I have been having this terrible problem, and was wondering if anyone else can relate, and HOPEFULLY have some good advice for it. For the first 50lbs of loss, I could really see physically changes in my body. The face was back to "normal", fitting in large and medium sizes, taking up less room on seats....

My problem is this: I've lost about 6 more lbs since then, and my "mental" image appears to be as "stuck" as my weight stall. Now I look in the mirror and all I see is that woman who was 56lbs heavier, no change in the face or other parts of the body! The weight is still gone, I can still fit in those smaller sizes, but the IMAGE of the old me has come back to haunt me! I can't seem to SEE the changes in the mirror anymore! I just look like the same old person, still at my original, pre-surgery weight. And it's NOT pretty! I don't know why I can't get past that image.

My husband tells me I look great, people have really commented on how much I have changed (I have never held back on telling people about my surgery) for the better. My problem is ME. Anyone else have this "haunting" occurring? And if so, how are you addressing it? How do you convince your MIND that the changes are real, and aren't going to go away, because right now, I can't seem to believe I won't be going backwards to that same old image for good. I know it's a psychological issue, but after being heavy for so long, it seems I cannot get that heavy picture out of my mind. No matter if I put on my new clothes, or step on the scale, the image doesn't change. How long did it take you to get past this, if this has affected you?

@@Dabliss111114

I am right there with you! I, too, haven't taken any photos, even prior to the surgery, for YEARS! Just can't do it. I have never, even in my thinner days, been a photo person. Selfies? Not on your life! This all goes way back to childhood, parental approval, spousal approval, SELF approval.... but it doesn't change. At this stage in my life, I doubt it ever will, and I'm ok with that part. I LIKE me. I am a good person. I try to do the best with what I have been blessed with. And I can forgive myself.

But that bloody mirror....what to do with it? How about LIVE with it? Accept my flaws, accept that I am human. Accept that I am getting old. Accept that I am SLIM! Take THAT, mirror!!!!!!!

You write to me, Dabliss, whenever you want....we connect!

Do you know what our minds believe?

Our minds believe what we tell ourselves.

But with all that negative self-talk you guys are doing you are abusing yourselves. Every time you doubt or criticize yourself you're doing damage.

So stop it right now. Don't do that to yourself. You wouldn't allow anyone else to treat you that badly.

Instead, tell yourself what you wish someone would tell you: Tell yourself:

You're beautiful.

You're powerful.

You're smart.

You're confident.

You're in charge of your life.

You're disciplined.

You have a great sense of style.

You are a good person who is a positive role model for other people.

Etc.

Inside, you are all of those things. And you know that eventually you're going to shine in those ways. So now, not later, give yourself the permission you need to do and be all those things right now.

Poof!!!

Do you know what our minds believe?

Our minds believe what we tell ourselves.

But with all that negative self-talk you guys are doing you are abusing yourselves. Every time you doubt or criticize yourself you're doing damage.

So stop it right now. Don't do that to yourself. You wouldn't allow anyone else to treat you that badly.

Instead, tell yourself what you wish someone would tell you: Tell yourself:

You're beautiful.

You're powerful.

You're smart.

You're confident.

You're in charge of your life.

You're disciplined.

You have a great sense of style.

You are a good person who is a positive role model for other people.

Etc.

Inside, you are all of those things. And you know that eventually you're going to shine in those ways. So now, not later, give yourself the permission you need to do and be all those things right now.

Poof!!!

Brava!!

I'll add this. I heard it in a motivational podcast. "I started to recover when I stopped listening to myself and started talking to myself."

Do you know what our minds believe?

Our minds believe what we tell ourselves.

But with all that negative self-talk you guys are doing you are abusing yourselves. Every time you doubt or criticize yourself you're doing damage.

So stop it right now. Don't do that to yourself. You wouldn't allow anyone else to treat you that badly.

Instead, tell yourself what you wish someone would tell you: Tell yourself:

You're beautiful.

You're powerful.

You're smart.

You're confident.

You're in charge of your life.

You're disciplined.

You have a great sense of style.

You are a good person who is a positive role model for other people.

Etc.

Inside, you are all of those things. And you know that eventually you're going to shine in those ways. So now, not later, give yourself the permission you need to do and be all those things right now.

Poof!!!

Thank you for your insight and wisdom. People like you help me understand do much about myself.

I hear you loud and clear, and if it's ok with you I'm going to copy and print a sign with all your statements on it to hang in my bathroom.....right next to the mirror.

This is a long road, traveled for a long time. And I believe time heals all wounds. My mother told me this when I was very young, and I, at that time, could not understand that. But it IS true. There are many wounds to heal, physical AND emotional, from like what some of you have said, self-abuse. It, too, is true.

The fact that I am LOOKING in the mirror is a small miracle. Ugly has many faces, but I think beauty has more. Looking past the physical and emotional scars is challenging, at best, but not impossible. I have great support at home, but it ultimately comes down to just ME. I am reading your words, and taking them to heart, but it WILL take time, just as it has taken much time to get to this point.

Again, I thank you all for your support.....

I was going to say what@@VSGAnn2014 said but she was more eloquent than me. Also wanted to say that I've had the reverse problem in that I never saw myself as being as big as I'd become. Photos told a different story.

I'm not sure what i'll think I look like in time, but one thing I can say for sure is I feel much healthier and that certainly feels good. Somehow I feel smarter too but that may be as much illusion as the mirrors.

@@Swampdoggie

I was that way, years ago, before all the surgeries and weight gain got the better of me. Then it kind of flip-flopped, and here I am. Not looking. Not liking what I see. But we are working on changing this (who is WE? Me, myself, and I...we're in it together, for better or worse!). Up and down the stairs I go again!

@@CanyonBaby You have summed it up so beautifully. Be proud of the woman you're becoming. I know I'm trying to be proud of the woman I'm becoming, and one day in the not too far off future I think the mirror just may turn out to be a friend......one who reminds us of our journey and nods its approval back to us when we look into it.

I feel the same way, I weighed the same as my skinniest weight ever, but all I see is fat. It occurred to me though that I had much nicer hair back in the day,it was a bluish black...maybe all you need is a spunky new haircut/hair color...

I am not a big picture taker, but for the first year after my surgery, I took a picture of myself on the first of each month. I needed to have a way of looking back, and of acknowledging my progress. It was really helpful to me to do that!

Weekly photographs, lined up left to right helped me a TON! In a mirror I still look my full 415 to me, but in the photos the 323 is apparent.

What I think many find is that the "emotional" part of all this is pretty powerful.

@@CowgirlJane

And how any of us even thought about this part of it when we started this journey? Threw me for a loop, that's for sure. Totally unexpected. Some parts of my body are "normal" sized, now, but others (that are holding onto the fat for dear life!) keep me thinking that the whole process was a waste. Which I KNOW is not true, but is deviously sneaks it's way in there, and throws you off for the moment. Anyone relate to that?

What has helped me my entire life has been a few sayings from my mother, a short and round Sicilian lady who commonly wore a house dress, ankle socks, and Reeboks...

Her 2 sayings were: "No one is going to ruin my beautiful life!' and "When I get up in the morning and look in the mirror I see a beautiful child of God."

She has been gone nearly 12 years now and while a miss her terribly, she truly had a beautiful life. I am so grateful that I got to be her daughter.

So please feel free to adopt these sayings, I have been using them for years!

@@samuelsmom

And I WILL adopt these sayings! Your mama was a wise woman, and I bet an awesome mother. And I can see why you miss her. You are yet another day closer to being with her again!

Your words mean more than you can ever know....thank you!