I have been having this terrible problem, and was wondering if anyone else can relate, and HOPEFULLY have some good advice for it. For the first 50lbs of loss, I could really see physically changes in my body. The face was back to "normal", fitting in large and medium sizes, taking up less room on seats....

My problem is this: I've lost about 6 more lbs since then, and my "mental" image appears to be as "stuck" as my weight stall. Now I look in the mirror and all I see is that woman who was 56lbs heavier, no change in the face or other parts of the body! The weight is still gone, I can still fit in those smaller sizes, but the IMAGE of the old me has come back to haunt me! I can't seem to SEE the changes in the mirror anymore! I just look like the same old person, still at my original, pre-surgery weight. And it's NOT pretty! I don't know why I can't get past that image.

My husband tells me I look great, people have really commented on how much I have changed (I have never held back on telling people about my surgery) for the better. My problem is ME. Anyone else have this "haunting" occurring? And if so, how are you addressing it? How do you convince your MIND that the changes are real, and aren't going to go away, because right now, I can't seem to believe I won't be going backwards to that same old image for good. I know it's a psychological issue, but after being heavy for so long, it seems I cannot get that heavy picture out of my mind. No matter if I put on my new clothes, or step on the scale, the image doesn't change. How long did it take you to get past this, if this has affected you?

CanyonBaby,

Congratulations on your weight loss!

What you describe is not uncommon. It’s perfectly normal! You were so much heavier before and your body has changed so much. Now you’re not as heavy, so the changes aren’t as dramatic. Plus, you may be used to seeing the changes so quickly, and now when they’re slower, you’re slower to notice and appreciate them. But they’re there!

Body dysmorphia is another reason why the scale can be so helpful. Of course sometimes the number on the scale isn’t the only thing to go by, like when we know we’re eating right but the number doesn’t go down. But the number on the scale can be really helpful in cases when you’re doubting what your own eyes are seeing.

And the scale can also help alleviate your fear that you’re going to wake up one day back at your old weight and appearance. It’s just NOT going to happen…because the scale’s not going to jump 56 pounds in a day! If the scale starts creeping up, you WILL do something about it.

We all get in our own heads, but learn to use other people’s encouragement and the decreasing number on the scale to help you get out of your head and into the real world – the real world where you’re losing weight like you wanted.

Great thread and comments. I particularly identified with the people who said they saw themselves both NOT as fat as they actually were, and then heavier than reality after weight loss. I was like that, and I do think it's because we have an image in our brain of who and what we are.

Time is a great healer. For a long time I couldn't reconcile the number on the scale with how I look. I think that's because I don't look like to anyone like I weigh as much as I do. I was hyperfocused on getting to a normal BMI, and since the number clearly says overweight, I figured I must look that way, too. Or, I felt like I was pretending or something.

I've had to look at other things to give a point of reference. I wear a size 8 and I'm on the smaller side of normal. In a room of women I work with, I'm smaller than most. I'm healthy and can move great. The clothes I wear look pretty small when they are on the hanger. At 2.5 years post op and having maintained this weight for a year, my brain has caught up. I've become accustomed to seeing the new me, and I no longer see myself as 230 pounds (which is what I saw myself as at 300 and 170). I do see the flaws and imperfections, but that's probably an accurate reflection of reality. I didn't need a therapist to get here, but I did need to discuss it a LOT on BP, lol!

this "mind game" of not seeing ourself or the way we do or have seen ourselves it real. It has been covered well on this topic. This was well talked about in my preop classes. and I am so glad it was part of the criteria. Bc now I have been going thru this for 4 months myself. I even had a post on this months ago. I tried to prepare myself for this stage and when it hit it hit hard. Fortunatly I do see a professional and she helped me alot and said it would take time and if it does take a while for our mind's image to catch up with our new reality. that was several months ago and she was right. I had been uncomfortable yet happy and yet a little frightened of what I was seeing. I was feeling exposed. vulnerable. and she mentioned we should give myself some time to adjust and I also MADE myself take pics! YES PICS! and I MADE myself start making changes with my internal dialog I had to squish the negative self talk and pat myself on my back for the great job I have done and I am not done yet. my confidence is back with vengence! lol...I am walking taller. But on the other hand I still feel some vulnerability. Im working through it. day by day. I am shopping all the time. I have girlfriends we shop and I am loving it! a little apprehensive? sure! TAKE YOUR PICTURES! LUV yourself! I have decided that just by taking my pic bc I hadn't taken any for yrs . I was one of those that was in denial myself. when I looked in the mirror I didn't see the "fat" girl. I knew I was heavy but I didn't see what others seen. then reality finally sank in . I don't "abuse or self destruct" no more. I am learning to take care of myself. I have been off this site for a while had to fly out of state for a wk or so I am glad I seen this! I luv chico brand clothes and coldwater creek..I have found alot of things at our nice consignment shops I never buy or pay full price..but I luv their styles. I also like tjmaxx, Marshall's. HAVE FUN! and Im going to say it again..TAKE SOME PICS!!! xx

@@blondebomb

I think this issue is far bigger, and more prevalent, than perhaps our doctors wish to admit. By doing so may discourage some from having the surgery. So maybe they don't feel it is in their best interest to advertise this aspect more "loudly". Maybe the best thing they could do would be to offer more than just a "support" group, but some psychological group counselling as part of after care. Actually have counselors present to advise and counsel, not just immediately after surgery, but months down the line, or for as long as necessary. Of course $$$$$$$ would come into it, when doesn't it?! But this would be such a valuable help, especially for those who tend to go back to old habits, and for those of us who have this identity issue. If we all pose this to our surgeons, maybe it WILL become a possibility!

@@CanyonBaby my doc does have a psychologist present for many of the support groups. People do ask him questions. You are right, it would be great if everyone had that.

Just taking some selfies before going out & I finally changed my hair weight has been changing in 3 years so I thought since weight is changing why not the hair finally since I haven't cut my hair like in probably 6_8 years so here I am & the second one I'm second from left.

The shorter haircut looks great Debbie!

Every time I look in the mirror I see this fat old woman staring at me. I wish she would stop following me everywhere ????

@@Catherine Davis

Oh, bless your heart! Have you thought about going out for a "me" day....a day just for you, to play, have a new "do", facial, mani/pedi, new handbag, outfit, or just a walk/hike in a fantastic park, forest or m-a-l-l (4-letter word, to my husband!!!!)? Every now and then you need a treat, to remind you of what you are doing for yourself, and why. It is a hard job, a challenge emotionally AND physically to do what we do, and you need to make it SPECIAL! Because YOU are!!!! Your treat doesn't have to cost much, if anything, but make it something that will achieve what you need...an affirmation of your importance, and WORTH! You are NOT a fat old woman, you are a beautiful, special, amazing FORCE...to be admired in every imaginable way! And DON'T forget that!!!!

So my issue is not quite the same as yours. When I look in a mirror I become a bit transfixed with myself, because unless I am looking in the mirror I see and feel that same body I had 91 #s and 9 months ago. It's crazy. I kind of hope it never changes. Because I think that will keep me grounded and grateful and on track.

If you are worried about this, then I suggest you see a therapist that specializes in body dysmorphia or even just post WLS patients. A lot of Surgs recommend that we see therapists anyway because this is such a drastic change we are making to our bodies and our lives and it really helps to talk about it with someone.

I would assume that it will take awhile for our brains to catch up an see ourselves as we really are. When I was bigger I saw myself as smaller and now that I am smaller I see myself as bigger. It's weird.

Very much agree with this and my experience is similar.

@@Catherine Davis

Oh, bless your heart! Have you thought about going out for a "me" day....a day just for you, to play, have a new "do", facial, mani/pedi, new handbag, outfit, or just a walk/hike in a fantastic park, forest or m-a-l-l (4-letter word, to my husband!!!!)? Every now and then you need a treat, to remind you of what you are doing for yourself, and why. It is a hard job, a challenge emotionally AND physically to do what we do, and you need to make it SPECIAL! Because YOU are!!!! Your treat doesn't have to cost much, if anything, but make it something that will achieve what you need...an affirmation of your importance, and WORTH! You are NOT a fat old woman, you are a beautiful, special, amazing FORCE...to be admired in every imaginable way! And DON'T forget that!!!!

Thanks honey, I'll try ????

I had to see my therapist ( it was an advantage that I work at a psych hospital and have lots of friends) twice, first I cried with my Dr.friend when I had to admit where my bad habits started, and I felt bad cause my mom is gone, but the other two times u was concerned with how I would feel when I met new people and they liked me, then the second time I had begun to see real changes in the mirror and began to think about what would become of the old me, turned out that the two were related and I was going through a type of grieving process, I was taught to love myself no matter what at an early age so besides my health the only other problem withy obesity was what others tried to inflict on me, so I was basically saying goodbye to an old friend, I have become lots more comfortable now and come to terms with a large percentage of my negativity, a therapist will be able to help sort things out for you, good luck in your journey

I can relate through my mother's story although a bit differently. My mom was heavier as a teen/ young woman. Growing up in an Italian home and being a depressed child she ate as comfort. Once leaving home she became obsessed w/ losing the weight. Since that time - 48 years ago my mom has been bone thin to the borderline of anorexia and still sees herself as the fat teen as she looks in the mirror each day. She's gorgeous, looks 45 rather than 67 but can't see her rail thin body. She works out hours a day and friends & family comment on her looking Ill. I'm getting ready to have the sleeve surgery and pray I don't react as she does. Take measurements , monthly pictures, and don't keeping looking back. Regardless of how much weight you lose stay focused on being healthier and knowing where your headed. Chin up...????

Why don't you take poctures of yourself and put them in a scrap book then you can see the many faces of you , I was like you until I started my many faces scrap book, I had drop over 100 pounds and didn't recognize myself u till I was opening the door at work and it was a glass door and didn't realize the skinny women in the reflection of the door was me. Your brain has to catch up I hope this helps you good luck .

One of the things I like to do to help my mind accept the new body is go to a store and try on clothes of different sizes. I pick on myself in front of the mirror at home in my own clothes, but when I go to a store and see I can now wear a different size, it makes me feel like I won the lottery of weight loss. It just helps me realize how far I have come....and that I am a work in progress.