoked a little anxiety. But they've also ushered me into a place where I now am productively challenged and having the most fun I had along the entire journey.

Not all anxiety is bad for us. Anxiety also often accompanies other feelings, which may be quite positive and enjoyable.

Finally, I also found that I have to give myself some time to adjust to this new space. I'm a lot more comfortable here than I was when I first arrived (a few months ago). I expect I'll get even more comfortable in the coming months.

It's sort of like moving to a new country -- everything is different: the customs, language, food, fashion, places to shop, neighborhoods, everything! Don't be afraid. You just have to be able to learn new things. Pretty soon you'll feel like a native.

[Bandista 7,466]

Thanks for that @@VSGAnn2014 -- and @@JustWatchMe for another thought-provoking post......Let's Talk About Me hopefully gives us all the reminder that we are not alone in our struggles. I love reading these posts.

[Julie norton 2,850]

@@Bandista

What a great soul searching post. ????

I learn a lot here about each of our trials and tribulations.

Life goes on. Yet we each keep going along working our newer ways of eating and living.

I am happy at a size 10-12. I may never reach a drs ideal goal, but I really like life at this size.... 8 + years ago I was a size 22.

I'll keep doing my best at Protein, Water and exercise, but I refuse to be unhappy at such a healthy size...

I ADORE being "normal" ( to me)

in this world.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

It is interesting how many of us experienced the same thing. I was very large when I started (BMI about 52) so when I got down to just "obese" the people in my life were wowed by the change. It was the last 25-35 pounds however that really transformed me from a looks perspective.

I don't even notice it now but there was a time when I felt like everybody was looking at me. What it really was the magical shift from invisible to visible... and in some people's eyes attractive. The way I FELT at times was that I looked terrible, that I was dressed wrong or some reason was not socially acceptable. I am over that, but it was a form of the condition of dismorphia when we don't really see ourselves accurately...

[coops 1,790]

This is such an interesting post - and has really given me food for thought - excuse the pun.

I too have been struggling to lose the last few pounds - and I also feel that my body is storing it for some unknown reason. I have been this weight - well, bouncing up and down the same 7lbs - for over two years.

There is a big part of me that is happy with where I am now... healthier, fitter and looking ok. Then, there is voice that says: 'Hang on! You're not at goal! You still have weight to lose... why are you sooooo happy? Get a grip!'

The way I was looking at it was that, my journey is like climbing up a huge mountain.... my goal being the summat. When I was at the bottom of the mountain I would look up and think 'Wow! That is going to be hard work... I wonder if I can do it?' I also used to dream about the view...what would it be like to reach the top? To get to goal?

So now, 5 years later, I still haven't reached the summat. But I am very close. I started to think 'The view is pretty good up here... I can see lots of beautiful things, much better than at the bottom'. Then that turned into, 'Well, I am sure the view at the top can't be any different to here... I mean, it is just up there.... I can see the top so what can change?'

Now, reading this thread I can see that, actually, the view does get better... that life at the top of the mountain can be sweeter and the views do get better...

Thank you all for opening my eyes to a different perspective. Those of you who said the last 25lb made the biggest difference have really encouraged me.